Should A Husband and Wife Use Sarcasm When Kidding One Another?

Treading Carefully

In my humble opinion I think that couples should tread very carefully when it comes to using sarcasm or anything that might push someone's buttons and cause an all out fight with one another. I think that couples pretty much know how far they can take one another before a fight ensues. I honestly think that an occasional sarcastic remark made in jest certainly won't make or break a marriage, but it would not be a good idea to make it a habit in doing so.

I used to know a couple that were very young, and they used to hit one another. By that I mean that they used to share punches with one another on the arm to see who could hit harder than the other. I witnessed this a few times and thought that it was the most juvenile thing I had ever witnessed between a marred couple, and I have seen plenty. They would start out by doing it in fun and then of course one of them would hit harder than they meant to in order to win and then a fight always ensued. It made me cringe and I hated to be around them because of this and I always thought, this marriage is not going to last. I was right, and they divorced about 6 months later, they are both married to different people now.

I asked my friend, "don't you think it's weird that you guys hit each other for fun"? Well she said she never thought anything about it and it wasn't the reason that they had a bad marriage. Well that may be the case, but it certainly couldn't have helped their marriage much if it was already on shakey ground. I also found out later that she would often fight with her siblings when she was growing up, and it would come to blows with her brothers and sisters. She didn't think there was anything wrong with this and she said that that is the way she was raised.

That being said, I think that couples have to really have a strong marriage before they engage in being sarcastic when they play around. I mean I love to kid around as much as the next person and my husband and I laugh at one another together all the time, but the difference is we don't try to humiliate or use too much sarcasm because there is something that nags at me about the whole sarcasm thing that doesn't set well when people use it too much. Yes we kid each other about certain things, but once sarcastic remarks get thrown at each other, then trust me someone is going to get their feelings hurt and may start a fight.

I'm definitely all about kidding around and having fun with your spouse, but ask yourself if what you are about to say could actually hurt someone's feelings and then decide if you will say it. I think that couples really need to tread carefully about this topic and of course not take it too seriously but definitely not take things so lightly that you don't care how much your words may hurt your partner.

Many people use sarcasm as a weapon and this is very true when it comes to kids and how we grow up. Sometimes we grow up in families where that is the way they communicate, like my friend, so as adults we don't think anything wrong with it. As adolescents we use sarcasm when we are nervous or put in a corner and our adolescent minds don't really comprehend the seriousness of what we say when we use sarcasm.

I'm definitely not saying that couples should not kid around, playing around with one another and having a good sense of humor is very healthy in a relationship, but when there is the need to use a lot of sarcasm when kidding around then I think the couple need to take stock in their relationship and figure out if they are in serious trouble or are having difficulties that maybe run a little more deeper. This of course is very important when there are children involved because they learn so much from their mother and father, such as parenting and relationships and you wouldn't want to run the risk of setting bad examples for your children, especially when the sarcasm puts down someone or hurts someone's feelings, because we all know that sarcasm can sometimes cut like a knife.

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Comments 87 comments

breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 6 years ago

Sarcasm just doesn't belong in any relationship.


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 6 years ago from United States

Ladyjane, I don't think sarcasm belongs in a marriage either. It is painful to the one receiving end and certainly doesn't promote unity. This is a very good hub.


rose56 profile image

rose56 6 years ago

That's right it cuts like a knife. So true ladyjane.

Its not good for a relationship,but for friends not to bad just having fun. I would tell my friends if you can dish it out you better be able to take it as well. Because I am good at it, and I can take it pretty good i think.

Very good hub.


europewalker profile image

europewalker 6 years ago

Sarcasm is for your enemies only.


