The Trials Of Being A Single Woman Of A Certain Age And The Dating Scene

I am single – I admit it. There I have said it out loud and the sky hasn’t fallen down. There hasn’t been a stockpile of traffic outside my door and the earth has not stood still.

I am one of a growing number of women who is nearly 40 and is without a man. Do I want to be single and fancy free? Well in a word, er - no. But what is a gal to do? As Elton John would say “it’s a sad sad situation, and its getting more and more absurd”. I know it is a little out of context, but you get the meaning.

I have spoken to a couple of girlfriends who have both found themselves in the same predicament as myself and it seems that they have both given up any hope of ever getting a boyfriend, a partner for life, a lover, whatever you what to call your other half.

Enjoying life in the single lane
Enjoying life in the single lane

I was very saddened to hear from one friend in particular. She said that it was all over for her and that she has given up completely on the hope or chance of ever meeting Mr Right. We were attending the wedding of a good friend of ours who we actually used to live with during our student days over 15 years ago. She looked absolutely radiant in her princess bridal dress.

Her new husband was someone that she had met over 17 years ago. They went out briefly but due to the fact that they lived in different countries and they were young, they didn’t pursue it but remained in contact over the years. Finally 2 years ago they got in contact with each other, started a long distance relationship and finally decided that this was meant to be and got married. They organised the wedding in a record 3 months.

I am single and fabulous darling
I am single and fabulous darling
Be positive and optimistic and you will find your true love
Be positive and optimistic and you will find your true love

Now to me this is a sign that it can happen to anyone at anytime as long as you are open to all possibilities. So to hear my girl say that she wasn’t even contemplating the dating scene anymore was so shocking because it was so negative.

We couldn’t really discuss this matter at length because, she didn’t want to hear about hope and possibilities and being optimistic. It seems she had been burned one too many times.

My other friend was doing exactly the opposite. She was open to the possibilities out there. She had signed up with a couple of internet dating sites, had even gone out on a few dates. She didn’t meet anyone that she was attracted to but she did enjoy some pleasant evenings out.

However she has now decided that she no longer wants to make the effort to meet someone. Her approach is a little different to my first friend. She is perfectly happy to no longer be on the look out. She is perfectly relaxed and happy with the idea that she is no longer getting dressed up to attract someone’s attention.

Enjoy sharing a drink with your single friends
Enjoy sharing a drink with your single friends

She has told me that now she can just enjoy life and if she happens to meet someone then so be it. If she doesn’t meet someone then, well then so be it. Her attitude sounds much more healthy and hopeful. She hasn’t given up completely but she no longer wants to be an active seeker. Nothing wrong with that in my eyes.

Take up salsa dancing to meet new people
Take up salsa dancing to meet new people

So where does that leave me? Well I am one of those optimistic types. I am still going out and about trying to enjoy everything in life.

I will partake in certain activities that will mean that I will come into contact with members of the opposite sex such as going salsa dancing, joining different meet up groups which share my interests and I will even become a speed dater and take part in a speed dating event.

The most important thing is to enjoy life and whatever happens will happy. Just keep smiling.

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NiaG profile image

NiaG 5 years ago from Louisville, KY

Being single doesn't mean you have to lay down and die. It means you get to know yourself better. It means you can learn to enjoy who you are. It means you are fearless and not sacrificing who you are and settling for who you don't want. Yes it has it's lonely moments. Yes there are moments you want to share with a mate. But they're not there and we just have to keep moving on and be happy with ourselves. We're all we've got and if we can't look ahead then our inner beauty will die.

mary615 profile image

mary615 5 years ago from Florida

I love this Hub. I'd lilke to link to it for my poem I just did on the life of a single woman. Thanks!

Tiptopcat profile image

Tiptopcat 7 years ago from London, UK Author

@Lady_E - LOL - my mother keeps dropping hints too. She is slowly coming around to the idea that she will have to wait a little (lot?) longer before she hears the pitter patter of teeny tiny feet. Lets see if we can find the babymaker first (lol).

Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 7 years ago from London, UK

I completely understand where your coming from. The funny thing is you will meet that special one at a time/place you will least expect. I'm glad your keeping yourself occupied as well. I pray the right person comes along. A llot of people in relationships have just ended in divorce or they are in the relationship but miserable. I'm sure your knight in shining armour will come and you'll live happily ever after..... At the moment my mum is so eager to hold a grandchild. Well, she hints to me and I say, "mum please I need to get married first". lol.

Tiptopcat profile image

Tiptopcat 7 years ago from London, UK Author

Thanks LondonGirl. I just need to rally the troops for a girls night out speed dating. should be a real laugh and who knows what might happen. I could find my knight in shining armour.

LondonGirl profile image

LondonGirl 7 years ago from London

I hope you have fun!

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