The battle between love, marriage, and religion

The battle between Love, Marriage, and religion.

Truly love is difficult to find yet we know that love is one thing virtually everybody believes should be shared by human. That is we believe it is good to love and to be loved because love can heal all wounds. However, it seems there are situations where love is ignored specially by those who preach and teach love to humanity. That is those who claim to be religious are those who frequently deny love its rightful place just for religious reasons.

There are cases of love being denied because of religious differences. For instance a young man who is a Christian fell in love with a Muslim girl. The family of the girl insisted that the man must convert to Islam before he can marry their daughter. The man could not do that so that was the end of the relationship. Christians are not excluded in this issue because they are also involved. It is said that the Jehovah’s Witness do not allow their members to marry a non-member except if the person will convert and become a witness.

Some youths were discussing this issue; one of them is a catholic while the others were protestant. From their argument it was clear that each Christian sect would not like their member to leave for another sect even though it is another Christian family. The reason is not far-fetched. They do not teach the same doctrines.

A religious mother would like to see her children follow her footsteps. May be that is why it is difficult for parents to allow their children take another path that is different from theirs. Yet, we know that few parents do give their children the liberty to choose what they want in life so it means that at times it is even the lovers themselves that would want their partner to convert before they can get married or start any meaningful relationship.

The young single men and women that are so religious will always want to find a partner that shares their religious point of view. That is why most of them always want to know the faith of the one they meet. It is a fact that a relationship may work better if both partners are of the same religious sect but does it mean a relationship between lovers of different religion will not work out even if both partners agree to respect each other’s religious view. Then another question may be what faith the children will be introduced to since it is parents that first point a religious path for the children.

Well, it is possible for lover to get married despite their religious differences and I trust some people have tried it and it work. This is because people still change their religious faith even after many years of marriage. That is a husband or wife can see reason to change church or religion after many years of marriages and I trust the other partner can live with that.

In my research for ways to improve religious tolerance among humanity, it was noted that inter-religious marriages is recommended because if we can learn to live happily with a partner that is of another religious sect then the external world and their struggle for religious superiority will have no effect on us.

Finally, religion is the only source of hope to many people so they placed it above every other thing even above love. So any time there is a battle between love and religion. Religion wins most of the time. It is only in few instances has love proved to be stronger than religion. Is there anything we can do to reverse the trend and confirm that love is the greatest of all commandments or do we continue to allow love to weep each time religion stands of its way?

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Comments 67 comments

Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 5 years ago from Upstate New York

I think true love finds a way. I don't think either partner is required to sacrifice his/her religion. The kids can have the benefit of both.


SusieQ42 profile image

SusieQ42 5 years ago from Lakeland, FL

My husband is a Mormon and I a Penecostal Christian. We differ on religious views, however, it hasn't cost us our marriage. We can't agree on whose church to attend and neither of us are willing to change to the other's religion. We just leave it as it is.


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 5 years ago Author

Thanks paradise, and Susie for leaving those nice words. I said that only few lovers have succeed to win the battle and I am glad that Susie is one of them. It takes a strong love to live together despite religious difference. You know some Christians do not see mormons as true Christians. You are different,Susie your story is what I love to hear as I seek to see a world where people will stop using religion as a block to our peace, love, and unity. Have you heard such love between a Muslim and a Christian?


Saheed Nurudeen 4 years ago

I am a victim of this religious issue. I felt in love with a christian girl about seven years ago. When the relationship was getting seriou, she had to tell her parents only to hear the following day that our relationship will not work. I never think religion barries could be such an issue I love her so much but our happiness was taken away by those that preach love. It rather unfortunate.


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 4 years ago Author

Saheed, am sorry to hear that you were denied love just for religious sake. Unfortunately it was same people that preached love denied you love. I think people fail to understand that inter-faith marriage can help to bring peace to humanity by breaking barriers, differences, and hatred. The point is that each group wants to grow in number so most of them think it better not to let their member marry outside their religion may be to avoid the kids going to another sect or what? I think they have to bethink.


chynwe 4 years ago

Datz d situation i v found myself in at d moment. My guy is practising judaism while am a christian. we are of the same tribe. my people do not even want to hear about it. Dunno what to do?


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 4 years ago Author

Sorry to hear that, Chynwe.


adanna 4 years ago

im a roman catholic and my fiancé is a recently baptised pentcostal . its been 10yrs since we are in a relationship and finally we are about to get married. however he has built a close relationship with his pastor and all what we previously spoke about has changed. he wants his pastor to marry us in the pentecostal church and that is that. he insists and it appears that marrying in my roman catholic religion is not even an option. feel like giving up on everything altogether. he tends to criticise my religion all the time and i am tired of it.i'm in need of some guidance!