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 6 years ago from California

LJ..this is a really informative hub. Good examples too. What I find in relationships is that it is important for an argument NOT to escalate. Meaning nomatter what starts the problem, someone needs to "put out the fire" immediately. Everyone makes mistakes, but someone has to be able to stop it from getting worse. Otherwise over time it just gets harder to fix. Anyway, always enjoy your articles. Best, G


Mike Lickteig profile image

Mike Lickteig 6 years ago from Lawrence KS USA

I have never been a fan of sarcasm. I don't find it funny and I often struggle to believe sarcasm is truly meant as a joke. Too often I have seen someone hurt by a sarcastic comment only to have the other person assert, "I was just kidding" or ask "can't you take a joke?" Why should I have to endure a "joke" that is insulting or mean-spirited? I usually do not find myself close to people who are sarcastic--who needs the abuse?

Mike


geegee77 profile image

geegee77 6 years ago from The Lone Star State!!

I agree with you I have been guilty of sarcasm, I guess we all have in one way or another. I guess if someone is playing around and not take things too personal, but not insulting someone. Good hub:) ge


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

@breakfastpop I agree with you especially if used excessively. Thanks for reading Cheers.

@Pamela thanks for visiting and I appreciate your compliment. Cheers.

@europwalker I think that it can definitely escalate to that if people continuously push that button. Thanks for reading Cheers.

geegee77 thanks for commenting, yea we have all been guilty of it in more ways than one. I agree with you. Cheers.

@rose56 I agree that you can dish it out pretty good. LOL but that's why we love you. Cheers.

@GPAGE thanks for stopping by I appreciate the feedback from you and I agree with your statement. Cheers.

@Mike hello thanks for stopping by and for giving your honest comment. Im not that crazy about the just kidding remarks either. Cheers.


afro's mistake profile image

afro's mistake 6 years ago from dorothys kansas

this is a great hub and truly well written! I just wanted to thank you for reading one of my hubs and commenting. you are right that you didn't even have to be black to be offendid by some of the things that man said.

all in all i look forwarded to conversing with you in the weeks to come.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

afro's mistake I am pleased to see you on my hub and thanks for taking the time to read my new one. As for Mr. James I befriended him when I first started here and he seemed at first to be an upright religious nice man and then I started really reading many of his hubs and got offended on so many levels. I think he really just likes the shock factor and gets off on that, but doesn't realize that prejudice and racism is still not okay in the U.S.A. God bless America. Thanks for fanning me back, Cheers.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida

Hi, lj. When I was young and innocent, a very long time ago, I thought sarcasm indicated intelligence and I was an adept practitioner. Then one day, a friend said to me, "Missed you last night" (at a party). And I replied, "Bad aim?"

When I saw the look in his eyes, I realized my flip sarcastic answer had wounded him and vowed never to do that again. And it's a vow I have kept. Sarcasm is rude, demeaning and serves no useful purpose. Thanks for writing this intelligent hub.


Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 6 years ago from California Gold Country

I love humor, but dislike sarcasm of any kind. It is mean-spirited and often hurtful.

I once complimented a friend and she asked me if I was being sarcastic. "Am I ever sarcastic?" I asked.

She thought and said "No, come to think of it,I guess you aren't, but almost everyone is." It is easy to fall into that mindset and it takes a little effort to avoid it.

And I agree-- it should not be part of marriage-- or any other interaction, even with people you don't like.


MFB III profile image

MFB III 6 years ago from United States

When two must live and ove together twenty four hours a day, it is wise to be kind to each other, and not use the tools of sharp tongues or cutting wit, that diminish hours of joy that could be spent. We all fight as lovers or wedded folks but kissing and making up is easier if the mind has not been scarred by some sarcasm during the

disagreements. Forgive and forget seldom walk hand in hand. What is forgiven usually has to carry all that has been crippled by what is not easily forgotten on it's back for quite a long time. Great Hub!~~~MFB III


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

@drbj hey there good to see you and thanks for sharing that story, just goes to show that sarcasm can wound people deeply even if people throw in the just kidding, it doesn't make it any less annoying. Cheers.

@Rochelle you made a good point, especially in this day and age sometimes people cannot tell if someone is kidding or not and sometimes it just aint funny no matter how witty that other person thinks they are. Cheers to you.

