The Bachelor Pad - Helping or Hindering Your Dating?

What does your "singles" apartment say about you? Are you bringing dates home and never hearing from them again? Ever think that maybe it was your home that scared them off?

You don’t have to be wealthy to have a girlfriend-friendly apartment. This isn’t about money, or about the material values.

This is about the signals a grown man’s home gives off to a woman that might be thinking about getting to know him. Hey, it’s your place: you can decorate it however you want. But if you expect to impress or dare I say “lure” a woman into your lair, you might want to rethink some of your staging so to speak.

Here’s 6 things you do NOT want to hear your date say when she sees your place for the first time.

“Does a man live here, or a child?”

Do you have chairs right at the television and XBOX games all over the place? Is your living room set up for conversation or for gaming? Is there a remote control Hummer in the middle of the room? A marshmallow shooter? Sports equipment? Comic books?

I’m not saying you shouldn’t be yourself. But I am saying you need to think about the first impression you’re making. You could be a very mature, established, successful man who happens to enjoy a good afternoon of paint ball every now and then. That’s wonderful. But put the guns away. The odds are that most of the women you meet would rather be eased into your youthful passions, and not overwhelmed with them upon entering your home.

“Is this an apartment or a frat house?”

Hey, we’ve all played quarters, or strip poker, and a good woman is not going to judge you for having a subscription to Penthouse. But there are certain things that just don’t belong in the middle of the living room. Remember we’re talking about first impressions and relationship building. We’re assuming you’re on a first, second or third date here.

Put the cards away. Put the porn away. Put the folding table away. If your living room looks like your dorm room in college, or your teenage brother’s room, there is a problem.

“Gee I’d love to stay, but I’m afraid of hepatitis.”

Clean! For god sakes, clean. Put the dirty laundry into the hamper. Wash the dishes. And most importantly scrub that bathroom as often as you can and do it especially well before a date in case you get lucky.

I understand you’re busy. You work, you play, your mother kept after you when you lived at home and now this is all new. But this is something you really have to nail if you want to nail anything else. No woman is going to drop her jeans in your apartment if she is grossed out.

Think about the things she will see when you bring her home. The entranceway, the bathroom, the kitchen, the bedroom. If you have a storage closet or a second bedroom you can get away with neglecting them a bit. But you have to keep the obvious things obviously clean. Your entranceway is the first impression. Make sure nothing is dusty, and coats are hung up. Your living room should be picked up. Magazines stacked neatly, throw pillows straightened. The floor vacuumed. The kitchen needs to be wiped down. Dirty dishes in the sink are a big no-no. If you really have that much of a hard time keeping the kitchen sparkly and clean, invest in a dishwasher. Or get into the habit of using paper plates and cups when you’re alone. And do I really have to tell you to make your bed?

Remember that the bathroom is a biggie. This is where your grossness can really be revealed.

Here’s a thought if this is really that hard for you. Hire a maid. You’ll enjoy your apartment more, and you’ll impress the ladies. You might be surprised at how affordable it is. Just the difference between eating lunch out every day and brown bagging it most days, would cover the cost to have a cleaning service come in once a week, or once every other week.

“Hmmm, Jack Daniels in a peanut butter jar. Umm, no thanks.”

There are just a few essentials you should have in the apartment. You do not have to have the full William Sonoma line to impress dates. But you can’t hand her a drink in a Dixie cup or a washed out jelly jar. And you should have a couple of things to offer her that she might actually like.

Have a couple of wine glasses. Check TJMaxx or Marshall’s for singles left from sets that had broken pieces. You can often get two good crystal wine goblets for $4 a piece. I’d also recommend one decent little serving dish. You want to put out something simple, like crackers and cheese before dinner, or strawberries after dinner. Also, have napkins.

If you know what the lady drinks ahead of time, try to have that. If you don’t, it is smart to keep a couple of bottles of decent wine. One red and one white. A bottle of Pellegrino, a lemon, and a couple of personal sized bottles of water in the fridge is inexpensive and classier than stocking Yoo-hoo.

You need to have toilet paper in the bathroom. And it’s a good idea to have at least a couple of good clean towels hanging up. The towels you use every day that you’ve had since college that don’t match and have stains and tears don’t count.

Your bedding matters. Throw away the sheets with stains or rips, or no elastic left on the fitted. Get rid of the NASCAR throw blanket. Matching decent clean sheets and a nice comforter makes a huge difference. You want your bed to be inviting. Not scary.