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 4 years ago Author

Adanna, that is the kind of problem I am talking about so I understand your situation. I think, if you must remain a catholic no matter the church you wed, then its important for your partner to respect your sect while you respect his since both of you can't go to same church. The general idea in this situation is that one partner will want to convert the other at the end or force the kid to join his/her church.I told someone I wnt mind the church I will wed for as long as they wnt force me to join, yet no.


nick 4 years ago

Both my girlfriend and I were raised Catholic.We found each other again after nearly 20 years and are very deeply in love.The problem is she is going through a divorce and her father thinks. our relationship is wrong .


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 4 years ago Author

Well nick, I dnt know if we are married or never married but your comment suggests your girlfriend was once married. I dnt know why her marriage ended but she has the right to choose if she wants to move on in life with another man or go back to her ex-husband. I dnt think her father is right to take that decision for her, a once married woman and as such an adult. May he wants her to observe some religious rites which I may not understand now.


Nelsiwe 4 years ago

I love my boyfrI am a lady and attends the methodist church. I have been in a relationship with a guy who had no specific church. Last year he lost his job and i was there for him during this sad time. One day a his friend convinced him to attend a zcc service and from that day he was hooked to the church. To be honest i don't like the church and now our relationship is on the rocks because of this. He is now working and claims the church is responsible for his success. I sometimes feel like ending the relationship. I know its unfair to judge but i just don't like the church.


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 4 years ago Author

Nelsiwe, you love him when he dnt belong to any church but now you dnt like the church he joined.I think, just like you said, it unfair because he dnt insist you leave your church and join him so you have to give him same respect. That is how will you feel if he had asked you to leave your church? Do unto others as you want done to you. What is the full name of the church? You dnt mention why you hate the church but you have no such right to condemn others. I think, it has to be his decision to leave nt urs


Nelsiwe 4 years ago

The full name of the church is zion christain church. The church is known for witchcraft, murder and allowing polygamy. I have done a research in order to find out if these allegations were true or not. Some people i asked confirmed that indeed these were happening but some said these allegations were not true. I fear now for my life should by any chance these be true. I have asked him to find a neutral church where we can both attend, but he refused. I just don't know what to do coz i love him and want to marry him but the church he chose freaks me.


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 4 years ago Author

Well, I just wonder how a group that commits murder can be called a church but you don't have to depend on what others say about the church because people usual speak against other churches even using lies. I think you man may be in a better position to tell you about the church except he has something to hide or he does not know the truth. Again, u can follow him to church just to witness somethings, that is if u want to be sure and avoid hear-say. As for polygamy, well some churches don't mind.


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 4 years ago Author

Polygamy is not by force so it depends on your husband not the church. There is a man that left his church because that was what the girl wanted so they got married after that he went back to his church(Assembles of God) and the girl had no choice but to leave Catholic and join him. So what if you married him before he joined the church? Will you leave him because of it? It is better you let hime be himself for as long as he wont force you to join the church. Both of you wont face same judgment, will you?


Nelsiwe 4 years ago

Thank u so much. I have since realised that love can conquer everything. I am now seeing things differently. I have accepted his proposal and im looking forward to spending the rest of my life with him. I respect his choice and i wil try to support him. If he decides to leave his church i would greatly appreciate. However i will not force him. He is a good man and i love him. Thank u so much for reminding me that love is above all things.


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 4 years ago Author

Nelsiwe, thanks for your comment. I wrote in one of my book, "If truly God is love and if truly with God all things are possible then with love all things will be made possible" for my book "It is time we truly know..." Therefore, face it with courage and love with the knowing that love is the greatest of all things. I only pray that your guy remain as loving as he is now till the end so that you will really understand that love never falls. The worst mistake we do is to hate for religious sake.


axy 4 years ago

i am victem of this kind of problem , i am ortohdox cristian & my boyfriend is muslim , i know we love each other , we diside to live together , but sometims i fill that our relationship didn't work out , God i fill teryfuy need some advice


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 4 years ago Author

Thanks axy, like you mentioned, this is a problem that needs to be addressed but it is you that have your life to live so you make the most important decisions that affects your life. We have talked on this issue from comments you can read here so you can still win both love and religion in the sense that if you and your partner can agree then you remain a Christian and he a Muslim and all things works as you want your family to be. Someone mentioned she married a Mormon, here.


