The Top 10 Passion Killers for Women

Just for a bit of fun I thought I would compile a list of the top ten passion killers for women, in other words the things Husbands, boyfriends, lovers or men in general do, that really turn us women off and leave us wanting to run for the hills or find ourselves a more exciting lover.

Number 1, Undressing

Imagine you have got as far as the big build up to your romantic encounter. The seduction is virtually complete and you have both navigated your way into the bedroom and begun to lose items of clothing one by one. Passion is so thick in the air that you can almost taste it, and then......... your man stands before you naked, resplendent........ that is until you notice he has still not yet removed his socks. Seeing your horror he quickly lifts up one foot and pulls that sock off (nearly losing his balance in the process), and then repeats this exercise with the other foot. When he looks up again, expecting you to still be "hot to trot", you are facing the opposite wall pretending to be asleep, the flame of passion completely extinguished.


Number 2 The Restaurant

You are both out enjoying what is supposed to be a romantic meal for two in a nice restaurant, the menus have been handed to you and you have made your choices, then, whilst you squirm with embarrassment, your man raises his hand above his head and snaps his fingers to get the waiter's attention. A rather peeved looking waiter approaches the table whilst you try to smile at him apologetically, your man meanwhile proceeds to talk to the waiter like he is a lower form of life not fit to lick his boots.

Having made it to the end of the meal, enduring your dining companion complaining to the staff a number of times that the food is not up to his expectations, and you shuddering, wondering what on earth the staff must be doing to it in the kitchens before they return it to this obnoxious git, the meal is finally over. Politely you offer to pay your share of the bill, never expecting him to accept, but instead he whips out a calculator and promptly works out exactly what each of you ate and what that cost and happily watches you pay your percentage.

Outside he asks if you want to come back to his place for 'coffee', and then looks puzzled when you hastily make excuses about having to get home for the sake of the cat and how you have just remembered you are heading off on a 'round the world trip' for six months, starting tomorrow.

Number 3, The Nose Picker

This one is self explanatory, you are out on a date with the chap you have fancied for ages. For months you have fantasised about snogging him to your hearts content and then letting nature run its course. You are about to be in for a nasty experience that will result in a re-think of your fantasy.

As you stroll around the local park enjoying the sunshine and holding hands with your love interest, you glance over to him, prepared to swoon again at his dashing good looks and his fantastic profile. Nausea immediately descends upon you when you realise he has his index finger inserted up his nostril almost to the knuckle. With morbid and disgusted fascination you cannot tear your eyes away as you watch him carefully remove his finger from the nasal orifice, examine the nuggets he has excavated, before popping them into his mouth. Suddenly all thoughts of ever kissing this man have turned into your worst nightmare and you decide to leave as soon as possible. The end of the walk finally arrives, and he leans forward with obvious intentions of ending this date with a passionate kiss. Backing off rapidly you mumble excuses about having a nasty cold coming on that you don't want to give to him, and before he can try and reassure you that his immune system is excellent, you are in the nearest taxi out of there.

Number 4, Bad Breath

Your first date has gone ever so well, and at last you feel you may have met Mr. Right. He has everything going for him, good looks, a sense of humour, charisma, money and a great personality. Wow, at last, there is a God! The end of the evening has come and you feel that tingling sense of anticipation about the kiss that will surely end the date. Outside he looks deep into your eyes, your knees go wobbly and you lift your chin, closing your eyes in preparation for an unforgettable kiss, then WTF, suddenly an odour envelops you that smells like the breath of a Komodo Dragon, (the lizard with saliva so putrid it acts as venom). Fighting your natural instinct to heave up this evening's dinner, you back off at high speed, topple off the kerb on your "oh so sexy" high heels, and nearly get hit by the passing bus. To add insult to injury you realise upon standing up that you also landed in a badly placed dog turd that is now smeared on your new blouse. On the plus side this is a great excuse to head for home with vague promises issued that you will call him in a few days, as you toss his phone number out of the cab window.

