How to Make Friends – Ten Proven Tips

The Secret for Making Friends

Do you know the secret for making friends easily? It is very simple.

Do I hear you saying, “Pay them!”

That might work – until you run out of money. The secret is . . . (drum roll, please) . . .

Make other people feel important. That’s it. Make other people feel important.

Are you thinking, “Why do I need to make other people feel important? If they don’t feel important, it’s their problem.

Or maybe, “How will I benefit from making people feel important? What’s in it for me?

I’m glad you asked. Let’s look at what feeling important represents. May I ask you a question? You know I’m going to ask it anyway. What would you say is one of your strongest needs? Something significant that you must have.

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs
Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

Books on Making Friends

Oxygen? Yes, that's a given. Food and drink? Of course. Hunger and thirst must be satisfied. Other basic needs you may be thinking of are elimination (of all that food and drink). And a roof without leaks over your head.

I am not making this all up. Abraham Maslow, a famous psychologist of the 50s, postulated a Hierarchy of Needs and I have just repeated those that are basic - what Maslow labeled as physiological needs.

Wait a minute. Do I hear you saying, "sex"? Yes, that is a basic need, too. But when all these basic needs are satisfied, what do you want the most? What do you need the most?

Hint: It is something you may seldom get enough of.

No, not money. I'm talking about feeling important! Maslow called that "esteem needs." He said the motivation to feel important - to be recognized and respected - can be as significant to us as our basic needs.


So, memorize this Great Truth:

The more important you can make other people feel, the more positively they will respond to you. And the more easily you will make friends.

Whether friends, spouses, co-workers, bosses, or employees – we all want to be treated as someone special. As a somebody. We like people who make us feel important.

What are the most effective ways to make people feel important? Here are ten proven and effective tips:


How to Make People Feel Important

1 –Start with a smile.

A smile is mandatory. The shortest distance between two people is a smile. A smile indicates: “I mean you no harm.” Do not smile constantly but occasionally while you are listening. I’m talking about a genuine smile – not the phony smile of a political candidate running for office.

Wear a smile and have friends; wear a scowl and have wrinkles. ~George Eliot

Keep smiling - it makes people wonder what you've been up to. ~Author Unknown

A smile is a powerful weapon; you can even break ice with it. ~Author Unknown

2 – Ask questions.

Asking questions is a type of subliminal flattery because it indicates you are interested in what the other person is saying and are actually listening. Even when you are not.

Ask open-ended questions to invite conversation. Open-ended questions are those that cannot be answered only with a yes, a no or a number.

Example: “Do you come here often?” Answer: ‘No!” That was a closed-ended question. End of conversation.

Instead, ask an open-ended question:“So, tell me more about what your adorable pet pitbull did? Before Animal Control shot him?”

“How did you manage to swim all the way across the Potomac, George?”


The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when someone asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer. ~ Henry David Thoreau

The important thing is not to stop questioning. ~Albert Einstein


3 – Listen!

Sounds simple, doesn't it. But think about it. How often during a conversation are you really listening to the other person? You may be hearing the words but are you really listening to the meaning?

Or like the rest of us, are you thinking about what you will say in response – or about that project you need to finish – or what you will choose to eat at lunch? That is, whether you will have salad ... or pizza ... or salad and pizza.

4 – Use eye contact to show you are listening.

Look directly at the eyes of the person talking to you. But look away for a second or two from time to time so you are not continuously staring. If you have any difficulty looking other people in the eye, look instead at the bridge of their nose. They will not know the difference. Trust me.

The opposite of talking is not listening. The opposite of talking is waiting. ~Fran Lebowitz

You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time. ~M. Scott Peck

No man (or woman) would listen to you talk if he didn't know it was his turn next. ~E.W. Howe


5 – Lean slightly toward the speaker to indicate you are listening.

Slightly! This subtle bit of non-verbal communication (body language) indicates you are listening.

6 – Do not interrupt.

This may be the most difficult of all. Review number 3 above.

A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something. ~Wilson Mizner

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech. ~Martin Farquhar Tupper

7 – Pause before you respond.

When you pause, it indicates you are listening and that the conversation – and the person – are important to you.


