A Look At Why People Are Two Faced: The Real Person Behind The Smile.
Friends or Foes?
Why are people two faced? What makes someone suddenly turn from being a friend into an enemy? Is it because they have always been sly, or do they really believe you have slighted them in some way?
People are strange creatures, we learn to behave early on in life, and manners are one of the main things that our parents teach us.
Throughout our lives we meet lots of different personalities. Some we automatically get on with, and others we take an aversion to straight away.
But what of the people we believe are our friends? What makes them suddenly turn against you even if you believe there is nothing wrong. And especially if you haven't argued, or seen them for a few days?
What on earth do we do? Well, don't panic. Here's a few tips on how to resolve the problem of a two faced friend.
The Psychology Of Two Faces!
Why do we never see a two faced person coming? We may have been friends or colleagues for months or even years, but there has never been any indication that this person is going to turn, and turn badly on us.
The trouble seems to be when a third person gets involved. I believe that the relationship between the two people will work as it has to balance even in a slightly crooked way. But add to the ingredients, a third person, then the whole ambiance goes out of the window.
Maybe the third person has a couple of facets of personality more similar to your friend. For example, you trust people, they are less likely to trust someone. Add the third scenario and the first person may feel that they have someone else to back them up.
But why turn on the first friend even though they may have done nothing wrong?
Hiding Behind The Mask Being Two Faced.
It seems to me that for this scenario to work, the first friend has to have been keeping her nasty side covered up.
This is a clever tactic to make sure that all their options are open. In other words they may not like you or your 'too nice' approach, but they have nobody else.
The second another person appears more suited to their personality then you are expendable. Simple as that.
But What if your friend turns on you because they believe gossip from a third person?
This one is pretty difficult to understand. You have known this person for a long time. Another person comes along, gossips poison in their ear and they believe it?! What?
How did that happen? And why would your friend feel the need to believe it?
And that's the question isn't it?
Have You Ever Been A Victim Of Two Faced Friends? How Did You Cope?See results without voting
I think the answer to the question above, is that if your friend hears something nasty about you, whether its true or not, it probably hurts them so much to think that they have been taken in by you all these years, then they can't see the wood for the trees. If you see my point.
Take this scenario. You have been together a long time, another person enters the equation and says they saw you do something horrible. Steal, fight, take your boyfriend and so on. They are so hurt that they never even think that the third person is lying.
So why don't they ask you? Now that's a good question!
Embarrassment? Maybe. Hurt? Probably. And so on.
But What about you? Why on earth are you not approaching your friend and asking them;
Why is this happening?
The Shifting Of The Wheel.
Now this is going to sound rather strange, but if you think about it we all have our place in the friendship wheel. I call it that because it's a case of positioning. Your friend is to the right. You are in the middle and family and other friends are to your left and right. Metaphorically speaking.
In other words, mentally you know who sits where and you are comfortable there.
So what happens if the situation changes?
The seating shifts. Your friend is no longer, mentally speaking, where she was before. Her attitude has made the wheel turn slightly. All the other players in the bitchfest have move up a notch.
Apart from you. It's a bit like feeling as though you are slightly uncomfortable in your chair. They have moved, and the atmosphere is slightly darker, but you didn't see the move coming.
Mentally you have to shift pretty quick to keep up or else you are lost, embarrassed, upset and don't know what to do.
So, here's the thing. You have to tackle the situation full on or otherwise that wheel will be shifting some more and you will be left behind.
So, what are you going to say or do? Confront them? Ignore them?
Here's a few ideas that may help.
How To Handle Two Faced or Gossip Friends.
- Don't let the situation go on for more than a few days. Do it, and do it now.
- Confront your friend. Get him or her on their own and ask what the heck has gone wrong.
- Find out if you have offended them.
- If you are the recipient of gossip, go through the exact words that were said and say in a calm way, no sorry that's not true. Then go on to explain reality.
- If they look as though they don't believe you, turn on the hurt look. And then say: How can you believe that new person when you have known me for years? Can't you see the fact that you have been manipulated? This will cause them to doubt the other person, and you will be able to sort out your problems.
- If your friend doesn't believe you, be brave, and face both of them. The new outsider will show her true colors when confronted, trust me!
- And last but not least, if all else fails, drop the so called friend like a can of worms. There are always better and nicer people out there!
Sometimes bitchy gossips come in 'Little old lady' packages! Long story short, one neighbor started an argument, my ex yelled back, and of course my ex got the blame. I wasn't even there, but got the cold shoulder from another neighbor too! Of course my nice neighbor believed the 'Little old lady' Because she was, well, a little old lady!
The truth of the matter is that this sweet lady, when the other neighbor moved in a couple of years ago stated that, and I quote:
'I can't believe that horrible man is moving upstairs, he is a nasty person, if he moves in I will move'!
I was gobsmacked to say the least! I told her he was a great guy and so was his daughter, but she turned up her nose and said, 'I hate him, he has been married so many times he is disgusting'!
Gossips don't always come in the package you think they do. And don't always trust the ones that look so sweet and innocent. They do have claws too!
How to be Assertive.
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