Number 5, Sweaty Feet

So you made it as far as the bedroom, so far no problems, all seems good and he has managed not to leave removing his socks until last. The real action begins and as you both become more adventurous you change positions to enhance your pleasure, then, as you decide to romantically kiss him from his ankles to his knees and upwards...... you are nearly knocked unconscious by the overwhelming smell of really bad sweaty cheese. Immediately you mentally take back the 'Number 1' passion killer as being "leaving the socks on until last", and wish he had never taken them off at all. It is clear this chap has a major issue with sweaty feet and/or fungal nail infections. If he thinks you are putting your nose anywhere near him now he has another thing coming. Making an excuse that you need to use the bathroom, you grab your clothes, dive into the bathroom, get dressed and make a fast exit out of the bathroom window.

Number 6, Body Odour

A bit of a follow on from Number 5, but also in a league of its own most of the time. Many women will say they like a man who smells like a man, they even might enjoy the smell of fresh sweat, a real masculine male, hunter gatherer, defender of his woman. This is not the same as some sweaty little oick who can't be bothered to have a shower for days at a time.

Put yourself in this position. You have gone out with the girls for an evening of drinks and flirting. Sitting at a table you catch sight of Mr Gorgeous sitting at the bar. After much nudging and giggling with your friends about 'who is in with the best chance of pulling this burning hunk of love', you finally manage to catch his eye, and as your eyes meet you melt. Could this be the one? After a further ten minutes of meeting each other's eyes and exchanging smiles your friends admit defeat and sit back to enjoy the show. Mr Gorgeous approaches you from across the room and asks if he can join you. Naturally everyone agrees and slides up to make room for him to sit down next to you. It is about now you notice a rather sickly sweet sweaty odour wafting from somewhere. You can't quite place where it is coming from, that is until Mr Gorgeous goes to put his arm around you and the smell suddenly becomes so bad your stomach begins churning. By now your friends have also noticed and are struggling to contain their laughter at your misfortune, and their own vomit. You are not so lucky, as after about three minutes of being marinaded in this foul smelling cloud of pollution your stomach admits defeat and returns five glasses of red wine straight into 'Mr. Now Not So Gorgeous' lap. At least this does get rid of him very quickly though as he is forced to leave in order to go home and get changed. Hopefully at least he will have to have a wash now.

Number 7, The Beer Gut

You thought you had married Mr. Right. He had all the qualities you looked for in a man and none of the obvious passion killers you wanted to avoid. You have now been married several years and suddenly this man is developing a beer gut, beer belly or whatever you prefer to call it. This has no doubt been caused by the fact he enjoys the local pub a bit too much, and when out with his mates it is considered a sign of weakness if you can't sink ten pints of lager or more in a session. Bit by bit, month by month, he has lost sight of his feet (amongst other things down there). Your friends are starting to ask you when his baby is due because he looks more pregnant than you did at nine months gone. Suddenly making love with him has lost its appeal for you as you don't revel either the idea of seeing him naked, or trying to explain to him why you fear suffocation if he goes 'on top'. To add insult to injury, the smell of stale beer on his breath is not a turn on for you, plus the quantity he has consumed certainly doesn't help him in the performance department.

About now is when you start 'window shopping' and sizing up the other men that might have been of interest had you been single. This is just the beginning however, and if your man doesn't start making an effort it won't be long before you stop window shopping and make an 'impulse buy'.

 

Number 8, Skid Marks

The man you have fancied for months, flirted with, kissed and teased has finally made it to your bed. He undresses and so far he has made no mistakes, but as he loses his final piece of clothing, in this case his boxer shorts they drop to the floor inside out. You glance down, only to see a huge brown skid mark running right down the rear of them. Yuck, your nose involuntarily wrinkles up in disgust. If he thinks you are going to be putting your face anywhere near that region of his body he can think again. For the umpteenth time in your life you wonder why it is that women check the toilet paper after they have wiped and use more if needed, whereas men wipe once and assume they must be clean now. The problem is they then scratch their bum crack later on and in effect this becomes the second wipe they should have had at the time of the actual event.

Sighing with frustration you tell him you have just remembered that your washing needs to go on tonight and that it simply cannot wait as you need clean underwear, whilst looking pointedly at his discarded, skid marked boxers lying forlornly on the bedroom floor. Ignoring his protests you get dressed, leave and delete his phone number immediately from your mobile.