Meow 2 4 years ago

I luv this guy n he luvz me!. He's a hindu n im a muslim!.. He dsnt understnd we cant b n i dnt understnd y i dnt over come the fear of hell 2 b wiv him!.. He wont understnd itz a gr8 sin 4 a muslim 2 b wiv a non muslim!.. Itz an instant access to hell!.. I have 2 brothers that had passed away when they were babies so they go straight 2 heavenbuh ive neva knwn them,.. The only place i can b wiv them is heaven!.. Im nah a good muslim making it a way 2 go 2 hell buh i cant sacrifice a lyf of iternity 2 b wiv my brothers 4 sum1 who i truly luv in this life tym!.. The only reason i cant acpt him is his religion other than that he's perfect!.. I dnt h8 ny religions,.. Infact i luv them all!.. Personaly i dnt think pple should change to make luv stronger cus as almost all religionz blv this is a test!.. The real lyf is here after!.. Heaven n Hell!.. I dnt wana go hell!.. I just pray that i do sumthing that can get me into heaven n meet my brothers n liv wiv them n have the lord accpt me 2 b wiv this boy i luv!.. MEOW


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 4 years ago Author

Thanks for your contribution. It have been better you communicate in a way anyone reading your comment will understand your input. It is a pity that your concern is heaven or hell which is something nobody is certain as all is base on believe. God permitted people to choose their religion and from what you are saying someone that is not from your religion will go to hell as a sin which means such religion is a sin on its own. It was said Hindus are not against the religions of others but I don’t know when it comes to marriage while Muslims will love to converts non-Muslims to Muslim before they can marry although I don’t if all the sects do same. In your case, your problem is what no one can solve except yourself because no one has been to heaven or hell and come back to assure us that it exists. What people claim to see is vision and revelation of heaven or hell. Surprising, I know people that claim to see their ancestors in the spiritual world and not necessary heaven or hell. It means our faith and believe plays a greater role in what we see as vision or whatever. Your brothers are dead and you want to see them again in heaven but from the Christian point of view we all will face judgment different and not as partners. That was what Jesus answered when he was asked about a woman marrying many husbands as Jews law demanded. Therefore, I don’t know if you will become a sin because you married someone that is not of your religion but it all depends on doctrines and belief. Lastly, if you think heaven is more important to you and you are sure that you have kept every other righteousness because marriage is not the only obstacle to heaven, then you kill love for heaven, if you are sure of being there. However, remember that God is said to be love, if that is true then it may mean that you also killed the God you want to meet in heaven.


Meow 2 4 years ago

A muslim is not a muslim if they dnt blv in heaven or hell!.. Nd 4 what islam sayz is that itz a duty to evry muslim to continue in the straight path!.. Im not saying islam is the only ryt religion it is the most powerful n trustworthy religion!.. A lot of pple in india think itz f9 4 a muslim 2 marry a non muslim as long as they convert but personaly i dnt like those pple that convert to diff religions just cus they're in luv!.. I wouldn't xpect the man i luv to convert to islam,.. Cus he may bcome a muslim in name but by soul he'll never b n so ur pretty much still marrying a non muslim!.. It dependz also on the lack of knwledge we get bout our own religion n 1/3 of the muslim world lack it!.. I dnt lack it n so im a sttong muslim believer wiv reasonz to evrything i do!.. Islam givz reasonz 4 evry test given!.. Jews christians n muslimz blv this lyf is a test!.. But all we gtta b is strong!.. I dnt think a non muslim will definatly go hell since the lord is most merciful buh dnt 4gt he can also get angry 4 the wrng doings we may do this is the reason 4 hell being made!.. Christianity also blv in heaven n hell since muslimz blv in jesus too!.. 'a muslim is not a muslim until they do not blv jesus is a mssnger of the lord jst like muhammed (pbuh)' jewdaism teach their pple to fear the lord making them strong jews!.. Christianity teachs the lord to b only luving making not all but most christians weak!.. Islam teachs to luv but fear the lord giving us the reason n careful thought n what action we must take!.. If muslimz dnt fear the lord or lack knwledge then they will also b in a situation of making the lord angry!..

I luv this hindu boy,.. He luvz me!.. But im nah gunna get him 2 convert cus he's a strong hindu,.. He dsnt deserve to change his religion 4 me!.. I will alwayz luv him n i hope he dsnt do nything silly but continues living n soon finding sum1 he can luv more than he luvd me!.. Im frm the UK n he's frm India!..


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 4 years ago Author

Meow, the choice is yours to make. I do not think anyone has to convert to any religion without any personal reason in that he/she no longer belief in the teachings of the former religion.


lauren 3 years ago

I am a former JW who fell in love with a Christian man shortly after I left my religion. It is true that Jehovahs Witnesses advise that you marry only in the lord (ie members of the congregation or within the association as a whole). Dating or even marrying someone outside of that is severely frowned upon. It is for this reason, among others, that I left. The Christian man I am in love with wont even give me a chance for almost the same reason I left my former belief system.


