Do 'friends with benefits' relationships work?

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How did your 'friends with benefits' relationship end?

  • We're still 'friends with benefits'
  • We're now friends WITHOUT benefits
  • He/she wanted more and I didn't
  • I wanted more and he/she didn't
  • We're now officially a couple
  • We're married
  • Our friendship was ruined forever
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Should I become his / her 'friend with benefits'?

Defined as being a situation describing two friends who have a sexual relationship without being emotionally involved or having any kind of commitment, ‘friends with benefits’ seems to be on the increase in today’s day and age.

The decision of whether or not to become involved in a ‘friends with benefits’ relationship is often one people take lightly.

Why should we choose to be 'friends with benefits'?

In some cases you may not even think about it at all and just find yourself in the situation. Maybe you just got out of a relationship and are looking to get your mind off your ex, looking for comfort in a friend and find yourself in more than a friendship or are just looking to have some fun; in most cases many end up going into this kind of relationship before even thinking it out fully. Maybe you don’t think there is much to think about; after all what’s the worst that could happen?

This is the mentality of many in this kind of relationship. The pros and cons are never fully measured and the whole idea is never completely thought out.


'Friends with benefits' - facts and research

Before deciding whether or not this is for you it is important that you know all of the facts. You need to know exactly what a ‘friends with benefits’ relationship could entail and what the outcome could be as well as what the other persons reasons may be for getting into it as this could determine how the relationship is going to affect you.

Besides weighing out the advantages and disadvantages it is also important to look at the statistics surrounding the whole situation.

According to research, most college students are found to have been in this kind of relationship at least once in their lifetime highlighting how very common it is. Making this more evident is a survey conducted amongst 125 young women and men which revealed that 60% of them had at least one 'friend with benefits'.

The decision of whether or not to become a statistic is entirely yours to make and should not at all be taken likely. In considering it, you should also keep in mind the terms commonly used in which to describe it; booty call, casual sex partner and fling are only but a few.


Advantages and Disadvantages of being 'friends with benefits'

There may be advantages such as convenience, independence and freedom. There are however, even more disadvantages to being friends with benefits including ruined friendships if it doesn't work out as planned (or one of you has a change of heart) and possible heartbreak (if you get emotionally attached to the other person). The biggest disadvantage though, is likely to be the risk you put yourself at with regards to sexually transmitted diseases and illnesses (some transmitted through kissing) which you open yourself up to by basically agreeing to being in a relationship where one or both of you have multiple sexual partners.

With HIV and Aids being at its peak presently is this really something you would like to make yourself vulnerable to?

It can be argued that with the correct safety measures and restrictions being implemented throughout the relationship it could be a healthy and successful one though, so if after doing all relevant researching you feel that this is the kind of relationship you’d like to be in then that is your decision to make. We’re all responsible for our own actions, as the saying goes – you choose the behaviour you choose the consequences.

There may be advantages such as convenience, independence and freedom. There are however, even more disadvantages to being friends with benefits including ruined friendships if it doesn't work out as planned (or one of you has a change of heart) and possible heartbreak (if you get emotionally attached to the other person). The biggest disadvantage though, is likely to be the risk you put yourself at with regards to sexually transmitted diseases and illnesses (some transmitted through kissing) which you open yourself up to by basically agreeing to being in a relationship where one or both of you have multiple sexual partners.

With HIV and Aids being at its peak presently is this really something you would like to make yourself vulnerable to?

It can be argued that with the correct safety measures and restrictions being implemented throughout the relationship it could be a healthy and successful one though, so if after doing all relevant researching you feel that this is the kind of relationship you’d like to be in then that is your decision to make. We’re all responsible for our own actions, as the saying goes – you choose the behaviour you choose the consequences.

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Comments 11 comments

Jade89 profile image

Jade89 4 years ago from Johannesburg - South Africa Author

Hi Gee

Thank you for your very informative message. I really hope I will be able to help you a little. I’m really glad that this article was able to help you understand better what a ‘friends with benefits’ relationship is.

I’m really sorry that you’re going through this as this is one of the negatives of being in a 'friends with benefits' relationship. It is not only negative but also unfair if one person enters into a 'friends with benefits' relationship without knowing it just like you did. The guy that you speak about should have made it very clear from the beginning when he came to your house that he wasn’t interested in having a serious relationship (yet or ever) and that you’d only be friends with benefits - meaning that he’d be able to kiss or (anything else) other girls too.

You made a great decision by telling him that you loved yourself and that you didn’t want to get hurt anymore. I’m really proud of you for having done this. If only you had known the full situation from the beginning things might have not gone so far as to result in you getting hurt in the end.

The best advice I can give you is that if you really have deep feelings for this guy and hate that you can’t be together anymore maybe you should talk to him about everything. Seeing as you say he said that you should tell him what to do to fix everything and he’ll do it maybe you should explain to him that you have feelings for him and that you do want to be with him but only if you’re the only girl he’s with. Let him know that you don’t want to be in a 'friends with benefits’ relationship but in a serious one. If he really has feelings for you too he should be able to make this commitment to you and be with you only. If he can’t do this for you then you will have no choice but to move on for your own good. ‘Friends with benefits’ relationships can be bad for your body (if you get any diseases from having sex with someone who’s having sex with many other people) and for your heart so you need to make the right decision.

I really hope this helps you a bit.

Good luck!


