The men women should never date or: “Guy Types” to avoid unless you are a masochist.

At the beginning of every relationship there is a definite sense of anticipation mixed with uncertainty. How will I know if he really likes me? Can we find enough common interests to carry on an engaging conversation? Will he ask me out again? Yet, the one main question most women never allow into their brains is: “What TYPE of guy did I actually agree to go out with?” Another, that I would ask would be, “Are you a convicted felon?” But, hey, that’s just me! Safety first, gals.

Here are a few that I have run into…some, I briefly dated, one I married, two I know through mutual acquaintances and the rest are those that reside in my worst nightmares! Since I value confidentiality you will just have to guess which ones belong in what category.

First impressions are everything
First impressions are everything

We will start with Mama’s Boy:

He picked you because you are either one of two things to him:

1. The exact, polar opposite of his mother and, you are now known as, “The Target” in all future arguments with her because no one will ever be good enough for her little man, especially some she-devil-hussy! You were brought in to take the heat off of him and isn’t that special?

2. The exact replica, right down to the starched apron, tight bun and lips pursed in irritation and...he gets off on being scolded!

The last reason indicates a co-dependent/passive-aggressive issue that needs an immediate psychological intervention so unless you are into the Freudian thing, stay away from the mother-lovers.

But Mother always cuts up my food!
But Mother always cuts up my food!

Mr. NEXT! (Otherwise known as- the rebound guy):

You just broke up with the love of your life, now what do you do? Well, hell, you grin, through your tears, at that cute guy down at the end of the bar and hope he slides over to ask, “What’s wrong?” No one wants to honestly deal with their feelings let alone take them out for dinner and a movie so why wouldn’t hooking up with a new guy immediately after a break-up seem logical? The same goes for men in this one. Mr. or Ms. Next will never compare to the mind-edited version of your ex so just let them walk on by and take time to heal or shop, whichever does the trick.

Vanishing Man:

This gem starts off pretty normal at first, you see one another a lot, almost too much but then an insidious thing creeps in; the EXCUSE. “Work has been super busy lately so I’m going to have to cancel on our dinner plans,” or, “I promised a friend I would help them move.” The “friend” is either another woman or, quite frankly, Houdini just wants to do his disappearing act because he has discovered that he just isn’t that into your “magic box” or has no interest in investing time in having a real relationship with you now that the initial fun of winning you over has faded. The dead giveaway is almost always inconsistent contact – at first, he calls every day but then? Poof…he’s gone.

Man-Whore:

This guy can sell you on anything because he has his sales pitch down and probably already knows what positions he can get you in before he even asks you out! He has you pegged and can smell a lonely, hurt and vulnerable woman a mile away just like a wolf can smell the blood of his injured prey. The lines are memorized, he can’t seem to remember your name but his dazzling, super white teeth have you transfixed so you don’t even notice. He is not looking for a soul-mate; he is merely looking for another bed-warmer so buy some cozy pajamas instead honey because this one may come with a side order of STD’s.

 

Hello? I'm your date...remember?
Hello? I'm your date...remember?

Mr. Ass-Hat (or Rude Jerk for the more delicate):

Some men think they can say or do whatever in the hell they want around women from crude, sexist jokes to asking what your “stats” are as far as the number of exes you have had and then saying loudly, after you refuse to answer, “So, my odds of getting in on that action look pretty good huh?” Asking out the waitress as a “back-up plan” while you are in the bathroom is also just plain despicable and if this tool walks through a door first, nearly letting it slam shut on you rather than opening the door for you then let that be your sign to move on. Once an Ass-Hat, always an Ass-Hat.

The “Hands On” (everything) Guy:

He justifies being like a multi-armed Hindu deity by claiming to be “affectionate” yet his hand, creeping up your thigh, while he bombards you with sexual innuendos says otherwise. You have only known one another a week so the, “I am just so attracted to you and I can’t help myself,” excuse rings pretty hallow plus, it borders on sexual assault. This should also tell you that any man that refuses to give you the proper respect early on certainly won’t be giving it to you gift-wrapped with a pretty bow later on either. What you see is what you get with this dud and, there is nothing else under the surface!



