There's No Such Thing As Soul Mates (No, Soul Mates Aren't Real)

Some people believe that there are such things as soul mates. Souls trapped in the bodies of the living who seek out one another to live a life of love until they die. I like the idea, but I also like the idea of the Easter Bunny. How awesome would that be if there was a bunny dedicated to giving everyone chocolate eggs every year?

If we really had soul mates, people would search for them until they found them. I mean seriously. Your soul mate. The person that completes you. How could you spend your time fornicating with women and men of loose morals when your cosmic twin is out there just waiting for you?

And why, if you had a soul mate, would they so often be incarnated hundreds of miles from where you live, but handily as the right gender, ethnicity and with an acceptable belief system your incarnation happens to find attractive?

Interesting that souls can't work out how to get incarnated together in some sort of close proximity, but still manage to darn near always pick bodies desirable to their soul mate's body. It's pretty rare that a hot young guy or gal comes home with a racist, bigoted seventy year old homeless man or woman with severe PSTD and body odor and claims that they found their soul mate.

If we had soul mates, we wouldn't be so damn shallow. We wouldn't have a hard time with gay marriage. We wouldn't care about the creed or the color or the name or the fact that they gambled all their money away on seahorse races, or that their favorite meal was fluffy kitten stew. We'd love them and be with them no matter how awful and unattractive they were. But this isn't how we behave.

Of course, some people do believe in soul mates and they either:

A) Pick someone and eventually marry them happily declaring that they have found 'the one' (only to have a 50/50 chance of later proclaiming that he or she was actually the one who stole their youth and left them sleeping in a car,) or

B) Spend a long time being chaste and pure.

In essence, experience does not back up the soul mate theory one bit. It's an incredibly romantic thing to say about someone or to someone or to think about someone, but then you break up with them and you have to rationalize it one of three ways.

Either:

A) you just broke up with your soul mate for all eternity – in which case, boy, did you mess up,

or

B) You have more than one soul mate (a rationalization so handy as to be a cop out,)

or

C) There's no such things as soul mates, just souls and it is up to you to become mates with those souls.

So What Is There, If Not Soul Mates?

I believe that people with similar needs and or views who find each other physically attractive occasionally bump in to one another and as long as one of them doesn't say something monumentally stupid in the first hour or so of knowing one another, and they've both been single long enough to start craving the companionship of a mate, there is a fairly decent chance that they'll form a relationship.

Once they form a relationship (a heterosexual one, because that's all I really know about,) then they'll muddle along getting to know one another and bonding over shared experiences, growing closer together until they have become so much a part of one another's lives that for one to live without the other would be heartbreaking. This version takes a lot more work and doesn't have the blessing of the cosmos, but I think it's a great deal more real.

This Will Make You Happy, Must Watch!

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Comments 22 comments

katyzzz profile image

katyzzz 7 years ago from Sydney, Australia

Well if you had not convinced me, the song would certainly have. The backing music was nice.


Triplet Mom profile image

Triplet Mom 7 years ago from West Coast

Wow, I was not sure that I would see your point. I mean its nice to believe that there is someone out there for everyone. But you might be right on this one!


Hope Alexander profile image

Hope Alexander 7 years ago Author

:) thanks for the comments triplet mom and katyzzz... I think love can be very special and precious without attaching pseudo spiritual mumbo jumbo to it


Tomgeekery profile image

Tomgeekery 7 years ago

Thanks Hope, I did enjoy that video. So very romantic in a different kind of way.

The rationalization of multiple soul mates is not only convenient for explaining how we move on after finding our soul mate. It's also fantastic at explaining polygamy. ;)


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

I really enjoyed this Hope, as I'm with you...Love Stinks! Just kidding :D Soul mates are for the meek, I guess. My best advice is to just find someone that can put up with your BS and that you can put up with their's! Neither should ever try to change that person. Love 'em as they are! Thanks for this. Many aren't willing to admit such a TRUTH as this :)


Connie Smith profile image

Connie Smith 7 years ago from Tampa Bay, Florida

Maybe soulmate is too strong of a word...how about kindred spirit? I got that one from Anne of Green Gables and have loved the words together and the meaning ever since reading it years ago.


