The very thought of you. 3 songs and a tale of romance.


Three songs of desire

This hub is inspired by my friend Stessily who wrote a particularly great hub and added some fantastic music and art to it too.

Sometime ago I was working as pro musician, it may sound glamorous or exciting and it is, but there is a down side too. The down side being personal relationships can and usually do suffer. Don’t get me wrong I loved the work; it was the fulfilment of a life time’s ambition. I met a constant stream of interesting people, celebrities, and people from so many different walks of life. I have two stories that I need, yes need to write, to exorcise them and put them to rest. Here is the first the second will follow pretty soon.

A relaxed moment at 3am
A relaxed moment at 3am | Source


On one of the ships that I worked, a small very exclusive cruiser with quite an intimate atmosphere; usually there were only about two-hundred passengers. I played a piano tucked away in the corner of the small on board casino. It was a great place to people watch, because no one really saw me. I’d sit and play sometimes hours on end whenever people were in the casino. There was another attraction for me, we had a number of young women croupiers who all were great fun, they would stay with our ship for a month and then be gone to another ship; they would eventually return.

One afternoon I put on my tux and headed for the piano, I knew we were to get a new croupier so I was also interested to see her. I used to spend some of my time after playing just sitting at the black jack table; because of the tux I think the punters thought I was a bouncer too. Even on ships like that there are the usual jerks, who think that because they’ve paid for the cruise everything is available even the crew.

Source



The new girl was already at the table, I couldn’t see much of her at first because she was circled by punters. I started to play and kept glancing over to try catch a glimpse of her.

I often had people who would come and sit at the tables near the piano and I would chat with them, maybe play their favourite tune. I like to chat and I’d usually find out where they were from and nearly get their whole life story. It was wonderful, fantastic, a dream come true.

I glanced over at the new girl and just caught her eye, we were twenty feet apart and yet I felt a buzz of electric that could have lit a searchlight. Even now writing about it I had to stop a few moments as the emotion once again moves me. She didn’t smile or let on in any way, it was the look that hit me.

I watched her for an hour; I played a few songs, chatted to punters, as she dealt cards. She closed up and left the table and the room without a second glance.

I went to the crew mess for a coffee and see if there was any food on offer. She was sat in the corner reading a hefty volume.


“May I join you?” I asked a little shyly.

“Sure,” she smiled “I’m Diane…”

“Tony,” I offered, “how long are you with us for?” I said, with my tongue feeling a little bit too big for my mouth.

We chatted about all kinds of things. I was besotted; I’d never met a woman like Diane. I don’t think it was that I had led a sheltered life far from it, she was enchanting, and I was hooked. Whenever she dealt, I played and cherished those little glances across the casino.

She’d had more downs than ups in her life but she was a tough cookie and what people call a survivor, and did I mention she looked gorgeous in her casino uniform.

So the first song came after the summer season came to an end, and Diane changed ships but not before we had become an item as you might say. She managed to swop her rotation and stayed two months, but she still had to finally go. A month later she was back, but only for a month. I was on my way home for a short break too but my heart was not in it.

The first song I wrote on my way home. I played an accompaniment of just three chords, A minor, D minor and G minor. The surprise of this song was that it had been twenty years since the last time I’d been inspired to write something.


Summertime, the nights were hot

we could have done better with the time we'd got

but it slipped without a sound

a girl in turmoil and a boy in jeans

you were the prettiest thing I'd ever seen

Suddenly, you slipped away again

a voice inside said this can't be the end

I missed you being around


Memories of that instant thrill

makes my blood race even still

from the last time you were around

if we don't meet for awhile

I’ll keep your laughter and your smile

they're locked safely in my heart

certainly, I’ll promise you

somewhere in this life we'll rendezvous

perhaps we'll make a better start.


Destiny’s something we don't know

through the void of time we go

Should the stars go out and the sun not shine

No one can take what will still be mine

until the next time you're around

It was something seeing you again

and in the time we had to spend

you were good to be around.


I thank you for that special thrill

that will keep me going until

the next time you're around

Though I won’t be back for awhile

I'll hear your laughter and see your smile

and I'll remember you being around.


I can't tell you how or when

but I'll be seeing you again

the next time I 'm around

the places and the faces change

across the bridge of time we'll range

and once again I'm homeward bound

but there is one thing I will promise you

that is another rendezvous

the next time I'm in town.

copyright Tony Mead


So that was that, not a masterpiece I know, but I’m letting you into my heart here, so don’t be too critical.

we kept in touch through the company mail bag, but at times her letters were cool, and not so regular.

