Single Motherhood and Dating Part 5: Who to Date? Single Dad or Single Guy

Part 5 in the Single Motherhood and Dating Series

In cased you missed them Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

This is a choice that has not been given much thought on and it all depends on who writes the article too you get advice and tips on this. The question is what kind of guy do you actually want to date? I do not mean the Good guy or Bad boy type I mean the Single Dad or the Single Guy. In being that I am a single mom I really did not think on this idea or gravitate to hunt me a fellow single dad, which made me wonder should I? What about the guy with no kids who may want kids in the future? This thinking then brought up the Pros and Con’s for Single Dad or Single guy. I have experience both and it’s quite enlightening.

The Single Dad

The Pro‘s- 1.He is a parent as well and is more likely to understand you and your rules. For an example a single dad would not at 10pm at night ask to come over to your house while your child is sleeping on a weekday which is school night.

2. If you accidentally talk about your kids too much on a date its more than likely he is too so you won’t feel like you’re boring your date. Sadly I’m a full time mom and play dough and Sponge Bob Squarepants are my life. I have not watched an R rated movie in like forever!

The Con‘s- You would think there is none but oh yes there is.

1: The mother of his children could be psycho

2. Your parental raising skills could clash

3. The kids could clash

I think pro’s out wins the con’s though.

The Single Guy With No Kids

The Pros- He may be interested in wanting kids and a family and wants to accept you and your child. That is if you tell him you’re a Mom so there may be that dilemma there. I make a rule first hand to mention this because then you can save yourself from a lot of losers if you do. Still some losers still slip through which leads us to the cons.

The Con’s- He may say he likes kids but may not really mean it. He also will be less understanding when you say that your kids come first and that you really cant be that selfish or spontaneous. I need like a week of advance for a date. To ask me on Thursday for a Friday or Saturday date will likely end in a no, and sadly no you can not come over to my house at 10pm (Knew what was on his mind mmmhmm). He also may and constantly forget you are a mom and keep trying to break you down to just dump your kid and be with them. For an example, I got asked to drive out of town to see this guy at 10pm at night um… I have a child REMEMBER. This continually may annoy and frustrate the guy to disappear into the distance never to be seen again. Even if I didnt have a child, no I would not be driving out of town to see you at 10pm at night.

So there you have it. Good Luck!

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Comments 16 comments

"Quill" 6 years ago

Great Hub and one which you have put much thought into...again I do think you need to go with what your heart tells you.

Blessings


AARON99 6 years ago

Another helpful hub on relationships to the needful. Well done. Enjoy.


JannyC profile image

JannyC 6 years ago Author

Quill- Thank you my friend.

Aaron- Thank you as well. I do hope my hubs on this are helpful and I perhaps make people think more before they take the plunge into dating again. I seem to ask all the questions most dont think of. Guess thats a good thing.


Mike Lickteig profile image

Mike Lickteig 6 years ago from Lawrence KS USA

I believe single Dad's are more aware of the issues you face than a single guy will ever be, no matter how hard the single guy might try to be understanding. You are correct, though--the single Dad might have to deal with a complicated woman for an ex, and there can definitely be unwanted demands on his time and focus.

Single dads will definitely be more understanding of what you need in order to make dating with them work.

Hope you had a good weekend, Janny!!!!

Mike


gin 6 years ago

having dated men with children and marrying one without, my voite would still be for the man with children. They understand that children are not perfect, understand your schedule and also understand those days when you wondered why you had kids in the first place. I suggest dating a widower


JannyC profile image

JannyC 6 years ago Author

Agreed Mike Totally and as you can see in the Hub I tended to favor them more too. After posting Easter pictures on this networking site called My yearbook (its like myspace only sleazier) I suddenly hit with fellow single father saying hi there to me. So interesting indeed.


JannyC profile image

JannyC 6 years ago Author

Thanks gin and you are absolutely right which is why I wrote this hub and found out rather quickly. Thank you for commenting and stopping by.


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 6 years ago from United States

Janny, You are really putting a lot of thought into this decision which I think is healthy. I think the man with children might be better but I would look very closely how close he is to his children, how he treats them, how he disciplines them, etc. The relationship is so important. I made a bad decision and should have seen the writing on the wall but I didn't until too late and you children will always be the most important things. great hub.


JannyC profile image

JannyC 6 years ago Author

Pamela thank you so much. I want to show other women that you really need to. I see so many woman who really do not put their kids well being into consideration. Sadly tragedy usually follows in that situation so I am hoping others see this and really think on this. We really do not NEED a man but we want one and it human nature to want companionship.


pmccray profile image

pmccray 6 years ago from Utah

I think a single Dad is more understanding. You are correct about his baggage. When I was a single dating mom, I had gotten to the point that I refused to date men with children, too much brain damage. Sometimes ex's are fine until that former man finds a new mate. But on the other hand single guys are kind of selfish and don't want to share their new mate, not even with her children. Great hub


JannyC profile image

JannyC 6 years ago Author

Glad you liked it pmccray. Love the way you put that. So true.