Hope Alexander profile image

Hope Alexander 7 years ago Author

I don't remember the kindred spirits part, but I do remember Anne of Green Gables. I read all those books as a child, they were awesome!


Elusen profile image

Elusen 7 years ago from Indianapolis, IN

You make some excellent points, but forgive me, I can't agree with your conclusion.

Maybe the problem is people seeking "soulmates", instead of soul mates. If we all have souls, we all have the potential, at least, for having a mate for that soul. Just as we can have life mates, but not lifemates, perhaps (though I'm stretched when it comes to the question of whether we can have "playmates" and not just play mates:))...

I differ here, because I think I have and have found my own soul mate - see hub: The Already and the Not Yet, and it's way too weird to be mere coincidence or hyped up fantasy - I've had that before, and wouldn't mess around with it again.

I don't want to take anything for granted...any gift in life is worth being glad to have - a soul mate can only be better than Santa Claus, not worse - at least that's what I think.


Hope Alexander profile image

Hope Alexander 7 years ago Author

Eulsen, I'm certainly not going to tell you that you didn't find your soul mate, just someone you happened to be hyper compatible with, because that would be a dickish thing to do :)

We should all take happiness where we find it and I could always be wrong ;)


Mikki 7 years ago

Acutally, it was said best by Stephen Stills with CSN&Y in 1970 - "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with"

This is one facet of you that I like, the brutal honesty. Not too many people stand up and say that we're flawed and need to deal with it, preferring instead to try to believe the "self esteem building" psychobabble that has been beat into peoples' heads for the past 20 years or so.

So here goes:

Everyone is created in the same way, but not necessarily with the same gifts.

It is not always good enough to try hard and lose. Go practice some more and work harder, then keep trying.

At some point you have to realize that there are people better than you at almost everything and you have to learn to be happy functioning within the limits of your own capabilities.

Second place trophies suck.

Losing does not build character.

Strike any chords with anyone you know?

Thanks Hope,

Mikki


C. John Lennon 6 years ago from New York, NY

Believe what you want to believe in, searching for your soulmate helps people get through some difficult times. If you have loved and lost that special someone to either death or even a terrible breakup then the belief can hurt or hinder you from moving on. Everyone has a different notion of how things should be or how love should be. I say keep searching for that soul mate if you never felt true love before. Others say give up, settle and be happy with the one your with. It all comes down to what makes you happy in the end.


Seven 5 years ago

A soul mate need not be a romantic partner. A soul mate is simply a person with whom we happen to connect(young/old, sick/well, ugly/beautiful, etc.), no matter the length of time the connection, whose interaction is mutually and fundamentally life expansive. We have friends, and then we have our best friends. Our soul's mates are the best of the best. Life with them takes us to a higher place. Having been touched by them, the love we feel for ourselves and others becomes extrodinary, if only for awhile. Perhaps it's more acceptable admit to the simple reality that there exist a handful of people in life who will, if we're so open to the experience, inspire us towards greatness, understanding, and peace; and we will do the same for them. There's your soul mate.


Gandalf 5 years ago

Well, that is quite the assessment. A rather foolish one I might add, and the song did not make me happy. It was not very flattering at all, and unless his wife is of like mind to him, I would not blame her for divorcing him, for he obviously has little love for her. His song is rather disgusting, I might add.

You say that human flaws are proof that soul mates do not exist? That because we act evilly at times, there can be no such things as soul mates? That is quite the statement. Erroneous, I might add. People being shallow is a result of human flaws, which are in turn a result of our free will and our inherent right to choose whether we shall be strong and upright, or shallow and weak. Indeed, your conclusion is like saying God cannot exist because people do evil. Which I am sure is another statement you would agree with. Regardless your statements are ridiculous and full of arrogance.

Human relationships are not perfect. But that does not mean that Love is mediocre, as you might suggest. You sound like a rather unhappy person, to be honest. Such are those who have no faith in anything beyond themselves.