8 – Use the person’s name a few times.

"I could not agree with you more, Mr. Wonderful."

“What an interesting idea, Angelina. Brad, did you hear what Angie just said?”

Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours. ~Benjamin Disraeli

9 – Use ‘you’ and ‘your’ more often than ‘I, me mine.’

Next time you go to a automobile dealer to check out prices of the new models, count (silently, please) how many “you/your” pronouns he or she uses in the first few minutes of the sales approach.

That tactic is used consistently by successful salespeople to make the buyer feel more important. You will hear very few “I, me or mine.”

10 – Give positive reinforcement when applicable.

What is the best method? Tell the other person WHAT you like and WHY you like it. Keep it impersonal though.

"You had the audience in the palm of your hand, boss. Especially when you started waving those pink slips around."

Now go forth and make people feel important. Use these ten tips and In no time at all, you will have more friends than you can shake a stick at. But don’t. Shaking hands is good. Shaking a stick – NOT!

© Copyright BJ Rakow, Ph.D. 2011. All rights reserved. Author, "Much of What You Know about Job Search Just Ain't So"

More by this Author


Comments 100 comments

Movie Master profile image

Movie Master 5 years ago from United Kingdom

Hi drbj, I think you have hit the nail on the head!!

People love to feel important, nobody wants to feel unimportant for sure!

I love your list, especially number 8 - using a person's name, it's a nice personal touch.

Thank you for sharing and voting up!


rsusan profile image

rsusan 5 years ago from South Africa

Thanks, drbj! Great stuff. In short it means doing/being for someone else what you wish someone else would do/be for you.


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK

DRBJ, YOU have come up with a wonderful idea here.

How do you come up with such brilliant thoughts, not to say educational?

You appear to be made to teach and I love to know what your thoughts are about teaching. So tell me more about how you go about transferring your ideas successfully.

How am I doing, drbj? ;-)))


marellen 5 years ago

Great and fun hub but your points are all correct. I always try to wear a smile and it sure helps and having eye contact is so important. If you don't contact in a second....its all over....


christopheranton profile image

christopheranton 5 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

As always, there is something useful and precious in your articles.

Thanks for all those great tips.

I will have to keep coming back to this hub again and again.

Are you feeling important yet?

Joking aside, great hub drbj. Thanks.


lmmartin profile image

lmmartin 5 years ago from Alberta and Florida

So tell me, drbj, what ideas drove you to write this astonishingly great hub? Was it your own success in finding friends? Hmm? (imagine a smile and a slight incline toward my computer screen.)

I hope my careful listening (i.e. reading) and my thoughtful comment make you feel important.


Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 5 years ago from Upstate New York

Good advice; it did sound a bit like sales training, but that's ok. It all works.


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

This could also have been titled "How to be a great salesman."

Good points.


Green Lotus profile image

Green Lotus 5 years ago from Atlanta, GA

Aha! I have memorized the "great truth" and will strive to live by it. What a tremendous Hub. Bookmarked (in case I need reminding) and rated up!


barbergirl28 profile image

barbergirl28 5 years ago from Hemet, Ca

Such a delightful read. These tips will prove most useful as in when I am listening to others I always have a tendency to crawl on their lap. Ok - I got it - only slightly lean in. I guess I was getting a little too involved in the conversation. ;)

On a serious note - this has some great advice. I learned this stuff when I went to school for hair. They said the best way to keep clients is to let them spend the entire time talking about themselves. People like that and if you listen they will come back. So, it just goes to show - the haircut isn't as critical as the listening skills! :)


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 5 years ago from South Africa

Mmmm, so that is why I like you so much? You always make me feel important and special. But I’m not, at all, complaining. When somebody as important and clever and wise and lovely as you makes me feel special - wow! - then certainly I must be just that. Oh, what a wonderful feeling :))) It gives me the confidence to continue commenting on this brilliant hub of yours.

But serious, it is a fact like a cow: Everybody (desperately) want to be somebody important for at least one other person. If not, what is the sense of living? So this explains why so many lonely people have pets. They are king/queen/god – so important - in the eyes of their pets.

