It's not you
So you’ve been stood up? What does it mean to you?
Let’s look at that question? Does it reflect on you or the world?
You guessed it, the world. You are still as wonderful as you ever world but you can’t help but questioning your worth. First mistake. It’s not a reflection on you, but it does reflect the fickleness of others. You may not realize it, but those who are the most likely to respond to an ad, on the internet or even an introduction by a friend, are those who are recently separated, single or whatever they want to call it. The problem is that they are rarely over the emotional devastation they just experienced. They can’t acknowledge it , and it wreaks on them and you. You are an object of desire or rather their wish to be free of those hang-ups. So they live vicariously through you until it comes time to meet. Then….. oh my, they can’t deliver. They will find any excuse for not showing up. And sometimes it’s even the truth. Usually too late. You have shown up and wonder what you did wrong. I know for a fact, you did nothing wrong. You believed and there is nothing wrong with that.
A girlfriend of mind told me of when she joined a professional high income dating service. After being stood up several times and getting the excuse afterwards that “I’m not ready to date, I didn’t realize I’m not over my ex”, that she needed to add a series (yes, one question won’t do) regarding how long it’s been since “his” divorce or separation. Was he really sure he was over that relationship? Really? Why did he think that? Had he tried a reconciliation? Would he take her back? Hell, she asked the question so many ways I thought it was overkill. But believe it or not, some would say “oh yes, no problem” and call the next day and say “you know, you really made me think about it and you are right, I’m not ready to date someone”.
So, don’t be shy. Ask the question and ask it often. I have had several blind dates lately and NO they don’t see me and run. But I’m getting more no shows than shows when they are recently divorced or separated. I’m just trying to save some people some trouble. It’s not that they are rude or bad people, but when it comes down to it, their fantasy life can’t stand up to their reality. And they will almost always chicken out. They are just not ready. Have sympathy. We all want to publish their names on some website as flakes or fakers or worse after experiencing what we perceive as humiliation, but that’s not what it is. They are just in a weakened state. You just have to be aware of the symptoms and avoid exposing yourself to it. I learned the hard way. But then I’m a forgiving person, my girlfriend still want s to hang the guys by their…….., well anyway. Just trying to educate those less familiar with the syndrome. By the way, it’s quite prevalent. There are more recently single or “quasi” single guys out there then the real thing. Especially since they are new to it, they will be very aggressive on the internet. They are trying to prove that they are over “whatever”. Yes, eventually they are also the best catches. They hate to stay single, only happy when in a relationship, so quick to get remarried. Problem is they rarely wait long enough to realize why they got divorced to begin with.
And the common denominator that most lament about is "what resulted in their divorce or seperation". It’s almost invariably “the lack of imagination their wife had regarding sex” . However, if you are that good or imaginative you will also not qualify as a good “wife or partner”. Old fashioned as that seems and unfair. You will have their undivided attention for a while, I guarantee it, but you will be a filler - not substance to them. Fortunately there are exceptions. Hurray for them, and if you find one, hang on. Please feel free to share your experiences with me. We’d all like to hear them.
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