Further, a fluffy bunny dedicated to delivering chocolate would not be so great a thing in my estimation.

So why is there such a large amount of shallownes in human society? It is simple: human weakness. It is not that Love does not exist, it is that it is much harder to walk the difficult path of building a relationship with our partner (even in the manner you suggest). It is by far easier to run with a number of parterns in relationships that have no emotional investment. It is far more desirable and easy to get one's sexual fix. Similarly, ours is a society of zero-accountability, so again it is easy to take that cop-out route that you allude to as item B. That is why.

You have thrown the baby out with the bathwater, and taken your cynicism towards shallowness and turned it against an undeserving item. But one last note: I feel I should adress the issue of placement that you theorize on.

The truth of the matter is, of course, that we are created male and female in spirit, and where God chooses to put us is His business. Of course it only makes sense to make us relatively the same age, as that is what He wants for us. Our only task is to find each other and then cultivate that relationship properly. And yes, you can mess up and lose your soul mate (or twin flame, if you prefer). But no one wishes to admit this. It is easier to hide from one's own actions.

Also, I suspect you yourself are running from a truth you know to be evident, though you will not admit it. You are well aware of the added layer of difficulty in finding one person in all the world; God creates us as two halves of one whole, and while it he often builds us similar (German seeking German), he just as often in this day and age (thanks to our technology) builds us as different people (Irish seeking Persian, Catholic seeking Buddhist). And so forth. He builds us in unique ways, and you are limiting Him - and especially us - when you say that all is grey.

Perhaps this perspective will help you rethink your own stance. I do not care if you agree; I merely defend what I know is right, as is my duty. Your attitude on the subject is filled with darkness and despair. But I will finish by ending my counter towards your writing, and positing my own stance.

1. Humans are made in pairs. Each pair is unique, and the way we are paired is as lock and key, female and male, each unique in our qualities. This is sometimes called a twin flame, and this view is supported by the creation story of Adam, though at first glance one would not think so.

2. There is no such thing as fairytale romance. Twin flames (or soul mates, if you prefer) do not magically appear. It requires a lot of work before God will arrange things to bring the two of you together. Namely, each person must be whole and love themselves before Love can enter into their lives. This requires a lot of moral effort that few are willing to go to these days, in an era of instant gratification and disposability. It requires that one must know himself (or herself) first, and make room in his (or her) heart for another, before Love can enter. And Love will enter when the time is right - if the concerned holds on to hope and the Light. Failure to do so condemns a person to failure in Love.

3. Even once a twin flame is found, there is required a lot of hard work. In many ways, this article's writer does have a point as to how this process often goes; however, the writer does fail to take into account humanity's ability to choose, to go agaisnt the grain. Suffice to say, part of Love is accepting and even cherishing your Lover's flaws, for they make them who they are. It requires a lot of concession, and a lot of compromise, and a lot of blood, sweat, and tears. It requires a lot of heartache and disagreement, and heated argument, and anger, and sadness, and disappointment. And this, in a nutshell, is why divorce is so rampant: people are unwilling to work out their differences, or did not bother to find compatible matches in the first place. But should the Lovers survive, the rewards are Infinite.

4. Of course, we know not what happens after death. But one thing is certain: if we have found our twin flame, we travel through the afterlife with them. Indeed, this is the point in the end; we find our twin flame so that we are not alone.

And that is my sometimes humble, sometimes grumpy take on the subject. I hope you, reader, have learned something from this. But of course, comments are poor places to teach, due to their nature; more often they are places where one can either express avid approval of the writer so as to feel good about themselves for not being alone on an issue, or venting their anger at a writer (or fellow commenter)whom they feel missed the point entirely. Whilst my comment was the latter, I do hope it is of some value, at least. And writer, please note that I am upset with your assessment, but I hold no bitterness towards you.

Either way, if you got this far in my comment, thank you for reading this long-winded rambling, and I hope you have a wonderful day.

May God bless you.


