Choose Your Battles: A Guide for Smart People

Hey! You, #@%%$#!!&^!!
Hey! You, #@%%$#!!&^!!

When is anger a good thing?

There are situations for sure when anger is not only understandable but also when expressing one's ire is acceptable to the vast majority of rational individuals. However, depending upon the degree of anger, it is by it's very nature, somewhat of an irrational emotion.

Anger often results in verbal sparring, temper tantrums, flying insults and more often than not, behavior we come to regret.

In fact, a heated argument can last ten minutes, remorse tends to hang around a while. Had we taken a few moments of clarity and some deep breaths, we may have spared ourselves hours of explanations and apologies. No one really longs to be labeled a "Hot Head."

Feeling as though you have a perfectly legitimate reason to be angry is acceptable. Expressing that anger aggressively and publicly may just create further chaos, not to mention some backlash. If you're going to swing that hammer, look out for the bulldozer your enemy drives! It's tough to be the calmer, more sane individual but how better to prove the others crazy?

I know what you're thinking..."Why should I let some jerk think he's got the right to piss me off?"
Because, 'tis better to let then know they are quite unimportant and not worth your time. They hate that!

I'm really sorry
I'm really sorry

We Can't Un-Ring the Bell

Speaking of emotions......"regret" is a killer, wouldn't you agree? I mean, don't we spend a lot of time and effort creating ways to be sensible and fair to avoid future regret? Yes, most of us do. Those of us with common sense and foresight spend much less time kicking our own butt.

It would appear then, we'd be wise to indulge in some honest self-analysis and vow to adopt personal guidelines.

In terms of managing our anger, a vital aspect here is realizing with whom we should not argue, regardless of the circumstances.

Realistically, we can often encounter those individuals with whom arguing should be avoided at any cost. I can promise, you will logically agree with the three that I suggest here.

You may very well be able to add your own stories in the comment section. Please feel free to do so! We can all benefit by examples of the unpleasant experiences of others. After all, friends are for sharing miserable memories too. In fact, if you have learned how to avoid a falling rock or back yourself out from a dead end, you are obligated to share with us!

One more for the road...HIC!
One more for the road...HIC!

Anyone "under the influence," friend or foe.

You may be quick to say this is a no-brainer because quite simply it is, but sober people have been known to argue with men and women who have sacrificed their ability to communicate for a cocktail or two, or....

How can this possibly result in any sort of positive outcome? It cannot and it doesn't. Well, unless you count the few laughs it offers to the onlookers who revel in stupidity of others. Intoxicated people need to face the facts....they are funny. Let's face it folks. Arguing with some poor soul who has drowned all sane behavior in alcohol, isn't even fair.

If you insist upon trying to reason with a drunk, be prepared to add to your frustrations. It's a sure bet the target of your anger will not only forget what you said, they won't even recall you were there. What a waste of precious oxygen, don't you think? (Stop laughing)

Somehow, I have this feeling that many of you are smirking. You wouldn't by any chance be thinking about a time you found yourself in this very scenario? It didn't work out well at all, did it.

"License & Registration, please."
"License & Registration, please."
OH JOY
OH JOY
I HATE this!!
I HATE this!!

The Nice Officer, who just pulled you over...

If you've never bitten your tongue before, now is the perfect opportunity to practice. In this situation, temper and argument are not your friends.

Smile, listen, comply and save your comments and questions for your court appearance.

All the information you'll need will be written on the citation and you'll have the right to defend yourself, your driving skills or your humble opinion.. Whatever the case may be, just bite thy tongue..except to form the words, "Yes, Sir."

To get huffy or combative, loud or offensive with a police officer is a really bad idea. Should you insist, go for it but remember I told you so.


It's simple. The person with the official authority, the badge and the gun, makes the rules here. Just be nice, fairly quiet and COMPLY. I promise you'll be happy you did.

The Tax Man.....aka The I.R.S......

You've never been audited? Thank your lucky stars and hope your good fortune lasts forever.