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 3 years ago Author

Thanks Lauren. I have JW friends and I understand what you mean. I want to know if your man's church/ sect is against marriage out their church and the name of the church.


musha 3 years ago

thanks so much for these helpful writings, i happen to find myself in the similar shoes as my friends have alluded.However, i have now learned that if you really love your friend then you ought to respect their religion as well


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 3 years ago Author

Thanks Musha for your comment. I am glad that you find my hub helpful just as others do. I trust your new understanding of love will bring more joy and happiness to you. Keep it up.


haru 3 years ago

i am a hindu girl n my guy is christian boy.he loves me madly same as i do i love him so much...early he told he will accept me as hindu & now he gone deep in god n involve in church tooo much so he s asking me to convert as a christian o he s saying to stop this at this end..i am not able to loose him

can u please advice me plzzz....but he is a good partner


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 3 years ago Author

I have to start by asking, how the guy will feel if your are in his shoes? That is if you ask him to convert to hindu? He must learn to right your right to religion and still love but pray and wish that you learn the truth if he thinks yours is not good enough. The point am making is that he has to choose between you and your religion. That is if he is in love with you no matter the situation and at all time or if he loves you for a reason. No love will be strong if based on any reason for we must not know the reason we love. Therefore, he has to result your religion but both of you have to decide the fate of your children which is the most important. Just let him know that he has to love you the way you are but the choice is yours because it depends if you are willing to give up your religion.


haru 3 years ago

thanks its true

but he is not able loose his religion he is telling me that if am not converted as christian he will b single for ever n do gods service bcz he is unable to accept another girl in his life same as he is saying its being difficult if we be separate religon. i belive he love me but i don't know why he gets confuse when it cumes to religion

am not able to give up my religion but its being very hard to lose him


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 3 years ago Author

It is obvious that you want to accept him not minding his religion and I think that is the best love anyone can give. If he can not give you the best love then what else? He is of the opinion that his religion or God is better than yours which is a disrespect. However, you have to decide what you want, my friend. You can convert if you see nothing wrong with his religion but I think he is being self-centered.


Smile24 3 years ago

Hello i'm a catholic and in love and dating a muslim girl. like wise i get the same o'l dilemma about the parents not wanting to be married to other non believers. we respect each others beliefs and either of us not wanting to change each others perspective or what do we believe in. its just sad that religion barriers give us such invisible walls together, and those who preach love are the ones at it. some times i wonder if they really know what are they talking about. opposites do really attracts that struct me now.. never thought ill be in love with her, i do tell my self then that i would not get involve by such difficult relationships but look at me now i'm getting papered eating my own words... well were at the same age 22, right now we are finding a decent job together so when the time comes and i mustered all my powers ill marry her. i don't mind if we were to be wed by the way she want to but i want to keep my beliefs in me... some people might not understand.. but when love struck you like lightning you'll be.... you will know what i'm talking about once you get there. its funny people can tell if your going to heaven or hell. have they been there, do they know what it is like? thinking about judging people on what they think their life would end. any way i know others are in this kind of situation too. too y'all out there you are not alone! lets stay strong and don't lose hope. its not about who's right and who's wrong our love will find a way. we all worship the same god only different in names. god give us the right to choose and the free will on how we will live our life that he gave us. if not so why give us this gift to think make decisions when we can all but follow.


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 3 years ago Author

I am glad that you are aware of the fact that it is your life and your happiness. It takes courage to stand away from the crowd.


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 2 years ago Author

Teriza, Thanks for your comment but I wonder how it relates to the topic here. However, have it in mind that spell do expire and except the woman’s husband was under a spell when he left her, she will have problems when the spell is over. A man was married to a woman for 25 years only to wake up one day to ask her, “Who are you?” he claimed he never knew he was married to her all those years because he was under a spell. The matter here is love, marriage and religion. It is not about spell and charms. Thanks.


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 2 years ago Author

Thanks for your comment but I wonder how it relates to the topic here. However, have it in mind that spell do expire and except the woman’s husband was under a spell when he left her, she will have problems when the spell is over. A man was married to a woman for 25 years only to wake up one day to ask her, “Who are you?” he claimed he never knew he was married to her all those years because he was under a spell. The matter here is love, marriage and religion. It is not about spell and charms. Thanks.