You’d be wise to have a few candles around. Not only can they be relaxing and romantic, they can also be scented and serve to mask other odors. Put one in the bathroom, one in the kitchen, and of course the living room and bedroom.

It would also be wise to have some mood music handy. Know where your ipod is or have your Sirius Satellite radio Sport ready to go. Silence is a little unnerving on first dates. Creating a relaxing feel to your home would be wise. Think Snow Patrol, Enigma, or Sting rather than Metallica, Disturbed or Breaking Benjamin. Hey, I love the Union Underground, too. But when I'm trying to get laid, I reach for Lifehouse. 'Know what I mean?

“Who’s she?”

It is one thing to have photos of family and friends on the fridge or framed on the desk. It is something else to have 5 photos of the same girl.

Even if that girl is just a good friend, think about the way it might be perceived by a lady you’re trying to impress.

Limit the obvious ex-girlfriend memorabilia. It's just not a conversation truly appropriate for a first impression, or a first seduction. Cards, valentines, a teddy bear, and romantic looking photos can be very intimidating to your new interest. Put them in a drawer for now. Even if you like to have them out sometimes, don’t get into the habit of leaving them out. Everyone has a past. Every lady you’re dating knows she isn’t the first woman that’s turned your head. But that doesn’t mean it’s OK to let the past look like it’s obviously still a big part of your present and future.

“Are you OK?”

Put the self-help books away. Put away Dr. Phil's dvds. Speaking as a woman, I can tell you we love that you work on yourselves. We like that you’re sensitive and open to advice. But we want to be eased into that. When we're debating being bedded, we all have a little Jane in us. Take out your Tarzan.

Seriously, on a first impression we like to think you’re pulled together and manly. It is a bit of a Catch 22, I’ll admit. And I'm positive people will disagree with this, but they'll be lying. Focus on the idea that this is a first impression. For now, keep the Prozac prescription and the copy of “I’m OK, You’re OK” tucked away. You can leave out your powerbars, and your Blender mags.

Your home is an extension of yourself. When you're dating, you want to put your best foot forward. These are all suggestions that won't take much time or money, just a little thought. Show her you're a considerate mature guy that she should be comfortable with.

If you like this HUB please click the “Thumbs-Up” below just before the comments.

Thanks!

All text is original content by Veronica.

All photos are used with permission.

All videos are used courtesy of Youtube.

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Comments 6 comments

Marisa Wright profile image

Marisa Wright 8 years ago from Sydney

Thanks Veronica, now you need to do a Hub on how NOT having a bachelor pad can hinder your dating!

When I met my husband, he was living with his Mum. The first time I accepted an invitation to his place, I was surprised. It was a tiny, tiny bedsit, in the garden, with no kitchen.

He did have a good reason for being there – after breaking up with his partner, he’d had to sell his house. He’d resolved that he wasn’t going to buy another one until he’d found his soulmate. But the result was he’d been living in the garden flat for a few years, which made it look to an outsider as if he wasn’t making much of an effort to stand on his own feet. He didn’t realise the message he was sending, or what part it had played in his losing some previous girlfriends. 

I'm noticing an increasing trend in young Aussie men to stay home with Mum until they find a partner. Maybe they need to ask themselves if that's holding them back!


Veronica profile image

Veronica 8 years ago from NY Author

Hi Marisa~

Excellent point. And there are exceptions to every rule. But you're right, in general a guy that is still living at home is a major turn off. That does warrant it's own hub...

Thanks for the comment!


Brandy Owens profile image

Brandy Owens 8 years ago from Wherever life takes me

Thanks for writing this. It's very sensible advice that can be applied to both males and females. :) Great hub.


Veronica profile image

Veronica 8 years ago from NY Author

Thanks Brandy. I am digging your hubs tonight, too!


Amy 6 years ago

I know this quite an old hub but just came across it and thought I'd comment anyway. I completely agree with Marisa above!

When I met my boyfriend he was living with his parents and had never really lived away from home except one year at university. Even then he went home every weekend to have his clothes washed and get enough food packed to last a few days. It made me quite concerned that he wouldn't be very good to live with if we ever moved in together.

However, for career reasons he had to move away from home and to another city. Even though the long distance has been hard, I've really appreciated it in a way because it's made him grow up and learn how to look after himself and has given me confidence that when we do live together, I won't be the one doing all of the work! I've been surprised to see that actually his "bachelor pad" is kept in quite a good condition :)


Veronica profile image

Veronica 6 years ago from NY Author

Amy,

Thanks for your comment. I'm glad to hear the experience has been good for him, and therefore for you too.

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