Solutions to Domestic Violence - How to help Battered Woman Start Over, Where to Get Help

There are many organizations set up to help and protect families in trouble, check your yelliow pages for more local help.
There are many organizations set up to help and protect families in trouble, check your yelliow pages for more local help.
Helping others, there is so much we all can do.
Helping others, there is so much we all can do.

The number of hospital visits for "accidents" in the home can flag Domestic Violence.

A woman in her mid-thirties, trying to sit with modesty on the emergency room table wearing the traditional hospital robe, opening at the back refusing to close properly, has brusing beginning to turn color around her eyes, her neck and stomach. Her doctor has briefly scanned her past record and mentally ticks off the list of recent past injuries she has been treated for in this ER. She asks her patient, avoiding any alarm sounding in her voice if the woman has been treated at any other hospitals? Yes, the local County Hospital and twice at the HMO Urgent Care Facility when her husband was working last year and they had medical insurance. The doctor makes a mental note and puts a request in to her Medical Assistant to track down notes and X-rays from the other treating locations.

Unfortunately, the doctor is aware that this medical history is a common everyday occurance in every hospital ER in the country. Women in denial being abused by their spouse but claiming clumbsey accidents over and over, even going to different treatment facilities to avoid questions about their secret hell.

Legal deffinition: "Battered woman syndrome is a criminal defense involving a pattern of psychological dependency among women caught in long-term relationships with abusive male partners. Over time, abuse produces an irrational mental state of "learned helplessness," limiting free choice and placing victims of abuse in a spiral of conflict that occasionally results in a violent and sometimes fatal response over which they have no rational control."

Is there a way to avoid going to the next step? The step where inevitably a heinous crime is committed, either by the abusive spouse or by the beaten senseless woman, or even an abused son or daughter making a desperate stand against his/her mothers' abuser?

Many disciplines of medical science and law have studied multiple cases and tried to measure and calculate and probe into this problem, for the purpose of determining the cause, effects, and repercussions of familial abuse. Many organizations have sought to relieve the victims' pain and suffering through legal and social services. The next step, however, is the most critical and the least followed through. That would be the process of providing safe housing for no cost to the victim a her children so they can focus on intensive therapy for Post-Trumatic Stress, physical and emotional healing with enough time for re-training mom to have a meaningful career, building self-esteem and learning about generation cycles and how to break the bad ones and teach their children to live a higher standard and to control their own impulses. Safe-houses start this work by immediately providing a hidden residence to keep the family safe from the abuser, but what usually happens after that is the mom becomes overwhelmed by the changes and expectations and the huge realization that she must be the provider and emotional support for her damaged family even while they are healing. This is the time when many woman panic for their childrens' futures and resort to their old faulty thinking and return to the abuser rather than facing the fear that they may not be able to function independently.

This is a proposal or plan of action that could well be the salvation of these unfortunate members of our society. They could participate in a social community that would be in itself a healing environment with safety, security and training being the focal point of its' existence. They would qualify to live on a self-sustaining ranch only by reason of being an abuse victim and never been violent themselves. Their families and pets would be welcomed as long as suggested therapy and education rules were followed.

Self-sustaining ranches would have gardens and orchards for food, livestock and poultry for milk and butter and eggs, and training programs for industry such as sewing, cooking, writing, first aid and CPR, computer science, animal care, mid-wifery, medical assistant, hair dressing and other careers that would help the ranch community and eventually as well as psychological help, support and even medication when needed.

What happens when a woman is trained and ready to be employed, employment begins at the Ranch, then she starts to pay bills, moves to the area of the ranch where homes are rented and then sold to them. They learn legal aspects of homeownership and still keeping their identities confidential. Budgeting and planning ahead for childrens' college funds and beginning to turn the Generational Cycle of abuse by establishing self-identification with their successes and not ruminating on past failures. Children learn from the mothers' example as well as from being surrounded by people working to improve their own life situations.

