The View of Single Women In Society

How do you view being single?
How do you view being single?

Men such as Hugh Hefner who are single are considered eligible bachelors, and people go bananas when he considers remarrying in his eighties. A woman who decides to remain single is considered an "old maid", or even mocked as being "an old cat lady" if she would rather have felines companionship than a man. Why does someone need a man in their life to feel esteemed or valued? Yes I agree it is probably best not to be friends with married men, but the men in these relationships are just as guilty if they decide to have an affair, or even if it is just an emotionally charged friendship with an unmarried woman.

I have grown tired of the passe notion that a woman is always responsible for how men behave. Just like those women who were told that they might get attacked for dressing "slutty," which inspired those "slut walks" in protest, but would anyone say that to a man wearing a tight shirt walking down the street? I personally prefer to dress more on the moderate side of the clothes spectrum, but why all the harsh judgment of single women by married women? Years ago I was a graduation party with a friend, and this man started checking me out. After awhile it became obvious and his wife scolded him for it, and he said "Well she started it!" I was thinking, well no, you were the one with the wandering eye, and it is not my fault if you act like a joker about it.

The Blame Game And Cheating

Cheating is always the woman's fault, right? If single women never spoke to married men, then maybe all those cheating husbands would be on the straight and narrow. Rather than blaming a single woman for luring your husband away, why not accept that maybe he is acting like a car enthusiast at a car show by ogling all the pretty toys. Ultimately, you need to decide whether you want to put up with his behavior. There are plenty more fish in the sea, and blaming one woman for your husband's wayward behavior will not deter him from reeling in other fish.

If my husband or boyfriend was so transfixed with looking at other women in the room, or having an emotional affair with a long-time friend, I probably would not be with such a person for very long. I actually expect someone to be loyal and exclusive to me if I were dating them, and esepcially if I were married to the said individual. If I thought that my husband was not calpable of fidelity, whether it be emotional and/or physical, I would probably move on and find someone who appreciated me.

When dating you need to be on the lookout for such behavior in the person you are courting because honestly, there are usually signs of it all along. If a man is having deep conversations with other women, or looking around the room at every pretty little thing in a tight dress, I imagine he did not develop these symptoms upon walking down the aisle.

The truth is this: both the married man and the single woman having an emotional or physical affair are equally culpable. The old notion that the woman some how lead the man astray is not really accurate as it truly takes two to tango. Today married women, single women, married men, and single men are all equally culpable when it comes to infidelity. No one person is more to blame than the other, but you have to decide whether you are willing to put up with a spouse or significant other that goes for the community spigot mentality.

Single Women Are Not "Low Man Totem Pole"

I have actually had a friend tell she hoped I did not feel like she was "leaving me behind" because she now had a boyfriend. I dated in my twenties, but I never enjoyed any of it. On my thirtieth birthday I made a decision to give up dating and to be single for the rest of my life. I hated dating and the notion I should get out there, and I have been so much happier since I decide to fly it solo.

Even when married women do not mean to do so, I often get comments from those who marvel at my self chosen status. I once had a married women tell me I would never be fortunate enough to have a soul-mate of my own because I have strong opinions and such. I have had men tell me I should say pleasing things, and wait around for them to call. I have been told so many ridiculous things by people who I decided really had no respect for me. I decided being single is a vibrant and bold thing, and you are no one's low man totem pole. So maybe I cannot complain with my married friends about how my husband did not appreciate the lasagna dish, but I like cooking what I want to eat anyway.

I am probably not a desirable candidate for a marriage, and I actually smile at that. Not everyone wants to get married, and being a wife does not make you more esteemed than anyone else. Married women do not realize they often put the single ladies down with some of their comments, but I say stand tall and proud if you have decided to go it alone. You can be happy and having fulfilling friendships and hobbies without a marriage. However, you might want to be friends with more single people than married people. Honestly, I find being good friends with single women and men is just easier, and avoids a lot of misunderstandings. I do have married friends, but as people go through life changes, sometimes you can just be more honest, real, and open with people who have the same marital status as yourself.

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Comments 15 comments

glassvisage profile image

glassvisage 5 years ago from Northern California

Wow, once again, thanks for this thoughtful Hub SweetiePie. I appreciate how you've incorporated so many different and valid points into this Hub. There are a lot of stigmas attached to being single and I commend you for your strength and independence.