Seriously?
Seriously?


High School Crush Dude:

So, just because he found you on Classmates.com or Facebook or MySpace and sent you the obligatory, “Hey, remember me?” salutation doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to go out with him. Many years have been swept under that proverbial bridge and sometimes the passage of time has not always been kind to physical appearance, financial health or mental stability. The way you remembered him in high school is a far distant shadow, one you probably had good reason to forget and who he is now may just be a bitter, three times divorced wretch of a man looking for an easy score to boost his ego right before he starts looking for a 21-year old blond to become wife #4. Hit: DENY FRIEND REQUEST!

Mr. Gimme One More Try:

This one is simple. He didn’t want you the first time around but now he has had a change of heart. Do you say yes to dating him again even after he tossed you on the discard pile once before? If you do then you deserve to take the walk of shame that is most definitely coming when he says once again, “No, I think I had it right the first time but I just wanted to be sure.” Son of a bi#@h!!!!

Why did I like him again?
Why did I like him again?

Long nights and a fear of being single forever can make dating any one of these Guy-Types appear mighty attractive. I've been guilty of it myself and each time I recognized what was happening, I stood back and fervently wished I could punch myself in the head numerous times as a just punishment for being so gullible. What is the lesson here? Learn the signs, keep a cheat sheet on you at all times if necessary and remember, for all the Guy-Types out there, odds are that they will run into their Girl-Types counterparts eventually.

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Comments 19 comments

Raymond Goehn 6 years ago

wow...i fell on two categories. this made me want to kill myself, thanks! :)


Elleasku profile image

Elleasku 6 years ago from In your imagination. Author

Well, now you know Raymond! The more you know, the more you grow or so the ABC Afterschool Specials said!

Acknowledgement is the first step but, truthfully, there are plenty of women out there that have tunnel vision so you'll be fine. No need to off yourself.


Dimz 6 years ago

I LOVE THIS ARTICLE... Especially the Vanishing Man ... lool


Elleasku profile image

Elleasku 6 years ago from In your imagination. Author

@Dimz, the Vanishing Man is a staple in the dating scene. He is the dude that isn't brave enough to tell you he just isn't that "into you" so he posts pictures of himself and his new, ugly Sister/Wife girlfriend on Facebook for you to see rather than being man enough to just tell you. That type of man deserves to be forked in the eye, in my opinion. He is a curse and should be shunned!


ginawrites profile image

ginawrites 6 years ago from Florida

Must sadly admit that I'm currently seeing "Mr. Give Me One More Try". Thanks for the reality check. Just posted my first hub. Is it inappropriate to self-promote in comments????


Elleasku profile image

Elleasku 6 years ago from In your imagination. Author

I have always been one that believes people should not revisit the ghosts of relationships past and the "trying" should have occurred the first time around. I do wish you luck though!

I did have a chance to glance at your hub and will comment once I have fully digested the words...seriously, Mr. Hands-On needs his "numbers" tied in a knot.


awesome 6 years ago

interesting hub :) writing from experience?


Elleasku profile image

Elleasku 6 years ago from In your imagination. Author

@awesome: Yes, the hazards of life have made me experience several of these gems of manhood. The only ones I have not had the pleasure of knowing, up close and personal, are Mr. Hands On and Mr. Gimme One More Try...both of which I would drop kick in the jewels. The rest I saw in the zoo of marriage and the post-divorce dating scene...which is much like a zoo: smelly and full of jackasses, monkeys, and whining children.


sadly 5 years ago

fortunately i read this article.. a friend of mine asked me out on a date three times and everytime the agreed date arrives he cancels on me.

now, i understand how masochist I am.. well, I'm not gonna let him make a fool of me anymore. Once he asks me out again I will tell him straight that a relationship with him is not possible.