Glad to be back as the snow was falling as I left Manchester to join the ship, I had no idea where Diane was. It was not what I had hoped, but the croupier was a slip of a thing who loved to sing as well as deal. She was part Caribbean part English with beautiful long black hair as dark as a crow’s wing. Sometimes when we had finished on a night she would come and sing Billie Holiday songs with me. She had a great voice, and her past made it easy to find the pain in Holiday’s songs. An artist I saw recently, Norah Jones reminded me of her too.

So I began writing again through the company mail, and I was delighted when she wrote back and sounded pleased to hear from me. Despite that I was feeling a little insecure and full of doubt.

Song #2


Song two.

I write you letters I'll never send

to let you know you're more than a friend.

I want to be right there by your side

To be your comfort and your guide

Standing here on the edge of the world

looking out on my life in a whirl

you inspired me when I was cold

made me young when I thought I was old.

[chorus]

you turned my whole life upside down,

made me smile instead of frown

you gave me hope when I felt cursed

I faced the world and said do your worst

[repeat verse]

how do I tell you what I want to say

I'm so afraid you'll turn away

you've been hurt many times before

I couldn't stand it if you closed the door.

copyright tony mead

This I wrote on the drive back home.

Song three.

It was something seeing you again

and in the time we had to spend

you were good to be around

I thank you for that special thrill

that will keep me going until

the next time you're around

though I won’t be back for awhile

I'll hear your laughter and see your smile

and I'll remember you being around

I can't tell you how or when

but I'll be seeing you again

the next time I'm around

The places and the faces change

across the bridge of time we'll range

and once again I'm homeward bound

but there is one thing I will promise you

that is another rendezvous

the next time I’m in town.

Sadly there was no happy ending. There was a precious window of time when we were both back in the UK; I went to meet her at her home and we parted friends but I knew as I drove north that I would probably never see her again.


At long last she arrived, and I knew she was just as pleased to see me as I was to see her. Over the next year we kept bumping into each other, I changed ships twice and there was a break of four months when we didn’t see each other.

this Willie Nelson song sums up my feelings.

I hope you have enjoyed this hub, it has been good to purge the feelings of longing and hurt.

please leave a comment if you got this far with the story, if you didn't, well leave a comment any way.

regards Tony.

PS it happened to me again, maybe I'll tell you about that some time.

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Comments 16 comments

writer20 profile image

writer20 4 years ago from Southern Nevada

You write wonderful songs. I could almost hear them with music.

I'm sorry you heart keeps getting broken.

It's good to get it all out which you have done now so you must be healing a little. Voted up and awesome. Joyce.


tonymead60 profile image

tonymead60 4 years ago from Yorkshire Author

Hi Joyce

many thanks for the kind words I really appreciate your comments.

Thanks for teh votes too, I'm not sure what they do are you?

There is another story I need to tell too, in the hope that I can get it off my shoulders.

Tony


stessily 4 years ago

Tony, If my hub could inspire you to share this memory, then I feel enormously blessed. You set these scenes so well that they feel real, almost as though we are in the casino with you and Diane and as though we see that moment when "you may see a stranger across a crowded room....and night after night...the sound of her laughter will sing in your dreams" ("Some Enchanted Evening").

In your lyrics for song #1, you capture well the thoughts which haunt us so often with those lost moments, long afterwards: "we could have done better with the time we'd got". In song #2, you've pinpointed the delicate vulnerability of an attraction which seems powerful yet is laced with the sensitive undertones of insecurity: "I couldn't stand it if you closed the door". Hope may still be alive in song #3, which distills the essence of song #1, but somehow I felt an indeterminable feeling somewhere between pathos and poignancy as the lyrics seemed to be wishing on a bright yet fading star.

Oh my, Tony, stay in the kitchen for culinary adventures with Fabio but also share the poetry and adventures of the life which you have lived and are living.

You look nice in a tux, a completely irresistible musician.

Kind regards, Stessily


tonymead60 profile image

tonymead60 4 years ago from Yorkshire Author

Hi Stessily,

many thanks for your kind words and thoughtful critic of my hub.

I used to love wearing my tuxs or should that be tuxii, anyway I used to put on a different personality too. I'm not really one for crowds and social hub-bub, but in the tux, well it made a difference. I'm disapointed not to have more visits, because I really put some work into the hub at least the score has gone up to 70, because it started at 48 which was quite discouraging. Did you like my choice of videos? Three of my favourite performers.

alsee thee later

ttfn


stessily 4 years ago

Tony, Yes, I thought the video choices were perfect.