Unfortunately bullies and con-artist (try to) fulfil this esteem-need of others solely in order to fulfil their own personal selfish and greedy needs.

But then I must be just as guilty as they, because I love to make others (excluding bullies) feel important, because then I, too, feel important. Oh well, I guess there are boundaries in this too, not to be overstepped.

As always, drbj, you presented an important message and lots of info in the most admiring way. And I just lOvE the cartoons and video in here :))))))


always exploring profile image

always exploring 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

All of your tips are great and funny too. I especially liked the eye contact and listening. There's nothing more frustrating than a person looking away when you're trying to talk to them. I loved the cartoons and poor Dilbert got no respect. Hee, Thank you....


Rosemay50 profile image

Rosemay50 5 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

I just love this hub, tell me how do you come up with such wonderful ideas. :-)))

Friends are something we can't live without so they need to be treasured and nurtured.

I have a problem with the 'eye contact' I can only do this if both parties are sitting. Being only 5' I get a really sore neck sometime if speaking to someone while standing. Any solutions you may suggest would be greatly appreciated. :-)))


Rod Marsden profile image

Rod Marsden 5 years ago from Wollongong, NSW, Australia

Not bad. Will vote up. Yep we all want to feel important especially in a time when there are so many of us and we tend to feel small. I don't know how the Chinese in China manage.


NOP profile image

NOP 5 years ago from California

Thanks, great hub


Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 5 years ago from North Carolina

Super article drbj- really! When talking to a woman never avert your gaze from her face. She'll take it personally. Smile!- even when you don't feel like it. Nobody really gives a s*** about you. Words of wisdom once given me by a master showman.


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, Movie Master, thank you for your erudite observations as well as rapid response. Yes, we all do love to feel important - we NEED recognition and respect.

I have found that using a person's name when I first meet them works positively in two ways. One, it helps me to remember the name, and two, it makes them feel more important.

It was my pleasure to share. And thanks for the up!


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Nice to see you, rsusan. Thanks for the 'great stuff' observation and quoting the Golden Rule which surely does apply.

I also like to follow the Platinum Rule when attempting to show recognition and respect to others: "Do unto others what they would like done unto them."


thougtforce profile image

thougtforce 5 years ago from Sweden

Oh, I want friends that are just like you described here:) They can be hard to find, since everyone wants to be important. I have a few friends that are fantastic listeners also but I feel it is easier to find the other sort.

With a good friend it should go both ways!

Either way, your hub pin point the most important things that is needed to get friends, and (apart from number 8) also how to be a good friend.

drbj, your hub is as always a joy to read, and made in a wonderful way!

Tina


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Dear Dimi - how I love to read your comments. Thank you for your gracious appreciation. "Brilliant thoughts?" You DO know how to make friends. But I already knew that.

How are you doing? Your second paragraph was perfection. You have eaned an A++ in the art of making me feel important. But you know that, too.


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, Marellen. You are my kind of reader - sharp, incisive, understanding . . . and you agree with me.

Wearing a smile breaks the ice and eye contact signifies that you are listening and recognizing the other person. Keep on smiling ... and making friends.


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, christopher. Thanks for finding my articles useful and 'precious' ... ummmm, love that word.

As for the tips, you are most welcome and the more you return to read them, the more important I feel. Trust me. Can you see me smiling?


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

I do see that beautiful smile of yours, Lynda, m'dear, and sense that slight incline. Since you asked, I was thinking while I was creating this hub that this is too astonishingly simple (in addition to great). Everyone knows these tips. But I wrote it regardless since we all need to be reminded from time to time the importance of making others feel important.

As for feeling important myself, Lynda, dear, when you visit I always do!


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

Hello drbj, I agree with 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10 Outstanding hub! All of your points are valid and accurate. I am pleased to say I practice them all BUT it came from years of experience. I also believe "in order to have a friend you must first be a friend." Thank you for creating and sharing this hub for all to learn. Votes across the board!


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, Paradise. Thanks for agreeing with me that this is good advice. And you are absolutely correct. Effective sales training incorporates all these ten tips. If you can make a customer feel important, you have a greater opportunity to make that sale. But the strategy also works to make a friend.