@MFB III good to see you my friend and you are back and as sharp as ever. Great to see you. Thanks for reading you always share nuggets of wisdom. Cheers.


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK

LadyJane, once more I am in full agreement with you. Sarcasm can be extremely hurtful and I am ashamed to say that I used to be a practitioner. It most certainly dos not belong in a marriage. Now I turn it on myself and it is much more satisfying to be sarcastic to one's self :-))


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

De Greek good to see you and thanks for stopping by and I agree with you about using sarcasm. I have to admit I am sarcastic more around my sisters and we play that game sometimes but it has been known to backfire on us as well and I sometimes use it on myself too lol. Cheers.


afro's mistake profile image

afro's mistake 6 years ago from dorothys kansas

wow you've already gotten so many comments!

but ya it turns out that by now james has really relized the full impact of his words because it appears he deleted his hub entitled "black guys with white girls"


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

afro's mistake hello again, actually James didn't delete his hub, it was flagged by hubpages and that is what he was going on about on your hub. He thinks that I had it flagged which is not the case. But apparently someone else was watching and they flagged that hub. The person who doesn't name call, called me hitler and stalin so he is showing his true colors. Good to see you, Cheers.


Green Lotus profile image

Green Lotus 6 years ago from Atlanta, GA

This is really food for thought LadyJ. I have to say, both my husband and I are "humorists" so there's often a bit of sarcasm as play. I say "at play" because our communication skills are well honed and we usually make each other laugh when we throw out a sarcastic remark or two. I have to admit it's always more fun to aim a sarcastic remark at a third party if they're not paying attention. We are so bad.


izettl profile image

izettl 6 years ago from The Great Northwest

I can tell you are one of those sensitive to sarcasm and I agree it certainly isn't for everyone. I remember asking my exboyfriends what they didn't like about me and sarcasm was number. That said, when I met my husband I asked what he liked best about me and he said my sarcasm so that's how he got to be my husband.

If you notice, most comedians use sarcasm- the infamous Adam Sandler and so many more. Comedians wouldn't exist without irony and sarcasm so I totally appreicate it and just refer to it as quick wit, but I also know to se it wisely. thanks for an interesting perspective of this topic.


LiveLife'10 profile image

LiveLife'10 6 years ago

This is great. One of my best friends has a husband who loves to joke around, but he can take his words a little too far with her. As a past victim of abuse it breaks my heart to watch. It is so difficult to get others to understand that words last forever so we need to choose them wisely. You do such a great job expressing this and I look forward to sharing your writings with both my friend and her husband.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Green Lotus thanks for reading. I think that we have all been guilty of this and I have to admit it is fun to play around and be sarcastic once in a while, it wont kill anyone but once it is taken too far it can really get old, believe me I had to nip it in the bud with my kids when they were teens. Thanks again. Cheers.

@izetti hello good to see a new face. Thanks for readinguchand I don't mind sarcasm too much unless used too much or when it is intended to disrespect because we all know what that does to a marriage when respect goes out the window. Thanks for adding me and I added you as well. Cheers.

@LiveLife"10 Thanks for reading and you are so right and Im glad that my hub is useful to you. Thank you for commenting. Cheers.


KoffeeKlatch Gals profile image

KoffeeKlatch Gals 6 years ago from Sunny Florida

I agree, sarcasm does not belong in a marriage. It's way to easy to misinturrupt, especially when your angry or upst. Once something has left your mouth you can't take it back. Great hub.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS

I believe in practicing being kind in every way possible. If one unintentionally hurts someone with words or deeds, that is bad enough. But to deliberately "dish it out" or expect to have to take it oneself for the sake of being a "good sport" is like going into the tropics wearing a fur coat & expecting one's companion to do likewise or going into the Arctic in shorts and a halter top and also insisting on one's companion to do it. No one in a right mind would put themselves at risk (from discomfort all the way to illess because of it) in such a way or put one's "other" into such a fraught with trouble and danger position, especially deliberately and unnecessarily. There are plenty of unavoidable problems without adding fuel to the fire.