David 5 years ago

I for one am glad someone FINALLY said what I have been telling people about for the last five to six years. Ever since I found Double Your Dating by David DeAngelo, and I stopped believing in all the romantic BS I always used to use to lie and manipulate girls(hell I actually believed my own bullshit, but the honest truth is I just wanted to get down there pants and not be alone but I couldn't bear to just be honest with myself about that). This idea of someone "completing" me is so needy and it would prevent me from ever being with a woman who looked like she could be in Maxim because to Lust is to be Human, if it wasn't for that lust we would go extinct. Like it or not that is the COLD HARD FACTS OF LIFE. I am PROUD of the fact that I look at things that way and I would rather die a slow painful death than ever spend another moment of my life APOLOGIZING for the fact that I am a man and I love interacting and pursuing sexy women with pretty faces whether they reject me or like me. That is me flipping off all the people in the churches I went to as a former Christian because I am the only who has to have sex with my girlfriend or wife if I ever get married. Not the pastor, not my so called manipulative little "friends" at church that just want to "as my loving brother" IE-back me into a corner, bullying me and demanding that they dictate who I can or can't go out with or whether I can have sex with her or not as though I am their 12 year old boy when I am a grown assed man who can sleep with whomever he chooses to. That is the natural order of things(granted there are lines to be drawn, outright promiscuity does have consequences so I'm not talking about sleeping with everyone here either). I NEVER need a woman to complete me. If I do then I am a truly pitiful and empty man who is expecting a woman to bring me what I want out of life(and I might is well be crying mama mama because I need mommy to come save me), and any time I shoot myself in the foot and drive away a 10 because I am kissing her ass telling her how much I "love" her in the first hour of knowing her, I deserve to NOT be with her. I am also under the conviction that if people would simply stop believing they are capable of unconditional love(like the make me nauseated songs of Barry Manilow that I used to be addicted to because of the mushy mumbo jumbo which fed into my mental illness called NEEDINESS) then they would be less likely to hurt a woman-paradoxically. Even if ones own child pushes them far enough that person will disown there offspring. You will turn your back on them as a for instance if the adult son murders his mother/your wife or raped his elderly mother(this hasn't happened to anyone I know, but if it did happen to me I would do what it took to see that my son was punished as severely as possible rotting in prison for life, or castrated). Anyone who wouldn't be willing to do that either is incredibly needy or has no backbone and is too much of a coward to face there own darkness by just being honest about how us humans actually are. I am not saying that we are all bad, but we HAVE both good and bad. If a woman was going to leave me, unless I have been with her for over 6 months so we have history which I don't just want to casually throw that away cause it does mean something, tell her to just leave cause I can always go and play the numbers game and get another that is probably better than her. If she wants to play these high school games I will simply tell her to get lost and then I'll go get someone that is more mature. Go ahead and call me shallow, I am PROUD of it. Would it be better that I compromise my dignity and put up with her drama and games when she is acting like a 12 year old and me believing that "she's the ONE!!!" simply because she is SO unique(which usually is code for "OH MY GOD SHE IS SO HOT AND I CAN"T BEAR THE THOUGHT OF NOT BOINKING HER!!!") when in reality there are about 100 other women just like her out in any nearby city(go to the mall, I see them all over the place). Wouldn't I be more selfish by hanging on and preventing her from getting someone that is more willing to provide for her emotional neediness and on the flip side lying to myself about what I really want out of life? I don't have time for her to act like a 12 year old trapped in a 30 year old's body. I have better things to do. If I forget about this idea of "I'll find the one" guess what? If I take things one step at a time, given that I make wise decisions about our relationship and it proves itself to last over time despite any problems we work together to overcome, not only are we showing that we do genuinely care about our relationship because of the work we are putting in on it, we will have gone beyond the physical attraction to the real her and real me to a level where we truly connect and possibly fall in "love", and we will most likely die together in each others arms at a ripe old age because we let go of all the NEEDY BELIEFS such as "soul mates". No unrealistic expectations, just blatant honesty.