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

You are so right, Will. I have used much of this very same information when conducting sales seminars for auto retailers, department store chains and fast food emporiums among others.

The strategies are no different when one sets out to make friends. Thanks for riding by.


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Thank you, Hilary for your kind comments. I appreciate your promise to memorize this Great Truth but I suspect you already do live by it.

Thanks, too, for the Bookmark and the up. I can see you smiling from here.


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, barbergirl, delighted you found this delightful. If you were leaning in more than slightly when listening, yes, you could have been perceived as really 'into' body language. But you could also have made some really close friends!

I'm not surpried that you learned these strategies in 'hair school.' It's absolutely true. We all like to talk about ourselves so customers who believe you are listening to them will return again and again. As you pointed out, listening skills are critical - as important as the professional haircut.


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Martie, m'dear, I don't have to make you feel important and special. You ARE important and special. Thank you for the awesome accolades. Now you are making me feel special ... and important, too.

Your observations are on the mark; we all want to feel special to someone else. If no 'someone' is available, then we may find a beloved pet as a substitution. Dogs love us unconditionally and cats, too, when they are so inclined.

Thank you for admiring this hub and the cartoons, etc. I appreciate your visits and exceptional comments more than you know. :)


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, Ruby - thanks for visiting and liking my great and funny tips. Yes, eye xontact is extremely important when listening to someone. When someone breaks eye contact when listening - or talking - to you, it is frustrating and demeaning. You know that person is not giving you undivided attention.

Thanks for loving the cartoons and poor Dilbert. BTW, did you ever notice? Dilbert has no mouth! Perhaps that's why, like Rodney Dangerfield, he gets no respect!


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, Rosemay. Thanks for loving this hub. Regarding finding new ideas for topics, you might want to take a look at my hub, "How You Can Find New Topics for Hubs." Let me know what you think of it.

Truer words were never spoken - we cannot live without friends. Man (and woman) is a social animal.

I can undersand how difficult it must be to maintain eye contact with someone much taller than yourself. If you are going to be communicating for any length of time, I would suggest that you say something like, "Let's get more confortable and sit down." Works fine if chairs are available. But not too classy if you are on the street and only a curb is available. :)


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, Rod. Thanks for the visit and the up vote. You are so right. We all want to feel important, particularly in difficult times.

As for people who are height challenged, they may need even more "important" support. Ya think?


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Nice to meet you, NOP. Thanks for the succinct statement.

What does the NOP stand for: No Outstanding Praise?

Just kidding. :)


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, Alastar. Thanks for the "super" adjective. Yes, women like to have eye contact when you are talking to them. But then so do most men I have met. And smiling is not optional - it is mandatory.

Your master showman's words of wisdom are a bit negative but when you smile and maintain eye contact, most folks will believe you are being honest and sincere. Works for me.


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Hello, Tina, it is a joy to have you here. You hit the nail on the head. With a good friend, one who is really interested in what you say, it works both ways. You both listen and you both make each other feel comfortable and respected.

Too often, we are so rushed - especially in business - that we do not take the time to REALLY listen. That is a mistake. If we take the time to use these strategies, it is amazing what we can learn by really listening and recognizing the other person. And as a result, we both feel important.

You made me feel important with your gracious comments.


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Hello, Sunshine.

I, too, learned these tips through not just years, but decades of experience. Because we are all human beings, we have the same esteem needs and feeling respected and valuable is supremely important.

You stated: "in order to have a friend you must first be a friend." Truer words were never spoken Thank you for validating my tips and your across the board votes. I do appreciate you.


psychicdog.net profile image

psychicdog.net 5 years ago

[pause]


psychicdog.net profile image

psychicdog.net 5 years ago

drbj, you are trually great! and the proof is in the pudding - look how many friends you've made! I hadn't read about Maslow in such a long time. That heirachy seems as true today as ever. Do you remember GAMES PEOPLE PLAY too? Thanks for a great read!


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

I'm not only smiling, psychicdog, at your pause, I'm laughing out loud. Very funny! You are way too much!

