Sex equals love?
Sex = Love?
How many think that the act of sex is an expression of love? I mean do you equate the sex act with love? It is not! It never should be! I am not saying that if you truly love someone in a passionate all consuming adult relationship there should not be sex. There are many types of love though, love of a child, love for a friend even love of a pet, none of these should be even remotely connected to an act of sex.
Yet as a young woman I believed that sex was love. It took me many years to come to the realization that it was not true. You see I had been programmed as a child to believe that the person using me was truly showing me that they loved me. It took two marriages and more affairs than I care to remember to finally realize that there is a difference between the two and sometimes I still confuse them, I fear.
I was a child born in an era when sexual abuse of a child by a family member was one of those dirty little family secrets that is sweep under the rug and not spoken of. I was the oldest grandchild and born during WWII, my first memory of my father was when I was six years old and he was being a very loving parent. I now after many years of low self esteem, great confusion about myself and my definition of love know that the man was a pedophile. I think what woke me up was being told by one of his sisters after I had left home and married that “the family” had known about it all of those years and considered it my “fault”. I WAS A CHILD! How could it have been my fault? It is the only way I remember that man, the one who taught me that sex was love! I tried desperately to get away from it, I remember when I was about fifteen telling him it had to stop; he walked into his room and came out with the shotgun, handed it to me and told me that was the only way it would stop, for me to kill him. I kept my silence and told myself that I was doing it to save my younger sisters from this. Years later I found out that he had used them as well. In today’s world this man would be sitting in a prison somewhere, forty years ago it was a dirty little secret.
I have grown in my life to fight for those who cannot fight for themselves. I have finally learned that I am worth loving for just me, that I do not have to give my body to prove my feelings, that when someone loves me they will respect me enough to know my boundaries and finally that love is a whole lot more than just an act of sex. Does sex equal love? No!
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