This has got to be the most annoying, nerve-wracking situation you'll ever have the displeasure of enduring. But endure...you must.

I'm not even sure how to express how uncomfortable and nerve wracking an audit can be. I do need to warn you that it's nothing you would ever care to repeat at any point in your life.

I don't care how honest you are or that your tax returns have always been done with the utmost of care and calculations. You can be confident everything will work out just peachy in the end but the process is the pits!

The main intent of the I.R.S is to drive you completely insane. Believe it. This is their job.

Just when you think you've answered all of their questions, provided every last receipt and document you've ever had in your life, explained every number on every line for the tenth time, they produce a new list of "things" for you to submit.

You will fume, curse under your breath and shift your self-control into overdrive. Do not show anger. This is what they want. You've given them enough.....do not give up your composure too!

Follow their lead, because trust me, throughout the entire duration of this torture, they remain calm, cool, confident and authoritative. Their smug, monotone and somewhat haughty attitude will tempt you to leap across the desk aiming for their skinny neck.

This is when you need to picture them naked and stifle the laughter. Whatever it takes.

No doubt my friends, you have much to add to the list I've provided. Perhaps based on your own personal experiences, you've come to learn there's an endless assortment of people who are simply not worth the time and energy it requires to get through to them. It is so exhausting and ultimately, futile.

I would tend to understand and agree with you.

Keep in mind it's a credit to your wisdom, not to mention your peaceful existence, to be selective with whom you choose to do battle. There are points to consider, a lot to gain and losses to avoid.

It's no wonder that "Anger Management" classes/seminars are fast becoming the group to join, whether voluntarily or otherwise.

Can't get along with your co-workers? Marriage on the rocks? Poor parenting skills? Finding yourself in front of the Judge once too often? Friends mysteriously dropping you like a bad habit?

Just for a second, consider it might be you. Hey, don't get mad.......get better! You can always plead the fifth.

I.R.S. in deep trouble! Stop smirking. GO Representative Gowdy!

You will NOT believe this crazy woman!

Please feel free to chime in

When angry, do you feel the need to lash out or argue?

See results without voting

More by this Author


Comments 64 comments

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 23 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

VJGSA......This particular person will probably soon learn a lesson in pushing people too far or taking advantage of their patience. He'll soon have no choice but to shut up and walk away~ straight to the Employment Agency.....LOL


VJGSA profile image

VJGSA 23 months ago from Texas

I work with someone who confronts the boss, as well as talks back to him. The boss is patient and attempts to justify the behavior to the personal and financial issues the employee is having. But I'm beginning to believe that the employee has interpreted the boss' forgiveness and tolerance for weakness because the employee is becoming more brazen. Some people just don't know when to shut up and just walk away.


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 2 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

LOL...Peg...I had to smile at your opening remark. Yes, weren't most of us a bit cocky in our youth, believing we knew it all and intended to "fight' for our rights?? Oh Lord, thank heaven for maturity!

It is a comfort to come to terms with knowing when to speak and HOW to speak....and when to simply accept that we alone have the power to direct a positive path......and keep our butts out of totally unnecessary trouble and self-inflicted grief!

Thanks so much for your awesome and thoughtful comment. I appreciate your input.


PegCole17 profile image

PegCole17 2 years ago from Dallas, Texas

Your advice here is enormously valuable. I wish I'd have known these things so many years back when I couldn't resist a snappy comeback, which, most often, missed its mark and made me look like the bozo. My response these days mostly is to shower them with kindness. It infuriates the ones who want to continue to argue.

The "Nice Officer" part is particularly important these days in light of recent police shootings. Here in Texas we've had a rash of them in the last few days. Proper deference is not so hard and ends in much less unfortunate consequences.


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 2 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

That young an was in total control of himself.....You're right! LOL


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 2 years ago from Orlando, FL

OMG the video was so extremely annoying!! I would have hit her just to shut her up! Lol


HoneyBB profile image

HoneyBB 4 years ago from Illinois

Yep, that's where I'm at about now...lol!