Also too often being tough on oneself becomes a standard treatment of others and an excuse to do it to them, sort of like "I don't ask anything of you I don't do to myself or ask myself to endure". But that doesn't excuse it or give the right to impose it on others.

It is not "just for fun" or "just a joke" to say and do hurtful things, though it's done constantly with that explanation. Fooey! And it's not being unable to "take" a joke when one is hurt by it, either. A person should not be a spouse or a parent or even a friend with that in mind. The message which is below the "thinking" level is negative. No matter how much people try to rationalize that it "shouldn't" hurt - the heart doesn't hear those arguments. Someone has lashed out at you and you feel lashed out at.

As most everyone here has said in various ways, it doesn't express love and care to say underminining things and they can't easiy be retrieved, if at all. They might be eventually forgiven, but the scars remain and may never fully heal.

Why, oh why do people do it? How much better to zip the lip and not be so clever or cute or witty and smart, or whatever it is that it feels like to be sarcastic just because one can and has a quick tongue. I'd be a positively lethal bully if I used my talents in that way. I've sometimes just allowed bully's own venom to boomerang back on them, in order to drive them away (especially if they are hurting someone I care about) so I know what I'm capable of. I don't choose to and it is a personal choice. I value both myself and others more than that and I have a good sense of humor - that's why I don't see being hurtful as humor.

Anyway - thank you for a very good hub, ladyjane. People possibly don't realize it's at the level of the everyday language and actions that big trouble is born. It's well to be reminded.


amillar profile image

amillar 6 years ago from Scotland, UK

It's nice to be nice, especially if you have a joint bank account.


noorin profile image

noorin 6 years ago from Canada

ladyjane, I totally agree with this article. My friends like to throw jokes all the time, and though i dn't really mind it from them, i dnt see myself taking it as gracefully from a spouse. And you are right, almost always some one gets hurt but then they don't want to be the wimp whos too sensitive to handle humorous jokes. The jokes boil !!! Eventually ensuing to an angry individual who looses rage over a completely irrelevant issue -witnessed it too many times- And I agree with De Greek, pointing sarcastic to one's self is better. If u r going to throw unnecessary jokes, u mite as well throw them backwards ... =) Rated it up.


afro's mistake profile image

afro's mistake 6 years ago from dorothys kansas

you to luv, and your right i could sense his true colors from the very begining.

keeep up the good work and god bless!


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

koffeklatch I agree with you competely it is way too easy to misintrepret something that others may feel is innocent. thanks for readin. Cheers.

@Nellienna I agree with you and you couldve written a hub about it as well, I love that you give so much detail in your answers and i definitely am not being sarcastic lol. Cheers.

@amillar touche, good to see you. Cheers.

@noorin very good answer and I agree with De Greek as well. Cheers.

@afro's mistake thanks for visiting and you know people like that guy are never going to change so it isn't even worth it. You keep up the great work as well. Cheers.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS

Ladyjane - I would never think you sarcastic! But it is a subject I'm passionate about. It always alarms and distresses me when people say cruel things to supposedly loved ones, especially and then try to pass it off as "teasing", "kiddding", "joking", "funning" and all that kind of stuff, when there is a knife hidden among the pinions which can hurt the one receiving it and influence youngsters to be careless in their treatment of others, too. Then people wonder why it's a cruel world? It's this kind of insidious, underhanded cruelty that "gets by with it" till it's gotten out of hand and the "world" has become cruel. It's not the world - it's individuals.

Oh well - see - I'm on the soapbox again. LOL. All I intended was to follow up and acknowledge if you'd said more. Thank you for your kind response!!! You're the best!


loriamoore 6 years ago

Having grown up in a household where biting sarcasm was used and then stated, "I was just kidding!", I completely understand how damaging it can be to a relationship.


figo4ever 6 years ago

very cool


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Nellieanna you can give your opinions on my hubs as much as you want. Thanks for giving us your opinions and comments. Cheers to you.

