10 Ways To Break Up With Your Boyfriend, An Illustrated Guide

1. Myspace or Facebook

I guess these days, if you really wanted to, you could just change your social networking relationship status to single - that should get the point across.

You can also update your "What are you doing now?" to something like, "I'm going out to find a real man!" or "{name} is single and ready to mingle!" and I would hope that Dear John would get the message.

2. Dear John Letter

Speaking of "Dear John," you could always write a letter.

Get some tips from ehow.com:

"It's time to end that relationship, but you can't bring yourself to do it face-to-face. You may need to resort to a Dear John letter. Originating during World War II, when servicemen would receive letters from wives or girlfriends telling them of their involvement with other men, Dear John letters have become synonymous with breaking up."

Wait a second. Who writes letters these days, anyway? Send a concise e-mail or a quick text message instead.

"Don't wan2 go out w/ u n-e-more. lol. kthxbye."


3. E-card

I think the Hallmark of break-up electronic greeting cards is someecards.com. They've got quite a variety, so if you're the greeting card type, try sending one of these.

4. "It's not you, it's me."

You can always play the caring, sympathetic card and let him down easily.

Whatever. You and your friends know the truth.

5. Witness Protection Program

Change your phone number. Move. Change jobs. Buy a wig. Get new friends. Travel in different social circles. Do whatever you have to do to avoid your boyfriend at all costs. Eventually maybe he'll stop wondering what happened to you and will stop looking for you.


6. Do what Carrie Underwood would do.

"I might've saved a little trouble for the next girl...
'cause the next time that he cheats,
oh, you know it won't be on me!"

7. Get somebody else to do the dirty work.

Have a friend break up with him for you.

No, wait, what are you, twelve? Don't do that.

8. But really... get somebody else to do the dirty work for you.

There are break up services online now where someone else will do the dumping for you!  Visit AutoBreakUp.com, fill out a brief form, and it's done! 

IDump4U.com calls their service "therapy, humanity and comedy all rolled into one!" 

Think about it.. Do you want to lie your way into a breakup, only to leave the person vulnerable to make the same mistakes twice, or do you want to educate them on why you broke up with them, so that they can change those personality traits that drove you away?  iDUMP4U takes the messiness out of any breakup. We collect the information about the person you want to break up with, and do the work for you. Since we have no emotional ties to the person, we can do it as honestly, and truthfully as possible.

IDump4U charges $10 for a basic breakup, $25 to call off an engagement, and $50 to announce your intentions for filing for divorce.

There are even iPhone apps, such as Erase Ur X, which will allow you to record a message, send a "screw-you" photo, and then permanently deletes the ex's number from your phone!

9. Get him to do it for you!

I've got it! If you really don't want to be the bad girl, do whatever you have to do to get him to break up with you! Acquire some really offensive bad habits. Start moving your stuff into his apartment. Stop practicing good hygiene. Really push that marriage thing. Discuss possible baby names with him. Buy matching clothes for the two of you. Pee with the door open. Flirt with his friends.

Two words for you: love fern.

Oh, the possibilities are endless!

10. Just do it.

If things aren't working out and you're questioning whether or not you should break up with your boyfriend, maybe you should. If you have doubts, and you're not happy, there's no sense in sticking around. You've got your whole life ahead of you. There's plenty of other fish in the sea, right?

If you're in a dangerous or abusive situation, then, all joking aside - get out.

PS - I am totally kidding and was just trying to have fun with this request.

More by this Author

  • Custom vs. Flash Tattoos

    Whether you're getting your first or your fifth tattoo, the art that you put on your body should be as original and as unique as you are! Try to steer clear of the shops with posters and flash books lying all around....

  • Understanding Starbucks Speak.

    Okay, that's not really what I order at Starbucks, and ordering at Starbucks really isn't that complicated. There's a method to ordering which can make your order easy to understand, so the barista can make your drink...

  • The 5 Hottest Angelina Jolie Movies

    Picture from fanpop.com IMDB.com synopsis: Car theft in Long Beach went down 47% when Randall "Memphis" Raines (Nicolas Cage) walked away from the life. He gets dragged back into it by assuming the job his...

Comments 52 comments

Lazur profile image

Lazur 8 years ago from Netherlands

Fun hub:D

But I've got my fish;)

rachaelc profile image

rachaelc 8 years ago from Austin

Very funny hub! You can always start trying to set them up with one of your friends, too. They hate that. :)

JustTyler profile image

JustTyler 8 years ago from New Zealand

As a man I'm officially appalled by this hub...