It's true, I didn't know how many friends I had made until this hub. :)

Yes, I remember Games People Play. Do you recall the book, "I'm OK, You're OK"? That one is a blast from the past, too. Thanks, as always, for the visit, my friend.


Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 5 years ago from California Gold Country

All great tips-- and you must spend hours reading cartoons. They are very apt. (pause) I think hairdressers and bartenders also have these memorized don't you?


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, Rochelle. Yes, I do spend much of my time perusing cartoons for just the right one. That is apt. Hairdessers, bartenders and anyone else that provides customer satisfaction are most definitely versed in these tips. Don't you agree? Thanks for the visit, m'dear.


Feline Prophet profile image

Feline Prophet 5 years ago from India

drbj, I love the examples you give! I wish I could think of such gems...

"You had the audience in the palm of your hand, boss. Especially when you started waving those pink slips around."


attemptedhumour profile image

attemptedhumour 5 years ago from Australia

I've got too many friends, so i'm going to do the exact opposite, starting with you. Ok, i'll pick someone else then. I just get a new set every few weeks as it's much more interesting. What would Einstein know about it anyway, he always had his head in the cosmos, or some important paper. No, not the Financial Times. You certainly practice what you preach, judging by all these hub-friends above, and this one of course. Must dash as i'm trying to play catch up with my other hub-buddies. Cheers


Reynold Jay profile image

Reynold Jay 5 years ago from Saginaw, Michigan

Dale Carnangie would be happy to read this and would agree with all of it. Well said. and this was recommened for me to read by Christpher Anton. UP and Awesome. Very complete.


sheila b. profile image

sheila b. 5 years ago

Gosh, I thought people liked me for myself, and now I find out it's because I do all of the things on your list. So does that mean nobody likes me, they just like feeling important? I am so confused now...


Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 5 years ago from North Carolina

drbj of course your right about the smile and eye contact for both genders. Few things are as disconcerting as someone who won't look you in the eye while conversing. Usually means they either dis-respect - dis-like you or they have a personal problem. When the showman imparted his wisdom on nobody giving a s*** about you, I replied, " You mean even my parents?" He stumbled a bit before saying " Well yeah,.. they do."


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Thank you for loving my examples, Feline, dear. I do appreciate your visits and your noticing my "gems" since I take particular care in creating just the right tone with them. Nice to know when I succeed. :)


selfdefenselesson profile image

selfdefenselesson 5 years ago

From my experience your hub is spot on!


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

One can never have too many friends, Keith, at least not too many TRUE friends. I've heard it said that a friend is someone who helps you get rid of an enemy. And a TRUE friend .... helps you bury the body!

Thanks for appreciating my hub. I do try to practice what I preach. You do okay in the hubbuddy friends department, too. Cheerio.


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Nice to meet you, Reynold Jay, and thanks to Christopher Anton for recommending me. He is a true and talented Hubbuddy.

Thanks you for the up and awesome - comments like yours make it all more than worthwhile.


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, Sheila. Perish that negative thought. Other people like you for two reasons: for who you are, and because you are wise enough to use all these ten tips when making and keeping friends.

When you make others feel important, that's like the icing on the cake. They feel important and you feel good for having provided that feeling. It's a win/win thing.


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

You are so right, Alastar. We are very uncomfortable when others are unsmiling (if it's a friendly meeting)or evasive with eye contact.

As for the showman's advice (?), often we have to give other people a reason to be interested in us. That is why making them feel important is so effective.


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Welcome, selfdefenselesson, thanks for stopping by and recognizing that my hub is spot on! That's a superb compliment - British I believe.


epigramman profile image

epigramman 5 years ago

...well I would love to make friends with some of those Russian beauties on the upper right hand of your page at the top - lol lol lol

.....but as you know I always scream out loud and proud to EVERYONE in the hub world and beyond about your world class hubs, peerless wit and writing savvy so without further adieu I will post this great one to my Facebook page with a direct link back here ....

lake erie time 9:04pm and off to work now - gee it's dark by 8:30pm here and definitely fall is in the air!


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Thank you, Colin, not only for your hub visits, gracious comments and inventive epigrams. But also for your marketing efforts on my behalf.

