So, You Say You're Dating Your Cousin.
Did I really just read that?
It's Saturday morning and I'm enjoying my non-fat blueberry muffin (as if that's going to make my jeans fit looser) and a delicious iced-vanilla coffee from Dunkin Donuts with extra sugar, reading the St. Petersburg times as I often do and there it is. Dun, Dun, Dunnnnnnn....... the Dear Abby article that made me spit my three dollar coffee everywhere!
The article is in typical Dear Abby fashion. The question at hand is this; girl goes home to family funeral, girl meets distant cousin, sixth to be exact (whatever that means) now, girl and sixth cousin are dating. Girl wants to curiously ask if that is wrong. As if that's not just funny enough, it gets better, much better. Before I read Abby's response, I am convinced that it will defianly tell the reader that she should abort ship and not date a cousin of any number. This is not what Abby says my friends. Dear Abby, oh my dear, dear Abby, unwittingly procures her response right there in bold black letters, new times roman font no less, and I should probably quote her so you get the full effect.
ANSWER: "Sixth cousins are so distantly related that there is no reason why you shouldn't be a couple if you wish to be. Becoming a couple is an evolution. Let the relationship evolve - don't be secretive. People who love you should be happy for both of you." [February 8th 2008 St. Petersburt Times].
People come on here, throw me a bone on this one.
The whole purpose behind Dear Abby is to provide advise that one can actually benefit from, or so I thought. This is utter nonsense! Hello, Abby are you there it's me sanity I once floated around your brain, shall I come back now? Perhaps the Dunkin Donuts coffee Abby drank this morning was mixed with a little incestuous creamer. I mean seriously, all West Virginia, brother and sisters dating jokes aside, did someone really ask this and did Abby really say, 'to allow dating your cousin to evolve..?' Since, I will most definitely never meet this girl that makes out with her sixth cousin, I will not have the opportunity to rectify the bad advice that has been given to her. Instead, I will only get to pathetically vent to my Hubpage readers about what I believe would have been the right advice to give.
I try and commit one good deed to a stranger each day. I started last week, I actually think I missed a few days so, anyhow, I've decided, though we're worlds apart, my one good deed is going out to my new found -cousin lovin' weirdo. Here it is....
Nikalina's ANSWER: Newsflash, THE WORLD IS OVERPOPULATED! There is no need to date your cousin, however distant you care to pathetically explain, you cannot date your cousin. You know how when you get in your car and there are millions of people around you and the earth is gigantic and something like 10,000 babies are born every minute (that's an exageration but you get the point) there are plenty of fish in the sea. You said in your writing that you asked your doctor if it was 'medically okay' to date your cousin. Are you kidding me? No, it's not medically okay to date your sixth, seventh or even eighth cousin. Do you want to know why? No, matter what number you place in front of that label, the guy is still your freaking cousin! Gross, gross, gross! Okay, so maybe your chances to have children medically in check are all lined up but, did you really want to enter your highschool reunion and have to answer the question, "Oh where di dyou two meet?" You'd have to say that YOU WERE COUSINS! To once again, throw Abby right under the bus, yup, here it comes, vroom vroom, if people loved you, they would tell you that your f'd in the head and you need to not make out with...your cousin! If people that are your friends with are okay with you dating your sixth cousin, there is only a few explanations that I can come up with to rationalize such absurdity. Either they too are backwards ass country folk that have never left their one horse town or secondly, they don't care enough about you to tell you that you are totally gross for dating your cousin.
Take this advise and do what you wish with it. I'm sure in some areas of the world it is common to date within a family tribe, I get that. I can hear the murmur of those of you religious Jesus thriving addicts that, we are all God's children and we are all related in some fashion. Yada, yada...sell that somewhere else cause I aint buyin it. On second thought, perhaps I'm missing the grand advise in all of this. Maybe this is why I'm in my late 20's, not married, no children and the highlight of my day is writing on Hub-pages? It is because I have not sought out my ever so hot distant cousins as possible dating material. I must go now and explore which of my distant cousins are single...burp, excuse me, I just threw up in my mouth a little.
It gets worse. I was doing some research to list some helpful websites on dating one's cousin and the problems associated with it. Unfortunately, Google has too many top hits that are actually just this same pathetic posed question in different words. I knew I should have just brewed my own coffee this morning...sigh.