The 5 C's to Finding the Ideal Spouse
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These items are based off of my personal experience as well as advice that I have gotten from others who have had long and successful marriages. There may be other things to look for in a relationship that I will not touch in this article, but I can say these things are VERY important.
If you are not attracted to your potential spouse then there is a problem. I have dated some girls who were wonderful people and were even quite beautiful but the chemistry was not there. I was not feeling it. I am not talking about sex either. I am proud to say I was a virgin until my wedding night, and so was my wife. Sex is a very important part of a relationship, but I am glad my wife and I chose to wait until we were committed before we took that step. If you choose not to do that, that is you choice, but I advice against per-marital sex. What I can advise for is that you both must be attracted to each other or you will have a lot of trouble in your marriage.
Commitment to Christ
I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I have a very strong faith. My wife shares that. You may not be of my faith or even Christian, but my point here is that you should have a common faith. It is very hard to not have a common belief and value system. Commonality is key in this respect. There are spouses that have overcome this challenge, but it is better to avoid the problem by seeking that commonality.
Commitment to You
The same goes for you to your future spouse bub! If either of you are not committed then you have lost before you can start. Let me tell you a story to illustrate my point:
The farm animals on day were standing by the farmer's dinning room window and talking on fine morning.
The cow boasted, "Not only is my milk being drunk by the farmer, but he butters his bread from the butter made from my cream."
The chicken scoffed, "Hah! My ages which are my potential young are being used not only for him to eat strait, but they are also in the bread too. Top that!"
The pig looked at both of them and said, "I don't know about you two, but I am committed..."
The point of this story is to demonstrate that like the pig, we should be committed completely to the relationship we are having with our spouse and visa versa. If it is anything less then you have not found the right person.
You have to talk. You need to talk about everything. Not just the good stuff but also bad things. Not just favorite movies and music but children, money, jobs, politics and more. You don;t have to agree on all things, but lack of communication is one of the highest reasons for marriage failures.
Here are the 4 Danger Signs for Relationships:
1) Escalation: Building off of each other. Taking a small thing and doing something larger in response to it. Starting a war over small things.
2) Withdrawal: Refusal to talk. Clamming up. Running away. Talking to anyone other than your spouse about the problem.
3) Invalidation: Using phrases like, "That is stupid," or "You are stupid," or similar ideas or phrases.
4) Negative Interpretations: Assuming that if he is late that he is cheating. Or that if she goes over the minutes that she is doing it on purpose.
If your relationship shows most of these you need to re-assess. If your potential spouse is unwilling to change, then you don't have the right person.
Cash Savings Account
This sounds kind of weird along side the others, but this is VERY important! The number one reason in the World for marriage failure is over money problems. If your potential spouse can save money (you should be able to too by the way) then this is a good sign.
Some questions you should be able to you potential spouse:
What is your credit rating and score?
Do you have any out standing debts?
When we buy a house, will we own it jointly?
Do you pay child support?
What are your plans for retirement?
These are just some of the questions that you should ask. Some of them I didn't ask before I got married just because I was not aware of the need to ask the questions, but the good news is the answers were positive.
I am so grateful for I have a spouse who is on the same page as I am when it comes to money. That has made our marriage amazing!
I personally believe that is you match up with these 5 points that your relationship with your spouse will be much better. If there is something that does not match up and you are already married, the good news is that you can still try to improve your relationship with your spouse. I can guarantee that if both of you are willing to change the relationship will become better!
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