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 2 years ago Author

Sandra West, are you trying to continue from where the last commenter stopped? Will spell changes ones religion, love or who one wants to marry? It is possible but its after effect is another aspect to consider. You partner can wake up one morning and ask you, " Who are you?"


grace 2 years ago

I will love to share my testimony with all my viewers because I never thought I would have another chance with my husband, the man I so much love, he left me for another woman, and when I called him, he never picked my calls, he deleted me on his face book account and then set the status to having a lady with the other chick. I was devastated. I went to three spell casters before I met Dr drakugbe. Who help me get all my lost hope. I lost a lot of money with them and got no results. So when I came to Dr drakugbe, I was really leery of him and didn’t think he could help me. I though it is too

good to be true, because all the other spell casters were supposedly good and none of them helped me. I saw the testimonials and read the other testimonials and decided to get the consultation. He said he could help me, but my chances of getting my ex were very low and he didn’t recommend it at all. But I insisted that he at least give me the chance to work with him and try and if it didn’t work, I wouldn’t be upset and I would move on with my life. He agreed. Since he is in jersey and am in need, I decided I would go in person to have my spells cast. He is a really sweet and gentle man, when I met him I was really surprised. He looks very young, and I had my doubts whether or not he would be able to help me. But I figured I came all that way and I said I would try so I tried it. He called a spirit to talk with me and do the work, it was a woman spirit and when it came it totally transformed Dr’s face. That is when I thought to myself that it might just work. The spirit gave me some advice and did the spells. I had a separation spell and a reunion spell done. The spirit said it would take a while for my ex to leave his new girl but once he did, he would come to me very quickly. She gave me some things to take home and do. I did them, but I was really nervous. I think I messed up a few times and I told her and she said just keep going and I would be fine. So I did. It was like 6 or 7 weeks later and I saw that my ex unblocked me from facebook. I saw he had changed his status again to single. So I was super excited because I took this to mean that he had split up with the other girl. About 10,days after that my ex called me. At first, it was weird between us. He wanted to see me. So I went to meet up with him. He didn’t ask me back then. I got very anxious and told t, and she said to stay calm and everything would turn out okay. So I did the best I could although I was still worried. We met up a few more times after that, and still he didn’t ask me back out. So I got a consultation with hector and he said to expect my ex to ask me back out within two weeks from the consultation. I listened, but I wasn’t sure it would happen. Then it was almost 2 weeks later, and I though, damn, doctor was wrong. But the next day (there was like 2 days left from it being 2 weeks) my ex called and we got together. He asked me if I would be willing to try our relationship again, which of course I said yes. That was about 3 weeks ago, and so far we have been doing okay, we still have a lot of things to work out, but I am very happy. dr akugbe is the real deal and I am so glad that I found him and I recommend him to anyone who needs help. Thank you so much hector you saved my life! Reply? You can as we contact him for your help email drakugbespellhome@gmail.com


lost4ever 2 years ago

Hi, I'm a catholic and I have been dating this Muslim girl for several years now. It has never crossed either of our minds that we would fall so deeply in-love with each other. We meant the world to each other, and she's the best thing that has happened to me. We had believed that "true love holds no bearer" and can "move mountains". I understand what her values and religion meant for her and I respected her for it. I have even met with her parents and they have no issue of us getting married, of course provided that I convert to Islamic - which is totally understandable.

She's very much in-love with me as I am with her and a strong believer in Islamic, and it is crucial that I will need to convert and practice her faith if we were to get married and abide to all Islamic teachings etc.

If I agree to convert and forgo my catholic belief, I admit that I just simply can't do it overnight, but I'm more afraid what if I try and I can't? - which will end everything we have. Secondly, I certainly don't have issues with any religions/beliefs, and I respect people for whatever faith they believe in. However, in this situation, I'm not sure if what I'm doing is right or not? and am I marrying her for "Love" or "Religion"?? or both? Please advise.......I don't know what else to do.....

After all, your title speaks for itself "The battle between love, marriage, and religion"


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 2 years ago Author

Lost4ever, I understand your pain. However, I think your partner should respect your religion just as you respect her own religious views. That is the first step but it all depends on you and what you want. You have the final decision to make. What is important is how your partner understands and tolerates you after which comes her family. Which means she should learn to respect your religion should in case you decide to go back to Catholic in future after the marriage.


1 John 4:7–8 2 years ago

I am a negative atheist, specifically, agnostic. I am in an intimate relationship with an Evangelical Protestant. Problem is, we still do not have any solid commitment. We both understand that we love each other but my partner is still not decided on the thought of being committed to someone who does not have a personal relationship with God. We accept, respect, and love each other in all aspect except my circumstance. The rationale is that one could not bear to be committed to someone who he/she knows will be doomed on the final judgment. I think that if any god/goddess exist and promotes love as the most important thing in the world (as most of religions and messages of gods/goddesses conveys), they will not destroy something as beautiful as love. Any thoughts on this?