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

After awhile, Honey.......it's good not to argue with anyone. The smart people already "Know it all," and the stupid people, THINK they do! Best to save one's breath and emotions. Lately, I just like to look at people and say, "Yeah, OK, I'm sure you're right." Whatever...........


HoneyBB profile image

HoneyBB 4 years ago from Illinois

fpher, This is so true and it made me laugh. I've always been good at picking my battles with my kids (you just can't get on them about every little thing or they'll start blocking everything you say out) and I rarely ever lash out but at least they know when I do they better shape up...lol. Great advice that I hope and pray I never need! LOL! I'm finding that whenever I need a good laugh after yet another debate, I can come to you. Much appreciation.


jpcmc profile image

jpcmc 4 years ago from Quezon CIty, Phlippines

My wife usually pops in some praise music or some other calming music whenever she sees me getting frustrated. I'm so lucky to have her with me.


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

jpcmc......This sounds serious! Practise patience and calmness......I understand what you are saying, but we can't let the frustratons cause a heart attack!!


jpcmc profile image

jpcmc 4 years ago from Quezon CIty, Phlippines

Traffic in Manila, Philippines can either help you develop patience or give you a heart attack. :)


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

jpcmc......The throat-wringing technique seems to be the one that comes to mind, quite often. Fortunately we don't go for it......the legal fees would be crazy!

Sounds like you (via a smart wife) have this down to a science.......count to 10.......if that doesn't work, keep counting! Thanks!


jpcmc profile image

jpcmc 4 years ago from Quezon CIty, Phlippines

Anger is a natural emotion. But it's how we handle it that matters more. i used to be impatient and hot headed. But thanks to my wife (still girlfriend back then) I get to control my temper. Of course I sometimes get the desire to wring the neck of the other person but thankfully, I restrain myself.

i try to be diplomatic and as ensitive as possible. most arguments stem from failing to listen to others properly. The moment we try to understand their point, we get a better glimpse of the whole scenario.

Stephen Covey could not have said it better - Seek first to understand then to be understood.


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

dmop.....Hello there...don't blame you in the least for expressing your 2 cents where Police are concerned. I wouldn't want a world without them, but some (OK, MOST) of them can be real A$$holes!!

I know I should have not written this damned HUB....we were just notified we're being AUDITED again!!!

What was it I said about NOT being superstitious??!!


dmop profile image

dmop 4 years ago from Cambridge City, IN

Choosing battles wisely is my forte. I almost never get angry, or at least don't show my anger. I do like to point out the flaws of police officers judgements whenever possible, but never get offensive or rude. Voted up and funny.


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Sounds to me, rahul, that you have a very good, no-nonsense concept of how to handle your anger. There are those times when it is much wiser to remain silent or walk away....usually when we're dealing with ignorance of others.....and then, when someone who is close to us, intentionally hurts us or stabs us in the back for personal gain.....It is then time to let the anger show and do it's job!! Bless you & Peace!!


rahul0324 profile image

rahul0324 4 years ago from Gurgaon, India

I believe anger management is an art one must learn! Some situations need silence to be won and some need the rigorous out pour of words!

Brilliant hub I must say!

There are times I am frustrated and irritated about something but still I am patient not to vent it out on people... rather I use a punching bag!

but there have been times like when a friend becomes foe by stabbing me in the back or when some one hurts me for the wrong reasons... I vent out my anger at them... with points they must realize


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

suzette....Am I ever happy your friend won the round of battle with the IRS....Good for him and what a great friend you are to have helped and stood by him.

Most of those IRS agents put on the mean, tough guy act and try to look down on you....(you measly tax-payer-you!)...The key is to continually remind yourself that he or she is just another asshole working for a government that's as crooked and greedy as possible. Never give them a reason to make it more difficult on you. Thanks for the visit. Always nice to see you.