In addition to being my favorite epigram writer, you ARE a good friend.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 5 years ago from Ohio, USA

I buy all my friends. I usually return most of them for a full refund, but at least I'm hardly ever alone.


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

What a nifty idea, nicomp. You might want to visit Friends R Us - they advertise a 'two for one' offer with a very liberal return policy.


wavegirl22 profile image

wavegirl22 5 years ago from New York, NY

drbj - I have often heard all one needs is a friendly look, a kindly smile, one good act, and life's worthwhile! But it is most unfortunate when ones ego gets in the way and compatriates that were once allies become enemies . .

But leave it to my 'amiga' drbj, aswitty as ever with sensible and wise tips in how to make friends.

xo From your friend, wavegirl ♥


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

It's my pleasure to see you here, Shari. Thanks for sharing that clever adage. Yes, egos do sometimes get in the way - one of the reasons friendships often have to be nurtured.

Thank you for appreciating my tips and for being my friend. Su amiga, bj


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 5 years ago

Dear drbj - I'm always refusing to do all the things to "get and keep friends".

I do all the things to lose friends - but still I accumulate them. What can I do?


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, Micky, guess you'll just have to suffer with all those accumulated friends. Must be something powerful in your genes. Ya think?


pawan02july profile image

pawan02july 5 years ago

Oh, I want friends that are just like you described here:) They can be hard to find, since everyone wants to be important. I have a few friends that are fantastic listeners also but I feel it is easier to find the other sort.

With a good friend it should go both ways!


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Thanks for visiting, pawan. I'm not surprised to hear that some of your friends may not be fantastic listeners. It is all too easy to be thinking of other things that are on our mind when we are supposedly listening to someone.

Sometimes we have to make an extra special effort to really listen. If you have the facility of making other people feel important, then they will make that greater effort to listen. It's true. Trust me.


James A Watkins profile image

James A Watkins 5 years ago from Chicago

drbj, how in the world do you come up with such fabulous life lessons?

drbj, I loved reading your funny yet important expose on how to make friends. Tell me about the friends you have had in your lifetime.

drbj, you have such talent for writing. Tell me , where does this gift come from?


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Little Payday - you said it so well. Friends DO keep life interesting. Thanks for this appropriate epilogue.


hafeezrm profile image

hafeezrm 5 years ago from Pakistan

Very informative specially its relevance to Maslow Hierarchy of needs, Very useful tips.


schoolgirlforreal profile image

schoolgirlforreal 5 years ago from USA

This is really a great hub! I thought I had commented on it before! I've actually been mentally following some of these rules you pointed out! Good one to bookmark, think I will :D


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

With reference to your first question, James, about coming up with such fabulous life lessons, I guess if you live long enough and pay attention to those who are wiser, you are bound to learn something along the way. I have already fulfilled much of the first principle, but I am still working on the second. And thanks, my dear, for the 'fabulous.'

I see myself as fortunate to have had many friends in my lifetime. Guiding principle: if you want a friend, then you must BE a friend.

Thanks for the awesome 'writing talent' comment. What is it they say? It takes one to know one!


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Welcome, hafeezrm, it's nice to meet you here. Yes, Albert Maslow and his Hierarchy of Needs are basic tenets when anyone studies psychology. Although he postulated these principles in the 50s, I believe they are still very relevant today - particularly, our need to feel recognized, respected and important.

Thank you for your visit and finding this useful.


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, Ruby, I'm delighted to see you here. You cannot go wrong following these ten tips for making friends. But you already know that. Thanks for the bookmark, m'luv.


Dolores Monet profile image

Dolores Monet 5 years ago from East Coast, United States

Hi, DRBJ - well said and with lovely humor. I have a terrible time remembering names and your suggestion to use the other person's name is a great help in that regard. You see them again and it really helps to remember their name.


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Thank you, Dolores, for stopping by and the gracious comments. You are absolutely right. Repeating a person's name aloud when first you meet is an excellent mnemonic technique to remember the person and his/her name. I may do a hub on memory adis . . . if I don't forget. Heh, heh.


tlpoague profile image

tlpoague 5 years ago from USA

I am a horrible friend. I have read this hub three times now, only to realize I haven't commented on it. I guess I am too poor to pay attention. (Ok, I need to work on my humor too.)

