A Look At Why People Are Two Faced: The Real Person Behind The Smile.

gossip girls why so bitchy?
gossip girls why so bitchy? | Source

Friends or Foes?

Why are people two faced? What makes someone suddenly turn from being a friend into an enemy? Is it because they have always been sly, or do they really believe you have slighted them in some way?

People are strange creatures, we learn to behave early on in life, and manners are one of the main things that our parents teach us.

Throughout our lives we meet lots of different personalities. Some we automatically get on with, and others we take an aversion to straight away.

But what of the people we believe are our friends? What makes them suddenly turn against you even if you believe there is nothing wrong. And especially if you haven't argued, or seen them for a few days?

What on earth do we do? Well, don't panic. Here's a few tips on how to resolve the problem of a two faced friend.

Two Faced Liar
Two Faced Liar | Source

The Psychology Of Two Faces!

Why do we never see a two faced person coming? We may have been friends or colleagues for months or even years, but there has never been any indication that this person is going to turn, and turn badly on us.

The trouble seems to be when a third person gets involved. I believe that the relationship between the two people will work as it has to balance even in a slightly crooked way. But add to the ingredients, a third person, then the whole ambiance goes out of the window.

Maybe the third person has a couple of facets of personality more similar to your friend. For example, you trust people, they are less likely to trust someone. Add the third scenario and the first person may feel that they have someone else to back them up.

But why turn on the first friend even though they may have done nothing wrong?

Hiding Behind The Mask Being Two Faced.

stirringthedeep.com
stirringthedeep.com

Backstabbing Friends.

It seems to me that for this scenario to work, the first friend has to have been keeping her nasty side covered up.

This is a clever tactic to make sure that all their options are open. In other words they may not like you or your 'too nice' approach, but they have nobody else.

The second another person appears more suited to their personality then you are expendable. Simple as that.

But What if your friend turns on you because they believe gossip from a third person?

This one is pretty difficult to understand. You have known this person for a long time. Another person comes along, gossips poison in their ear and they believe it?! What?

How did that happen? And why would your friend feel the need to believe it?

And that's the question isn't it?


Have You Ever Been A Victim Of Two Faced Friends? How Did You Cope?

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Betrayal

I think the answer to the question above, is that if your friend hears something nasty about you, whether its true or not, it probably hurts them so much to think that they have been taken in by you all these years, then they can't see the wood for the trees. If you see my point.

Take this scenario. You have been together a long time, another person enters the equation and says they saw you do something horrible. Steal, fight, take your boyfriend and so on. They are so hurt that they never even think that the third person is lying.

So why don't they ask you? Now that's a good question!

Embarrassment? Maybe. Hurt? Probably. And so on.

But What about you? Why on earth are you not approaching your friend and asking them;

Why is this happening?

The Shifting Of The Wheel.

Now this is going to sound rather strange, but if you think about it we all have our place in the friendship wheel. I call it that because it's a case of positioning. Your friend is to the right. You are in the middle and family and other friends are to your left and right. Metaphorically speaking.

In other words, mentally you know who sits where and you are comfortable there.

So what happens if the situation changes?

The seating shifts. Your friend is no longer, mentally speaking, where she was before. Her attitude has made the wheel turn slightly. All the other players in the bitchfest have move up a notch.

Apart from you. It's a bit like feeling as though you are slightly uncomfortable in your chair. They have moved, and the atmosphere is slightly darker, but you didn't see the move coming.

Mentally you have to shift pretty quick to keep up or else you are lost, embarrassed, upset and don't know what to do.

So, here's the thing. You have to tackle the situation full on or otherwise that wheel will be shifting some more and you will be left behind.

So, what are you going to say or do? Confront them? Ignore them?

Here's a few ideas that may help.

Two Face!

Source

How To Handle Two Faced or Gossip Friends.

  • Don't let the situation go on for more than a few days. Do it, and do it now.
  • Confront your friend. Get him or her on their own and ask what the heck has gone wrong.
  • Find out if you have offended them.
  • If you are the recipient of gossip, go through the exact words that were said and say in a calm way, no sorry that's not true. Then go on to explain reality.
  • If they look as though they don't believe you, turn on the hurt look. And then say: How can you believe that new person when you have known me for years? Can't you see the fact that you have been manipulated? This will cause them to doubt the other person, and you will be able to sort out your problems.
  • If your friend doesn't believe you, be brave, and face both of them. The new outsider will show her true colors when confronted, trust me!
  • And last but not least, if all else fails, drop the so called friend like a can of worms. There are always better and nicer people out there!

Free photos
Free photos

My Experience.

Sometimes bitchy gossips come in 'Little old lady' packages! Long story short, one neighbor started an argument, my ex yelled back, and of course my ex got the blame. I wasn't even there, but got the cold shoulder from another neighbor too! Of course my nice neighbor believed the 'Little old lady' Because she was, well, a little old lady!