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Vincent...It is so true, what you say about the police and their "quotas." They set their mind to writing X number of tickets for "whatever" violaltion to unsuspecting motorists. Their favorites, of course are the "He said-She said" type....presicely like a stop sign. I do not blame you one bit for being angry and put out. YOU would know what you did and did not do. The cop is simply choosing random cars...(maybe based on their color?) It's only difficult for people to believe that police actually do this, if you don't happen to have "friends" in the Dept. who will admit this practice while thinking it's funny. Yeah, Ha Ha, very funny.

I must tell you....the 2 weeks my husband and I had to do hand-stands and cartwheels for the IRS, were like a nightmare we both try to erase from our memory. Have you ever gotten so frustrated and over-tired that you could only laugh hysterically? Well, I thought before that was over, we'd both be carted away in straight jackets to the funny farm. Honetly, I'd have been willing to go! Thanks for your enjoyable visit, Vincent. Peace


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Ohhhhhhhh Tammy! Do not mess with a woman's kids!! Whoo-EEE....that's a sure fight with a crazy lady! lmao. Every single person who knows me well, knows I am very slow to anger......UNLESS it has something to do with my kids (grandkids)....Then? Well, let's just say, if they ever do a re-make of "The Exorcist," I'll have the leading role. I'm with you Mama!! Peace


suzettenaples profile image

suzettenaples 4 years ago from Taos, NM

Great, great advice! I can only attest that through my own life experience these tidbits are so true. When stopped by police in traffic, I just comply and say the least possible during the process. The IRS is everything you say. I have not been audited, but had a friend who was. I stayed up all night with him, going through business receipts and organizing them for the IRS the next morning. He asked me to come into the conference room with him. Oh, my, was the agent mean and matter of fact. But, we both remained cool, calm and collected and got through the two hour session without loosing our cool and bursting out in anger. In the end, much to the IRS's dismay, my friend proved his case, had all the documents he needed, and it turns out the mistake was not his but the IRS's. Boy, did we celebrate that night!

In most dealings with the public I keep my cool. There are times when it is appropriate to show anger or raise your voice, but for the most part, and I am finding this out as I age, just being cool, calm and in control of your emotions gets you much further. Thanks for sharing your tips and advice - great job!


Vincent Moore 4 years ago

Good timing I should stumble upon this wonderful information packed hub. Just last night I was stopped by the police for they claim"rolling through a stop sign" rather than argue that I did not, I simply listened to the officer and said "officer" I know you are just doing your job however I don't agree with your call and will see you in court.

He agreed, wrote me up and we both went on our way. A $198 ticket for rolling through a STOP sign, which I did not do, however when the pressure is on to meet their quota for tickets, they dig deep into the public pockets by baiting us. Using various methods and areas where they know that it's a big chance that a violation of the Highway Act will occur. This one believe me I will be in court over.

The other two you offered, dealing with drunks, it's a no win situation someone always get's burned, I've had my situations in my life dealing with drunks and bloodied my knuckles in some instances. One can get seriously injured or even killed arguing with a drunk.

IRS or our Revenue Canada equally as bad if your audited, heck the TAX MAN they are the men in BLACK who come to squeeze every last drop of blood/tax money they can from Joe and Jane taxpayer. I've been there done that to, no need to explain, but let me just say it was painful:-))

Thank you for a great hub, it sure brought back past memories and one as current as last night. I have an unblemished driving record and for this to happen and be innocent, for sure I'm going to stand up for my rights in a courtroom. My chances of getting it erased will probably be NIL as it seems to be a turkey shoot for Judges, they need our CASH to keep their high salaries in place.


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina

I tend to look at things as black and white. Something is either worth my time or it isn't. I apply this to situations that make me angry. If it isn't worth my time I will walk away. The times that I do get angry, I make sure it is a memorable event to discourage further stupidity.. lol. I have only got furious and out of control a few times in my life and that is because people messed with my children (one dude pushed my young son to the ground trying to skip line in an amusement park). Then the gloves come up. You write about the most unique things. Well done!