Don't worry about the score; that takes away from the fun of writing. We all want to be successful and have high scores, but my suggestion is always to balance concern over scores with honing the craft.

I think that there are at least two types of writers on Hubpages. Some write strictly from the heart, according to their personal interests. Others have a journalistic approach of choosing topics which appear to be in demand or in fashion. If your priority is high scores, then you might be happier in the second group. It doesn't matter which group you're in if you love to write; either one has its own attractions.

al see thee later.


tonymead60 profile image

tonymead60 4 years ago from Yorkshire Author

HI Stessily

as usual you have hit the proverbial nail on its head, and I agree, because some writers can not possibly know about the cross section of things they submit.

Have the winds settled down now?

Are you any nearer getting your own computer yet?

Thank you for your comments as usual an inspiration.

ttfn..chin chin

Tony


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Dear Tony,

I have followed you like a little girl from my Cher hub... oh wow, do I believe in karma, kismit, yada yada...

First of all, Stessily is one of my bestest Hub buddies so you have amazing taste in who to dedicate a hub to!

I have NEVER heard of an "Engaging CONTENT Accolade" but if all of your work is like this, then you have earned it and then some... CONGRATULATIONS!

I ADORE each and every one of your YouTube selections... Billie Holiday (classic); Norah Jones (gorgeous); Willie (he is the "N" in my 30/30 series... LOVE LOVE LOVE) and I won't get into how I feel about Cher...!!! Brava!

I would have been all over you on that cruiseship... so don't you give up... the poetry you write is reflective of a beautiful soul who will find his mate! My intuition is never wrong... please keep writing so much more!

Voted UP & UABI. Hugs, Maria


tonymead60 profile image

tonymead60 4 years ago from Yorkshire Author

Maria,

you are too kind, I'm very grateful for the kind comments.

I'm over come with emotion your words are so kind.

I'm disapointed you were never on any of my ships, it would have been fun.

Stessily and her sister Derdriu are great fun, and they take the time to read through one's hubs and make great comments.

I look forward to chatting in the future.

regards Tony.

big hug back.

Tony


carolinemd21 profile image

carolinemd21 4 years ago from Close to Heaven

What a wonderful and unique hub. I love your songs! Voted up.


tonymead60 profile image

tonymead60 4 years ago from Yorkshire Author

HI

many thanks for the fan mail and the votes here, nice to meet you, I look forward to reading more of your hubs too.

cheers Tony


stessily 4 years ago

Tony, I came back to read this sweet tale of the incongruities of love flashing through time's spirals. You're multifaceted, which is no suprise considering you as a person, as a Yorkie tyke (!), as a meditation practitioner, a talented gardener, an overall sensitive guy! I encourage you to continue to write.

ttfn

Stessily


tonymead60 profile image

tonymead60 4 years ago from Yorkshire Author

HI

what a kind comment. From others I may think it was mere flattery, but I accept it as genuine from you. I try hard to be just a nice chap, and long after i'm gone I hope people will remember me as simply that.

A quick hat doff to you my friend and I'll see you later.#ttfn


stessily 4 years ago

Tony, Flattery tends to be insincere, for a variety of reasons. My compliments are genuine, as you acknowledge. A great way to be remembered: as a nice chap.

al see thee later.


tonymead60 profile image

tonymead60 4 years ago from Yorkshire Author

Stessily,

I've been planting out my little seedlings today, well not all of them, I love it; my music blasting out, me and the plants. I think they also enjoy the music, I'm sure I can see them swaying along. I felt a hub come over me so by the end of the week you can see what I've been up to.

Hope the libraries not too tedious today.

ttfn

tony


Derdriu 4 years ago

Tony, What charming, endearing, inspiring memories from the land of what could have been! In particular, I like how you structure your meetings around each song. The words really convey that these are experiences along the road to where and what you are now. It would be wonderful to hear each performed.

Which of the three songs was the most difficult to write? Which was the easiest? Which is your favorite?

Thank you for sharing, voted up + all.

Respectfully, Derdriu


tonymead60 profile image

tonymead60 4 years ago from Yorkshire Author

Derdriu, thank you for your inspiring comments. The songs were inspired by a whole series of feelings and emotions that I don't ever really remember having before. They seem a little soppy these days, but they are from the heart.

The third just sort of happened without being planned or thought about, the first was the most enjoyable to write; maybe because the situation was uncomplicated, and I was on a high. The second was the most difficult, because I was in new territory emotionally.

It had been 20 years since I had last been inspired enough to put pen to paper.

many thanks for the votes. Thank you for taking the time to comment.

Regard Tony

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