But still laughing my ass off :)

Three-Legged Dog profile image

Three-Legged Dog 8 years ago from USA Author

Haha! :) They're only "suggestions." :)

Kosmo profile image

Kosmo 8 years ago from California

Bad breath always works - simple as that!

JuanSolid profile image

JuanSolid 8 years ago from USA


As sad as it sounds my previous GF broke up with me by using "#1"

Very funny hub!

Three-Legged Dog profile image

Three-Legged Dog 8 years ago from USA Author

Wow, I didn't think anybody really DID that. Sorry to hear it!

Hmmmm.xx 7 years ago

My Last Bf Dumped Me with the old can we just be mates then the next hour he said listen to right na na na and i was stupid enouf to get bck with him but lik the daayy aftter tghat i dumped him for his best mte i found it quite funny realii if u wna get bck with ur x just tell him how much you blik him then tell him to listen to a song or if ur tryin to break up u can do it the harsh way take the l out of lover that's wat we r or the soft way i dfunno how to say this but can we just be good mates ? x

alittlebitcrazy profile image

alittlebitcrazy 7 years ago

very funny, and to think some of these have actually happened...

Heather 7 years ago

Yaa..... This is so funny.

skeri profile image

skeri 7 years ago from United Kingdom

hahahah this is fantastic!

Actually I found myself only in part nb. 6! Other never! :)))

Very very funny!

mylica 6 years ago

wow these things are really childish i wouldn't dare do any of these where do GROW UP come in at

Three-Legged Dog profile image

Three-Legged Dog 6 years ago from USA Author

Mylica, you apparently didn't get the humor or sarcasm intended by this article.

diana 6 years ago

OMG!!! How funny I am really sorry 4 those guys who did actually got dumped like this BUT STILL MAN SOO FUNNY.

Joe.Anna. 6 years ago

haha, i really think these are funny. Mylica apparently has never had to go thru the trouble in breaking up with a guy. but whatever. i absolutely LOVE the dear john one d:

smoothtalker 6 years ago

just say Trash is dumped and so are you!

Three-Legged Dog profile image

Three-Legged Dog 6 years ago from USA Author

Hey, I like that!

LMAO 6 years ago

i used "dear john" over a txt 2 break up with my bf and he thought it was so funny that he wasn't evn mad about it!!

rockchick 6 years ago

haha funny;)I'm trying number 9 right now........and he's concerned. I'm just trying to ignore him, and when he questions me about it, like he'll say, "What's wrong?" i act like everything is fine. he'll get bored eventually.....

i hope...

idk, he really likes me. that's why i choose #9

raven 6 years ago

how do you brake but with a guy that really is in love with you and you love him but know that it wont work do to the fact

your just to difrent

Amber 6 years ago

I need to brake up with a guy coz i don't love him any more but he loves me soooo much and i don't know how to dump him?!

Please help me!!

Regreter 6 years ago

i just broke up with my boyfrend and i regret it now! i feel like dyin! :'( i broke up with him cause he called me a petty name (weird)

PegCole17 profile image

PegCole17 6 years ago from Dallas, Texas

Hilarious! Well, maybe not if these methods are really used on you. Too funny.

Dan 6 years ago

You could use an online service to break up for you. There is one at http://autobreakup.com

1936204740210472992732 6 years ago

1. I am twelve and don't know how to breakup with my bf. I want one of

my friends to do it for me but they won't. And I'm just not comfterable to

do it myself :(

---- 6 years ago

I don't wanna be with my bf anymore but he still really likes me :S

I have been using number 9 for quite a while now and he keeps asking me what's wrong but i don't think he's going to dump me

and i don't want to dump him in person coz i can't do that,

but i just don't know how! :'(

Please help!

MOEY 6 years ago

AYA ENJOY READING! :D hope this helps ayosheeeeee

Kenna 6 years ago

Compare the relationship to a spinny chair. At first it's all WHOOOOO I BE SPINNIN but then u get bored and nauseous.

Immature 6 years ago

What a retarted immature article it's funny because a lot of the girls reading this are young and actually use these methods. Many young women still use some of these lines and think guys can't see through it so it just makes it worse. Now I know where women get their stupid ideas from

Three-Legged Dog profile image

Three-Legged Dog 6 years ago from USA Author

Oh, "Immature..." You obviously didn't read the whole thing, because my last line says: "PS - I am totally kidding and was just trying to have fun with this request." Don't get all bent out of shape reading what was SUPPOSED to be silly.

Kaiti 6 years ago

:) this was just the laugh I needed! Thank you for putting this up!