And I have been called the crazy cat lady for choosing to stay home rather than go out to the bars... Totally okay with it :)


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 5 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Hi Glassvisage,

I think spending time with cats is enjoyable, and at least they can be sweet and cuddly. I cannot say the same about bar hopping and blind dates, but hey, if some people like that, I hope they are happy at it.


Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 5 years ago from Upstate New York

Sweetie Pie, I've been married twice, and am now divorced. I've been happier since I've also decided to now remain in single blessedness for the rest of my life. I think it's old-fashioned to hold single women in low esteem, merely for being single. It's a narrow-minded person who attaches any kind of stigma to NOT being half of a couple. I'm with you 100% of the way, Sweetie.


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 5 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Paradise,

I always appreciate your insightful comments. I just cringe when people use marriage a prize they can hold over the heads of others. Why not be proud of the things you do as a person, not who you are attached to legally.


Alladream74 profile image

Alladream74 5 years ago from Oakland, California

We as humans have the gift of judgement and stupidity tied into one.And we shall remain so for the rest of our days...


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 5 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Alladreams,

However, a lot of the judgmental comments are on the side of married people telling single people what they are lacking. Sometimes I do cringe when I hear single people make comments about married people, but for the most part, it is the other way around.


Alladream74 profile image

Alladream74 5 years ago from Oakland, California

I have heard it from both ends so I guess,I am going fishing now...


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 5 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Sounds like you just do not agree with me alladream. Oh well, if you did not agree that often single women subjected to unfair comments by married women, there is nothing more I can say. I did enjoy reading your hubs, but I shall stick up for what I know to be true.


fucsia profile image

fucsia 5 years ago

Someone does not understand that be single can be a choise. In my case, for example, many time I hear the question: Why are you single? A beautiful girl like you.... !

What is the sense of this question!!!???

I am beautiful therefore if I have not a partner maybe is because I am boring, stupid, acid, and what else?!

Sometimes people are only envious.......

Great Hub! A very interesting argument.


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 5 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Hi fucsia,

I think it is smart for a beautiful woman like you to be single, because that means you are exercising your options. You often have to wonder about women who go for a guy just because he likes her looks. What if he turns out to be completely superficial, and the pair have nothing in common? We very much still live in a world where people cannot fathom a woman being in her early thirties and still going by her maiden name.


Gordon Hamilton profile image

Gordon Hamilton 5 years ago from Wishaw, Lanarkshire, United Kingdom

Hello, Sweetie Pie

I think you make an excellent point and I agree absolutely that it is an individual's choice - whether they be male or female - to be single if they desire, whatever their reason may be. It's a very personal choice and essentially no concern of anyone else but the person making the decision.

I'm in a slightly different situation in that I've been single these past couple of years not through choice but when I look back on my break-up and all the emotional pain as well as moving house, etc, I am sometimes wishing I had stayed single in the first instance! :)


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago

Excellent Hub!

Sometimes women are just too competitive with one another. Married ones hate single ones and older ones hate younger ones. "Sexy" like "beauty" is in the eye of the beholder. A woman that states another woman is dressed "slutty" or "trashy" is more often than not angry because of the attention men are giving that woman. Not long ago it was the same thing when a woman who was "saving herself" for marriage looked down upon a woman who engaged in pre-marital sex. The reason there are so many "double standards" is because women put each other down so much. The reason why a man can sleep around without it being a double standard is NOT because women approve. It's because his male counter parts Don't put him down. Both sexes have to agree that something is bad for it to be a "double standard". When it comes to cheating I think men get their fair share of the blame. (Sometimes it takes 3 to cheat.) The wife is not having sex with her husband or not showing him love and admiration, a man either considers other options or is simply shown kindness from another woman who overtime comes to empathize with him. All 3 have to take responsibility for their actions but it's important for married people to remember "just because you got the job does not mean others quit sending resumes to the company." People in relationships/marriages need to stop taking each other for granted. The underlying promise of "forsaking all others" comes with the belief that you have someone in your life who is commited to satisfying your physical and emotional needs.

I loved your car analogy! Admiring beauty is not cheating.


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 5 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Gordon Hamilton,

I say do whatever makes you happy. I think being single is a good thing for awhile. You always have time to meet someone new, if you want to be in a relationship later.

dashingscorpio,

I think you made some good points here. Thanks for commenting.


JoEndeavor70 profile image

JoEndeavor70 3 years ago from Oklahoma

I'm a single doggie mommy and have plenty to keep me busy while being single. Maybe I'll marry, maybe I won't, but either way, I know who I am.


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 3 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Good points, JoEndeavor70!

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