The quality of intimacy
When we talk about intimacy we can subdivide this in physical and mental intimacy. Physical intimacy concerns contacts, caresses and sex, whereas mental intimacy is the feeling of emotional solidarity. With mental intimacy you let someone take a look into your soul and share your feelings and emotions.
Although mental and physical intimacy are possible without each other, for a good relationship both aspects are necessary. You can feel yourself very connected with someone having physical contact only or you can make love with someone with whom you have no special connection but for a long-term relation both are important.
How to show intimacy
Intimacy can be shown in a lot of manners: cuddle together; just sitting on the couch together watching TV; sitting together at the fireplace ; play games together; give each other a massage; make love together; enjoy a beautiful view together; cook and clean together; go out together; together walking hand in hand or embracing each other; sport or share a hobby together; rise for each other; comfort each other if something nasty has happened; really listen to and be interested in the other one; even brawl together can be intimate; enjoying sex together is an ultimate form of intimacy.
Maybe you have noticed that the word together frequently shows up in this list but that is not astonishing because intimacy is generally something that you do together.
Although turbulent wild sex can give a strong feeling of solidarity, it is just one of the many ways in which people can share intimacy. And it is also no wonder that men and women generally have a different preference regarding intimacy. For most women mental and emotional intimacy is more important and men feel themselves more linked with the physical intimacy like sex and undertake things together. The degree of intimacy is frequently a good reflection of the quality of a relationship.
On the opposite side it is possible that a lack of intimacy puts a couple in a vicious circle of emotional interactions. The lack of intimacy increases stress within the relationship which decreases intimacy further. When this vicious circle cannot be broken people float further away from each other.
Problems with intimacy
In an intimate relationship someone can feel very safe and entirely lose him or her self in the other. But nevertheless frequently the intimacy diminishes because of the pressure of everyday life; of children, household, work. Stress. Often you hear about this.
When you come home after a busy day sometimes you just don’t want to have to talk or listen or have romantic needs. This is not a good thing if this happens all the time because intimacy is not only important for your relationship, it also ensures that we feel more fortunately. When there is a lack of intimacy the stress just increases.
The capacity for intimacy has also to do with the past. When one grew up in a family in which everyone was distant with each other, this often repeats itself in their own relationship. Also bad experiences in a former relationship can leave their marks. It is Very important that you can accept each other. To have the feeling of solidarity you must be certain that the other one accepts you as you are. When you continue to annoy yourself about clothes lying around or the volume of the television and other such small matters on daily basis, then it will be very difficult to still be intimate. When you feel yourself safely and accepted, it is easier express feelings.
People can suffer when there is a lack of intimacy. It is one of the first needs in life; just like food and drinks. Lack of intimacy is not the only factor that can kill your relationship but it’s absolutely a factor to determine our quality of living. A good intimate relationship strengthens you in times of need and makes it possible to share feelings and go on. All this ensures a larger chance on survival in time.The more intimacy there is in the relationship, the more satisfaction there is.
Many people today experience a lack to intimacy with their partner by the busy existence of today’s life. Couples grow more and more apart until one wonders what still binds them together. A large number of relationships are broken for this reason nowadays.
To reach an intimate relationship, partners must be clear to each other on what their need of intimacy is. Really talking with each other and listening to each other and showing interest in the other, is the biggest form of intimacy which only increases the intimacy itself.
Accept and learn from each others differences, because these can also make you complete as well. It is easier to satisfy the needs of the other when you know what the needs are.Therefore you should talk in a possitive sense. Try to indicate what you would like, without causing feelings of guilt.
Agree on having the TV or computer of for a while or just rest together, having coffee after a long days work. Just before the family life starts again.There still can be enough moments to enjoy each other.
More by this Author
In closing, friendship is meant to be one of life's many journeys. It starts with talking to a stranger, getting to know that stranger until they become an acquaintance. Eventually that acquaintance becomes a friend...
I just want to talk about cuddling (or hugs, but I like the word cuddle). Yes sometimes strange things come to my mind. I think everybody should cuddle every day. So let us cuddle up now. You just need two things to...
I’ve been cheated on. It was devastating--like being kicked in the gut and thrown into the gutter. I hardly functioned as a human during the day the first weeks after I found out. At night I was up all night...