Ghost Whisper 77 profile image

Ghost Whisper 77 6 years ago from The U.S. Government protects Nazi War Criminals

Hey Janny--another good hub. I spent much time with single Daddies when I dated--when my children were smaller. My biggest problem was with ex wifes who did not want their ex husbands-they had new husbands or boyfriends-but as soon as they saw me with their ex--oh the problems were horrid for me and for the children being unnecessarily pulled and boy did I love the children very much also.

Then I married someone who did not ever have children and was just clueless of the bond we have as a parent nor understood that love. He was horrid also. LOL

I think that you should just open your heart to whomever God sends to you-be honest about your child coming first and if he is that great guy--he will understand. Nothing wrong with your child and you/him going go-karting and doing some family things that are fun right? My best times were with my partners and their children camping or go-karting doing fun things! (Of course at first it should be alone-ness with the new guy to see if you click) but if you are not interfering sex with a new relationship-there is nothing wrong with introducing your child to 'your friend' because that is who he is...a friend. It is so good and healthy for a child to see Mom have friends and laughter that includes them. The right guy will love your son and if it is under "friends" who can't get enough good friends right?

Just open your heart and not confuse dating with sex--keep it friends--and all of your lives will be filled with fun-love--laughter....enjoy friendships..with no expectation but to learn about the other person. Not an interview--just pure fun and friendship--and eventually God will send you the right person to join your little family! Be blessed!


JannyC profile image

JannyC 6 years ago Author

Hmm I just might do that Ghost. I do have this single father friend that Ive been talking too. He totally understands my view and rule which I was really touched by. He did say that he like to take me and my son and his kids out to play. I was not sure on that but if we are just friend and my son could use more playmates...maybe why not.


mikeq107 6 years ago

Hi Janny :0)

Ok this is not so much a bout single dads verses moms,but I thought I would share it anyway, delete if you like I will not be offended :0)

Mike:0)

WHO IS THE RIGHT PERSON FOR ME ?

By mikeq107

OK! This question that has been around since the beginning of time and the topic of many, many books, debates and the catalyst for many a lonely hearts website.

Now the beginning of time has lot to do with the issue. Adam and eve were the first lovers and the world was their oyster and then one day they screwed up and the rest of us have paid the price ever since...bummer right!

Now some of us had wonderful parents and great childhoods and lived in leave it to Beaver Neighborhood - and later we married and repeated the happy family love story cycle.

Sad to say that was not my story...I grew up in Ireland with a dad who loved to empty whiskey glass`s and go to frequent interviews of the many employment establishments of Ireland....So I had no great example of a wonderful loving relationship, RIGHT! But I knew how to pack a car and move to the next village.

So with this wonderful wealth of experience I embarked on a trail of broken relationships and a failed marriage. After this I went to counseling and paid some guy (who was on anti depressants) $120 an hour to basically talk about my childhood and all that...it helped a little bit, but not much...i realized i was paying to see a Dad I never had. So I found a good friend! Hey they have ears and are freeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

The next thing I did was go on a voyage of self discovery and gave myself permission to take time out and smell the roses, I bought A BMW motorcycle and took off on adventures and never really knew where I was going. It was so much fun. During those years I discovered I loved to write, so I did. I began to discover what I liked in people and who I wanted to be around and how to put up healthy boundaries.

In short I went from a needy, lonely person to a healthy individual who knew who I was.

I had read book years ago by the guy that started E Harmony and the most important thing I took away from that was Get Healthy! Because if you do not take time out, time will catch up with you so fast in the form of a shovel of dirt being thrown on a lonely coffin. Life comes at you fast.

OK! Yes I did, I went on E harmony and yes the beautiful woman in the pic is my true soul-mate and lover. When I met Cynthia it was my heart that guided me, because I had a healthy one...she does not complete me, only God can do that, but we so complement each other and interestingly enough she is not my opposite. We are so very much alike.

Is E Harmony the answer....no, it’s Just a tool God used to bring us together. But God healed my heart so that I could freely give it to another and she to me the true essence of agape love!

So how do you fall in love with the right person??? The way we treat others, be it good relationships or complete strangers, is a mirror image of how we see ourselves. As the saying goes "You are who you hang out with - or what you eat!” No one can tell the other who the right person is or how to do it - the key is taking a look at yourself, are you the right person?

Bottom line Adam and Eve messed up and God sent a Healthy Jesus, not a religious church, to set our hearts free so that we can love deeply and freely explore the true adventure of life he wants us to have.


mikeq107 6 years ago

Ps Its been 3 years now and at no point do I feel I made a mistake and before we married I never asked anyones opinion etc I just knew, sort of like when you had your first Baby , (Pain aside :0) ...it was like there you are I have been waiting to meet you,

Logic and reason are why the french revolution failed,

A heart surrenederd to God needs no human guidance, just healthy fellowship with God and a healty soul mate and friends.....Cynthia was well worth the wait, to be truly in love body,mind, soul and heart is a powerful thing,...never compromise...

Ok Going on a bit LOL..

your in My prayers and Remember God has only the best in mind for his daughter!!!!!!


JannyC profile image

JannyC 6 years ago Author

Its good advice mikeq and it fit for that is pretty much the message I am trying to get across to fellow single moms and even dads. Make sure you are truly ready. Thanks a lot my new found friend!

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