The 10 Most Embarrassing Products A Woman Can Buy

They say a woman’s work is never done – and when it comes to getting in the groceries, this is definitely the case. Particularly if you’re living with at least one member of the male gender, the list of weird and wonderful things you’re expected to procure from the local shops seems like it never ends. And some of these are a good deal more embarrassing than picking up a box of tampons.

The litany of humiliating things you can be sent out to buy from the aisles of your local grocery store seems limitless, so I’ve taken the liberty of highlighting my favorites here for your amusement. These are listed, and described in painfully embarrassing detail, from the mildly uncomfortable to the excruciatingly “I can never show my face here again” painful level of personal humiliation.

10 - Nursing Bras

It is a fact of life that you’ve got to buy bras – and lacy lingerie is one thing. Everyday functional Big Boring Bounce-reducing bras are not so fun. If you live near one of those big box stores that lets you get groceries and clothing in one easy stop, all the better because they do tend to stock very everyday underwear. But there’s just something about odd watching your underwear, bras in particular, drift down the conveyor belt toward the cashier with your cornflakes and morning melon.

And nursing bras are the worst. They make any male conjur up images of, well... breastfeeding. In public. And "popping one out"... you get the picture.

9 - Swimwear

The worst thing about buying swimwear is the fact that you have to do it in public. You have to select a suit while people are milling about. You have to try it on, with the thinnest of walls separating you from the aforementioned people. And, worst of all, you have to go back out foraging around for a different size among those same people!

8 - Adult Diapers

Despite the fact that there are plenty of perfectly legitimate reasons to purchase these, it is the pits!

if you’re under 75, it seems like you need to explain yourself to the clerk before you pay.

And they NEVER believe you're looking after Grandpa this weekend.

7 - Cigarettes or beer while pregnant

It doesn’t matter that they’re not for you – just being pregnant and looking at these items in a store is enough to raise some eyebrows.

6 - Anything ‘feminine hygiene’ related from a guy under 25

This isn’t so humiliating for you, but the cashier’s embarrassment is often contagious. Let’s face it, there’s nothing quite like the look on a spotty 17-year-old guy’s face when you waltz through with a box of ultra-overnight pads and some Tampax. I was once asked about a new brand "are these good" by one guy trying to make polite conversation, who it turned out though they were cigars.

5 - Lice shampoo

On the surface, lice shampoo or nit removal cream is relatively innocuous – but the packaging does you no favors. It says LICE in huge red letters, while shampoo is tucked discreetly at the bottom of the label in 10-point type.

Many women might think of borrowing a small child so people don't think you have nits yourself... but...

If you’re a mom, you’ll know that virtually all kids end up with head lice once or twice at school – and though dragging your kids through the checkout might make you feel less conspicuous, but as your LICE shampoo makes its way toward the register on the most painfully slow conveyor belt known to man, there’s bound to be an old woman behind you tutting, muttering about your children being filthy mongrels and then… she’ll do the ultimate, she’ll start scratching her head and switch to a different queue.

4 - Hemorrhoid remedies

Nothing says “hey look at my ass” like a tube of Anusol or a jar of Preparation-H pads. Sure, there are plenty of other uses for hemorrhoid remedies (brilliant for getting rid of the bags under your eyes after a long weekend!), but the only thing on anyone else’s mind when they see you with a package emblazoned with the H word is your backside.

3 - Condoms

Now there are plenty of people out there who will argue that there’s no shame in buying condoms. You’re being responsible, and you’re obviously going to get some (or at least you’re under the illusion that you will soon be doing the horizontal mambo). But, if purchased with the routine shopping at the grocery store, condoms can be embarrassing to buy. It’s all about context. Cucumber beep Baguette beep Mackerel beep Carrots beep Bananas beep Extended Pleasure Condoms beep Six pack of Corona beep … you’re either preparing for a great night, or you’re a big dirty pervert. The only condom-related store catastrophe that’s worse is having to return the things if they happen to be expired.

2 - Yeast infection remedies

There’s a scene in Me, Myself and Irene that is a realization of everyone’s worst fear when purchasing a cream or other remedy – Jim Carey asks for a price check on Vagisil, proclaiming that the customer in line before him at the check stand has “a little extra sour cream on the taco”. Whether you need it for a female reason or because of another problem (some products are prescribed for athletes’ foot!), there’re few women who can confidently walk to the checkout with a yeast infection medicine in hand.

1 - Wart Remover

Again, when you first consider wart removal products, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. You can pick up a plantar wart at the pool or the gym easily enough. But maybe your husband says to you, “Hon, while you’re out, could you stop by the pharmacy counter and pick up my prescription?” Oh sure, no problem you holler over your shoulder on the way out the door. You get there, do your shopping, stop to see Art the helpful pharmacist and ask for your husband’s prescription.

He says, “No, this can’t be right, what’s his prescription for?”

“He’s got a plantar wart,” you say.

“Were you expecting to pick anything up yourself ma’am?”

And then, you ask Art why he thinks the prescription is wrong. And he hands over a clearly labeled name brand medication that proudly proclaims “Leading treatment for VAGINAL WARTS” across the top.

Given the amount of time your chitchat has taken, it’s no surprise to you when you look over your shoulder and there are six people waiting behind you – including a teacher at your kid’s school and someone you recognize from high school.

Art reassures you that it is the best wart removal medication on the market, having double-checked things with the physician who wrote the prescription. Somehow, this reassurance does nothing to quell your rage or dampen the reddening of your cheeks as you jam the box into your handbag and scurry away from the pharmacy – perhaps never to return.