NewlySingle 6 years ago

Hahaha....love it...okay gg break up with my future ex bf

RIchard 6 years ago

What ever you do girls don't use this tactic. I got a call from my Russian girlfriend's friend telling me she had just died in a bus accident. I was going to ask her to marry this girl. I was in chronic depression for 6 months and because of it my business went into bankrupcy for not taking care of it. I just found out she is alive. Apparently she wanted to stay in Russia after she went for vacation and they convinced her to stay and came up with this sadistic plan. PURE EVIL...and here I thought she was an ANGEL.

Cali xo 5 years ago

This is hilarious!!!!!!!!! ::)))))

jean 5 years ago

Wow, I feel sorry for you, Richard.

Screw you, Russian b*tch.

Iluvdogs 5 years ago

I had to break up with my bf because i was feeling really guilty not liking him back. And one day my friend just called him over and told me to do it that second. So I told him 'I don't think our relationship is working out. Can we just be friends?' It's a good way of not hurting someone who really likes you.

graceomalley profile image

graceomalley 5 years ago

Wow Richard, faking your own death is quite the breakup device.

I go for Slip out the back Jack, Get a new key Leigh, Make a new plan Stan, ect. Oldies but goodies.

very funny hub.

Sweets21 profile image

Sweets21 5 years ago

One word, HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!

molebogeng 5 years ago

i broke up with my BF while i was in primary because i din`t love him, but now im deeply inlove with him

kayla 5 years ago

just about to dump my boyfriend. we've only been going out 7 weeks but i just don't like i prefure being friends. i feel really mean as i don't think he's expeccting it at all. :(

brianna 5 years ago


i have a bf and he moves way to fast and his friends and i get along very well and i don't want to loose my new friends or the boy but i don't want to date him any more i don't know why i even said yes anymore i think i did it cause i was bored and wanted kisses but now he's all toucky feely and clingy and wants to know every thing i do every min of the day

what do i do HELP PLEASE

Three-Legged Dog profile image

Three-Legged Dog 5 years ago from USA Author

Brianna - this article wasn't meant for serious relationship advice, it was meant to be humorous. If you're in an uncomfortable, possibly dangerous situation - tell someone. Tell this guy how you feel. And tell a parent, an older sibling, an adult you trust what's going on.

Mr Love Doctor profile image

Mr Love Doctor 5 years ago from Puerto Rico

I laughed my way through this list. BUT - I disagree strongly. As a man and a lover, I say walk up to the boyfriend and tell him in one sentence why you're breaking up. If you can't tell him that in one sentence, chances are good you have no real reason to break up and you should wait till you can decide what it is you are looking for and can't be without - or you will wander from relationship to relationship, always looking for a shimmering something you can't quite define.

A further note: Don't women constantly attack men for not communicating enough?

Angeltopia 5 years ago

I find this article to be quite entertaining...u had me literally rolling but I must say the I did however try to rush marriage and talk about having kids to push him away a little and guess what...he actually agrees and plays right along...lol...so now I'm mysterious and he is so in tune with me body language but when someone else asks how long we have been married he overreacts as if I had cooties or something...now I realize that after this situation occurred more than a few times we are not compatible nor do I see his face as I dreamed of walking down the isle...his loss indeed!!!

MikeSyrSutton profile image

MikeSyrSutton 4 years ago from An uncharted galaxy

Wow. How cold! Yeah, none of these will work, but flirt with all of his friends and they can all get hurt! Great idea!

Cindy 4 years ago

you can dump your boyfriend or girlfriend through dialbunny.com they do stuff like that...they are an phone call outsourcing company

Blues 4 years ago

Wow I'm thinking of ending my relationship with my partner of 8 months


monkeygirl 4 years ago

this was really hilarious but i wud also prefer goin face on n tellin the guy.. n well u shud be gutsy enuf to do so.. n next time before goin into a relationship think twice

Bootyfull 4 years ago

this is funny .but ain't helpful cause I really need to break up with a guy that has given up everything for me. been together for 4years..the reason I want to break up is am bored . the thing is that I don't have a good reason . I have never cheated on him. I need adivce gals and boys

Abigail 4 years ago

Wtf this no help Im trying to dump my boyfriend with out hitting his heart

Secilia 4 years ago

Please help. I want 2 dump my bf for 3 years bt i dnt knw whr to start. Im finding it very hard

gepeTooRs 8 months ago

Heya i am for the first time here. I found this board and I find It truly helpful & it helped me out much. I am hoping to offer something back and help others such as you aided me.

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.

    Click to Rate This Article