I agree with all of your tips you have stated above. My only problem I have is the eye contact thing. I use to be easily intimidated, so now have a habit of avoiding eye contact. This is something that I am working. I think you have done a wonderful job pointing out things to help others. Thanks!


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, tipoague. Happy to see your comment after reading this hub three times. Even I haven't read it that many times. :)

Yes, please do work on the eye contact. For two reasons: if you don't look at others' eyes (intermittently) they may not think you are really listening.

Secondly, it is easy to dismiss the person and their conversation when they do not maintain eye contact. Nuff said.


carriethomson profile image

carriethomson 5 years ago from United Kingdom

Hey drbj!! that’s a great hub!! Yes its def important to remember names and maintain eye contacts and all and if it is close friends you also need to remember b'days and important occasions in their lives and wish them to make them feel special. I always forget b'days and writing down the dates in the diary doesn’t help!! However with FB and other social networking sites it’s much easier I must say!!


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Thank you, Carrie, for reminding me of that great point. To make and keep friends, in addition to the ten tips mentioned, it is extremely important to remember birthdays, anniversaries and other significant dates ... and let your friends know you remembered.

Thanks for stopping by.


prasetio30 profile image

prasetio30 5 years ago from malang-indonesia

Wow...I love the way how you express your feeling about tips in making friends. I agree with you and all your tips are reasonable, especially the cartoon figure. You are the best hubber in finding nice topic. You touch our humanity side....of course, we need others especially friends. Many friends brought us happiness, right! Well done, my friend. Vote up and have a nice weekend.

Prasetio


gmwilliams profile image

gmwilliams 5 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

I love this hub. You are so correct-in order to make friends, you must first be a friend.


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

I always look forward, pras, to your comments on my hubs. You are such a friendly, sincere and altogether pleasant person.

I am delighted you enjoyed these tips on making friends and the cartoons that accompany them. And you are absolutely correct, dear pras, having friends does bring us happiness. Thank you for the up vote and may you have a lovely weekend, too.


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Truer words were never spoken, gm. 'If you want to make friends, you must first be a friend.' A simple premise that we often forget. Thanks for stopping by. Especially since you love this hub! :)


2besure profile image

2besure 5 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

Great article. I have always had a difficult time making new friends.


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Thank you, 2besure for the 'great article' comment. But I find it hard to believe you have had a difficult time making new friends. Just flash that beautiful smile at them and they will melt. Trust me.

If for any reason (that I cannot fathom) that doesn't work, then use these 10 Tips.


Aceblogs profile image

Aceblogs 5 years ago from India

Great information there ! Voted up ,well i have always been good at making friends and i do almost all the things you mentioned above . The article is very elaborative . Wow


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Nice to meet you, Aceblogs. Thank you for the up vote. If you are good at making friends then it's almost a given that you do the items mentioned above. Thank you for your kind comments. A 'Wow' is always appreciated.


Derdriu 5 years ago

drbj: Spoonfuls of humor help the lessons take! This is an eminently insightful, practical article in which hilarious cartoons, philosophical insights, succinct language and timely examples (such as of positive reinforcement: perfect!) are in total cooperation. Thank you!


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

You have just summed up, Derdriu, in one foul swoop. Oops, I mean one fell swoop, my entire professional philosophy concerning pragmatism, positivism, reinforcement and all the rest of that good stuff. Thank you, thank you.


tsmog profile image

tsmog 5 years ago from Escondido, CA

Thank you so very much drbj. I couldn't decide where to bookmark this. I thought fun stuff and then creative writing. I read the comments, settling with Derdriu's choice of words - cooperation and then said, "New folder with the title creative fun stuff."

My audience shall change soon, from what I have heard, so hubs may be fewer, yet a different focus is on the horizon. I look forward to reading more now too.


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

How nice to meet you, tsmog. 'Creative fun stuff' sounds like a neat folder name to me. Only one problem - that will be a really BIG folder - practically all my hubs fit that category. At least, I like to think so. Look forward to reading your stuff, too. Thanks for finding me.