Number 9, The Kinky Fantasy

You have always considered yourself open minded when it comes to fantasies in the bedroom department, after all, who would mind being tied up occasionally or dressing up in a sexy outfit to please their partner. So when your new boyfriend announces that he has a few fantasies he would love to indulge in with you, it doesn't seem like such a big deal. He takes you by the hand and leads you into his bedroom, and WTF, you are confronted by a giant nursery, complete with adult man sized nappies, a huge baby-bouncer, an adult sized cot, baby wipes etc etc. He then asks you to be 'Mummy' and vanishes into his bathroom, (leaving you with your mouth still hanging open in shock), shortly to return wearing one outsize nappy that he tells you he has soiled. Apparently you are supposed to change him, clean him up, spank him for being naughty, dress him in the baby grow, breast feed him and then tuck him up in his cot!!!

He quickly notices your complete lack of enthusiasm for this idea, probably when you start to put your coat on and head for the door. "Well how about if I let you pee on me and poop in my mouth instead?" he calls out desperately... Too late, you are already back on the phone to the dating agency asking for a refund on the defective male they hooked you up with.

Number 10, The Mummy's Boy

This is definitely one huge turn off for any woman. You have accepted a date with the "pretty boy" from the office. He seems a handsome enough chap and is apparently a gentle soul. It only becomes apparent what his real problem is when you arrive at the restaurant in time to see his Mother dropping him off and kissing him on the cheek to say goodbye. You think this is bad enough, but halfway through your meal you feel aware that someone is watching you. As you turn around you see the figure of his Mother dive out of sight behind the restaurant window. You decide to pretend you haven't noticed and continue with the date.

Giving him the benefit of the doubt you agree, (with some trepidation),  to go around to his house for dinner a few days later. Upon arrival his Mother answers the door, looks you up and down disdainfully and reluctantly invites you in. Your chap shows you around the house, including his bedroom which clearly has a "Mother's Touch". Everything is tidied away, the clothes in the wardrobe have been organised into colours, a photo of "Mummy" is on the bedside cabinet and his pyjamas are folded up on his pillow.

Returning to the living room dinner is served. "Mummy" makes sure precious boy is served first and has all the leanest cuts of meat. You however have your food unceremoniously dumped onto your plate. Daddy seems a nice man, but barely says a word and looks fearfully at 'she who must be obeyed' every time she addresses him directly. "Mummy" then proceeds to interrogate you about what your family do for a living, how much you earn, where you live, etc, clearly not impressed by any of your answers! Precious Son says little to help you out and you are rapidly losing any respect you had for him in the first place. This is only to get worse when "doting Mother" starts to criticise your choice of clothing, your hair style etc and raves about what a wonderful girlfriend her other son who has now left home is with (actually he probably fled from home). Mummy's boy tries to give you a watery smile, but by now you are done with him and his lack of backbone, after all, why is he still living at home aged 35!

Your patience at breaking point you make a sarcastic excuse that you must leave now or you will miss your favourite programme "Mother-in-Laws from Hell" on Sky. Getting the hint she scowls evilly at you as her feeble offspring walks you to the door.

"Can I see you again?" he asks hopefully.

"Sorry", you reply, "I think you will find that she made your bed and you have to lie in it".

 

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Comments 72 comments

H P Roychoudhury profile image

H P Roychoudhury 6 years ago from Guwahati, India

Interesting.


Stacie L profile image

Stacie L 6 years ago

this is funny! I think you've hit it on the head!=)


myownworld profile image

myownworld 6 years ago from uk

lol... Misty... this is clearly your best, wittiest hub ever. And perfectly spot on! I had a hard time deciding which out of all was the biggest turn off for me personally, but I would have to go with number 4, 6 and 8. (Most women would agree I think). The rest of the things one might overlook out of love (though, not really!) but poor hygiene is just inexcusable. Anyway, this really made me laugh... though I admit losing my appetite for dinner over it! ;)


diogenes 6 years ago

Hi Misty: You didn't even mention the undersized phallus!


Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 6 years ago from Upstate New York

LMAO!!! You really did hit the nail on the head, at least ten times!!! Thanks for the chuckle!

P.S., she didn't NEED to mention the tiny phallus, did she? That was what was wrong with Mamma's Boy.


IntimatEvolution profile image

IntimatEvolution 6 years ago from Columbia, MO USA

Great hub. I sent it out to my followers and tweeters. I loved it.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 6 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Thanks H.P. glad you found this interesting.

Hi Stacie, glad you agree and thanks for commenting.