The truth of the matter is that this sweet lady, when the other neighbor moved in a couple of years ago stated that, and I quote:

'I can't believe that horrible man is moving upstairs, he is a nasty person, if he moves in I will move'!

I was gobsmacked to say the least! I told her he was a great guy and so was his daughter, but she turned up her nose and said, 'I hate him, he has been married so many times he is disgusting'!

My point?

Gossips don't always come in the package you think they do. And don't always trust the ones that look so sweet and innocent. They do have claws too!

So, Now You Have Read This Will You Forgive Them?

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117 comments

billybuc profile image

billybuc 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

It will only happen once...in other words, people only get one chance with me. Be loyal or get out....how's that for a summary of my views on friendship? :)

Nice job of an all-too often happening occurrence.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

That sounds perfect to me billy! lol! this hasn't happened to me for years, so imagine my frustration and a feeling of how childish when it did, so I got it down on paper so to speak! lol! thanks as always, nell


Jackie Lynnley profile image

Jackie Lynnley 3 years ago from The Beautiful South

This has only happened to me once too but it was bad. A friend I grew up with told an awful lie on me in High School. I had new friends and I don't know why she wasn't one of them, but we must not have had any classes together; so maybe it was jealousy, I don't know. My very best friend told me about it knowing it wasn't true and probably some to this day still believe it I don't know. But with best friends and family as you say, you know where you stand. You make better excuses for them than I ever would. lol When someone hurts me that bad I can forgive them if they ask but I would never trust them again.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Hi Jackie, same here these days, it was just so darn childish! so I thought maybe writing it down in this way will get rid of my annoyance! lol! thanks as always, nell


SilentReed profile image

SilentReed 3 years ago from Philippines

Nothing ruins a friendship quicker than gossip. Men are just as guilty as women in tongue wagging and revealing secrets in unguarded moments like when one has one drink too many. Much worse is when intimate details you reveal to a "friend" is use by them to get some advantage or advancement for themselves at your expense. Over our lifetime we will have many acquaintances, some of whom we will regard with affection and trust. Rarely will we find that person who personify what true friendship is all about. Rare as is true love, true friendship is rarer~ Jean de La Fontaine


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

So true SilentReed, sometimes people we think of as friends are purely there just as aquantances, or using us, thanks so much for reading, nell


lovedoctor926 3 years ago

Excellent hub. I agree with you points. A lot of this backstabbing stuff occurs in the workplace. For the most part, I don't think that women can be close friends with one another because there's always some type of jealousy and competition. Many of those so called friends secretly envy you. I could tell when someone is being phony. It's all in the eyes and I totally agree with you that trouble seems to happen when a third person comes along. We have to be extra cautious as to what we reveal about ourselves and to whom we reveal it to. People have a funny way of twisting things around. And yes, I have been a victim of two-faced friends on more than one occasion. I'm just like Bill. Once someone proves to me that they're not loyal. See ya later alligator...


Denise Handlon profile image

Denise Handlon 3 years ago from North Carolina

Great topic, Nell. This has happened to me more than once. But, one situation was a particularly difficult one of betrayal involving a 'friend'. Needless to say, we are no longer friends. Wonderful points made here, Nell. Thanks for sharing a subject we can all relate to. UP/U


SandCastles 3 years ago

Good Hub! I think some friends turn on you when you change. They like you a certain way. If you become more confident or lose weight or whatever, the so-called friend becomes threatened by you. But it is important to not simply ditch someone because someone told you that your friend wasn't loyal. You can be played by others and you end up losing a good friend. The proof of disloyalty has to be more than gossip.


btrbell profile image

btrbell 3 years ago from Mesa, AZ

Thank you for writing about something that a lot of people don't want to admit is happening. And it happens all over!


ishwaryaa22 profile image

ishwaryaa22 3 years ago from Chennai, India

An engaging hub with valid points! I once faced a similar issue with a friend whom I trusted a lot and unfortunately, later turned out to be two-faced. I was hurt and asked her why she was like that but received hurtful replies. So I walked away without looking back. All of this is part of life and it taught us to be more prudent. Once again, a profound hub! Well-done!

Thanks for SHARING. Useful & Interesting. Voted up & shared


bac2basics profile image

bac2basics 3 years ago from Spain

Hi Nell.

This is a very interesting and well thought out hub; I never thought of upsets between friends in this light before.

You will probably know even though we are virtual friends ( well I hope anyway) that I am a very upfront person and usually get on with most people I meet, I really used to be an open book, but living with a small community of ex- pat´s changed all that and many years ago I closed the book and if I heard a British accent I would no longer go up to the person and say hello. I have had some excellent friends out here who saw me through so much during my Hearty´s illness and after his death, they all went the extra mile and I couldn´t have coped without them, but I also have had some very upsetting experiences too. Some people out here with too little to do but gossip, so now I keep my distance from most other ex-pat´s which is sad and limiting, in effect it means I am potentially cutting good people out of my life and that´s a sad reflection but all too often what you hear from most ex-pat´s out here.