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by Julie-Ann Amos, professional writer, and owner of international writing agency www.ExquisiteWriting.com

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Comments 20 comments

Joe Russ 7 years ago from Kill Devill Hills, NC

This was a very funny hub. Do you do standup? Go look at my hub "Climb That Mountain - A Tribute To Large Beasted Women", and see if you can come up with some funny stuff for me about big boobs, lol

I can't wait to see your :most Emabarrasing Moments videos. Great hub

Joe


Julie-Ann Amos profile image

Julie-Ann Amos 7 years ago from Gloucestershire, UK Author

I can't find that hub but I'd love to take a look! Is it published yet?

I don't do standup but I have been told I should before. Apparently in person I spin a good, entertaining yarn! At least, the ones still awake seemed happy


LondonGirl profile image

LondonGirl 7 years ago from London

fantastic hub - I giggled out loud!

I don't have a problem with buying most of your list, but piles cream, warts stuff and yeast treatment - with ya!


Anna Marie Bowman profile image

Anna Marie Bowman 7 years ago from Florida

Very amusing!!!! Thank goodness for whoever invented the self checkout!!!! It has become my new best friend when I have to purchase more embarrasing items!!


Julie-Ann Amos profile image

Julie-Ann Amos 7 years ago from Gloucestershire, UK Author

Thanks ladies, glad I'm not the only one!


Ardie profile image

Ardie 7 years ago from Neverland

Ugh...I've never had to buy lice treatment (knocking on wood since I have 3 little girls with lots of hair), but I can only imagine the looks I'd get! I have a feeling people would put a little more distance between us once they saw the box. Oh, great...now my head is itching! :)


LondonGirl profile image

LondonGirl 7 years ago from London

online shopping is our friend....


WaffleCheese profile image

WaffleCheese 7 years ago

Problem solved! I stumbled upon www.deliveringdignity.com when I had to go buy feminine hygiene for my girlfriend. I hate buying that stuff. I cannot even begin to tell you.


Robert Ballard 7 years ago

This is great! I know age has crept upon on me but in my younger days shopping in the ladies department of the local Belks Department store trying to pick out something special for my sweetie was never a comfortable feeling, I felt all eyes were on me as if I were a pervert, picking up the dainties and surmising correct sizes. My wife always humored me and returned anything too outrageous.

Robert Elias Ballard


Moon Daisy profile image

Moon Daisy 6 years ago from London

Very nice hub! I'm no longer embarrassed buying most of this stuff, (or at least those products that I've experienced so far) but I've noticed a couple of embarrassed (mostly male) cashiers, lol!


ashley 6 years ago

great! I'm just cracking up, it is soooo true! How do people ever go into those so called "adult boutiques" without a disguise?!! haha! btw, I had bad warts and ordered a magical device online and it arrived in an unmarked box (so no, the mailman wasn't giggling)and now that is one less embarassing issue I'll have to deal with. It's called a wartabater (cute name, great product!:)


Gypsy Willow profile image

Gypsy Willow 6 years ago from Lake Tahoe Nevada USA , Wales UK and Taupo New Zealand

Funny and so true!


thehands profile image

thehands 6 years ago

Just make sure to over-explain everything awkwardly at the front counter and make sure they know that it's not for you, you're just buying it "for a friend."


True Blue Tips profile image

True Blue Tips 6 years ago

Great hub. I know I've had some awkward moments at the check out. I still can't buy condoms!


DryDiapersPlus profile image

DryDiapersPlus 6 years ago

I found Joe's hub that he was mentioning under your first comment above - http://hubpages.com/relationships/tallmountains now I'm going to read it :-)


FOREX NINJA profile image

FOREX NINJA 5 years ago

Awesome and very informative article.


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada

Why would I be embarrassed? I think it is all others who get embarrassed over noting.

If you are so embarrassed over buying adult diapers, I would suggest not to buy them when you need it and try to compare the embarrassment of peeing yourself in public.

And if a cashier won't erase his stupid look over Lice shampoo and I would suggest to share my fortune of lice with him/her. Just adjust your hair more vigorously before signing the receipt.

I refuse to be embarrassed over anything - what, other people are any different?

They don't go to the toilet, they don't have hemorrhoids, or...

They look at you strangely over anusol? Say it is for anal sex you so enjoy with a bunch of guys (the cashier is not invited). All porn involves the backside scenarios (I did not see all of it) and men love it. They keep asking for it. So...

The best strategy - attack when least expected. Embarrassment is a weakness.

I bought only one nursing bra and I was alone in the changing room - when I removed my bra to try a nursing one, my milk sprung in a parabola trajectory right in the mirror - I was so surprised. I thought - physics are physics - how peculiar. The moment is maybe one of the few I remember from my early motherhood days. Not sleepless night, not my son's crying, not how difficult nursing actually was because I thought I had not enough milk, but it turned out later that it was my son who had no patience. No, I remember this moment ... natural movement.

I think embarrassment is really a choice. Condoms? Tell everybody that you like Pink or Violet and they are really better - the conversation will die before it can even begin.

However, you'd be a hero. A woman who had courage.


Heheyhey 4 years ago

Best strat for wart remover...take it out of the box pocket it and then peace....


iamaudraleigh 4 years ago

Your hub was extremely well written and hysterical! I especially loved the part on condoms...beep! Nice to meet you hereand look forword to reading more!


HaleyMCruz profile image

HaleyMCruz 4 years ago from California

You know when an article like this is true to life when you have actually bought things like these...and got the same reactions yourself! The beep beep part at the register was funny, too! Good hub that made me smile :)

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