@oriamoore I detest that "just kidding" comments as well. Cheers.

@figo4ever thanks for commenting. Cheers


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State

Sarcasm is such a tricky and touchy subject that we all should be careful with-if overused it causes so much un-needed drama. You must be comfortable and know your spouses limits and boundaries when playing with sarcasm... I so much enjoyed your hub-thanks for sharing.


Dink96 profile image

Dink96 6 years ago from Phoenix, AZ

This REALLY opened my eyes. Thank you so much. Also read the links and see where my behavior over the years has been in reaction to circumstances and used sarcasm as a defense mechanism. I kept people from hurting me if I struck first with what I thought was my quick wit.


jokes 6 years ago

hey ladyjane1 great information about sarcasm and really i enjoyed all the points and also really you have given good descripton hub


niddz 6 years ago

realy nice hub.What to say next because u have already so many comments,but only say one more thing that sarcasm is realy a sensitive issue which people take lightly and you have take it seriously.keepp smiling and keep writing.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

@H.C. Porter

@Dink96

@jokes

@niddz thank you all for your great comments and I think we are all in agreement here. Thanks for visiting. Cheers.


Tom T profile image

Tom T 6 years ago from Orange County, CA

Thanks for reminding me that part of my vows was to love honor and cherish. Nothing in there about being sarcastic. It is definitely something I have to work on. Great Hub.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Tom T thanks for reading my hub. I think this one really hit home with many people because everyone is guilty of it sometime and we can take things for granted. Im glad that you can be honest with yourself about working on not being sarcastic in your marriage. Shows you really care. Cheers.


AdziJ profile image

AdziJ 6 years ago from UK

Hi ladyjane,

I think sarcasm however done is really (covertly & overtly)an attempt to put someone down. Sometimes it's also used as a covert weapon - you know - a way of reminding someone that something hasn't been done - or done to a lesser standard - and for them to go and do ther thing.

I hate sarcasm - especially (ha ha) if aimed at me - no seriously - I cringe at sarcasm.

My own aim? I try to be direct and calm if I have something to say that I feel is important. That doesn't mean I'm NEVER sarcastic - it means it's a work stiiiiill in progress.

AdzieJ


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas

Well, LJ, between you and the above commentaries, there is little that I can say on the subject of sarcasm. We all need to remember that we can recapture almost anything except the last words spoken in haste...think before you do...is what I have always told my kids. Sarcasm is poison in a marriage or a great friendship for that matter. Lose it! WB


Whidbeywriter profile image

Whidbeywriter 6 years ago from Oak Harbor on Whidbey Island, Washington

Great stuff Ladyjane 1, sarcasm can really hurt any relationship and when it gets out of hand it will break that relationship. If that relationship was not that strong to begin with - well it will never last like in your story of the couple. Good writing.....cheers.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Adzij thanks for reading. I agree and I cringe at sarcasm as well although I know I am guilty of it myself from time to time. I just try not to use it as a weapon against people I love. Cheers to you.

@Wayne Brown thanks for reading and I agree with you as well that we should hold our tongue when sarcasm crosses our minds and our lips. The old saying about hurting the ones we love is so true especially with sarcasm. Cheers.

@whidbeywriter good to see you, hope all is well and thanks for reading. Cheers.


Dchosen_01 6 years ago

Really a great hub. I was fortunate on two occasions to have a very pretty and intelligent girl been very interested in me (as per relationship-wise). Unfortunately, I was to sarcastic and it seemed to me, the ladies in these two occasions are not matured enough to take a joke. But after the second experience, I realized how stupid I had been. I was this "I know all" guy and I felt, they should be able to take it. Seriously, I learnt from this (especially the second experience). These happened some years back but you have opened my eyes the more to see realize that it is not only a 'woman-thing" but an 'everyones' thing as well.

