Silently Whispering - Why?
To Elicit the Light in Your Eyes - Sabrina Tells All
- Unlocking the mystery and intrigue of our lives is further complicated by identifying the same in others. For those that seek answers there is a craving for knowledge. Yet there are those that wander through life never grasping the concept of unraveling the mystery around their universe. We all have our set comfort level, but when we challenge ourselves to go beyond our existing limitations, we find that there is much more to our universe than we once thought.
Julie and Todd have been in a relationship for a few years. Julie loves Todd so much and she wants to create a relationship that is so much more than what she is use to. Todd has a very different background than Julie and he is perhaps a bit self absorbed. With any relationship or with humanity in general, communication is always the key to moving forward and not remaining stagnant.
When there are problems within the relationship communication always is met with barriers. Julie has come to view Todd as not being responsive to her needs, and Todd views Julie as being selfish. Julie feels that she has tried everything, and has now decided that it is she that should change to save the relationship. The problem with this solution is that Julie will suffer deeply and her heart will become weary and desperate. Julie keeps asking herself the same questions over and over again.
"Things use to be so good and I do not know what changed? I want to look at Todd, see his eyes light up like they use to when he looks at me or when I enter the room. He would treat me like I was special, and no one has ever done that before. I think about it often and I ask myself why this has happened? Why does he snap at me and can become short tempered? Why does he ignore me, when all I want to do is to be close to him and discuss the problems so that we can get back on track? Why does he not see what has happened? Why does he not care?"
Although Julie may think Todd does not care about their relationship, this may not be the case at all. Julie does not realize that by asking herself "Why" she is shutting herself off from successfully creating change. Since she is unable to elicit Todd's help in solving the problems that she feels are important to her, she has now internalized the negative energy on herself. This is self-destructive behavior that needs to be identified, because it is Julie that will suffer within the relationship as she tries to give more of herself than she is receiving back.
When we are stuck asking ourselves "why" we become lost in the confusion of the relationship. The pain will grow deeper, Julie and Todd will grow further a part, and even though the relationship may have been saved it could fail.
The solution is to change our mindset and to realize that we do not have control over the actions of others. Further identification will prevent the collection of garbage between Julie and Todd. Although self-sacrifice for the sake of the relationship is admirable, it does nothing to build success and two happy individuals; it will foster resentment.
Garbage within a relationship is a quandary of emotions; doubts, resentment, unresolved feelings, hurtful communication and everything negative that prevents positive feelings to thrive. It creates an invisible wall between individuals until it grows to an insurmountable size, and neither individual can understand or hear the message of the other any longer. Julie's solution will only contribute to the garbage that has already been collected. The best solution is to never collect garbage. Instead, always look to identify garbage when it is being collected and act on it now rather than storing it for another day. It only takes one to identify the need and pursue change by implementing solutions and understanding the perception of the other. Hopefully, Julie would find a way to communicate her needs to Todd in a way that he can understand, but the solution is not to internalize what is happening.
If it turns out that it is not possible to solve issues that plague a relationship it may end. It does not mean that Julie and Todd are bad people, because in a different time and place things could have been different. The important lesson to be learned, is that we all need to take responsibility for our actions or the lack thereof. Julie's solution was to take on everything herself and to internalize Todd's portion of the responsibility because she felt helpless to pursue change. It is not necessary to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, the responsibility that you carry should be your own.
In the end, Julie could not reach Todd and her heart was broken. Rather than internalizing the current situation she knew that this was not working for her. Whenever doubt came to haunt her she remembered a message.
"Todd has chosen to continue to play this role in our relationship and it does not work for me. I have tried everything that I could think of to save the love that I had for him, but in the end it is not my fault. This chapter of my life is over and I am ready to begin a new chapter."
Julie has taken responsibility for her role within the relationship, but refuses to also deal and carry the burden of Todd any longer. In a healthy way she realizes that the situation is what it is and the next chapter is about to unfold. The healing process will continue for Julie into the next chapter of her life. It is important to not carry the garbage from her relationship with Todd further, and she must deal with this to prevent negative energy from sabotaging her success.
Letter to Sabrina
- I am beginning to think that there is something wrong with me. I know how to speak well and it seems that when I attempt to talk to my friends they ignore me. Ever since Eileen came around and became a part of our inner circle things have changed. Eileen seems to be the hot topic these days. The thing about Eileen is that she does not like me and voices this to my friends. I really do not know why she singled me out but that is the way it is.
What should I do about this? My friends were always very important to me and I really want them back. Any advice would be appreciated.
Standing Alone - Chelsey
No matter where we go in life there will always be conflict and change. Even though details were not mentioned, I am assuming that your friends were a welcomed part of your life in a positive way. You could wait this out and hope that your friends become tired of Eileen's immature attitude, or you could take this opportunity to manifest your feelings into positive energy.
Stop thinking about what has happened, be polite to your friends and smile at Eileen without displaying your loss. Move forward to finding new friends, sign-up for a class that interests you and really begin to build a life separate from the group. As your friends become tired of Eileen they will then see how confident you have become and be drawn to your positive attitude.
If your friends do not come around, you will need to ask yourself if they were really your friends anyway. At this point you are far too busy to sit around and wait for them. You have a life ahead of you that will be far more interesting then reliving the boredom in Eileen's world.
I wish you the best Chelsey as you venture down the path of discovery.
- Sabrina Delaney - Blending of Hearts Today, Tomorrow, Into the Future!
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