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 2 years ago Author

Well, I think her fear is base on her belief but we know that she will answer for herself on the said day. That is she will not be responsible for your actions or belief. Therefore, I wonder what she really mean except for fear of peace and unity in her marriage plus the children's interest. It is what you can work out with her.


am23 2 years ago

Hi I have been married for 9 years with a son. My husband is a muslim while I am a catholic.. We actually dated n I told him that i would not convert so he didn't mind at all n also told him if we were to have children, they have to be catholic too. I know i am quite demanding but he accepted all these. He said he accepts civil marriage. So when my son was born n was a baptised catholic. N my husband also did follow me to church once in a while. After our 8th year he started to ask me consider converting to Muslim which he knows from the start that I wouldn't. So he said that since I do not want to convert or consider he will suggest a separation or even a divorce. We both love each very much but it really saddens me the we have to come to terms like this just because of religion. I am so confused right now!


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 2 years ago Author

It is obvious your husband wants to break a long standing agreement, you have to remind him that.

Did he mention why he wants you to change?

It is likely others are influencing his decision, which is wrong.


am23 2 years ago

As you know Muslims are not allowed to have civil marriages which he now thinks its sinful which he should have thought about the consequences before marrying me. Me too believe that others are also influencing him but he disagree on that. He just said that he wants to change for the better. So I really do not know what to do. N I am strong believer in my religion. Whereas he isn't. But he says if i convert he will change to be a better Muslim.


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 2 years ago Author

Definitely, he is selfish to ask you at this to leave your religion when he made the mistake from the start. What do you mean by 'better muslim" He should be man enough to accept his mistake and live with it or he join your church if they won't let continue. He can't tell me God will get mad now that he married a non-Muslim after many years of marriage.


am23 2 years ago

Yes I was telling him the same thing he is selfish. And yes why after so long.. At 1st we did have this issue last 1 1/2 years ago. Then we worked things out n said he won't ask me to convert again. Then he started to ask me recently again. said I don't know what is he thinking so many years asking me to convert. And I told him you have to believe in the religion in order to convert, no point converting just for he love and save the marriage. Do you think we need to go for counselling? But one thing is, he is very stubborn as well.


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 2 years ago Author

You already made your point " you have to belief in the religion." Therefore, he has to use his sense of reasoning. Tell him that the best he can do is for him to keep praying that you, someday, belief in his religion but it will be wrong for him to force you to it.

Defintely, conuselling is good at this time who will do the job? He may not want to listen to a Christian or someone else.

Tell him that his way of life will be your reason to believe in his religion someday and if he is not religious enough to keep to his promise then you have no business trusting his religion.


am23 2 years ago

Ya U R right.. I have to believe in his religion in order to convert. Probably I will try going for counselling and see if it helps. But would not go to see someone who is christian coz its not fair. Has to be someone who is not a Muslim nor a christian.


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 2 years ago Author

::You have a good sense of judgment and tolerance by not going to any of the two religion.

I trust he will realize his mistake. Especially if he is educated and enlightened.


Ben 2 years ago

Hi David,

My partner and I are both non believers, and although her family does not accept this, they are lovely and have been very supportive of us as a couple. The problem we jumped into is that we are resigned to relative secrecy, as her non-immediate family are less accepting of such things, and she is concerned for her mother as the family would certainly lose face. The solution to this seems to be an official marriage, but as a Muslim woman in a western country she is unable to marry a non Muslim man (religious bigotry and entrenched sexism). The only way for us to wed is through me converting to Islam. Her family are unyielding on this point. I do not wish to convert for a few reasons:

1) I am not religious.

2) I do not wish to be deceitful. The lie would only create further secrecy and accountability.

3) Although the religion disrespects us both and I could make a mockery of it in this way, I don't wish to mock religious individuals by my very condition.

4) I object to the pressure.

This has been an issue for several years and my position has wavered between the fraudulent conversion and outright refusal. I am currently back on fraudulent conversion as I was given an unfair ultimatum a little while ago by my partner (who has always been the mediator of this process), and this has quietened things down for now. The terms of the conversion were that the mother could not ask me about religion and would deflect any religious questions aimed at me (almost the opposite of what makes interesting conversation and can build cultural bridges). I would love to speak to them frankly about this, perhaps without my partner present but there are language barriers and the chance that it could dissolve further.

Anyway I thought I should air our story in the hope that someone else might be in the same place. It is surprisingly hard to find this situation discussed.


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 2 years ago Author

Thanks Ben, first for calling me my name. Then for your comment.

