Starting Over Again After a Divorce
Surviving a divorce can be a difficult task. There are so many variables involved in divorce. The children…how will they handle the breakup. What if you still have feelings for your ex? Having to move out of your house. What about the friends you shared? Living on one income instead of two. Feeling like a failure because of the divorce. These are just some of the issues you may face after a divorce. Lets look at them one at a time.
The children, no doubt they are the most important thing to come out of failed marriages, even bad marriages that produce children still had a purpose, to bring new life into this world, that is not something to be taken lightly. After a divorce both parents have a responsibility to still keep their kids as the number one priority in their lives. Its easy sometimes when you get back into dating to feel like a teenager again with not a care in the world, but never forget that your kids should come first. Its not their fault that you and your ex couldn’t make it work, they are the innocent victims of divorce.
What if you still have feelings for your ex? Then you are in for a very difficult time and may need counseling. You will know very soon after the breakup if your feelings are real, if the feelings of longing and love aren’t there then you know you’ve made the right decision. What if you still have feelings and they don’t? That’s when you probably need to get counseling. It takes time but you should eventually get over your ex.
Moving out of the house. Believe it or not, this is one of the hardest things to do. If you’ve lived somewhere for an extended period of time and then had to leave abruptly you know what I’m talking about. A home that you have put blood, sweat and tears into and then one day its no longer yours. That’s tough. It takes a while but eventually your new place will feel like “home” again.
What about friends that you shared? The best advice I can give on this one is to re-connect with friends that knew you before you were married. One of the toughest things about divorce is trying to find yourself again. When your married you become a couple, when your divorced its back to being referred to in the first person. Old friends help you remember who you were before you got married, that is one of the keys to healing, rediscovering who you are.
Living on one income instead of two. Here you just have to adjust and cut back if necessary. Look at the positive, now you control the finances exclusively. Make a budget and stick to it. You would be surprised at how much easier it is to save money when only one person is in control of the finances.
So your feeling like you failed at life because of the divorce. I understand, marriage and family are two of the most important aspects of human beings lives and to fail at these are truly disheartening. Most marriages fail because the parties involved couldn’t work out their differences. Maybe you weren’t as compatible as you thought when you decided to get married. Whatever the reason understand that its not usually just one persons fault for the demise of the union, although sometimes it is, like in circumstances of infidelity or abuse. Here also counseling can help you overcome feelings of guilt and depression about your divorce. Hang in there and remember there are plenty of support groups around for divorced individuals, find one and attend regularly, these people have been through just what your going through and they can help you through it. Having a support system during a divorce is very important.
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