Hi myownworld, thanks for the great reply. Perhaps I should have run a poll on which were the worst passion killers :)


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 6 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Hi Diogenes (Bob), well if it is truly "undersized" I might agree, but women certainly don't want the big one most men think they do. If you haven't already read it see my hub on "Women are NOT obsessed with Penis Size".

Hi Paradise, another excellent comment and thanks for making it.

Hi IntimatEvolution, thanks for this, I am delighted it had such an impact on you that you passed it on.


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK

Funyyyyyyyyyyyy................. Well done!

Cannot imagine a woman having all ten exprinces in a lifetime, but "What if?" Hilarious stuff :-))


Sweetsusieg profile image

Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

Oh how funny!! The nose picker made me gag reading it!! But it did get me thinking about my bad date... I must write a Hub about it!!

Voted up!!


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 6 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Thanks De Greek, yes I am guessing you would have to be pretty unlucky to experience all ten, but just imagine if they were all on the same man.... now that wold be reallly unlucky!! LOL

Hi Sweetsusieg, Thanks so much for the thumbs up, glad this made you laugh :) Can't wait to read about your bad date.


ftclick profile image

ftclick 6 years ago

#1 is surely true and #8 is downright disgusting. But they are all so true. The calculator at a table is funny. that really happens with some guys?..Thanks


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 6 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Hi ftclick, I know people who the calculator incident has actually happened to, and then they had the cheek to show an interest in seeing them again. Needless to say the person chose not to endure a repeat performance. LOL Thanks for the feedback.


Dave Mathews profile image

Dave Mathews 6 years ago from NORTH YORK,ONTARIO,CANADA

Let us keep in mind though that the same complaints can be applied to women too.

Dave.


Anath profile image

Anath 6 years ago

LOL very truth, except for the kinky fantasy... but then, I know I am a bit "unusual" on that respect :-)


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 6 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Hi Dave, that is true, many of them can, although I am going to write a hub on the Top 10 Passion Killers for Men too.

Hi Anath, I know you are quite "adventurous", but would you go for the whole nappy thing??


Anath profile image

Anath 6 years ago

LOL, to be honest "baby play" is not my kink, but I have been involved in many other "weird ones" and I had fun ;-)


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 6 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

LOL, that is kind of a relief I have to admit :)


prasetio30 profile image

prasetio30 6 years ago from malang-indonesia

I want to give many thanks to you to confirm my friends request. This is a great hub, fantastic. You brought us useful information. I'll bookmark this hub. Thanks for showing me about this. Vote Up.

Prasetio


Daliah Lego profile image

Daliah Lego 6 years ago from Kazakhstan (where Borat came from. LOL)

Great read! I enjoyed it very much! I echo every word of it! LOL. These are the reasons (plus more) why I am still single.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 6 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Glad you enjoyed this Prasetio and thanks for voting it up.

Hi Daliah, LOL, these are certainly good reasons for remaining single, but luckily not all men are like this :)


mythbuster profile image

mythbuster 6 years ago from Utopia, Oz, You Decide

Oh myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy GOSH! Hilarious, mistyhorizon2003! One of the funniest hubs I've read in a month! I'll stop using the exclamation key now! Now! Well, okay... now.


izettl profile image

izettl 6 years ago from The Great Northwest

Wow, too funny! Yeah my husband got the beer gut after we were married and he doesn't drink beer. He gained it during my pregnancy. The poor guy jokes I had the baby and he's still expecting. All nasty hygene things are a huge turn off. I personally hate belching, farting, and snoring. Nobody told me those automatically came with getting married. lol


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 6 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Hi Mythbuster, wonderful to see you hear and thanks for the lovely feedback on this hub. I am really pleased it gave you a good laugh :)

Hi Izettl, Good point about the getting married including the belching, snoring and farting. I guess to put up with all of that he must love you LOL ;)


izettl profile image

izettl 6 years ago from The Great Northwest

lol. oh you're a funny one. No he still thinks there is something wrong with me because I've farted like twice since we were married and I think he farts twice per minute. His motto is 'better out than in'- not holding any bodily things in. I tell him same thing, except He's better out than in our bedroom if he does all those things.

I got to say; thank God I never dated any momma's boys. Oh that would drive me nuts. Also, since you have a picture of a guy with a big gut and major body hair, you should also mention gorilla guys. I've had a guy take off his shirt and I was immmediately turned off by how much dark and thick body hair he had. Maybe some women like that, but ewww gross for me. Also men who wax like women is weird. I don't like a man smoother than me.