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 3 years ago from United States

I am one to say what I think, usually in a nice but straightforward way. If I get burned by someone, I end the relationship. It seems like since I've gotten older I haven't had any problems with friends, but that was not the case when I was young. This is an interesting hub and I agree with your points.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Thanks Pamela, yes me too, I am so straight forward that if I argue, sort it out and resolve it, I forget it in ten minutes! lol! this hasn't happened to me in years too, until the little old lady downstairs syndrome! thanks for reading, nell


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 3 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Great topic! I had a friend in HS and thought that we'd always be good friends. Then one day she turned on me. It was really strange. I never could figure it out and never bothered to question her about it. Maybe I should have but ....


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota

Just Ask Susan~I think you did the right thing by just walking away from that so-called H.S. friend. I think it's rare that someone that turns on you in that matter has any good reason for it, other than a bad reason. This topic really hits home for me. Many of you may have read my hub about this very thing. I was devastated when two women, who I thought were my best friends, turned on me when I was diagnosed with cancer. It was painful as hell but it really made me grow up and quit seeing everyone with rose colored glasses. There are good friends and there are fake friends. Life is too short to put up with people that don't treat you with respect. Aww, I feel much better now-thanks for letting me vent Nell. Thanks for a really important hub because I think we have all had at least one of these friend experiences. Hit many buttons, voted up and sharing.


greatstuff profile image

greatstuff 3 years ago from Malaysia

Nell, we have a few of these people in our office and they play politics all the time. Somehow they seem to succeed in their career path!! Great article and loved your photo selections.


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 3 years ago

I went through a lot of that when I was a child and during my teenage years. These are childish actions, and I decided that I didn’t want to put up with childish people. Most of it now consists of office politics, and there isn’t much a person can do to avoid such betrayals, especially if it comes from one’s bosses. Brilliant photos, Nell. Voted up


MsDora profile image

MsDora 3 years ago from The Caribbean

Nell, I'm presently watching episodes of "Lie to Me" in which authorities determine when people lie, by just reading their facial expressions. They can tell when people lie, but they cannot tell why. The best way to find out is confrontation, like you suggested. In fact, all your pointers are right on. Thanks for dealing with this issue. Voted Up!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 3 years ago from South Africa

Hi, Nell, relationships can certainly die overnight and mostly due to the intervention of a third party, which may not necessarily be a person, but something like religion or a new interest. When I was younger I were devastated when I realise that I am losing a friends for whatever reason. I went out of my way to sort things out and make amends. But I’ve learned that a friendship once damaged is about the same as losing a limb. So, nowadays I simply cut the naval string and move on. Life is too short to waste time on unreliable and disloyal friends.

We all have masks; we don’t show all of us to everybody. I also believe that we all have a dark side which we are quite able to reveal in specific circumstances. So if somebody calls me a two-face, I would rather say that they have seen a side of my face they have never seen before – a side that is just as honest and straightforward as the ‘nice’ one. I normally get a shock when I see the ‘ugly’ side of SOME people – when that side is beyond my comprehension more ugly than the nice side.

Voted up and a topic worthy to be discussed forever.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida

I don't go for the three strike rule. Two is my limit. I'm not afraid to confront anyone who has wronged me. Once it gets cleared up, I forgive but am very much more aware. If it happens again, out the door you go. I don't need the crap or the crapper!


FlourishAnyway profile image

FlourishAnyway 3 years ago from USA

Some people harbor secret jealousies and as a result trouble just seems to follow them. Once someone shows their true colors to me directly, I am slow to forgive. If I hear about it second-hand I listen and am less judgmental. Good topic, Nell, and the way you addressed it was interesting, too. Voted up and more.


Jackie Lynnley profile image

Jackie Lynnley 3 years ago from The Beautiful South

I just saw W & K and baby! So adorable. I have to say though, doesn't she still look pregnant? I just find that odd with her being so small. But they are home by now huh and a happy little family. What is our time difference, do you know?


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Hi Jackie, her stomach muscles are still just loose, give it a couple of weeks and she will look back to normal, the time over here is 21.41, twenty to ten at night now, I thought you would be watching lol!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Hi Flourish, thanks for reading, yes its been a while since this happened, but I hate it, the worse thing is that people are so stupid enough to believe the gossips, drives me insane! lol!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Hi warrior, that's it exactly, me too, maybe give them two chances but no more than that, thanks for reading, nell


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Hi Martie, yes I never thought of that, religion did come between a friend of mine and her friend, very strange. and yes it can never be the same again with them, I had a woman at work who always showed her nice side, then she smiled and cut you down with a sarcastic remark, it was horrible! thanks as always, nell


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Hi MsDora, thanks so much for reading, nell


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Hi Miz, so true, it happened to me in an office environment too, no room to escape it, thanks so much for reading, nell