There is a lot of information out there about crisis intervention and legal and social care, and Family Services as this is the help needed in life or death situations often connected with this abuse lifestyle, but once the woman has reached that state of awareness that she cannot change her husband or boyfriend, she will begin to see the value in starting over to remake her own life and create a healing environment for her children. We need more interest and work to create Security Ranches that can work hand-in-hand with the legal system and the social services networks to provide life sized changes in all of the victims and their children - the next generation helped and healed!

What is Your Part in All of This???

Do your know someone you have suspected is in trouble? What can you do?

  • I could talk to her/him, see if I can give her a ride to find help.
  • Give her a phone number, website address, Hot Line, counselor.
  • Call the Anonymous Hotline myself, or call Social Servises for her children.
  • Stay out of it, no one likes a "busy body"!
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Stopping Domestic Abuse, What can I do?

Next time She'll be Dead Wife Abuse
Next time She'll be Dead Wife Abuse | Source
Spousal Battering and Child:
Spousal Battering and Child: | Source
Stopping domestic Abuse: How a Community can Stop This
Stopping domestic Abuse: How a Community can Stop This | Source

Let's be a Part of the Solution !!!

Is There Enough Public Information Out There?

Would you know what to do immediately if you were aware of abuse happening?

  • Yes, I have the local abuse hotline emergency numbers on my cell phone.
  • No, I guess I don't like to think about this...
  • I am adding local emergency abuse hotline phone numbers to my cell right now!
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More by this Author


Comments 23 comments

Ghost32 3 years ago

Deborah-Lynn, if you'd really like some mentoring, please drop me an e-mail at azborderfort@hotmail.com

I couldn't find a "send Deborah-Lynn an email" link on your profile or fan mail page. Don't know why.


okmom23 profile image

okmom23 5 years ago from Midwest, U.S.A.

Difficult subject to write about, but you did an excellent job! Bless you.


jandee profile image

jandee 6 years ago from Liverpool.U.K

Opened a home for battered wives in 70s in Jersey Channel Isles so know how difficult it is! Therefore Have admiration in abundancy for you,jandee absolute good luck............


Artin2010 profile image

Artin2010 6 years ago from Northwestern Florida, Gulfcoast

Good Job , enjoyed reading this one. Loof forward to reading more of your hubs. Bless you friend!


Deborah-Lynn profile image

Deborah-Lynn 6 years ago from Los Angeles, California Author

Thank you everyone for your comments, encouragement and votes for my Hub, my goodness, I feel so Loved! I am so happy to hear the good reports, even though some solutions would not be exactly PC, I think doing something is better than doing nothing at all!


Ghost32 6 years ago

Well written, Deborah-Lynn. I'm well versed on the situations battered women face but truly enjoyed hearing about the following:

I was a live in houseparent for an intervention home for teenagers in 1974-75 in South Dakota. We had 3 sisters in residence, the oldest of whom had borne a son by the farmer father. The only son was 18 years of age and still lived at home. The father was a huge man, very ugly, a little over six feet tall and probably close to 275 pounds. The son was nearly as tall by then, but as good looking as his father was hideous.

One fine summer day, the young man decided he'd had enough when Dad started (once again) pounding on Mom. The 18 year old had been taking boxing lessons, but this was a knock down drag out no holds barred brawl...which ended when the youngster literally knocked his old man out through the picture window.

Not one of the socially acceptable solutions, no doubt, but it worked for that particular family. From what we heard, the man never raised a hand to his wife again, and the family stayed together...even after Dad did a few years in the Pen for molesting his daughter.

Her child of incest was (as you would guess) taken by the State and never seen by the family again.

Fascinating detail: The young mother who'd been the incest victim and then lost her son to the State was one of the most balanced, sane individuals I've ever met. Go figure! (Tough girl, that's what I figure.)

And as Cagsil said, "Tag!" Definitely voted this hub UP!