I understand your position and why you don't want to pretend to be what you are not. That is the best because once you claim to convert to any religion then you are expected to abide the rules else you would be going against "your own" acclaimed belief. The most important thing is your partner not her parents because it is her life and you and her are going to live together. That is, you are not going to share the rest of your life with her parents but with her. However, I understand why some people would want to please their parents. Therefore, if you make her accept you the way you are then she can help you talk to her parents. That will make it lots easier. It is more difficult when the one we love is the one asking us to convert but that means such a one is not willing to rest our own belief and standing in life. Respect should be mutual. Converting now only to get married is one thing because a time may come when she would expect more from you in terms of religion and problems starts if you fail. Good Luck, my friend.


confused state 24 months ago

Now am also in this shoe. My boyfriend and i are madly in love and we are very good together . We have been together 3 yrs now. Now the problem is he an authodox and am a penticostal. I am not ready to convert and he also. Both of us are strong believers. I have attended his church once and he has attended mine. He doesn't like our mode of worship , and I don't like his mode of worship.

Whenever the issue of marriage comes up, we never seem to agree. So we just avoid the topic. Now I am considering whether to breakup or just continue.

Pls help. Am so confused

Am so confused

I have considered breaking up with him because we h


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 24 months ago Author

Three yrs is not three days so it means both of you understand each other. Moreover, your ability to avoid religious debate is a sign of understanding. This reminds of a question an unborn child asked in my quest which I hope to publish when events are right. The child asked the highest council, " Who made the religious rules and laws?" Is it God, man or religion?

From what you said, the problem is religious sect which has to do with doctrines and pattern of worship. Just like the child ask, I wonder if God has any pattern established even Jesus simply taught our lords prayers. Consequently, what I am asking is if God is interested in your heart and actions or your pattern of worship? Sincerely, we don't know but we only belief in faith as we are taught by the founders that each doctrine is right and should be the normal method.

I think you problem can either be simple or hard depending on how you want it. In that, it depends on what is important to you. Someone made a first comment in this hub and said she married a momorn yet they live happily because they respect their differences.


sunbo 19 months ago

I am in love with a Guy that attends cherubim and seraphim church while I attend RCCG.he is also in love with me but I nt okay with the doctrines of his chruch.I need an advice on wat to do


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 19 months ago Author

Dear Sunbo, you did not mention if the said guy wants you to join his church. If he did not require that of you then you have no business with the doctrine of his church since you can still continue in your church if he will not join you.


Emmanuel 16 months ago

I thought am the only one suffering from this, it's indeed a relief to me when I discovered now that Inter-faith relationship is a national sorrow. I've never been in love like I am now with this girl but now She told me with the support of her parents that no matter how I love her I can't marry her because of the church difference. This is a serious issue for me but now having discovered that many are victims of this I think we have to find a way resolve this ungodly act among us. Am a catholic and she is from Deeper Life. But traditionally is it right for a man to change and join the wife before marriage?


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 16 months ago Author

Thank you Emmanuel for leaving a comment. Like you have confirmed, the problem is not just religion against religion but also within a religion. That is why some people think that it is a shame for such a thing to happen especial in a situation like this in which both of you are Christians.

Well, some people said a lady can wed in her church but she has to join her husband in his church. That is to say if one has to change a church then it is the female. That is what popular opinion says in Nigeria which I guess is where you come from having mentioned deeper life.

The struggle seems to suggest that churches do not want to loss a member to another church. It can be as simple as that. We cannot say if it is as a result of fear of believing 'assumed fake doctrine of other churches' or fear of reduction in financial capacity of the church since churches are now more like a business venture.


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 16 months ago Author

Thank you Emmanuel for leaving a comment. Like you have confirmed, the problem is not just religion against religion but also within a religion. That is why some people think that it is a shame for such a thing to happen especial in a situation like this in which both of you are Christians.

Well, some people said a lady can wed in her church but she has to join her husband in his church. That is to say if one has to change a church then it is the female. That is what popular opinion says in Nigeria which I guess is where you come from having mentioned deeper life.

The struggle seems to suggest that churches do not want to loss a member to another church. It can be as simple as that. We cannot say if it is as a result of fear of believing 'assumed fake doctrine of other churches' or fear of reduction in financial capacity of the church since churches are now more like a business venture.


moris 12 months ago

I have a similar issue, I and my boyfriend has been together for four years, we are both mature to get married but we are not married. We both love so much that we have not had an issue that linger for a whole day. But the problem is religion. I am a Jehovah witness and he is an Anglican. At first, he wanted me leave my religion which was not possible. A day ago, we call off the relationship because he wanted somebody that will sit with him in his church when he goes to church. Though there was a girl before me, and when he asked the girl if she will leave her religion and she said yes. Yet he is still not happy with the girl. I have not ask him to leave his church because that's one's personal decision. He's still confiding in me so much and he still love me too and likewise me. What should I do?