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

zzron....I'm with you! I think we all, at some point or another need to experience the positive and negative effects of expressing one's anger before we are able to understand the rules of the game. My attitude 90% of the time is that I can't be bothered to expend my time and energy on trying to get a point across to an obviously narrow-minded individual. Thanks for stopping by.


zzron profile image

zzron 5 years ago from Houston, TX.

Wonderful write up. We all do get angry from time to time and sometimes, for little or no reason. Sometimes for legitimate reasons, but either way, we do need to look at the situation and use common sense while dealing with others.

Letting our feelings be known to others while we are angry can have repercussions on the situation depending on who we're dealing with. Anger is a normal, healthy emotion and reaction. Dealing with anger and others in a constructive and positive way should be our objective. Self-control has its merits.


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

"regret" is a terrible way to spend your precous time and energy, don't you agree? I say....we all screw up now and then....some more than others. We pull ourselves up, brush the dust off, learn and go forward. If we were meant to look back, we'd have eyes in the back of our heads. (and YES, I admit, I would tell my kids that I did, when they were young, so they'd think I could see what they were doing at all times!!!!lol)


PeanutButterWine profile image

PeanutButterWine 5 years ago from North Vancouver, B.C. Canada

This one is funny! Loved the drunk part, arguing with a drunk, haha! Oh and the police officer, NEVER argue with them, resisting arrest is a bummer. I have to say my favorite part was the regret. I may just have to do an article on regret, the problem will be keeping it under a million words ;)


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

sharyn...lol...we won't FIGHT about it OK? Good to hear from you, talented lady! All IS well with me....you too, I hope. Thanks!


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

Hi Paula,

Great topic, great hub and great writing. I'm ANGRY that I didn't think of it first, ha. Hope all is well with you.

Sharyn


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Now you've just blown my mind. I was thinking I had such little traffic and trying not to let it get me down. When I cruise around, to read hubs and offer my comments, it seems I find such brilliant authors with large followings and unending visitors. But, I admit, I'm not on any social networks and with the exception of some personal friends and family, my hubs pretty much stay here, amongst fellow hubbers. Truthfully, I got into this to WRITE. I never thought about possibly making money one day, and certainly not to claim any noteriety! lol. The most awesome thing happened though, when I began to meet and chat with our authors. I truly feel like I KNOW these people and have known them for years. It's a friendly, comforting sort of thing. In this case, being a hubber has more than surpassed any expectations I had. "Socialize," I can do. hahahaha...Hey, friend, thanks for being so nice. You are what I refer to as an AUTHENTIC GENUINE NICE GUY. We don't have enough Wesman's in this world.


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas

you might be "new here" - but most people don't get the number of comments that you do for hubs. Now sure, your hubs are well written and more "universal" than say, a specific product hub - but you've got the socialization thing down!


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Wes....Why do I not have a difficult time believing you, Ya Texas Rebel, you!? lol. Online? that's perfectly OK! I've been known to rip a few A**holes my damned self...but not on Hubpages, ever. This is a good community for me to practise my tolerance and diplomacy skills....but then again, I'm rather new here and no one has really gotten me angry in the least. Being a MORON, as I see it, is THEIR problem, not mine. No need to get my blood pressure up over someone else's ignorance. I try to practise the fine art of choosing my battles, like the hub says. I'm sure my sons would tell you about my "temper," when they were young wild cubs...but even then they'd use very respectful language (if I was standing there! lol) I understand I can still give the "look," that used to make them cringe....only now they just laugh. You're a GOOD man, Wes..No need to worry about letting some idiot have it now and then!! It's good for your health!


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas

I have this problem - but not so much in the face to face world - but ONLINE.

Oh, I've been kicked out of the HP forums many a time for calling someone an "effing moron" and other such compliments - concerning their stance....

heheh.


purp-drag913 profile image

purp-drag913 5 years ago from West Michigan, USA.

