Strong Black Woman
Do some women get that this loud profession of independence, professing irrelevance for a man in your life, does not make you strong but delusional? Do some women understand that “taking charge” of everything, every situation, and attempting to control your man like he is a child is most likely why your relationships fail and/or you are alone? Truth is in the community, statistics show, African American women have this ALL WRONG when it comes to relationships. (*Not all, but most African Americans are not playing the role or part we were given and it’s leading to broken homes, broken kids, and broke situations-including one’s heart.) I’m not blaming the women for the problems, I’m just asking why does this attitude exist? Is it because you don’t pick quality men who lead the household in such a way that it allows you to be submissive? Did you witness your father being absent or your mother relying on men to get by who were harmful/abusive and you decided you would never depend on a man? There is nothing wrong with being educated, providing for yourself, setting a financial foundation for your future and achieving financial success. That’s great! But using the coat of “independence” to display this hostile response to cover insecurity, hurt, unresolved issues, and being unloved is simply-Not A Good Look! Is that what you tell yourself at night when men have left you, do not value you, and you remain consistently unloved? No truer words were spoken when a man once said: a man doesn’t want a man.
Strong Independent Black Woman
Books To Change Your World
2 Books To Change Your World
2 Books that will help to be your best self:
Allison Samuels – What Would Michelle Do? A modern day guide to living with substance and style. (A quick light read packed full of information of how to conduct yourself based on the first lady)
Sophia Nelson – Black Woman Redefined. Dispelling Myths and Discovering Fulfillment in the Age of Michelle Obama.
Michelle Obama is an awesome example of how to accomplish individuals goals (ivy league educated and at the law firm first before Barack arrive, hello!) while being a loving and supportive strong role-model for her household. No relationships are perfect but so many African American women can learn from her example in so many ways. How many women can say they are adored and valued the way Barack values, adores, and cares for Michelle?
Always build him up, because everyone else will tear him down.-Unknown
Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.
The Things Older Women Taught
When I grew up I watched and listened to older MARRIED women. Women that had loving spirits, supportive of their men, and carried themselves with class teaching their children great morals by example first. They raised their children based on the ancestor’s model, each generation must do better. As I became older, I had the privilege of listening to their wisdom and advice. My mind will never forget the conversation and information I heard as a young lady conveyed to me years ago, I recall like it was yesterday.
- Sex- Hold out on having sex as long as possible in order to get to know the man. You want to uncover who he is, how he thinks, if he’s sincerely interested in you-for sex clouds your judgement. You want to know if the man is really into you or just pretending to get what he wants.
- It’s more to a man than looks and bedroom activities, you need to study his moral character, work ethic, and make sure both of you are reaching for the same goals.
- Don’t tell all your business to your girlfriends/women and keep women (especially single women) away from your relationship/man-it’s bad business.
- Decide where you want to go in life (financially) and partner with someone traveling in the same direction. It’s hard to pull someone up and what will most likely happen –that person will bring you down. You can’t have a healthy relationship with a man jealous of your achievements because they are going nowhere in life.
- Don’t sleep around because those women aren’t quality and/or wife material and people talk more than you know. There is nothing sexy about everyone having you in bed, you cannot operate like a man, in essence a promiscuous woman a wife does not make.
- When you are a lady your voice and tone should reflect that. (Have you witnessed a woman speak with venom and anger in the tone of their voice? Sad)
Why do so many black women feel vulnerability is off the table? Do you feel that you are unworthy or unable to achieve having a loving relationship so you convince yourself you don’t need it? Do you walk around trying to work like an ox and fulfill the stereotypes of the manly black woman (slave) who can have kids, work 3 jobs, go to school and can do it all? Why can’t you be full of hugs, kisses, affectionate, loving, and kind-hearted towards the man you have feelings for outside of the bedroom? You can't your not strong, you are tired.
Do you think the strong black woman image is why so many women are alone?See results without voting
Steve Harvey-Woman's Ex-Boyfriends Speaks On Dating A Strong Black Woman
You Are Not Made Of Stone
Depression among African American Women
African American women are not made of stone.