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Hi great, yes the reason why they succeed is because they are great at trampling people out of the way, I remember when I taught math and English after school, they were rich, powerful and very ignorant! thanks!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Hi Twin, I am so sorry that has happened to you, its happened to my friend too in the same darn circumstances! all her other friends have 'disappeared'! who knows what makes people turn against others, drives me insane, thanks so much for reading, and glad it helped, nell


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Hi Susan, sometimes its best to just walk away, but it is so darn annoying! thanks so much for reading, nell


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Hi anne, sorry its taken so long to get back! lol! and yes definitely virtual friends, when you get back here we will try to meet up, that would be great! that sounds so bizarre that ex pats would act like this, maybe its the culture of living in each of their pockets so to speak, nobody else to talk to so they get to chummy chummy! thanks as always, nell


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Thanks ishwarya, glad you liked it and thanks!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Thanks btrbell, yes sadly many people go through the two faced friend stuff, nell


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Hi Sand, so true, that's why most of my friends have been men, I have always been wary of women, apart from the lovely people on here! lol! so true though, men either like you or not, simple as that, thanks for reading, nell


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Hi Denise, thanks so much for reading, seems like we have all had one of those so called friends!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Hi ldoctor, totally agree with you, lets stick to the men in our lives friends as well as lovers, women just go crazy sometimes! lol!


suzettenaples 3 years ago

Super hub, Nell. We all deal with this and you have presented this so well, reasoned, and logical. Your points are well made. I know in my case many times it has been jealousy rearing its head when gossip goes about me. What is do sad is I think I have list a good friend to gossip, but the friend refuses to speak to me now, so I can't confront and explain the truth. It is frustrating but it is my friend's loss. That's the only way I can look at it. I know what you mean about threesomes. They are very difficult friendships sometimes. This is a thought provoking article and I enjoyed reading this.


CrisSp profile image

CrisSp 3 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

I've encountered one like as you described in here...very toxic! I simply stayed away from that person and even deleted (and blocked) her on my FB account. End of story. Lol! I'm not that forgiving when trust and betrayal are concerned.

I always tell my daughter to be careful in making friends specially now that she's going to University, you know major transition, eh? My best advice for her: "If you hear people gossiping about other people, beware, they will gossip about you too."

Good topic and one that I am absolutely sharing.

Cheers!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

That is so true CrisSp, never trust a gossiper! good luck to your daughter, and you gave her great advice, thanks for reading, nell


Jackie 3 years ago

OK I am guessing about 8 hours diff maybe. I just don't know if it is tomorrow here or there. lol


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Hi suzette, thanks for reading, yes friendships can be a really dodgy thing, sometimes its easier to walk away, nell


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 3 years ago from southern USA

Add Hi Nell, great insightful hub here. It is the very manipulative ones that always get me. Thought one time long ago I could finally trust a so-called friend and the minute I trusted her completely, she betrayed me! I forgave her but never was able to trust her again. Just had to set up boundaries and thankfully she left to work elsewhere.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Lol! Jackie, its now tomorrow here! just gone 12!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

And forgot to say, you are eight hours behind me, so it must be about 4pm there? what State do you live in again?


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Hi Faith, seems we all seem to have this problem, what is it with some people? thanks as always, nell


always exploring profile image

always exploring 3 years ago from Southern Illinois

Great topic Nell. I think most people have had a friend with two faces. Gossip is the worst kind of hurt, usually done through jealousy. I tend to not let it bother me now that i am older, but like you said, " Sweet little old ladies are not always sweet" Hee..Cheers..


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Hi Ruby, yes I think you are right sadly, now I am older it just annoys me! lol! just watch out for those sweet little old ladies! haha! thanks Ruby!


Careermommy profile image

Careermommy 3 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

Very interesting hub. This is great food for thought and a discussion that should be had among friends. I love that you give ideas on what to do in certain scenarios, with certain types of people.


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 3 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

Nell....Oh me, oh my.....Your little story is often told. "Friends" can be sneaky, and some can be bold. Keep a wall up, ever so slightly. For, stones can be thrown, daily & nightly. Don't instantly trust & watch what you say.....you can always be kicked in the butt, one day. Be wary of someone who smiles too wide......They can turn and take up with the other side. Trust me, my dear, it isn't your crime, they've done this before, many a time. Choose friends who have warmth and speak from the heart, who know that the horse stands in front of the cart. If nothing I've said, sounds easy to you, there's only one thing that you need to do. Perk up when their tongue speaks ill of another, know that you're next, perhaps also your brother. If their pleasure is gossip, you know WHAT they are.....RUN, do not walk and drive off in your car!!.................UP+++


maggs224 profile image

maggs224 3 years ago from Sunny Spain

An excellent hub as always Nell, when I was younger, much younger, something like this would have affected me very badly.

After living for years with the consequences of my being offended, and finding nothing positive in that experience at all, I made a decision never to become offended again.

The longer I live, the more difficult it is to offend me, and when someone does something hurtful, these days instead of wondering what I have done to deserve it, I tend to think I wonder what is upsetting them.