WryLilt profile image

WryLilt 6 years ago from Toowoomba, Australia

I think I married the mama's boy with the beer belly. Luckily I love him!


jayb23 profile image

jayb23 6 years ago from India

Lol...that was 1 helluva hub. I can understand y u women get turned off wid us. Made me laugh. Keep up da good work misty.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 6 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Hi again Izettle, I married the man with the excessive body hair, but the only thing he ever occasionally waxes is his back. If he doesn't arrange to get it waxed he has also been known to crouch in an empty bath and get his son to use the clippers to cut it off. I think of it as somewhat similar to shearing a black sheep LOL I must admit allot of body hair took some getting used to, but I don't really mind it thesedays.

Hi Wrylilt, I married the beer belly part too LOL, Thanks for the feedback.

Hi jayb23, so pleased this made you laugh and thanks for commenting :)


dawnM profile image

dawnM 6 years ago from Camarillo, CA

What a fun fantastic article that you wrote, it had me laughing to tears. Really great job and I love the first picture of the beer belly. You forgot the boobs that go along with the belly, it's like sleeping with a woman who is about to give birth and some of these men have bigger boobs than women....lol


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 6 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Thanks Dawn, great feedback and I am so delighted this really made you laugh. Makes writing it so totally worthwhile to hear this kind of feedback.


SognoPiccolo profile image

SognoPiccolo 6 years ago from Wilmington, Ohio

This was really awesome... I have been pretty fortunate to not have come across all of these yet. But alas, there's still time as I am still young... *sigh* lol


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 6 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Hi SognoPicocolo, I hope for your sake you don't come across 'all of them'. Cheers for commenting.


R. Blue profile image

R. Blue 6 years ago from Right here

And here I thought I stood a chance with you.....until I read this hub. I'm absolutely deflated. As always, you're so funny. Haven't been around in a while.....see what I missed.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 6 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Hi R. Blue, so lovely to hear from you again. I was beginning to think you had gone off me ;)


mythbuster profile image

mythbuster 6 years ago from Utopia, Oz, You Decide

Great hub, mistyhorizon2003 - true but funny, too. I have come across all 10 of these before but thankfully not all from the same person lol


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 6 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

LOL, pleased to hear it wasn't all on the same person mythbuster


tom hellert profile image

tom hellert 6 years ago from home

MH,

Funny- I admit i get and lose my beer like gut - i dont drink so its not a beer belly but everything else im clean on.... keep on keepin on

TH


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 6 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Hi Tom, very pleased you are 'clean on' the list and don't actually have a beer gut, keep up the good work and the women will be falling at your feet, (just don't tell the Wife) LOL!


tom hellert profile image

tom hellert 6 years ago from home

MH,

i can barely handle 1 woma n why would I need any more?

Besidde my wife brought me back from the dead- 3 hub series on my death - fun stuff- TH


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 6 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Golly Tom, no wonder you only want one woman. Will have to read that series, she sounds like quite a woman :)


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 6 years ago from England

Hi, skid marks! Awwwww! ha ha great hub! very funny! cheers nell


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 6 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Thanks Nell, pleased this gave you a laugh :)


Hayley 5 years ago

Hayley 22 hours ago

You didn't mention the infamous 'comb-over'! i.e. those guys who are bald -(nothing wrong with that)- BUT insist on growing a long strip of hair on one side only, which they then comb over the top, supposedly to fool us into thinking they have a 'full-head' (However, the fun really begins in earnest on a windy day...)I can understand the insecurities involved but take it from us boys, if you are follically- challenged it looks so much better if you just crop/shave it off completely. Stubble is manly but the straggly shredded- wheat effect definitely isn't!


Lone Ranger 4 years ago

Cindy, I am rather known for my articulation, but girl, you have rendered me speechless.