Cagsil profile image

Cagsil 6 years ago from USA or America

Hey Deborah-Lynn.....Tag...gotcha back....Voted this Hub UP!

You did a good job on it and was very interest read.


Philent profile image

Philent 6 years ago

I'm too late for the HubNuggets. Congratulations for making it! This hub is worth it. Regarding the topic it will never be easy to heal but these solutions definitely will help.


myownworld profile image

myownworld 6 years ago from uk

what an amazing hub! thank you for highlighting such issues....may the scars heal for all victims of abuse...! keep up the good work....


Deborah-Lynn profile image

Deborah-Lynn 6 years ago from Los Angeles, California Author

Thank you Greg, looking forward to reading something from you soon!

RMCrayne, thanks for dropping by and hopefully this read will inspire people to find more solutions.

I am always so glad to hear there are active facilities making a difference, thank you for your kind input Ralwus!


steffsings profile image

steffsings 6 years ago from Pacific NorthWest

Great information with lots of creative solutions posed. Thank you for this informative and well written article. The subject of domestic violence can be overwhelming but you've done an excellent job in keeping this focused on solutions and hope for the future for those affected by this problem. CONGRATS on your nomination too...


Karen Banes profile image

Karen Banes 6 years ago from Canada

Congratulations on making the hubnugget top five. A sentitive subject well-tackled. Well done.


Greg 6 years ago

You are a good writer, this was very interesting, where do I vote?


Deborah-Lynn profile image

Deborah-Lynn 6 years ago from Los Angeles, California Author

Ripplemaker, you are the greatest hubfriend, thank you for the promo....wow, I am just not worthy. I'm glad you liked my Hub, may I say as a writer you are one of my inspirations, as you know the Hub community has so many, but you reign amist them all! We are so lucky to have such a writing community to dwell with the great minds of the day.


rmcrayne profile image

rmcrayne 6 years ago from San Antonio Texas

Worthy topic. Congrats on your HubNuggets nomination.


RedElf profile image

RedElf 7 years ago from Canada

Congratulations on your nomination. Thanks for this great hub, as well. It's one thing to get them out - it's quite another to keep them out and connect them with the supports they need to stay out!. Well done!


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

It makes me really sad thinking of women who get hurt. Thank you for sharing solutions that could help many.

Hubbers, if you want to vote for this hub for the Hubnuggets, please click here: http://hubpages.com/hubnuggets10/hub/Signs-That-Yo...


missalyssa profile image

missalyssa 7 years ago

Thank you for this! It is soooo important and so difficult to write! Congratulations on your hubnugget nomination! Great one!


ralwus 7 years ago

Tragic indeed. We have a place called Every Woman's House here for women who are mistreated. We've helped quite a few ladies now. Kudos my dear. Don't mind my picture, it's just that it's Friday silliness. Be back to my ol' self tomorrow. Have a great weekend. CC


DonnyBoy profile image

DonnyBoy 7 years ago from Western New York

Sad but well presented.


Duchess OBlunt 7 years ago

This is a great start for a topic that certainly needs to be addressed. Awareness is only a beginning.

Can you tell us Deborah-Lynn if the plan you speak of is an actual proposal, or is this your idea of a reasonable solution to offer these folks some assistance?

If this is your idea, you should really see what you can do about making it happen. It's a very good one.

Congratulations by the way, on your HubNugget Nomination. Good luck with getting votes. This is a deserving hub for the top 5 at least.


Veronica Allen profile image

Veronica Allen 7 years ago from Georgia

This is such a hard subject to broach for many, however, you have addressed it so delicately. I hope that this information will help many, not just those who suffer in silence - but also those who silently stand by, not quite sure how to react.


"Quill" 7 years ago

Very informative and very sad to think that one human can treat another in such a way. Thank you for breathing new light into this issue that runs far deeper in society than we like to think. Over the years I have seen the trauma and the ministry required to bring people back from the fear that is associated with it. Awesome Hub Deborah

Blessings

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