Whatever works, fpherj48. :o)


fpherj48 5 years ago

purp-drag913 OR....by the time you ask and answer a few questions.....you're too tired to argue!!! LOL


fpherj48 5 years ago

peek-a-boo Sunshine, here I am, hiding out in Georgia for a few more days. I'll be back out to play soon! Hubbers never leave for good....they just rest their fingertips!! miss you.


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

EfferJ....come out, come out wherever you are :-)


purp-drag913 profile image

purp-drag913 5 years ago from West Michigan, USA.

That's why my husband and I ask the questions before getting angry. Ten out of ten times, we've misunderstood each other somehow.


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

James...."Remorse/Regret" is more often the result of NOT thinking, but also NOT understanding to begin with. I mean, how embarrassing is it to jump all over someone for an hour, only to discover you MISUNDERSTOOD his point? ouch! Ooops...NEVER MIND. lol


James A Watkins profile image

James A Watkins 5 years ago from Chicago

"We Can't Un-Ring the Bell"

Amen! That is something we all need to remember.

Your Hub is full of wise counsel. I love it!

You said: "a heated argument can last ten minutes, remorse tends to hang around a while."

We need to think about this the next time someone raises our hackles. Well done!


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

poeticmentor....thank you for stopping by to read and comment. I agree with you and would like to add....sometimes....murders and other crimes are due to a LACK OF EMOTION/EMPATHY.....Know what I mean? Blessings to you too!


poeticmentor profile image

poeticmentor 5 years ago from New York City

Great take on controlling emotions. Emotions are the reason for murders, fights, jealousy, envy etc. To be in control of your emotions its to be on control of life. Thank you. Voting up. Blessings


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

Never stop fantasizing!!! :)


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Thanks ladies.....Looks like we're all wrapped up in the image of handsome, strong men in uniform.....We need to stop fantasizing!!!!


SweetMocha-Monroe profile image

SweetMocha-Monroe 5 years ago

Great advice. Very good points.


Barbara Turpin profile image

Barbara Turpin 5 years ago from N. California

Men in uniform, especially military, have different smell than any other uniform wearing man. I remember mine, when he came home after his year in VN, a smell that says "I'M HOME" such a great smell! (we did stay in a locked room, for days!)


Arlene V. Poma 5 years ago

Shame on you, Sunshine! Silly Girl--let us in!!!


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

Hey I wanna be locked in a room with men in uniforms!!! :))


Arlene V. Poma 5 years ago

Hubba hubba. Those men in uniform (sigh). Be still, my heart. And my husband knows what I'm doing and just smiles . . . I am certainly a "good girl" for not pinching that uniformed man's butt . . .


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

A.V.P. You sound like the epitome of a "good girl," who watches all her p's & q's! You get an A-plus and 2 smiley faces....Oh....yum..."a man in uniform?" I am in complete AWE and adoration of a United States MARINE in his Dress Blues!! I think that's the most elegant uniform ever.....I'd follow him anywhere!!


Barbara Turpin profile image

Barbara Turpin 5 years ago from N. California

My parents didn't 'unknowingly' screw me up ~ they knew EVERY hand. I should say, she did. But he did NOTHING to stop it. Yes, my real 'man' ya' know what I mean?

I think, locked in a room, we wouldn't go crazy (we are already!), they sure couldn't pull the 3 of us out. Others locked in, want out-not us!!!!

XOXOX!!!


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Barb.....you make me laugh....hahahaha. I think if I was locked in a room with you and Sunshine, I'd laugh myself into a frazzle! NO NO NO...I didn't translate anything you said as a "pity party"...I was actually RELATING to your feelings......being from the same generation and mind set. Yeah, honey....our parents unknowingly screwed us up BIG TIME and it's taken decades to unscrew our heads!!! I don't need to research too much Barb...Maybe you should ask Sunshine what I did all my life. (I'm not into public broadcasting.....I joined hubpages for the fun of writing....know what I mean, jelly bean?) Bless you! and hugs


Barbara Turpin profile image

Barbara Turpin 5 years ago from N. California

fpherj48.....you caught me, in the act!!! Yes, but, NOT seen, and never heard. I broke the chain of 'crazy'....hard work.