I will say this: You are a one-woman riot! :0)

I spent a few hours today reading some of your hubs and I don't think I'll ever be the same. - L.R.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

LOL L.R. I hope that is in a good way!! I am flattered you are reading my hubs and dedicating so much time to it :)


SUSANJK profile image

SUSANJK 4 years ago from Florida

Great colllections, definitely turnoffs.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Glad you agree Susanjk :)


Peaceful life profile image

Peaceful life 4 years ago from Las vegas

LOLz...Nice advises..useful and helpful for all men, last pic is adorable while a man catch leg of a woman, this scene could be happen if we will not following you mention advises...lolzzz....thanks for your work..wonderful


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Thanks Peaceful Life, I am glad you liked this :)


ContentThreads profile image

ContentThreads 4 years ago from India

Misty that completely awesome. You simply hit it on place. I agree with each word of it. I would like to add some more to it like a bad or noisy laugh,bad jokes and starring at some other place while talking. :) It was really hilarious.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

LOL ContentThreads, thanks for the compliments, and the additions (which I totally agree with by the way). Glad this gave you a good laugh :D


Clearhorizon 4 years ago

Who pays you to write all this rubbish lol.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

It's all good fun Clearhorizon, so I don't see it as rubbish. It gives people a laugh and I earn through Hubpages at the same time. You should try it sometime.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

That pic is already on my other article anyway thanks 'your model' so I have deleted the link to the picture you posted.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD

Wow, I think I've dated every type of man listed. To be honest, I can even look past the socks or even the bad breath a time or two, but I can't get past some of the other qualities. I especially cannot stand a Mama's Boy. Awesome hub and voted up!


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Thanks Jeannieinabottle, I think I have dated a fair few of them too, hence the inspiration for this hub lol. Glad you enjoyed it and cheers for the 'vote up'.


THEHuG5 profile image

THEHuG5 4 years ago

I laughed out loud while reading this hub. I loved what you said about nose pickers and mommas boys. Heck, I loved everything you said. Brilliant! Thanks for writing this :)


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Thank you THEHuG5, that is a lovely compliment :)


jacqui2011 profile image

jacqui2011 4 years ago from Leicester, United Kingdom

So so funny. I loved reading this hub. The sad thing is I have had a few dates in the past who have had several of these traits! Needless to say there was never a second date! Love the cheesy feet comment and the skidmarks. So entertaining, and I haven't laughed so much in ages. Absolutely brilliant. Voted up and funny.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Thanks jacqui2011, it is always great to know one of my Hubs has been an entertaining read :)


Sooner28 4 years ago

I found this be entertaining for the most part. However, something you said puzzles me.

"About now is when you start 'window shopping' and sizing up the other men that might have been of interest had you been single. This is just the beginning however, and if your man doesn't start making an effort it won't be long before you stop window shopping and make an 'impulse buy'."

This seems to be saying that weight gain is grounds for divorce. While I may agree if the person were to balloon to 600lbs and not be able to walk, do you think a beer gut is really sufficient grounds for a divorce?


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

This article is meant to 'tongue in cheek' Sooner28 so don't take it all too literally, although that said, once the physical attraction to your partner is gone nature does tend to step in and affairs happen, (let's face it, the statistics back up the huge amount of affairs that happen in marriages). I don't recall mentioning divorce though. Most affairs happen because the partner finds something elsewhere they are not getting at home, it doesn't necessarily mean they want to divorce their partner though. When I said 'impulse buy' I referred to the next step from window shopping', i.e. the affair.


Brandon E Newman profile image

Brandon E Newman 4 years ago from North Texas

Love this! Now I know how to get rid of a horrible date! And Sooner- Anything is grounds for divorce these days- stinky feet, noisy eating, growing a beard etc.......


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

LOL, well I don't know about that Brandon, I am not suggesting divorce here, just passion killers in general!


hazel 4 years ago

omg the skid marks!!this hub made me laugh alot!(C: regardless of the hygenical points there's nothing more unattractive than a cocky man, who doesn't know how to be a gentleman(2).-wbr, hazel


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Thanks Hazel, glad you think like I do lol ;)


msorensson profile image

msorensson 4 years ago

Wow...this is sooo funny!!


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

LOL, glad you enjoyed it :)


leenamartha profile image

leenamartha 3 years ago from USA

Thats a fantastic article here, i have read the full article and get full enjoy...

Thank you so much for sharing such a great hub.....


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 3 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Thanks leenamarta, glad you enjoyed this :)


ShirleyJCJohnson profile image

ShirleyJCJohnson 22 months ago from Sallisaw, OK

This was so spot on that it had me giggling in my desk chair. You make it sound so matter-of-fact, and, in fact, it is!


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 22 months ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Thanks for the lovely compliment Shirley. I am so pleased you enjoyed my writing.

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