I hope I to read more of your hubs. I rate it to be awesome, beautiful and useful...


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Dchosen_01 thanks for reading and for leaving such a nice comment. I appreciate that it was helpful to you. I think that it made people stop and think about something that we take for granted at times and that is other people's feelings. Thanks again, cheers.


hubpageswriter 6 years ago

Awesome hub. Sarcasms between spouses are best left privately, not saying in front of one another. That's what I think. I go with one responder comment that sarcasms are for the enemies, I think that's a good notion. But jokes are fine betweens spouses, it keeps their relationships close.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

hubpageswriter thanks for reading and for your comments. I agree with you as well about sarcasm but if people do bring it up in a marriage then they also better be able to handle it as well. Cheers.


EmmaMedu profile image

EmmaMedu 6 years ago

Just like I answered the original question, sarcastic jokes can be used very rare and between people who know, love and deeply respect each other.

I my opinion, and after all that's the kind of marriage I have, married people should communicate nicely, show respect to each other and laugh together. I NEVER use sarcastic jokes with my husband.

The worst thing is that people sometimes show so little respect to the closest ones and they take those things and their feeling for granted. The relationship between husband and wife is worth putting some effort in it. There is no place for hitting, punching or similar things like you described in mature and long lasting marriage.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Emma I agree with you completely and believe that a married couple should never hit each other even in fun because its just a weird way of playing. Its never funny when someone gets hit. CHeers


DoorMattnomore 6 years ago

Oh, I come from along line of wickedly sarcastic people, as does my husband. I never ever liked it, and often was made to cry as a child, and was just as often told to "lighten up" or "cant you take a joke?" Now, my hubby and his familly are also of the mindset that I am too sensitive. I cant tell you how happy I am to read this hub, and all its great comments, to know I am not alone in the world in thinking sarcasm is mean and a cheap way of disguisng hurtfull nasty remarks made to someone you should be cherishing.


padmendra profile image

padmendra 6 years ago from DELHI/NCR

The result of sarcasm is not less than a destruction by a deadly weapon. The moment it is used ,it can give a blasting result to your relation and the long lasting relation squeezes into a smallest size with no identity to reveal.Not only with wife or husband but if you use it against any of the member of family, it will spoil everything in seconds and the existence of yourself will be vanished. It is always better to refrain yourself from using such tactic which is highlighted here by the author.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

padmendra thanks for reading and I agree with you completely about sarcasm. Cheers.


tom hellert profile image

tom hellert 6 years ago from home

"IF YA CAN'T TAKE THE HEAT STAY OUT THE KITCHEN"

iF YOU CAN'T TAKE SARCASM. Good sarcasm is a healthy almost respected choice of words - ONLY if it is witty sarcasm and not "Well how would you know ya mouth breather..."

That's just mean...alot of it is inflection as well as content-

good hub.

TH


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

tom thanks for reading and I agree with you. If a person cannot take it then they shouldn't dish it out. And there is nothing wrong with sarcasm as long as it does come off as witty and not aimed at a particular person so that it hurts their feelings. Cheers.


robertaharden profile image

robertaharden 6 years ago from California on the beach

"I think that couples pretty much know how far they can take one another before a fight ensues".

I believe this statement to be the gist of the whole hub. When we are in a committed and intimate relationship, we all know how far we can and should go before we hurt the actual feelings of the person we share our life with. This comes from someone who is as fluent in sarcasm as in her native language. I love to kid around, but I am also a rather tactful person and, though I enjoy a good joke, I make sure the other person can handle it and enjoy it too before I throw it out there. That capability usually grows within the relationship as two individuals get to know each other more and more. Also, you make a good distinction, sarcasm for the sake of kidding, and sarcasm for the sake of being spiteful. Excellent. My ex was a jerk and he would constantly (and I mean constantly) make fun of me cruelly about little faults of mine, like my Italian nose (lol),the stretchmarks I got from my daughter's pregnancy, and my accent (I am Italian, so I have an accent when I speak English. Not too strong, but you can still hear it). I think the unrestricted use of sarcasm in those terms is childish and insensitive.I am a very strong woman and don't let jokes bring me down, but when someone does it to you every day, you can truly start doubting yourself. Needless to say, our relationship ended. Obviously there were other major issues other than his tactless humor, but I would say that the use of sarcasm without restrictions is a good sign that there is little respect in a relationship, or less than necessary anyways.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

