Take What I Need

A little distance now is all that I need

To soften a blow, take sting from the reed

Name the lie bullshit, let it lay where it may

Take what I need and forget yesterday

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Power in knowing your plan to mislead

Not a twit, not a twat, your usual breed

Count me out, no member of that cache

Take what I need and forget yesterday

--------------------------------------------------

My gut is the calculator, my trust deed

The balance a guide I always pay heed

More bad than good sum your dossier

Take what I need and forget yesterday

--------------------------------------------------

I learned from you, my ego I’ll feed

Teasing the game that I never concede

Color you blue, no, I won’t play

Take what I need and forget yesterday

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Nothing lost, no investment to secede

Harem to entice your dance to proceed

The ball and chain from which you stray

Take what I need and forget yesterday

--------------------------------------------------

Knowing you has sown the seed

Protect my heart so not to bleed

Cross the road, become the prey

Take what I need and forget yesterday

--------------------------------------------------

40 comments

epigramman profile image

epigramman 5 years ago

..you certainly have a poetic gift with words and they seem eager to manipulated into this lyrical flow of your skillful wordplay. Again you engage the reader into a probing and earthy depth that most other writers can only dream of .......


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

OHhhhhhhhhhhhh, epigramman.......your words must be meant for someone else. They are too beautiful for me.

Thank you for your unfailing kindness. I think you are my BFF.


TheManWithNoPants profile image

TheManWithNoPants 5 years ago from Tucson, Az.

Beautiful, beautiful. I can feel ya Amy!

jim


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hey dude, How are ya? Thanks for taking the time to read my latest!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 5 years ago from South Africa

This is a beautiful poem of a very brave woman.

The danger of allowing a man to love you even only once (if you are a sensitive soul) – Whatever he says to you or about you, really touch you heart either in a positive or a negative way. My wish for you, Amy, is that you reach as soon as possible the stage where nothing he says or does can provoke any emotion in your heart. Unfortunately, after twenty years not living with him, my ex still provokes intense emotions of all kinds in me. Therefore, I’m protecting myself by forbidding myself to think of him, or to remember anything about him, or to talk about him....

Of course I don’t always succeed, but most of the times I do. I strengthen myself with this thought: “He did not, and still does not, deserve any of my emotions. Not my concern, hate, bitterness, love, or any emotion of any kind. The me, who loved him, is dead. I became a different, new woman after I’ve left him. I am NEW.” And then, guess what, I feel wonderful. Try to brainwash yourself continuously with this thought. Perhaps it will work for you too. Hugs from me to you.


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

I hate to admit it, Martie, but hanging on to my anger, in this case, will be my saving grace. That is what enables me to not pick up his call. I don't want to be sucked into the same pattern again and again, where I end up the loser, alone and in pain. The only thing consistent in this dance is the repetition of the same bad behavior. I look at this as his problem and I can't solve it. I don't feel that all was lost as I learned something and am working at not forgetting or vascilating in my conviction that this is a dead end street. My overwhelming thought is always that I would not want to be his wife. And that really tells me all I need to know. I don't really need, like I thought I did, the reasons why he behaves as he does. It is irrelevant. I know that the behavior that I see is not where I want to be. I am not a person who wants to be at the tail end of a long line of women. In a love relationship, for me, I need exclusivity to be free. I don't want to share. I would never be able to completely give myself to anyone I could not trust. I would always hold back as I have with this man. Although, I do find him attractive, smart and successful in his work, I believe that no matter what he did at this point, I would never trust him. And, in the past, I have always regretted not trusting my gut...because it has never deceived me. Thank you, Martie, for your insight and willingness to share it with me, friend. Hugs back at ya!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 5 years ago from South Africa

You are on the right track, Amy, my friend. I agree with your views, and I must compliment you for being so realistic and wise. You’ve got to go through the procedures. Anger, which is rooted in pain, is what you need now to keep yourself away from the cause of your pain. Your anger is still a blazing fire, and eventually it will become merely a smoldering coal, ready to flare up for the slightest reason to protect yourself from pain. It is, however, painful (for me) to see the pain beneath/behind your anger and that is why I gave you the advice, which you will find handy at a later stage. You are a strong woman, a fighter, but you have a heart soft enough to become the victim of people with too many flaws to make you happy. I’m boots and all behind you.