TheNsa profile image

TheNsa 5 years ago

I do not have much communication skill. i will try your 10 tips. sounds great to me...


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Nice to meet you, TheNsa, and delighted you had the communication skill to find these ten tips for making friends. When you make people feel important, they just naturally start to like you more. Trust me.


Niteriter profile image

Niteriter 4 years ago from Canada

I think you're important, Dr. BJ, I really, really do.

Actually, the reason I haven't been on HubPages for awhile is that I've been busy making websites telling people how important you are. Have you noticed an increase in your AdSense earnings during the past few months?

Oh by the way, Abe Maslow and I were friends once. Yup, we were dorm mates at the University of Wisconsin. I drew that diagram on a napkin while we were drinking beer in a nearby tavern one night. Not only did he rob me of my credit for the diagram, the cheap stinker, but he also walked out and left me to pay the bar tab.

Dear me, I am so unappreciated in this life of mine...


carolina muscle profile image

carolina muscle 4 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

some great advice here... a person can't go wrong using these tips !!!!


Niteriter profile image

Niteriter 4 years ago from Canada

Counsel for the Niteriter Public Relations Committee wishes to retract any and all comments that may have been posted on the Hub "How to Make Friends - Ten Proven Tips" under the Niteriter brand prior to 30 November 2012. The NPRC recognizes that comments made in the absence of brain activity are potentially in poor taste and wishes to affirm that neither Niteriter nor any of his associates condone such commentary.

The NPRC wishes to issue the following statement: "Niteriter and his associates regard the Hubber drbj as a human being of the highest quality and all content produced by drbj on HubPages as standard-bearing and rib-tickling under any and all conditions."


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Mea culpa, Niteriter, mea culpa. I just discovered that I had neglected to respond to the comment you posted 4 months ago. Please accept my fervent apology. And thank you for thinking I am important. Now that makes two of us. :)

So you have been busy making websites telling people how important I am? Who knew? 'Sfunny, I have not noticed a corresponding increase in my AdSense earnings. Perhaps because I have earned less than zero to date from AdSense. Would that be a factor, ya think?

So you and Abe Maslow were friends and dorm mates at the U. of Wisconsin? And you are the author of that infamous Hierarchy of Needs diagram? Why am I not surprised? I have always believed you were on a highter plane than the rest of us. An SST traveler so to speak.

Do not be forlorn. I appreciate you. Promise.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Thank you, Chris, for the unsolicited testimonial. You are absolutely correct, of course, one cannot err utilizing these practical suggestions.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

What a thrill to be sanctioned by the NPRC. If the aforesaid comments were made by one who is lacking in brain activity, so be it. I will accept positive complimentary comments from any and all sources.

Your subsequent paragraph, to wit: ... 'regard the Hubber drbj as a human being of the highest quality and all content produced by drbj on HubPages as standard-bearing and rib-tickling under any and all conditions' is so endearing, may I reprint it as unsolicited testament on any and all future works of literature written by yours truly?

If so, ask your attorney to contact my attorney.


Niteriter profile image

Niteriter 4 years ago from Canada

Conunsel for the NPRC wishes to modify the previous statement with the following amendments:

1. Any and all words, phrases, paragraphs, or fragments thereof classified as in praise of, fawning over, or currying favour with, drbj are hereby approved for publication and are authorized for reprint by drbj. Reprint rights are granted up to and including 31 December 2099.

2. Any and all stories of Niteriter's exploits ranking on the Just Plain Silly Index at greater than 75% are withdrawn.

3. Any and all comments by Niteriter ranking on the Self Indulgence Index at greater than 51% are withdrawn.

Thank you for your patience and understanding.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

What a thrill to hear from your barrister, Niteriter. He must be very expensive. I could hardly understand a word he wrote. However, I do appreciate your granting me reprint rights for 'praise of, fawning over, or currying favour' with the party of the first, second and third part - me.

Now, don't be a stranger. :)


carolina muscle profile image

carolina muscle 3 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

awesome, just awesome hub!


drbj profile image

drbj 3 years ago from south Florida Author

That 'awesome' praise from an awesome writer like yourself, Chris, is much appreciated. Promise!

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working