So, with the advantage of age and hindsight, I think that life is to short to harbour any hurt or ill feeling towards someone, and no matter what they have done, I am quick to forgive.

In the end if you hold on to the hurt, then it is you that ends up still feeling the pain long after the person that caused it has moved on.

I think that your strategy in this case is a good one, get it off your chest by writing about it, it helps you and of course when you write with clear insight like you, it helps others too.

Voting up and hitting buttons as I go


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 3 years ago from southern USA

Sorry, Nell, I was attempting to use my new phone up there to comment, and it was not cooperating! LOL

Blessings, Faith Reaper


ChitrangadaSharan profile image

ChitrangadaSharan 3 years ago from New Delhi, India

Hi Nell! How beautifully you have tackled this subject!

I totally agree with your views and this kind of thing has happened to me several times, in my earlier years. And I have to admit, I used to get upset with people who broke my trust, who backstabbed me.

Not any more--I do not care and certainly do not carry that hurt. I concentrate on persons who are my real well wishers--my family. And yes, I do write the hurt on a paper and then, just flush it off.

Life is a beautiful journey and we must learn to Forget and Forgive. This will definitely benefit our own self.

Thanks for sharing such a wonderful hub! Voted up!


Sue Bailey profile image

Sue Bailey 3 years ago from South Yorkshire, UK

Great hub Nell. People are funny aren't they? If that happens to me I just move on. Fortunately I like my own company so if someone turns against me as long as they leave me alone I'm fine!


Angela Blair profile image

Angela Blair 3 years ago from Central Texas

Unfortunately, we've all experienced this at one time or another. It happened to me ONCE in grade school and thereafter I became very wary when forming friendships. Although I have many new acquaintances I now rely on my old friends whom have proven trustworthy over the years. One can't make new "old friends" and truthfully -- I just don't enjoy the drama involved with confrontations. Excellent and insightful Hub -- Best/Sis


drbj profile image

drbj 3 years ago from south Florida

Life is too short to be aggravated by old friends who no longer deserve our trust or our friendship. Walk to the nearest exit.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Thanks guys, bit behind tonight, read all your comments and totally agree with you, its best to walk away, thanks so much, nell


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Lol! thanks paula, love your poem take on it! great to see you!


Vincent Moore 3 years ago

I've encountered a few two faced souls, they wear both masks and enjoy it. Humans are ego driven and wealth and power often shift these people to two faces. I am fortunate to have been surrounded mostly by one faced people, never stabbing me in the back or gossiping about me or others. The ones I have come across, I size up very quickly and don't give them a chance to befriend me, I simply avoid them and never give them the time of day. They aren't worth wasting my time on, we all want to be with people who are genuine not FAKES and there are plenty of them out there. Excellent Hub Nell, must enjoyed it, you weave your words so beautifully. Voted up and shared.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Hi Vincent, thanks so much, and great to see you! nell


aviannovice profile image

aviannovice 3 years ago from Stillwater, OK

Gossip is a bad thing, no doubt about that. It would just be nice if we could all get along.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Hi Deb, so very true, thanks so much for reading, nell


toknowinfo profile image

toknowinfo 3 years ago

Your hub is about a subject that touches so many of us. Betrayal and gossip are toxic in a relationship and can be so hurtful. Thanks for sharing this info.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Thanks toknow. yes people can be really cruel sometimes, I just don't understand it, thanks for reading, nell


d.william profile image

d.william 3 years ago from Somewhere in the south

Great hub dealing with a very real problem. There are three distinct types discussed in one hub.

1. the 2 faced person. Usually this person is a user. They take all they can from someone by being friendly and nice. As soon as there is nothing more to gain from that friendship you are dropped like a hot potato - your usefulness to them is over. This is when you learn you were never really 'friends' in the first place.

2. the hurtful gossip. These people usually do their gossiping behind the backs of those they are bad mouthing. If they seemed to be a friend and you find out they are gossiping about you - then you realized they too were never your "friend" in the first place either.

3. A true "friend" is one who knows all about you, and still likes you anyway, and vice versa. This friend will care enough to discuss any gossip they hear about you to your face, and they will never judge you based on what someone else tells them about you. This is the only friend that is worth keeping.

The others can be discarded without any guilt. True friends are few and far between.

Unfortunately, family members can fit into any of these categories. And just because they are relatives does not mean you have to keep them in your lives if they are not friends as well.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

So true about the relatives d.william, I had grandparents on my dads side like that, we never got on with them, which was such a shame, nell


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 3 years ago from sunny Florida

Good morning Nell Rose

Fortunately I have had little trouble with this. However what I do see is this: someone I know and love talks all kinds of trash about someone else and when they show up, they are their best friend. Then it kind of makes me wonder if the same thing is happening behind my back. O my...

thanks for sharing this...it is food for thought for sure...Angels are on the way ps


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Hi pstraubie, so true, I have often wondered about that too, thanks for reading, and Angels back at ya! lol!