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Yes, knowing is different than doing. I definitely appreciate your advise and will keep it with me as a way of coping when I want to cave. I love your analysis as it shows you understand in a way beyond reading; just taking it in, but from experience, which is the greatest teacher of all. I love your final comment line, "I'm boots and all behind you". I've never heard that, but I'm going to file it and use it myself! Great words from a great friend! Thank you, Martie


BobbiRant profile image

BobbiRant 5 years ago from New York

To this day am I angry with my ex? Always so, because anger is what I feel for any person too idiotic to not have the b@lls to even try in a relationship. For the best? Absolutely, or I'd never have met vietnamvet, so now the anger is milder, but not when it comes to the kids he was too weak to be a parent to. I think of him like a piece of furniture now. I give all my love, as a partner, to vietnamvet and he has not let me down for it. I learned if it does not work out, well then that person was never right for me, I discovered we need just one good person in life to love, what more can anyone ask for? You are healing and it shows. Great poem.


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

I appreciate your willingness to share this valuable information, BobbiRant. I have found that anger is a powerful motivator for me. Without it I am a marshmellow, which is what draws those lazy, but manipulative, surface value personalities to me. When I get angry enough to "put my foot down", it's like a bomb went off..they are so astonished. Where did the sweet, little Amy go, the girl I thought I knew." She grew up, you stupid, ineffective, uncaring sucker. Well, I could go on and on with the adjectives, but not one of them would be good! Thank you for always giving me just the right shot of courage! Love you!


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida

I told you that you were wise, Amy, so follow your own advice in the refrain of your beautiful poetry above - "Take what I need and forget yesterday!" That is healing advice. Trust me.


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

I couldn't agree with you more, drbj. That's my new mantra. Thank you for your advise and commentary. I am looking forward to your next Assertiveness Training hub. I enjoyed and learned alot from the first one and the comments and questions it inspired were equally teaching!


Docmo profile image

Docmo 5 years ago from UK

This is a beautifully written poem of truth that hurts- you have shown a steely resolve in your will. I love the word play and the powerful emotion behind it, Amy.

'Knowing you has sown the seed

Protect my heart so not to bleed

Cross the road, become the prey

Take what I need and forget yesterday'

I love those last lines... you've got yourself a fan...


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Docmo, thank you so much for your time and beautiful words. I'm going to go check your pages out! I appreciate how well you heard me.


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 5 years ago

"Some of them want to use you"- the Eurythmics lay it down pretty well. Be well and be at peace Amy!


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Yup, that Annie Lennox knows the score and sings it well! Thanks for stopping by, friend!


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

A wounded dove who will surely soar again.

I can write a story, but you have the ability to say in one small line what would take me a full chapter.

I'm really impressed.


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

That means we have a mutual admiration society started then, because I would personally thank your teacher for recognizing and encouraging your huge talent. I am anxious to read "The Gift", which I noticed you directed another fan to. Will, I'm glad to meet you!


TheManWithNoPants profile image

TheManWithNoPants 5 years ago from Tucson, Az.

You're on your way to the stars. success is an attitude, and you've got it kid!

Beautiful!

jim


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thanks, Jim. Appreciate your words of wisdom and encouragement, dude.


Neil Sperling profile image

Neil Sperling 5 years ago from Port Dover Ontario Canada

Keep on learning and growing..... living without judgement (includes self judgement) allows you to take what you need and enjoy life moving on.

LOVE YOURSELF WHOLE and BE WHOLE .... that is the real task, isn't it?


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Yes, Neil, that is the real task. Day by day, lesson by lesson, step by step. Thank you for your help.


Neil Sperling profile image

Neil Sperling 5 years ago from Port Dover Ontario Canada

Let's both be brave and leap... forget stepping!

Hugs


Neil Sperling profile image

Neil Sperling 5 years ago from Port Dover Ontario Canada

Amy -- Branka replied to your last comment on my hub where you just posted -- thought you might like to know.


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX

I'm a little slow catching up on my reading. All I can say is WOWSER! Ribbit, ribbit, ribbit!

The Frog Prince


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

What a great word, Frog Prince. It says it all! Plus, it makes me laugh! Doesn't get much better than that!


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX

Amy - Now that made me chuckle. Wanna bet!!!!


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hey, that froggie face is deceptively innocent!!!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Amy - you are such a fine poet! I read with amazement wondering how long it must take you to get them so right. I love that song "Sweet Dreams"! She is quite a powerful woman I have always thought.