roberta thanks for your insightful comments and I agree with you completely. I appreciate you reading my hub. Cheers.


Bill Mello profile image

Bill Mello 6 years ago from Massachusetts

Sarcasm's latin root means 'tearing of the flesh'. I think it's perfectly okay to tear your spouses flesh once in a while. That and also sticking her in the eye with a broken piece of glass as long as you don't do it all the time.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Bill thanks for reading and I agree with you minus the glass in the eye lol. Cheers.


jacobkuttyta profile image

jacobkuttyta 6 years ago from Delhi, India

Thanks for the insightful hub.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

jacobkuttyta you are welcome and thanks for the nice comment and for reading. Stop by anytime. Cheers.


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 6 years ago

I guess a fifty percent of marriage failure rate shows us that maturity hasen't increased a lot in today's world , Almost any sign of conflict is an indicator of impending doom , whether serious or not, physically sparring isn't good, especially in young couples. Nice hub!


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

ahorseback thanks for reading and for your insightful comment. I totally agree. Cheers.


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago

Love deserves love. It's a slippery slope when we deviate. Great message again -as always.


POULOMI DUTTA profile image

POULOMI DUTTA 6 years ago from HOUSTON, TEXAS, USA

gr8 hub.very insightful.being sarcastic towards one's partner helps to cool you off momentarily, but it damages the quality of the relationship over time. it is hurtful.

but sometimes, you tend to get sarcastic when your spouse irritates you or doesn't see reason


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Hi Micky glad to see you I agree with you that love deserves better than that. Its nice to kid around but when someone jabs at their mate this way too much it really gets old. Cheers.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

poulomi thanks for reading and I agree with you that this kind of behavior does damage the relationship eventually. cheers.


Wes 6 years ago

Nothing wrong with some healthy banter in the later stages of a relationship as it keeps things exciting. If one takes it too far then a simple apology is all you need to give balance back to the situation.


awesomebynature profile image

awesomebynature 6 years ago from Vancouver

Nothing wrong with some healthy banter in the later stages of a relationship as it keeps things exciting. If one takes it too far then a simple apology is all you need to give balance back to the situation.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

awesomebynature love your name by the way and I agree with you to a point because there is always that chance that someone will take it too far and thats when the problem starts. thanks for reading Cheers.


Kai777 6 years ago

Nice article! I don't believe sarcasm should be part of any love relationships. Your goal in relationships should not be to hurt or cause pain to your partner or spouse. Apologies do not heal the hurt that has been done and if it continues the relationship will eventually crumble. Maturity is better :)


Allan Douglas profile image

Allan Douglas 6 years ago from Great Smoky Mountains, Tennessee

Humor is a great release in any relationship, conveying comfort and ease with one another. But sarcasm tends to be cruel, and I don't think cruelty has any place in a good marriage.

I recently witnessed an incident where a fella was being kidded by his buddies about a mistake he'd made and it was all good fun until his girlfriend decided to get in on it, then it was "party-over!"


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Kai I agree with you I think that a healthy relationship doesn't need a lot of sarcasm cuz it can get carred away and feelings always get hurt. Thanks for reading Cheers.

