Tender Mourning

Tender Mourning

I find myself walking in circles

From here to there

Forgetting what it was I went to find

Thinking to myself, “I’m fine”, “I just have to get used to this”

I go out with friends who just don’t know what to say

If I speak of you, they think I’m wallowing in some kind of depression

Or not moving on

They smile politely, maybe acknowledge my statements then move on

Does the whole world just move on?

I feel I want to just stand still for a while…

I know you are gone physically, but not gone from me

I still feel you all around; my tears come from ‘feeling’ you yet not being able to touch you

I know your body is gone

As much as I know you linger.

I put your slippers away, and packed all your clothes

I know you aren’t coming back and don’t need them anymore

I know you won’t wear your glasses;

But I don’t feel I need to give away every piece of you

Every thing that ever proved that you once shared this space with me

You and I were everything to each other!

For so long, we were a team, there was no separating us.

And now, because death has taken you away, no one can tell me when to move on.

I want to sit with your memory sometimes, it still comforts me.

I want to sit and eat breakfast with you across from me, it warms me inside.

At night, I want to curl up with the sweater that still smells of you and watch tv.

I don’t think anyone has the right to tell me that I still can’t have my tender moments with your memory.

I don’t think at my age I should be forced out of my comfortable habits to go out and “get a new life”

I’m perfectly happy with the one we had, and with the one I have left.

I’m not afraid of living alone.

I go out with my friends.

I laugh, I live, I love, I continue to have new adventures, meet new people, learn new things, and enjoy these new stages of my life with dignity and with purpose.

You were the one and only love of my life.

I could not ask for anymore and don’t want to share that part of myself with anyone else.

We were perfect together.

I love you.

I miss you.

And I know that when the time comes, we’ll be reunited.

I can travel the world, climb the highest mountains, ride the wildest trains, see the most beautiful sunsets, sail on the warmest and most tropical oceans, see the most beautiful ruins, and smell the freshest fruits in all the world….still I’d want to share it all with you.

I will always be happier because we have had all these years, but please, everyone, leave me in peace.

There is this one love in my life, and each and every day, we share our tender mornings.

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Comments 9 comments

Piper Day profile image

Piper Day 6 years ago

Erin, thank you for writing such a tender and moving piece.

Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 6 years ago from England

Hi, I feel for you, I lost my best friend this week, and it hurts, but what a lovely piece of writing, I totally understand, nell

Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 6 years ago from Maryland Author

Piper, Thank you for your kind words on my piece.

Bless you Nell, I read your piece about your best friend and I wish you healing and comfort in your loss. This piece was written actually sypathetically/empathetically for some people who are very dear to me who have lost spouses and have to confront the hard days ahead. I listen and that's all I can do is say "I understand" - but sometimes I feel I can't express the depth of my understanding. No one who hasn't been through an experience of such magnitude can truly know what its like though, day in and day out to "walk a mile in some one else's shoes. I can try though. Through my writing and other experiences. Some of us are never really at a loss for words though :)

pennyofheaven profile image

pennyofheaven 6 years ago from New Zealand

Deep and meaningful. I feel your heart in your words. So much love! Thank you

Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 6 years ago from Maryland Author

Thank you for coming by again Penny. I think we all have to remember for the sake of those close to us that grief is a process, not just an event. It has to be given time and healing has its own agenda. We must remain there for someone, and conscious that our tenderness can really make a difference. It was so nice to see you again, Namaste my friend.

epigramman profile image

epigramman 6 years ago

....this poetic elegy moves me very much . Actually the epigramman is at a loss for words here which doesen't happen too often - but the writing is as beautiful as the person who is the author behind it!

On an autobiographical note - because 99% of what I write is purely storytelling - the one true story which happened to me and I wrote about can be found in one I wrote a couple of weeks ago called COMING IN FROM THE COLD!

Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 6 years ago from Maryland Author

Epigramman, I am honored that I moved you to speechlessness but I hope it doesn't last long as I do enjoy your storytelling ever so much! Thank you so for your kind words and I will continue to write from my heart and soul, as since I was a child, it was all I could ever do. I often read your work, but I will definitely go back and read that one if I haven't already. (I think I have as it does sound familiar...;)


daydreamer13 profile image

daydreamer13 6 years ago

Very heartfelt. Lovely!

Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 6 years ago from Maryland Author

daydreamer13, thank you so much for stopping by my pages again. I'm so happy to see you. Namaste'

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