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

It doesn't take me long to write any of the poetry, RealHousewife. As long as the topic moves me, either anger, sadness, injustice, or passion; its when I try to force something that I just can't do it! I agree with you on Annie Lennox; I get the feeling the songs she sings are real for her. Thank you for stopping to visit, Real. I love to see your lovely face.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

You are a living doll Amy:) It is my pleasure and I read this poem again.

I know what you mean - some of my stuff seems to almost write itself and that is because I believe in what I am writing and it's real to me. Poetry though, is an art and very challenging for me. I love it - because there is always mystery in good poetry. You write it like that. I admire that talent so much!


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

And, the fact is, I never liked poetry before I started reading some at the hub. I found it pretentious and unnecessarily obtuse. Then, one day I decided to try it here. After a while, I was thinking in rhyme and rhythm. One thing I've learned about writing is exactly what you just said "Ya gotta feel it first".

The thing about writing, which you hit on regarding mystery, Real, is I believe everything thought of has already been done. What makes the story interesting is in the telling.

I saw Bill Clinton on the Today Show yesterday and am "blown" away by his intellect. Apparently, many are, as I'm seeing him often lately being asked his opinion about the state of affairs in D.C. He talked about his grandparents encouraging him to learn reading and love books early on, actually around three year old. He reads about 3 books at a time. Ann Curry interviewed him regarding his favorite reads. Most were presidential biographies(he read biographies about American Indian chiefs as a young kid). He prefers certain authors, of course. Its the way the author puts the words together that is compelling in autobiographical facts. Clinton mentioned he finds the weaving of history into the personal lives of past leaders that draws him in. Great writing is more than words on paper. Its an art form. And, RealHousewife, you got it!


pearlmacb profile image

pearlmacb 3 years ago from Switzerland

Wonderful Poem & Empowering *Take what I need and Forget Yesterday* I`m including this poem for EmeraldPoetry Ebook. The message is perfect, I trust this one will benefit many women. Thanks again.


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 3 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

I am thrilled, Meg, to be part of an ideology that recognizes the value in aspiring women to be courageous, to be heard, and in doing so, each unique woman can, one by one, change the world for better. Thank you, Meg


lovedoctor926 3 years ago

Fantastic.."take what I need and forget yesterday." you really have a gift with words. There are people in our lives that come and go leaving footprints in our hearts. Others were just put there to serve some sort of purpose, to teach us a lesson. They stay for a while. Nothing wrong with moving on & cutting your losses. voting up!


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 3 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thank you so much, lovedoctor. There was a time, most of my youth, that I felt responsible for everyone's happiness, but my own. I spend a lot of time feeling hurt, angry and disappointed when there was no one there for me when I needed. I've lived and learned the hard way to follow my gut. Now, my choices are my own and I am happy to know I am responsible for my life. It is incredibly freeing and empowering to become your own person. Thank you for reading this piece and leaving me such awesomely understanding, empowering words.


pearlmacb profile image

pearlmacb 3 years ago from Switzerland

I couldn`t help reading your last response, I very much relate. I use to live by "as long as everyone is happy, I am happy" only to wake up one day, buried in deep hurt, anger & disapointment, just like you expressed. Today, I`m living a life of freedom & glad to hear you in yours. hugs :)


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 3 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Dear Meg, It's funny in an odd way, that I still have to fight to be free. I divorced a little over 2 years ago and got laid off at the same time from the job I'd held for 13-years. The divorce I wanted, but the layoff was a completely unexpected blow. I've made it though, on my own, and I'm proud that I did. The men I've met while on my own, assume the position that there is something wrong with me, because I don't want a man in my life right now. They feel they have the unearned right to critique me and I am further turned off. I will not allow someone else to bully me into what they want. Though I remain unintrusive and believe in freedom of choice, I am not afforded the same courtesy. I say "to each his own." My experiences the past two difficult years only cement my confidence that I am making the right choices for myself. I am entitled to the same rights that most men take for granted. And, from what I've seen, I'm doing a damn better job of it!

Thank you so much, Meg. I am so glad to know that have arrived at a life that is personally empowering and brings you great happiness.


pearlmacb profile image

pearlmacb 3 years ago from Switzerland

Its good to hear that after all this, you have come out stronger & far more happier. Bravo :) May your life be enriched always. Meg


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 3 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

I'm hardheaded, Meg. I always have to learn the hard way, but I never forget the lessons learned. I see you live in Switzerland! I've always wanted to see that beautiful country. Maybe someday I will....

Thank you, Meg, for your supportive, kind message. Hugs to you

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