WiccanSage profile image

WiccanSage 3 years ago

Reminds me of Billy Joel's song "The Stranger." I have lost patience for dealing with people like that. I mean, no one is perfect but some people's drama is just not worth it, life is too short. What an interesting hub.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Hi Wiccan, thanks so much for reading, yes I totally agree with you, I just walk away now, thanks!


thumbi7 profile image

thumbi7 3 years ago from India

I think these things are likely to happen in every relationship. I was surprised to see recently gaps in mother daughter relationship because of the involvement of third person. I feel not encouraging gossips and dialogues between two parties can cut down these misunderstandings to some extent.

Voted up and shared


rajan jolly profile image

rajan jolly 3 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

I can't tolerate two faced friends and am better off without them. Of course would give the opportunity for clarification first.

Voted up, useful.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Hi thumbi, thanks so much for reading, nell


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

HI rajan, yes I agree with you, and when they are found out to be false then its best to just get away from them, thanks as always, nell


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 3 years ago from Orlando, FL

I prefer that people with two faces don't reside on my planet. I favor people with only one face! :)

I've encountered quite a few two faced people and that's more than enough for me. Be real, there is no other way. Fab article! :)


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Thanks Linda, me too! so many two faced people I think they do come from Mars! lol! great to see ya!


Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 3 years ago from North Carolina

Hi Nell. You've heard of the great Two-Faced teaching schools covering our countries and others? Yes, they go by a simple name: "Retail." They actually pay you to attend as an employee. Loved the article, nobody brakes em' down in an inimitable and humorous way like you do!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Hi Alastar, great to see you. lol! thanks, so many two faced things its a wonder they don't make hats to fit both heads! thanks as always, nell


Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 3 years ago from North Carolina

Ha Good one Nell! Wonder if the two-faced god Janus had such hats lol!


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 3 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

Nell.....I was just thinking...(that's a scary thought, I know) and it really would be handy to have two faces! One that's always impeccably made up like a Hollywood Starlet....and the other, just our normal plain Jane self. Think of the flippin money and time we could save!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

LOL! what a great idea Paula! mind you I would get a stiff neck trying to keep spinning it around to use both! haha!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Probably Alastar lol! thanks for coming back.


Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 3 years ago from North Carolina

Effer, I think you have hit on something that has bedeviled women for untold generations. Hey, who knows? with the advancements technology is making it just may be possible one day lol!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

LOL!


Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

Glimmer Twin Fan 3 years ago

Interesting. I think some people just want approval from everyone and will stop at nothing, even hurting their own friends, to get it. I have had people like that in my life and as soon as it was discovered, all contact was broken. I don't have time for drama like that.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Hi Glimmer, I totally agree with you, I used to work with people who didn't care how many people they trod on to get higher up the ladder so to speak, and yes it works! the down side is that they don't care about anybody or anything! seems we nice people are not pushy enough! lol! thanks for reading, nell


Sueswan 3 years ago

Hi Nell,

I worked with a girl who is what I call a work friend. She told me something personal. I promised not to tell anyone and I didn't. Well she ended up coming back and accusing me of betraying her trust. I told her I didn't tell anyone and asked her who did she share her secret with besides me. That shut her up.

Voted up +++

Have a good week. :) Sue


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Hi Sue, yes that would do it! lol! it makes me so mad, they give you a piece of personal stuff that you never asked for, then it comes flying back in your face! oh I know this so well too, people drive me mad sometimes! thanks for reading, nell


just helen profile image

just helen 3 years ago from Dartmoor UK

I had a sad thing happen erecently. When I moved to Devon I knew no-one. Within a few months I made friends with someone and I felt we gelled and had loads in common. I trusted her. I loved her and her children. Then she told me she was moving - only 15 miles away so not so bad. She sad I must have a coffee with her just before she was due to move. I heard nothing. Then I texted her and jokingly asked if she'd moved yet. I was stunned when she said 'yes'. I said I was sad not to have said goodbye and she made some pathetic excuse. I'm afraid I deleted her number. I don't need someone like that. But it was 5 months ago and I still feel tearful sometimes. It's worse when I see her old car being driven around by someone else. It really rubs salt into the wound.


just helen profile image

just helen 3 years ago from Dartmoor UK

sorry a few typos in that last comment of mine!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Thanks helen, yes its horrible when someone does that to you. It makes it feel as though they have just used you, thanks so much for reading, nell


lovedoctor926 3 years ago

Nell, I always come back to re-read this hub because it's the bomb! lol.

