The Problems With Online Romance Websites

The obvious fraud issue of those posting photos that are not them or were taken years ago and they no longer look like that (i.e., misrepresentation). These can be easily resolved by meeting the person or using a webcam for a live conversation. While this can be serious, the REAL dilemma for men and women looking for the one true love that has been so elusive all their life or since the failed previous one is choice. Choice is a good thing, but like anything in life, too much of anything creates problems and with online romance sites this leads to indecision. As the person searches for the "perfect" mate (that is, yet, another problem), they spend hours doing so and create favorites. The website internal search machines scours the its members looking for similar traits based upon your own and then on a daily basis, sends you more. As these pile up over time, one finds themselves playing catch up that consumes even more time as more favorites are added. At this rate, the search is much like a roulette that is always spinning and even if you find what you think is THE ONE, as you pause the search to meet and test the water, more and more new matches appear daily for you decide upon! If the one you thought was THE ONE fails in a person, now you really need to catch up. Then, even if your suspicion about THE ONE is correct and you do not ignore the incoming matches, you are presented with a hurdle: do you continue looking for THE ONE (even though you thought you had found them!) or truly ignore all further matches? Do you tell your new love that you still are looking, if they ask? Are you willing to lie about it? If you tell the truth than you open a whole new discussion.

This is where too much choice is a problem. It is like a European coming to the USA and entering a very large grocery store. Their eyes are wide open (most grocery stores there are small and limited in selection) and the first question out of their mouth is, "How do you decide what to buy or find anything?". With so many candidates for you to choose from, after awhile, it is too much of a good thing, requiring too much of your time, too many decisions or indecision because they keep arriving. This is where seeking the "perfect" love acerbates the whole search. Because you seek perfection when there is none to find, even if you think you found a person with 90% of what you want, in the back of your mind you are thinking, "hmm, maybe I should keep looking". Seeking the perfect person in your eyes is actually hindering you from finding your love because you continue to look for something better, so your never satisfied. The most difficult thing to do is to stop looking after you find what you think is love.

Then there is the age dilemma. This not much of a problem when you're in your 20's to 40's. But it is an issue for some starting in the 40's because of the physical attraction aspect. It is vital and many in their 40's and up now seek someone younger because those your own age are less appealing. It is what it is.

People searching online for love are callous to a certain degree. Many arrived after trying all other ways to find them and it is a last resort. But finding your new love is work. It is a job. It consumes personal time and many give up over time because, as poll showed, only 5% of those searching for a mate online, find one. Not exactly good odds!

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Comments 4 comments

tirelesstraveler profile image

tirelesstraveler 17 months ago from California

I know two couples who met on-line. I also know one couple whose marriage was destroyed by met ups on the internet, I know more than a few who have spent a lot of time looking. Sound like my friends are statistically on target.


perrya profile image

perrya 17 months ago Author

I can happen, they are part of the 5%!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 17 months ago

Whenever someone view dating as a "job" whether it's online or offline there's a good chance they HATE the whole dating process!

Your subconscious mind will never allow you to succeed at anything you despise.

I believe the real trick in dating is being happy with who you are and where you are regardless of your relationship status. People are drawn to those who come off as being positive and enjoying life.

Also having a "mate selection" criteria or screening process helps one to reduce having numerous time wasting bad dates. Some people literally go out with everyone asks. That's the equivalent of a company taking the time to have a face to face interview with anyone that sends them a resume!

In the end you're still responsible for the people (you) {choose} to engage with. There's no getting around that one.

The best way to approach online dating is to view it as just another tool in one's arsenal to meet new people. There is no system that guarantees success in finding a spouse online or offline. And according to statistics in the U.S. close to 50% of couples who do get married end up divorced!

Instead of putting pressure on ourselves to find "the one" it may be best to RELAX and make it a goal to find someone you share a lot in common with and have similar sense of humor. Dating after all is supposed to be a FUN social activity. If you don't have a good time when you're together odds are against having a situation where things might "evolve" into something serious. Whenever try to force things we move to quickly, make mistakes, assumptions, and get frustrated.

Another mistake is people are quick to zero in on one person instead of engaging with multiple people . Again these are the people who HATE dating so they rush to be "exclusive" with people whom they don't really know yet.

Too often (women) in particular will state they're looking for a man who is "ready to get married". What they should be looking for is man who wants to marry (them).

The relationship determines if marriage is in the cards.

There is a difference between someone who realizes over time they don't want to be without (you) versus someone who that made up in their mind the NEXT person they date they're going to marry.

That's called "settling". Most people want to be "the one" not "the next".


perrya profile image

perrya 17 months ago Author

Thanks, you raise many great points. I guess the very bottom line is, will you be 100% satisfied with your choice or will you continue to hope to find that "gem". Yet, it can be a complicated process that can be redundant.

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