Huffington post posted an article revealing the following statistics:
Although some figures vary based on the study, depression affects between 17-20 million Americans a year. Data from a study published by the Center for Disease Control -- the CDC -- found that women (4 percent vs. 2.7 percent of men) and African-Americans (4 percent) are significantly more likely to report major depression than whites (3.1 percent).
Health Issues for African American Women
- African American Women's Health | NCNW | Health
Learn about how obesity, heart disease, diabetes, HIV/AIDS, HPV, and fibroids impact African American women and the African American community. Find black women's health resources and the latest on African American health news and issues.
Fibroids. Many African American Women experience fibroids.
The biggest problem that faces the African American women with this “Strong Independent” ideology-the myth that they are invincible. One of the biggest problems that remain hidden in the African American community amongst women, Depression. So many issues stem from frustration, single parenthood, being unloved by your own race, being unprotected by your own race, raised in poor communities with barriers to achievement. The world does not allow the African American woman and neither does her culture. The attitude is I can do 50 things and I’m superhuman then your significant other and the world determines that is true. There is a difference between what you have to do and what you would like to do.
All I’m saying is that bossing people around, acting cold, and being in essence the “man” of the relationship clearly is not working. Find your joy and happy. Smile and laugh for God’s sake, you are alive and able to impact the world. Learn how to love smart, if you’ve never seen it study those who have relationships that you want, be willing to meet and sit with those women and learn lessons from those women. When I see older couples together and still happy it’s a joy to my heart, try to accept love in every encounter. Carry yourself in a way that speaks to your accomplishments. If you have to tell someone you’re educated, accomplished, or independent then your presentation must not fit your package of accomplishments. (You don’t want to be the pig adorned in jewelry. Jay-Z said you can go to school but you can’t buy class.) The strength is knowing you can take care of yourself, good for you! The sadness is beating a man over the head with it in every action and every word spoken from your mouth. Iron sharpens iron. I’ve witnessed so many women achieve then turn around and entertain relationships with someone that in no way has achieved any success just so they can boss the man in the relationship. This same man will often cheat or end up with a woman that makes him feel needed and less like a failure in the wake of your accomplishments. There is no lower feeling in the world for women then paying for a man, allowing him to use you and your resources, just to say you have someone. What sense does it make to push yourself to the top and then turn around pick someone that has nothing to offer? When you settle for less you get less than you settled for.
If you want to be a strong independent woman, study how Michelle Obama carries herself. That’s the model of a strong, loving, intelligent, educated, great mother who confirmed she was giving her kids chores to do even in the white house, who is with the leader of the country. She doesn’t get on television with a hostile attitude discussing her independence in some kind of crazy rant or anger and rage. If you notice if she’s at a function and needs to tell Barack something, she will slightly touch him on the back and whisper something to him. Women can learn so much from Michelle Obama. Just for clarification, her demeanor, character, and accomplishments set the foundation for knowing she would have a great HUSBAND and LOVING FAMILY. Now that’s winning!
So you strong black women please don’t lose your femininity and willingness to know and feel like Diana Ross’s character in Mahogany. Be okay with saying: “I want my man back!” Be okay with someone checking the tire pressure on your car or asking his opinion about concerns you have. Be okay with the security that comes with having him around. Women have bats, guns, etc. but we are more vulnerable than men and there is an added rested sleep when he’s next to you in bed that you can’t achieve when you are alone. There is a beauty in having a loving healthy relationship with someone that cares, adores, and protects you and your family. There is nothing wrong with desiring love rather than taking on this super independent attitude that is like repellent to a man that might desire a relationship with you.
More by this Author
A poem or thoughts on paper as to why some good women are alone. May you be blessed with perspective men and may ladies relate to the voice. An exploration of thoughts from decent black women.
The wisdom of our mothers and older women can provide so much guidance in our lives if we seek the knowledge. While advice may fall to the wayside when given, years later we realize the value.
Sam (Married At First Sight) is an excellent model for women that take charge when dating. Watching her grow, love, take responsibility reaching awareness of self-sabotaging behavior was amazing.