Yes! I have participated in verbal sparring, it took me a long time to know just because hubby and I argued, didn't mean he'd lift his hand, or walk out. I'm trying to muster up the courage for writing that all down. Not sure if it'll help, or bring up old stuff. I've spent lottsa money trying to learn, work on, work thru, push past.

I did NOT mean this as a pity party, that's not why you wrote it!

Still a GREAT Hub without a lot of research on your part. Can I vote AGAIN?? ;=) (I voted again!!)


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Barbara....I'm relieved to hear you admit that your pent-up emotions have cost you. "verbal sparring," done with fairness and facts would not get you in DEEP trouble...the truth is, verbal sparring is as healthy as the physical excersize of sparring in the ring. You do not sound like a weak-brainless-non-emotional weirdo, my friend....you sound like someone who may have been brainwashed a bit from childhood and on....to be "seen and not heard." BIG BIG mistake parents of our era made. Why do you suppose we Baby-Boomer women are the "Pleasers & Givers" of the world? Well lady...it's YOUR turn now...Let the world please and give to you!! You've earned it!


Painted Seahorse profile image

Painted Seahorse 5 years ago from Woodstock, GA

Great advice here, and funny too. I'm always polite to officers when I get pulled over, because I'm just praying they let me off with a warning. It's worked out well so far!


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Sunnygirl.....You, a bad temper? I don't believe it. Why does my ESP have perfect timing...what did I do? Thanks for the visit....


Arlene V. Poma 5 years ago

Paula, you are a goldmine of wisdom. I do pride myself in picking my battles carefully. I don't argue with drunks, the police or the IRS. I do like the looks of a man in uniform--I must say. Keep writing. I'm following you! Voted up and all those other buttons I enjoy hitting.


Barbara Turpin profile image

Barbara Turpin 5 years ago from N. California

I have to say.....in all honesty, I have never been 'angry'. I learned early to 'stiffle it'. I've been mad, but never thrown things. I can't totally deny the verbal sparring, but learned early it can get me in DEEP trouble. Name calling is not my normal....ok, now I'm sounding like a weak-brainless-no emotional weirdo. My pent-up feelings have cost me.

Some have mistaken my kindness, quiet attitude as weakness, nothing could be further from the truth.....try messin' with my family!!! ;-)

GREAT Hub, TON of cop related info! I live in a small city, know every cop....keeping fingers crossed!

I voted high, and a few other things! LOVED IT


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

Your ESP has PERFECT timing again!! I had to laugh about getting pulled over by the police...I just flirt! haha!

I used to have a BAD temper but not so much now, it's pointless. One thing that irks me is incompetence...do it my way or no way! haha! Excellent hub, it didn't anger me at all! haha! VOTED WAY UP!!


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

LaniK.....you are F U N N Y!! LOL.....YES, Oh Lord, help us remember!!


LaniK profile image

LaniK 5 years ago from Minnesota

Good hub. Now if we can just remember this while we're sitting roadside, inebriated and indebted, with an officer's request for our license and insurance information. Voted up!


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Thanks Cogerson! Police Officer Friends are a good kind to have! Right...there's no guarantee one way or the other in terms of a ticket OR warning,,,,but it is always best to show respect. I don't envy their jobs...they get enough grief working the streets!


Cogerson profile image

Cogerson 5 years ago from Virginia

Great hub with some great advice....especially the advice about the officer pulling you over...I have many friends who are police officers....and they say as they walk towards the car they have not decided if they are going to give you the ticket......attitude equals instant ticket....giving respect and hands on the steering wheel could though not always get you a warning instead....why hands on the steering wheel? Because they are also a little uneasy about pulling you over...having your hands on the steering wheel keeps your hands in their view....and they can relax a little....and a relaxed police officer is much more willing to give a warning. Voted up and awesome.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working