I totally agree with you in regards to that third person. It doesn't even matter if the person knows you or not. If they don't like the way you look or the way you carry yourself or even the fact that people have nothing to say but good things about you, that is enough to brainwash someone to not like you. And this has happened to me several times. Another thing you have to watch out for is when a guy you like has a close female friend. You just don't know what he is going to share with her about your relationship and it could definitely backfire of course if he is dumb enough to let that friendship come in between the relationship but this happened to me with someone that I have known for 9 years. Can you believe this? the guy just turned his back on me from one day to the other. that is how fake people are these days.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Hi lovedoc! lol! I totally agree, and oh tell me about it! the friend of the new boyfriend! its happened to me twice! its pure jealousy of course because the girl is not just his friend! well, as far as he is concerned she is, but she is just lying to him because really she wants to go out with him herself! and the stupid guy just can't see that, so goes on to believe her! thanks as always, nell


DDE profile image

DDE 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

Two-faced people are all over the place I had some encounters and mingle with those kind anymore a great hub in such kind of people.


CraftytotheCore profile image

CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

Hi Nell! Wow, what a story. I can totally relate, but it would take several chapters of a book before I could get it all written out. Nice advice.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Thanks for reading crafty, glad you liked it, nell


torrilynn profile image

torrilynn 2 years ago

Great advice all of the points were touched. Voted up.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 2 years ago from England Author

Thanks torrilynn, glad you liked it, nell


LadyFiddler profile image

LadyFiddler 2 years ago from Somewhere in the West

Hi Nell Good Night your sure right about that it comes in all kinds of deceptive packages beautifully wrapped. That's why regardless of who it is we must never believe everything we hear even if it's coming from a best friend. I don't think we can avoid these people in life, we must cross paths with these people.

Sometimes we to find ourselves listening to gossip or throwing in notches so we are all guilty at some time or the other.

Thanks for sharing and i do share your sentiments.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 2 years ago from England Author

Hi LadyFiddler, thanks so much for reading, yes sometimes we have to look behind the smile to see the darn frown! lol!


lovedoctor926 2 years ago

Nell, I can read through a person's eyes and through that smile as well within a matter of seconds. I have developed this skill since I have worked with these types of people and in your daily interactions with others. I like to apply the 90 day rule when you meet someone just like you do with men. Usually after 3 months, you start seeing a person's true colors. Body language speaks louder than words. A very good hub.. I've read this one before. voted up & sharing


rebeccamealey profile image

rebeccamealey 2 years ago from Northeastern Georgia, USA

Great Hub! You have put so much thought into what makes people tick. I like your list of suggestions on how to deal with two-faced friends. I agree, I think most of the time it is the stirrings of a third party.


jainismus profile image

jainismus 2 years ago from Pune, India

Great analysis of two faced people. This hub is very useful for everybody.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 2 years ago from England Author

Hi Doc, thanks so much, yes I tend to know someone within a second! but have to hold off until I really know, lol!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 2 years ago from England Author

Hi rebecca, thanks so much for reading, and yes you are right, a third person totally changes it all, nell


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 2 years ago from England Author

Thanks jainismus, glad you liked it, nell


pan1974 profile image

pan1974 2 years ago from Columbus,Ga

This hub was very informative, I think some people act two faced toward nice people because they think the nice person has some ulterior motive for choosing to be good, some people are raised different and think that you think your better than them if you choose good. People that choose the opposite do it because they think it is the way of the world and so they follow what the majority does. Some people never grow up out of the childishness they had in high school and if they come into an environment where they perceive others acting that way than they will bring that personality out to conform to what everyone else is doing like a robot. Majority of people do not use their own mind, they just follow the leader.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 2 years ago from England Author

Hi Pan, that is so true, sadly I knew someone at work who actually had to be like a school child, even being nasty when she was pregnant for goodness sake! thanks so much for reading, nell


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 2 years ago from Wales

I know I have read this one before but cannot seea comment so here it is now. A wonderful read as always Nell and so so interesting. What a great writer you are with a never ending source of wonderful topics. Voted up and wishing you a great weekend ( for the second time today)

Eddy.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 2 years ago from England Author

Hi Eddy aw thank you! lol! I hope you are having a wonderful weekend too, and thanks! nell


Nate 2 years ago

What am I to do when the person lives miles away, i.e across the sea?

An ex of mine, someone who practically begged me to stay friends, ended up blocking me completely and I have no way to communicate. Even so it would just look desperate. It infuriates me though how I've known them for 3-4 years and they turn their back on me for a group of people she'd known for a WEEK.

To be quite honest I want to do more than "talk" but I obviously could not bring myself to harm her. :/ Maybe I can beat her pals up, they're guys after all.

That sounds pretty shallow doesn't it? I'm not so good when it comes to very personal issues. It makes me lose control of my temper.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 24 months ago from England Author

Hi Nate, first of all I am sorry to hear you have been treated this way. But i believe that the best way to handle this is to see that she obviously wants a complete break from you, as you said, she is your ex. Whether its a guy or a girl, our ex partners can be really hurtful, most times for no reason. But you have to stop and think. what good would it do if you did come face to face with her? you would argue, she would hate you, and all you would end up doing is being really hurt and upset all again.

