Signs a Straight Guy Likes You (But You're a Lesbian!)

As a "lesbro"--that is, a guy who hangs with more than my fair share of lesbians (and LGBTQers in general)--trust me on this one. I've been there, done that. I've felt myself drawn in by the sapphic allure, even if it wasn't meant for me to find alluring.

And who can blame guys like us, really? All things being equal, a lesbian is just better than a straight girl (for reasons I'm not going to get into here). Maybe some guys are just drawn to the fact that you girl-loving girls don't need us, and it's paradoxically attractive. Who knows?

But we're not here to theorize on what's so captivating about a lesbian, we're here to give you a heads up. What if you run into a guy like that, who wants nothing more than to get into your lesbian pants? What are the signs that he likes you, in spite of your declared gay tendencies?

Let's take a look:


Photo by Marco Gomes (http://www.flickr.com/people/39802787@N00)
Photo by Marco Gomes (http://www.flickr.com/people/39802787@N00)

1 - He mentions the fact that you're a lesbian a lot.

This may seem counterintuitive, but actually it's not because he's testing you. He's testing to see to what degree you'll acknowledge what he says as true or to what degree you'll deny it. He'll casually make comments like: "So do you hate it when a guy you're dating is.... Oh, wait, that's right: I can't ask you about that, YOU'RE A LESBIAN." or "I see you're checking out that girl's butt, YOU LESBIAN." or "I would think you'd know how to change oil, since YOU'RE A LESBIAN, right? RIGHT?"

See, he wants to be absolutely sure you're 100% lesbian (or less than 100% lesbian, rather). He's waiting for you to say: "Yeah, well, actually I'm not completely gay. (giggle) I don't believe anyone really is entirely gay or straight. So, technically..."

This way he can possibly ascertain (delude himself?) as to whether he may have a chance with you or not, without revealing his interest and just being straightforward like someone who's not a coward.

So if you are indeed just flat-out "strictly clitly" and not interested in him, then be adamant about it every time he mentions your lesbianism. Be over-enthusiastic about it, in fact. Say things like: "Heck, yeah, that's right! I love me some boobs! Lots and lots! On girls! You know--people who aren't guys!" Even if you don't like boobs that much, and it's only the woman's feminine personality and history that draw you in, he'll probably get the picture better if you draw it out really, really clearly and make it have something to do with boobs.


2 - He asks you if you've ever dated any men.

Now, this has some solid reasoning to it. Past behavior is often very indicative of future behavior, regardless of what a person may explicitly say about herself.

For example, if a woman has dated only men all her life and no women, and only recently discovered by chance that she's a flaming lesbionic, few people are going to believe her at first, even if she really is honestly totally wild for females. This is reasonable, as the external world can never trust what is and what is not a simple flight of fancy until a girl has "proved herself" so to speak, either by actively being a lesbian or by just not being straight for a long time. That's just the way it usually works.

If you have dated men, and you tell him that you have, he'll probably then make the assumption (especially if you haven't had that many girlfriends) that you're not totally gay and that he might have a chance. If this is something you don't want him to think, then, again, be adamant about the fact that you just LOVE women and downplay your past relationships with men as insignificant, even if it might seem difficult to pull off.

Say things like: "Oh, yeah, I had a boyfriend, (chuckle), but I was soooo young then; I had barely turned 39." and "Oh, him? Please, we barely knew each other; I'd hardly call him a boyfriend. In fact, I think I only dated him because he was so effeminate-looking, since, you know, I really only like girls. Like, women. Since I'm a lesbian. A gay homosexual lesbian who is gay."

Or you could always just lie and say you haven't dated men (unless you really haven't and are what one calls a "gold star"), but that's never any fun.


3 - He asks if you've ever slept with any men.

This is distinct from number 2 because it may reveal his intentions more clearly.

Maybe he doesn't want to date you. Maybe he just wants to get in your pants and that's it.

Is that okay with you? It is for some girls, and for others it's not. If it's not, then make it clear that you do not plan on taking any rides on his disco stick, so to speak, and that you find him manly, hairy, and unattractive, BUT (if you wish to sooth his ego) that you're sure that there are plenty of other, STRAIGHT girls who would find his smelly manliness plenty attractive for some reason that you can't really fathom yourself.


4 - He asks if you would date a female version of him.

This is usually advanced territory here, if he knows you well enough and is comfortable enough to start asking hypothetical questions like: "If I was a girl, would you date me?"

His hope is that if you say yes, he might have a chance--that, just this once, the person's gender won't matter and only the things you like besides that will.

Unfortunately, though, a person's gender can and often does greatly influence their personality and presentation, as well as many of their inner emotional functions. After all, it's not just the physical body of a girl that makes her so alluring. It's not that simple. There's way more to it than that.