Elleasku profile image

Elleasku 5 years ago from In your imagination. Author

@sadly: "Three strikes and you are out!" I can understand one cancellation but three and right up to the wire on each no less? I wouldn't say you are a masochist, I would just say that you gave him two chances too many if “Mr. Poor Time Management” failed to offer any explanation.

The best action would be to stand tall and if he has the nerve to ask again just say that you were only available for a limited time, he missed the deadline and you respectfully decline his application.


sadly 5 years ago

@Elleasku I like what you said! yes, he is Mr. Poor Time Management. maybe you should adx that to the list?

he and I are supposed to meet tomorrow. I dunno if that's good or bad. I already sad yes, a day before reading your article so I'm going through with it.

However, the next time he asks me again I'll tell him exactly what you said. I am not available any time soon. And if he missed the point, I'll just tell him to kick the bucket 'coz I have better things to do with my time. Thank you!


krystlem05 profile image

krystlem05 5 years ago

Enjoyed reading this. Just wrote my first hub on the same thing...bad men lol! Looks like you have a lot more experience with them though. Sorry.


Elleasku profile image

Elleasku 5 years ago from In your imagination. Author

@krystlem05, Thank you and no need to be sorry at all! I see it as much needed and appreciated research because once you step in crap you certainly go out of your way to keep from stepping in it again don't you?


SanXuary 4 years ago

This is funny because you can reverse the same thing for girls and not miss a beat. Daddy's girl, Mrs next (The girl who is hanging on the last guy, seeing you and considering the next target) Vanishing Chick (Next Target) Whore, The Flirt who knows every dude every where you go, Mrs Nasty Mouth, The crush girl who wants to crush you because you were not interested in high school, and Mrs Gimme one more try is the girl who never knows what she wants. I could add a few more like the baggage clerk who drags all past relationships with her or miss hurt who you run from out of fear you might do something wrong and you already did the moment you ran away.


Elleasku profile image

Elleasku 4 years ago from In your imagination. Author

@SanXuary,

An article title is just a sign that motions for readers to ENTER. So, yes, the types can be reversed easily with the main point being: Both men and women need to get their crap together before inviting anyone into their heart and head. Naming the "types" of bad behavior just allows for better identification of what to avoid.

Isn't it true that people spend more time researching what kind of computer, cell phone,car or even sandwich they want for lunch than they do really thinking about who they want to be in an emotional relationship with? Thank for reading and thanks for seeing the glaring irony along with the absurd.


SanXuary 4 years ago

It can be pretty hard to know these things at first and you usually leave once you figure it out. By then it has already been experienced and its to late to remove from your brain drive. Whenever you start something new make it new and stay focused on one person art a time. I do not think I have ever been any of those things listed above. I have been on the receiving end however. My only bad moments was maybe not caring about something that someone thought was important maybe. Love the article because I love humour and relationships and dating provide so much material.


Elleasku profile image

Elleasku 4 years ago from In your imagination. Author

@SanXuary,

Oh, but it DOES become easy...with experience and time and growth of common sense. Those lessons you don't want removed from your brain's hard drive because they keep you from sticking your hand into a raging fire again and again after you've been burned before. Unless, of course, you are a masochist as my title states ; )

Relationships should be viewed with humor and a wide open mind that isn't bogged down with negativity and self doubt. The people who draw negative dating prospects towards them time and again are the ones that need to look inward the most and ask: am I just unlucky or are these losers simply human manifestations of the negative feelings I have towards myself? Law of Attraction and all...I learned this from experience.

So, SanXuary, I don't think you have anything to worry about because it seems you have a firm and positive grip on relationship ins and outs and I thank you again for reading and commenting


zkh4n 4 years ago

lol, who do you date then?


Elleasku profile image

Elleasku 4 years ago from In your imagination. Author

Carefully selected non-asshats. There is a test ;)

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