Her friends really don't have anything to do with it. She went to them after breaking up with you, even if she was friends with them when you were together nobody can make someone break up unless she wants too.

You are only hurt because you are allowing her to hurt you. go to a room where no one can hear you, yell at the bed, the tv, or the chair, and imagine she is in there listening, if you want to lash out hit the crap out of a pillow or cushion, then when you are exhausted stand there and say out loud, no I am done with you. I will no longer let you upset me, you are not worth it. I am going to get on with my life.

and just remember, she wasn't the one for you. The next girl you meet and date could be the one. you are missing out on meeting her because of your anger.

The only person who is hurting you is yourself. Good luck, and maybe come back to let me know how you are getting on? nell


Naomi 22 months ago

This exact thing has happened to me at my workplace just recently! I became really close friends with a coworker because we had so many things in common like sense of humor and Asian foods we both like and eat all the time. I guess another problem is that both our moms worked there with us too. BUT shit didn't start happening until a third person came along and we became a trio! I was good friends with her for 7 months and we were only friends with that 3rd person for about 2 months. Now we're not friends anymore because the 7-month accused me of shit I didn't do on the grounds of what 2-month told her like insult her mother! I admit, I did tell 2-month some things that I didn't think 7-month would like to hear but it was only for a sign of approval because I felt guilty about accidentally revealing something about her to my own mom. But that isn't something so terrible as to completely write me off as someone who runs her mouth all the time and completely ostracize me for! She has already seen my true colors. Who she saw in those 7-months is all I was: a scaredy-cat who pretty much has zero social skills. Why would I even hate on her mom? I barely get to see her because she doesn't work until the next shift! I knew it was too good to be true that I made 2 good friends in the span of just half a year! Sorry for my long rant; back under my rock now.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 22 months ago from England Author

Hi Naomi, no, never ever go back under your rock! you have done nothing wrong! This is typical of when a third person enters a two girl friendship. For some reason the third new girl always wants to push their way in and push one out, you in this case! if your first friend was a real friend they would tell this other girl where to go. as she hasn't neither of them are worth your while. funnily enough, we always think that we need to be hard to stick up for ourselves. This isn't true, just a little push, a 'can't care less' attitude and 'up yours' to them will totally astonish them, and make your friend realise what she has lost. The good thing about it is this, and it happens every single time. The new girl will mess up somehow and your friend will be left on her own. it happens in friendships and relationships, then you can stand back and laugh your head off! Good luck, and never ever let them put you down, you are worth more than that, believe me, okay? take care, and come back to let me know how you got on if you want to, nell


LaBuck 5 months ago

Oh my, I had a 2-faced "Christian" friend that I adored and enjoyed so much talking to about the Lord, and bore my deepest secrets to. I loved that friend. However, she wasn't everything she claimed to be to me behind the scene. She lived her life like a backslid sinner and would speak in the Heavenly language to give the appearance of a sanctified christian. I never questioned her because, what I didn't see about her, never happened. Later on, she was the abandoned wife and single parent without any means of support. She was always needing help financially and if I had it, I would give what I could. It finally, got to be expected out of me. I finally had to put limits on what I could do and when that occurred, our friendship was getting to where, I hated to see her come and knock on my door. I knew there was a reason for their unexpected visit and it had nothing to do with returning the favor. It was i need, I need, I need all the time. Some how my friend plotted a one night stand with my brother against my request that she not get involved with my family in such a way. She did it anyway being 10 yrs older than my brother, she knew he was having marriage problems and took it upon herself to have a little fun with him and I think this was the straw that broke the camel's back with me and her. She also was one that wanted to get her own sister in trouble about inappropriate activity being an employee at a prison and her sister being involved with inmates. My friend told me all this trash about her own sister knowing that I would report it to the staff and have it invested. She knew that wouldn't tolerate knowing someone putting other employees at risk at what her sister was guilty of and I would do what needed to be done. So basically my so called christian friend that I loved plotted and baited me to do her dirty work against her own sister to get her fired.and all the whole time my friend was destroying my brothers family and betraying my friendship from the inside out. When her sister was fired, she knew her sister my friend was the one that let the cat out of the bag. Then called my house and screamed and cussed me for stabbing her in the back... I was hurt but was more pissed than anything. I just basically told her that I had already figured her out and the poor pitiful victim game she played on me. I told her she will never get that opportunity to mess me over ever in this lifetime or any other. several years went by, she tried to reconnect with me, but I wasn't interested in her drama. I never answered my door whe she came by several times knocking. I don't want no part of her in my life again and I blocked all contact with her. She was a big user and the biggest 2faced comedian friend I have ever came across.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 5 months ago from England Author

Hi LaBuck, I am so sorry to hear that, a similar thing happened to me. I hope you feel a bit better now that you have written it all down. the best thing to do? is take a deep breath, imagine wiping her away with your hand against your head, and then throwing it away. she is no more. forget her, and get on making new proper friends. Good luck, and good thoughts go with you, nell

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