Allan thanks for reading I agree that humor is healthy in a relationship or marriage but can get old really quick and I think everyone has had that "party over" experience. Cheers.


nrasch profile image

nrasch 6 years ago from St. Louis, Missouri

I am a very sarcastic person. With that said, I try not to direct sarcasm AT my boyfriend, but rather use it along with him when we are talking about something else. He is somewhat sensitive, and it took me a while to get used to it, but I think it has been a good learning experience for me. Thanks for the info. Many of use never think about the implications of sarcasm.


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ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

nrasch thanks for reading and I was in a similar situation with my husband because he is from another country and didn't really understand sarcasm that well. Everything seemed to go over his head. So ever since then I started really thinking about sarcasm and how it can affect people. I also know how it feels when sarcasm is directed at me it can get annoying quick so I try not to be sarcastic when it is directed at anyone personally. Thanks again Cheers.


Doug Turner Jr. 5 years ago

This hub title caught my eye because this is something I have noticed lately. Couples I know who are sarcastic with each other or their children, tend to be generally unhappy with their situation, in my opinion. Though they intend it to be sarcasm or a "joke," their words and demeanor may be hiding deeper resentments and issues. In addition, I consider sarcasm to be just another fruitless byproduct of a society with too much time and money on their hands. If couples needed and respected each other more, there would likely be no need for the smart remarks. Thanks for your thoughts.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 5 years ago from Texas Author

Doug I completely agree with what you are saying. I think that couples often hide behind a biting comment in order to not have to deal with their unhappy situations but don't realize that it can hurt a person deeply. I have been guilty of sarcasm myself but I try not to be as scarcastic as I used to be because I saw how others react to it and I don't much like it when it is thrown at me either. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. Cheers.


akuigla profile image

akuigla 5 years ago

Good hub with deep remarks.

Sarcastic people,in my opinion,dont have ability to think over about problems,but instead they react impulsively.

That being said,I have the same problem, not as I use to be, and Im struggling to overcome it.

Good hub, really.


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ladyjane1 5 years ago from Texas Author

akuigla thanks for reading and if a person uses a lot of sarcasm it is hard to stop doing it because sometimes it just naturally comes out in a person but sometimes they don't realize how much they hurt others. Thanks again and hope you can overcome the problem. Cheers.


alberich 5 years ago

In the study of relations and divorces the psycologist Gottman found four approaches that effectively destroys the communication in a relationship and often leads to divorce.

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse in an unhappy marriage are:

1.Personal Criticism (Criticize the personality rather than what the person does or says.)

2. Contempt: (violates the partner through sarcasm and despiseful humor)

3. Defense Attitudes: (Blame shift)

4. Concrete Wall: (Ignore the other person in a conversation, dont answer questions, silence)

Thank you for beeing You and sharing your thoughts with us.

Cheers!!


saintodd profile image

saintodd 5 years ago from Snohomish, WA

Great article. I can tell by the comments that I'm not the only one who feels this way. I totally agree with you sarcasm so easy crosses the line, and words hurt. Thanks for posting. Voted up.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 5 years ago from Texas Author

alberich thanks for sharing the four horses it was very accurate. I appreciate your reading. Cheers.

saintodd thanks so much for your support. Appreciate yout taking the time to read. Cheers.


Terry.Hirneisen profile image

Terry.Hirneisen 5 years ago from Shenandoah Valley

I believe this is sound advise! Once in a while you may jest with a sarcasm, but there is always a risk. Today's joke may be tomorrows insult. We all take things differently at different times.

By the way, thanks for stopping by my hubs!


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 5 years ago from Texas Author

Terry thanks for reading my hub, I appreciate the feedback. And Im happy to read your hubs. Cheers.


sairakhan profile image

sairakhan 5 years ago from Bombay , India

really nice and romantic hub.learned many things from it and i have started following you.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 5 years ago from Texas Author

sairakhan thanks again great to have you on my hubs. Cheers.


Sun-Girl profile image

Sun-Girl 5 years ago from Nigeria

Cool tips which is well shared.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 5 years ago from Texas Author

Thanks Sun-Girl appreciate your comments. Cheers.

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