Let him know that, if you object to this question. Tell him what would likely be true: "But, if you were a girl, you wouldn't be you anymore. Being a girl is more than just having a hoo-ha, you know."


5 - He tells you he's "turned" other lesbians before.

Now we're getting obvious here. He's trying to tell you ahead of time that he has some kind of hidden talent for switching girls to his team and that you should be prepared for his irresistible charms.

If this just seems gross to you, then let him know. Tell him even [insert widely-known attractive male celebrity] wouldn't be able to turn you straight, so it is unlikely that he would. Tell him he's being presumptuous and he'll probably back off. If you react with any degree of humor and try to play it off, he might interpret that as your being coy if he's desperate enough.

Tell him: "If you and I were trapped for the rest of our lives alone on a deserted island, and I had an uncontrollable bout of lust for some reason, I would sooner ease it with some inanimate object or even a wild animal before I would ever so much as consider you."

He'll probably get the picture eventually.


(Bonus: Sign Number Negative Infinity - [Because it's so specialized and rare, and hardly ever applies] He's a transman and he mentions the fact that he has a vagina way too much.

For many, if not most transguys, over-acknowledging their female goods is quite high on their list of DO NOT WANT. If he keeps on mentioning it, it may be that he thinks you might not be a lesbian so much as a girl who just likes girl-bits on people--any people--or that you're otherwise a girl who just likes people who were raised as girls.

This may indeed be true, as there are a good amount of lesbians who will date transmen [though not any other kind of men], and that is the sole exception to their sapphism. But if this is not you, make it as clear as you would with any other guy: "Just because you have the bits, doesn't mean I can overlook your maleness. I like GIRLS. You might have the parts, but you're NOT A GIRL. Now go put your pants back on, for God's sake.")


Anyway, I hope this hub has been of some value to the victims of well-intentioned lesbian-chasers. We...eh, they really mean you no harm, I assure you. Take the attraction as a compliment and, if you are ever so inclined (however unlikely that might be), go with it.


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Comments 11 comments

burning bush profile image

burning bush 6 years ago

Reading from a gender "neutral" perspective, these are some really novel observations. Very interesting hub. Enjoyed.


sanjaykatoch 6 years ago

this is something that can shared for good knowledge


dracaslair 6 years ago

when will men get it. a lesbain only wants women.


daouady profile image

daouady 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio

Are we talking about men in general or American men? I agree with your point. I am straight and enjoy the fact that my gay friends do not have to ask me again. I feel safe with them because I know my lifestyle is respected and American men have to effort the same courtesy to the women that want to be with women.

By all means, get to gather, have a drink or two, have a laugh, have a conversation, refreshing time but respect her/his sexual pref.


lance 5 years ago

the lesbian is love...and care to the woman


paulwillson26 profile image

paulwillson26 5 years ago from Madrid

I enjoyed this blog it reminded me of when I briefly went out with a Lesbian (honestly). Obviously didn't work out as it only lasted a month. She actually chased me. After coming out of a bad relationship with a woman she wanted to give me a try.

I have to say out of all the girls that dumped me she was the most honest. Even when she got a new girlfriend she asked me if I was fine with it. I never lost my respect for her.


Mark 3 years ago

it is so very sad that there are so much more lesbians today than we ever had, and i am a straight guy that is looking for a good straight woman to meet. i had a crush on this girl that i wanted to really meet, not knowing that she was with another girl that was gay. then i found out that both of them are gay. with so many women that are into other women nowadays, it certainly will make it very difficult to find a good one now.


bm 2 years ago

I love a lesbian she's my manager I would kill for her her partner tried to fight me she 20 years older than me she's the most beautiful. Woman. I've ever seen


yep 13 months ago

What sucks is when you are a guy and your bestfriend is a lesbian, and you like her. I didn't know she was a lesbian until a few weeks ago, and apparently she has been one for over a year. Besides the fact I'm an introvert I'm way socially awkward (I can't believe it if I do hit post). Everyone even thinks we're dating. This is what I have been afraid of liking someone, I guess I was afraid for a good reason. Now depression and hermit mode is kicking in and my (anger) time bomb is about to go off. I'm just going to write a song for people like me. I've tried everything to disinterest myself but that feeling I get when I'm around her just causes my disinterest to fade. I want to get married one day but doesn't look like it's gonna happen. Best I hide myself away than to let my feelings get the best of me again. ☁


yep 13 months ago

Let me reword a sentence. I want to get married to someone one day, not necessary her but someone.


Grungolar 5 months ago

Apologies... But does a "man" who is gender fluid have favor with lesbians when he identifies as a woman?

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