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 12 months ago Author

Well, it is unfortunate that your partner wants you to leave your religion even when you respect his freedom of religion. I think he should start by putting himself in your shoes then he will know how it feels. It should be left for you to willingly decide to join him. Most cases are because of the believe that one is in the wrong religion or what others will say if he does not show up with his wife in the church. That is why we need to grow up and learn. If he truly loves you then he should respect your stand for as long as you did not stand on his way. Tolerance is part of marriage. If there be judgement, we shall be judged individually. Meaning he cannot answer for your sins.


Jorcy 11 months ago

I have a colleague that I later fall in love with.

We work together as friends and colleagues for 3years. Later he got a job in a well established organization that took him out of the country for six months. When he left, we really do miss each other. Though there is a girlfriend of his that he always told me about and that were still dating. While away the communication still continue till feelings started setting in. But we tried to remain just friend but wasn't easy. We later fall in love and the relationship became so stronger than that of the girlfriend. We started thinking of getting married when he came back. Now is 4 years as best friends and a lover. For these years we have never had an issue that linger for a whole day without resolving issues peacefully and happily. We are always happy together. Is always like a new found love every day.

In spite of all, there is a strong line between us, religious barrier.

He is a Catholic and I am a witness, my family are witnesses and are against it. Each time I tried to break away from him, terrible things would happen to him or me that will reunite us again.

The first was that, he became so sick that he was rushed unconsciously to the hospital.

The second, I lost my job.

Thirdly, he lost his new brand car.

Right now he is so devastated.

Still yet he still having an affair with the girlfriend that he is training in school.

What will I do now, please I need your advice.


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 11 months ago Author

My Dear, your situation is dicey because you are in love with a guy.who is in a relationship and still dating the said lady. You have to start by puttting yourself in the other girl's shoe. Then you will know how it will hurt to take her man away. It would have been better if the guy is single. Your act means you may break the girl's heart expect if they are not really in love with each other. Therefore, let the guy put himself in order. It means he is cheating on his girl. As for religion, I think it is your life to live. Your parents may not have been born witness. It means they had a previous belief held by their parents. Likewise, you have the right to decide what you want at a certain stage in your life. I do not think getting married will make you give up your sect if you do not want to do so. It is what you and your partner will agree.


mary 11 months ago

I am in love with a Muslim guy and he is in love with me too but I ask him to convert if he really want to marry me , that I will teach him more about Christianity, and he accepted but the problem is the mum, but the dad aks him to go ahead since he is an adult, he knows what is good for him . but some of their family members are Christian any way,

please I need and advice on what to do.


davidkaluge profile image

davidkaluge 11 months ago Author

I think your case is easier because the guy has agreed to convert but I must advice you that you have to learn to love and live with him as a muslim or any other religion. This is because he may decide to go back to muslim after the marriage. That is why you must be ready to accept whatever comes so you can live together forever. Therefore, my point is for you to love him as he is.


Mk 9 months ago

I have stayed several years without having a boyfriend. During my final year in school, things were very difficult and I prayed God should sent someone that will help me out and be there for me and care for me and if possible be mine...

Jehovah did as I requested, a former colleague of mine that later became my best friend came up and assisted me through out my final year and even till now. He has always been there for me even when all hopes was lost. He came and put a smile on my face. He cares, love and cherish me... The cares and love and treatment that no one has ever given me, he gave me as one best thing in his life, though that's the name he called me "the best" incredible".

But there's a big problem. He has a girlfriend, he is sponsoring in school who was there before he got a job and before I came to know him though are not engaged. When I ask his plan for the girl... He said " I want to see her through in her school and am having affairs with her til date.

We have known for four years, he is proposing marriage but I am not certain because

First, he is still having affair with the girl

Second, we are off different religion, he is a Catholic and I am a witness.. He wants me to be converted.

Third, his tribe... His people doesn't want my tribe.

I decided to leave but each time.... Whenever I tried to break up with him, one terrible things will happen that will bring us together again.

1. He was rush to the hospital unconsciously for some days..

2. I lost my appointment

3. He was rubbed of his new brand lexzus 330. On the same day same night we both decided to leave finally....

Yet, nothing has changed in our relationships, communication, our cares and others...

Now, am afraid, I don't want anything to happen to him because I love him.... At the same time am tired in the relationship because I want to get married and nobody is coming up at all.. As he came into my life, I was no longer been pestered by men.

What will I do? I need your advice and I don't want to carry on like this to next year.

Thanks


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davidkaluge 9 months ago Author

Dear MK

Someone left a comment which is not different from yours. You can see my reply on it.

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