The Meaning of Love and Being Loved
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My Love Inside Out
THE MEANING OF LOVE AND BEING LOVED
When I was young I thought it would be just about anything back then. If you were to tell me that you loved me. Then that would be love.Then if we held hands or even if you gave me a flirty smile that was love. If we kissed and we went to cool places or did things together that was love. If we said we were going out with each other that was love. Oh and then I began to grow in knowledge and wisdom only by the hand of the pain that life had lead me through. You see when we love we learn through it that there comes a time of joy, a time of pain, a time to give, a time to share, a time to let go, and a time of silence. So as my steps of life endure more than most. I took all these steps as though I must learn something from them. My love grew in me always but very few could even know that depth of it and only then by my writings I dared to share at times for my love that I had then was so insecure and immature I didn't know what it was or never felt love how could I ever know anything about it . So the wheel of life began spinning me in its' realms of time. And I gain some since of it. I knew by my twenties that love hurts and it only seemed to hurt me .And learning that broken hearts show us who we are and how we can live again even though it feels like we are dying but if we never feel pain we will never know joy either ... . so I became silent in my loving for no one had touched my heart for I could not let that happen .You see I would say I loved and show some of what I could without being lost in my emotions. For my true love and emotions were on the papers I wrote on. My dreams that no one wanted to hear. My fears that no one knew. This is where I grew.
I would watch people and how they interacted and I would glean from them. Either it be good or bad it became knowledge and wisdom to me . At times I would write as though I was living in their shoes, their life, their ways. It spilled out onto my paper with hardly any effort at all, at times. .
As a mother I gave birth all alone I could feel the love and yet the feelings of loneliness and hate all in one because I was left to do this all on my own. My writings became my love for I hid myself in them I thought love was how to forgive, how to walk over pain ,how to laugh when you wanted to cry. Love I thought, I was to endure pain when someone would hit you over and over on the inside or outside of the person I truly am. My self esteem dwindled. Then I thought love was that you never gave up no matter what. So that is how 28 years of marriage became the years that taught me the most. I truly did want to give my heart but I could not for he did not want it. I tried but I was hurt considerably. And as I walked out never to return . Now I am here in silence once again my writings became more than anything before. I have expressed joy and sadness, pain and healing, laughter and crying , excitement and disappointment ,anger and happiness ,and yet all this in silence. For this was all on paper for some to read. But mostly for me to remember that I have a heart and love that no one will ever understand. THEN AS TIME CAUGHT ME AND PUSHED ME ON THROUGH. I MET YOU. I would write just a little of me and you would hear me and I would tell you some of my feelings and you felt it as though you were here then I gave you just a touch of the love I have. Oh just in writing this is all in now. And you gave some of that back. I have never felt this way before. But you wrote to me and cause me to see that you could see me from the inside and where I have been hiding. You were trying to open it by the ways you spoke to me. I would cry as I wrote and as my heart was being opened like never before. I am feeling loved but what is it I would questioned myself many times . For I have not felt this before so how would I know what it is .But as time has passed by, words in depth were spoken and our heart were mending before us and our hearts were feeling love and giving love all at once . To our amazement we were falling in love for the first time. When I think of you I feel my heart in your hands when I read your writings I hold your heart with great care and yet we have not heard each others voice nor have we seen each others face.
WE ARE IN LOVE FOREVER I ask myself only to make sure of me and the feelings. I have never felt this way before and now I know what true love is ...It is when our hearts speak to each other way before our bodies embrace . This is great I think in many ways because our hearts have became as one. And now I know I will never feel pain or loneliness again. For when I hurt , you feel and when I cry , you comfort me and when you hurt , I feel and when you cry , I will comfort you. This is not only in words but in our hearts to stay . To all the ends of the earth we shall be us as one in heart, mind, and soul mates forever.
THIS IS BEING LOVED AND GIVING LOVE when I can write to you and never fear that you would turn me away saying this is to deep for my heart to understand. For you are the only one that has let my heart live and it shall live with your heart forever...