GeeCorpse profile image

GeeCorpse 4 years ago from Lacey

Hi this is Gee im 24 i am new in FWB wit 35 years old, and dont know bout FWB, i just findout when i google it and now i know, i actually like him from the beginning thats why i allow him to kiss me the night he visit me. I met him in hopeless place at Disco when we celebrate my friends birthday and from that we keep goin back there every weekend for disco wit frens of mine and this guy is always there too every weekend, he is good lookin guy thats why he is attractive to me' i always saw him there too everytime we go there wit my frens and we talk say hi then he talk to my older fren and ask her my name and ladies laughing and they all looking at me and im wondering why'' then when he left my older fren told me bout it then i laugh... when we decide to go home he talk to my other friend and ask my number but my fren didnt give it to him, then 4months after we go back there again and he was there, and before we go home he is still talking to my friend and i didnt know that my friend giving him my house number, my friend was there at my house too but its set up i think because i am sleeping already 2am and someone wakin me up and i am really sleepy so i ignore but i feel like there is something deference" looks like a guy touching my shoulder and i close open my eyes under the blanket because i know its him coz i hear his voice, im nervouse because i like him for the first time i saw him at the disco club...then he sat down beside me and i ask what are you doing here? where is my friend? and i get up an no nobody out there, then i comeback to my room and hes still there sitting on my bed then i told him if he want to sleep i can give him a ride back to his house, but he said, tell me the truth why your backing off me? and i say nuthin i hide under the blanket because im still drunk little bit coz i drink, then we talk like from 2am till 4am, he ask me if he can hug me i said ok but go home after then he said ok, he hug me then catch my face he kiss me, i kiss him back thats the beginning of my FWB, he keep coming back to my house every day after that, then after 2months for everyday he visits me we go out then drunk for real wit his friends, we ride his fren car then we go home thats the first time happen to have sex wit him... one time i saw him kissing the girl in the club i get mad at him and i go home but he follow me and he talk to me like no worries at all to my bad reaction to him in the club, then he said why are u mad? were not BF/GF and im shocked, its really hurt, i kick him out my house and he said why are u acting like that? weird he said.. and i didnt say anything, i slowly told him please leave thank u then he leave, i keep crying untill morning i cant sleep, bother me alot and i cant eat also, at the same day i decide to stay away from him, that was happen after 6months and i saw him kissing other woman in the club, i hear him telling me that me and him only friends wit benefits and i ask him whats that mean, he didnt tell me, so i google it and i am here now :( , now i know what hes talking about. its like almost 1month now he sleep outside my house by bench drunk almost everyday, i didnt talk to him yet but im buying ticket for Hawaii, because hurts me also seing him sleeping outside, he text me he said, he will fix it whatever i want. i reply and i told him, your forgiven but i dont want to continue this anymore, i love myself, i love my life, i was born to be happy not to get hurt am sorry' i said. he call me again an again, and having hard time he stay for long time outside and hard to go out my house because he was there. he is devorce 1year before i met him an he got 1 son. I just need little advice coz its really hard like this for me. Thank u appreciate for ur advice.


Jade89 profile image

Jade89 5 years ago from Johannesburg - South Africa Author

Pluralgem, thanks for the comment.

Every situation is indeed different as is every person. Personally I don't agree with it as do many other people (as can be seen by the previous comments). It is, however, a personal decision and if you choose to take responsibility for all your actions and make sure that it doesn't negatively impact anybody else then that is your choice. Only God has the wisdom, power, magnificence and authority to judge.


PluralGem profile image

PluralGem 5 years ago from London, England

If you are being safe and respectful I don't see the problem in FWB.

You need honest comunication in a FWB so that no-one gets confused.

I am in a relationship with a woman and love her completely. I don't sleep with any other girls just this ONE guy who lives 400 miles away.

I don't have any romantic feelings for him nor ever will do..and he doesn't either. he knows full well I wont leave my girlfriend.

we just have fun. we have known each other for 5 years and have a great friendship.

we enjoy each other's company and the sex is fantastic at the same time..

I don't think there are any 'rules' to a fwb just guidelines because every situation is different.


Jade89 profile image

Jade89 5 years ago from Johannesburg - South Africa Author

I agree entirely. Many people just take sex for granted and that’s why its value in relationships is depreciating.


saffim 5 years ago from Nigeria

I believe it's not worth the risks. A relationship that includes sex should be something serious and sacred. It should be more than a fling.


Jade89 profile image

Jade89 5 years ago from Johannesburg - South Africa Author

They do indeed. It's a pity though, that a lot of people choose to learn the hard way


jponiato profile image

jponiato 5 years ago from Mid-Michigan

I completely agree with your assessment - the risks outweigh the benefits.


Jade89 profile image

Jade89 5 years ago from Johannesburg - South Africa Author

Miss info, I fully agree with your comment. Some people only think about themselves in such situations. That is something most people don't even consider until it's too late. You're right, it is indeed selfish.

Gracielake, I also don't see this situation as ever ending well. Statistics also show that most of them don't. I guess with regards to this, most people who do decide on being in such a relationship strive to be part of the exception and not the rule.


GracieLake profile image

GracieLake 5 years ago from Arizona

Eventually this just goes bad. I don't recommend it -- ever.


Miss Info profile image

Miss Info 5 years ago from New York City

NO. I believe this is reckless and dangerous.

Adults must stop focusing on their own selfish lusts and desires and consider those who may be hurt in the process... like an accidentally conceived child.

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