In my experience, I've noticed that when it's something important, it's harder to deal being stood up. If it's a casual "forgot to call you back" kind of stood up, that's pretty easy to deal with.
But when you've had your heart set on a certain occasion or a special date or plan, sometimes it can make you just angry or just make you feel as if your feelings aren't important. It's very belittling to feel dumped!
- Are there ways to prevent being stood up? I think yes.
1. I think you should take a good look at yourself at the time of making an arrangement with someone. If you know them, and they're notorious for standing you or others up, just expect it, and go on about your business. If it's a first date, and he or someone in his direct family/friend base was suddenly hospitalized or other tragic event, then that's forgivable if you're sure that it's the truth and not just another excuse.
I also think that if you are the one who has stood the person up, if you care about ever seeing them again, a quick call to say you're sorry, you did not forget, but a family member has been rushed to the hospital and things have calmed down. That would be sufficient. Then if they are truly interested in seeing you again, they'll call you when things have calmed, and that's forgivable of course.
It's when there's no good excuse, no apology, no acknowledgement of ever having asked you out, then that's just rude, you're being stood up, and have been pushed to the back burner for something "better." Cut your loss, and don't let that person keep hurting you.
2. If you're casually meeting someone, and they do not show, and have no valid reason, you're wise to just move on. Cut that loss and don't look back.
Now, say you have met this person a few times and think they seem good so far, and then invite you to something a little more important. You don't really know a whole lot about the person, but just in the few times you've been around each other you've never noticed anything out of the ordinary. Ok, so I would suggest going.
BUT, say it's a formal affair. You really don't have anything formal to wear, which means you're going to have to buy something. Don't expect to get a dress for under $200. even at a less expensive store. For a guy, he's probably spent more, so if you are standing him up, you can expect I feel the same for the opposite sex. It's just not nice to stand someone up!
- As a female you've got: The dress. Shoes.. hand bag.. these things have got to match. I mean, regardless of your reasons getting invited to go out to a formal event, you want to look your best, as stunning as possible on whatever means you have. You've got to at least show some class! So you've used your time, your money, and most importantly your effort of finding what will have the man fluttering over you. He never shows. Wow, what if you've even bought new make up to match your new outfit. Women can get pretty pricey when it comes to buying clothes, shoes and makeup! And then get jilted!
Call an attorney, and do it American Style, make him pay for the outfit you had to purchase. Why should you even have to return the things to the store. So, what if the guy thinks, well, you could have said no, so it's your fault for putting your trust in someone you don't know so well. While it might be true, your best comeback is "you don't stand people up, and hurt them both mentally and monetarily because you have more integrity than that."
- Guys, you've gotten a tux, maybe rented, but ya still spent the money for it. I know a lot of men would just write it off, the girl not being home when he came to pick her up. Or she never shows up wherever the time is set. Still, 1. Tux- Shoes, haircut/trim, maybe a little gift for her $x. made reservations that still are being charged if not used. Not to mention the embarrassment to say you were stood up.
When I was a young kid, my mom used to say, "A bought lesson is a well learned lesson." Wow, was she right? I think people really do learn more out of some lessons if they've spent the money on it. Especially if you're not in the high dollar rate o' pay! Even if you are, you're still MENTALLY SPENT on being treated as if your feelings do not matter.
- Bottom line, if you're stood up once with no valid reason, MOVE ON. No Strike 2!
I hope this helps, and I really do hope some of you take my advice and not hold your life up waiting on someone who could potentially have enough reasons to make you wait, until you begin to see your life dwindling away.
But as well, at least give a listen, it might be worth it, because you don't want to throw away someone who was your soul mate. People do need to be given a chance, it's just not being taken advantage of.
- I hope this article helps someone who has been stood up be able to deal with it better than they have in the past.
It's all to do with your amount of trust you put in a person. If they're notorious to be someone who stands you up, then expect it. It's just them. Their way and obviously much easier for them to brush you off for something else that they either didn't have time to keep their promise to come back or keep in mind something could of happened to make them just not be able to keep their date/appointment with you.
Regardless of if it's that first date. or the 5th date or a friend said they had to run an errand and would return in an hour, it STILL plays with your head. It's almost like a childish head game. Your mind is trying to process dealing with the event, and trying to determined if you've been blatantly lied to, or if something has happened on their end like an accident or such.
- If you care at all about the person, you're going to feel jilted regardless of the circumstances. Of course if they were in, say, a car accident, of course it'd be just ridiculous to be upset with them for breaking their promise of being there.
I find for the most part it's just a rudeness on the other person's side to not at least take the time to call you to say time isn't permitting them from coming over. The least one can do, is not hold the other up from plans they would have otherwise made. If it's a chronic thing, then they only want one thing from you, if it's a favor or anything that will benefit them, not YOU.
On a personal note, I have such a problem with trust, I expect to be stood up, forgotten about or just plain USED. And I don't have a problem sharing why.
1. I get stood up, because I'm a "indoors-movie" type of person. Sure I love the wonderful things of nature, like being outside, smelling the fresh air, soaking in a beautiful scenery even if it is the flowers in my yard. Sitting on a porch swing, listening to the sounds of nature, birds singing, church bells ringing out from a FAR distance. Some I might not hear if I lived in the city. So I appreciate that. The problem is finding anyone who also appreciates who appreciates these things like I do. While I do like those things of nature, I don't like sitting out and getting bitten by the various bugs either. So I'd be happier inside. Now, just because I have been left out on most occasions.
2. I get stood up because I have done that nice thing and gone out of my way to help people, and they will only call me on the occasion they want to use me for their benefit and, after all I'm at fault for letting them think they can just keep doing it, but since I don't bring it to their attention I think maybe they don't think I care. But I do. It makes me feel used, hurt, and just another example of being betrayed.
3. Sometimes people get stood up plainly because they're so used to being used as a last resort and they're so desperate to get out and just be with other people. Even if it's a time when you really don't feel like being out, you do, just out of desperation.
4. You've got something they want, and then you're worth their time. You have to decide what that thing is. Just be aware of what they're out to get. You'll know when you hear it!
5. Still have faith and trust, and at least you try to be the one with the integrity not to do this to somebody. Not to mention, if you've put them in over their head and you've jilted them, you might end up in court! Keep your promises! Everybody will be happier!
Thanks for reading, I hope this at least makes someone out there aware that either way, getting stood up is a lot of pain, you've put a lot of work into being with someone who just tosses you away, and it hurts. It's happened to me, but it hasn't happened since I started sticking to my guns so to speak! ;) If they stood me up once, with a lame excuse... you're FIRED!
LIE TO ME ONCE, BENEFIT OF A DOUBT, LIE TO ME TWICE SHAME ON YOU, LIE TO ME AGAIN, EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED.
Being Stood UP!
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