The ten biggest mistakes men make with women, and yet have no clue what they did wrong
What every man should know if they haven't already figured it out...
This is my first ever attempt at answering another hubbers request and I hope it won't be a disappointment. I will attempt (it is my desire) to allow the Spirit of God to lead me here. I don't know that I can answer in terms of what a man does "wrong" so much as what I know to be effective.
This really isn't an easy thing to answer since every woman is a different personality, having varying interests, backgrounds and life experiences and each of us being at a different place on our individual journeys...so really, I guess I can only answer it from a general or perhaps my own personal perspective. I've been around the block a bit, yet it's been a while. I will have been with the same man now for 15 years on July 16th.. Who'da thought?
So it's obvious you recognize that men and women are VERY different or you wouldn't have brought up this topic. Throughout this hub, I may refer to some books (in addition to the Bible of course) that I think are good resources for helping men and women to understand one another and stay and grow together.
1. This may sound kind of dorky to many, but remember you guys who struggle with women and self image, you need to see yourself as a royal prince, demonstrating strength and confidence! I can't imagine a woman not wanting a man who is going to be her "knight in shining armor"...and most men want a beauty to rescue... Yet it is a fact, many men try to appear strong when they really are fearful. Men need to get at the root of those fears and overcome them. "Wild at Heart" is a great resource to assist with that, authored by John Eldredge.
2. Be romantic in an original, classy and surprising fashion. Keep a sense of balance, don't overdue it....some guys get so head over heels crazy about a woman it can be kind of gushy and icky...remember to stay cool, containing any overly excited feelings you may be experiencing. If she doesn't appreciate your efforts, she's not going to appreciate you and she may not be worth pursuing further. I think the last thing most guys want is a high maintenance chick, regardless of how pretty she might be.
3. Be a gentleman. Remember to open doors and show some manners such as "please" and "thank you". Don't offer to order for her at a restaurant unless you are having the same thing or are sharing something, but always remember, ladies first. You don't have to make her wait in the car till you come around and open the door for her but you should always unlock and open her car door, before your own.
4. Make decisions; plan, put your foot down if necessary. A woman sees a man who always answers, "I don't care," or "it's up to you," as indecisive, uninterested, unmotivated and lacking leadership qualities. If you don't agree with a plan or a position on a topic, speak up. Choosing to be 'non-confrontational' rather than true to yourself can be construed as a sign of weakness.
5. Provide. Be the bread winner, the conquering hunter who puts the food on the table. I know this can be a lot of pressure for a guy these days and something a man as a man, wants to do anyway. Providing gives a woman a sense of security. Many women may want to work and if she does so, better due to desire rather than necessity. With this ideal scenario, not only is the man feeling good about himself, so is the woman about her man as provider.
6. BE honest, genuine, sincere. DON'T be macho, overbearing or braggish (it IS obnoxious). Be willing to open up and contribute to a conversation and rather than evade a question or subject; don't make something up for the sake of having something to say....It's ok to express something like, "I'm clueless about this subject, so I really don't know how to respond." Some guys can be SO reserved until they feel comfortable; this however can be perceived as suffering from one or all of the "three D's"...dense, dull, depressed. Having an air of mystery is a good thing however and I suppose discernment may be the key here since my contrasting might seem confusing. Playing a little 'hard to get,' can work in a mans favor, particularly in a courtship stage of a relationship. An element of mystery is sexy, which may make some women crazy and spark further interest since I think by nature, we as women can be kind of nosy, wanting to know all.
7. Learn her love language(s) and discover what yours is too while you're at it. Many people have more than one...Another book, "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman is excellent...the languages include physical touch (yea, I know, 99% of you guys out there are probably thinking, 'well duh - that's a no brain-er!'), acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time, and receiving gifts. Beware of those who fit into the category of "receiving gifts" as a primary love language, it's likely she's "high maintenance" so you'll need to be one who enjoys giving gifts too (which translates into, SHOPPING!!!).
8. Take it slow. I know there are many women out there today who don't even know what that means so a guy has an additional challenge when faced w/ a physically aggressive woman! My point is this though: The person you end up committing to for life, you want them to not only be your lover but your BEST friend. Be cautious about giving too much of yourself to someone who is not a potential candidate for this role.
9. Know how to "keep her on her toes" with your wit; know how to keep things "light," have (or cultivate?) a good sense of humor. Women often fall in love with physically unattractive men because a guy can make her laugh.
10. Don't be too much of a computer geek. Learn how to be "Mr. Home Improvement" but not neglecting quality time w/ her. Love adventure, be courageous, be spontaneous, show persistence and be willing to step out of the comfort zone and embrace opportunities to learn and experience new things.
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