David 5 years ago

Anyone who attacks this post, no offense but most likely you will NEVER be sleeping with a total 10-not just speaking of how unrealistically attractive she is but evolved as a human being in her demeanor, intellect, and personality(of course if you are attacking this post you probably aren't worried about sleeping with a total 10). I have had plenty of friends from before I denounced Christianity who spoke just like Gandalf, and every single one of them would look at the 10's with that longing in their eyes saying things like "she's just not worth it, women like her aren't faithful they get around, this is lust and we can't have that since it's adultery, and besides if God wanted me to be with her then he would let me know or she would come over here and talk to me". They NEVER got to go out with her and I allowed them to manipulate me into agreeing with them due to emotional blackmail, yet not one of them even had the balls to go and talk to her which if she didn't want me or one of the other guys she would let us know, and after that it's the guys responsibility to back off. A person who thinks this viewpoint is shrouded in darkness, I suspect is extremely sexually insecure and well most likely keep getting rejected by those type of women who are evolved and mature, who are comfortable with there sexuality, who don't play by "gods" rules which look like the childish mentality I had about sex when I was 12(I am 31 and well be 32 next month), who want to be physically fulfilled by guys like me who will treat them like they crave to be treated(giving them carnal fleshly feelings that others before me hadn't had the skill, consideration, selflessness, or honesty to just admit that they weren't the best lover on the planet thereby denying their arrogance and then learning all they could about sexual techniques to physically please a woman like her). Not treating her disrespectfully or mistreating her, but honesty on this level. They won't get any lies from me, I will be honest and just tell them exactly what my intentions are. If I just want to have sex with her, I just ask her if she wants to have sex. No ulterior motives like me dreaming of the wedding with a woman when the reality of it is all I want to do is bend her over a table and make her cry out my name. No more leading them on, they may act disgusted by my viewpoint but in the end they will respect me for the honesty and the unrelenting integrity of me never apologizing for my beliefs and we may even get together. So while people "wait for the will of god" or "wait for their soul mate", I'll be looking into the eyes of someone who I would have fantasized about in the past(and had no chance in hell of EVER even holding hands with someone like her). While kissing her on the neck I will hear her moaning in my ear. That is something that Christianity robbed me of. There was a time I would have died for my former faith. I used to get suicidal over not being with the ones I wanted(been engaged THREE times to women I didn't really want), and people through omission, bullying, and denial accusing me of having the suicidal thoughts because of my refusal to turn my will over to god in this area of my life-condoned my suicidal problems and coerced me into not following the worlds teachings(adding insult to injury when I wanted to try Psychology to stop being depressed, you talk about the wrath of god being brought down on a persons head from manipulative church folk, you ain't seen nothing yet which once I just ignored these alleged "friends" of mine I was able to fix all of those problems many years ago so obviously these people lied to me). Today I know better and each day I keep further eliminating the churches influence on me. This was the hardest thing I have ever done, but the best thing that ever happened to me. There is no god I relied on that made my suicidal thoughts go away, I made them go away and no one can ever take that away from me. Self reliance is the ONLY thing that has ever worked for me.


Edmund Lister 5 years ago

Interesting... although I found my Soul-mate...


desirae 5 years ago

Oh my gosh, I thought I was the only girl alive who didn't believe in 'soul mates'.

Ha ha finally another realist!


ella 4 years ago

The soulmate concept was developed by the new age movement.Opinions are b-u-ll-s-h--it, gravity would still keep people from floating whether you curse, hate or belittle this force. Like many things in my life your opinion counts as zero against the harsh reality of the laws of the universe. With this said I think the whole soul mate and lovers forevers is a big myth or a great intelligent lie to keep people enslaved with the idea that they are still not good enough to find that perfect mate that;s going to make everything better. Evolution just cares about making babies, it doesnt give a flying unicorn if you marry your delusional concept of a soul mate or a china man who only eats rice, babies, that's all there is. Protection was invented by mankind, the consequences of s--e--x are and will always be to reproduce and make more humans to populate the earth, all else are fairy tales to lesen the impact of this reality. New age is the most common sense duller of all system of believes and the one responsible to start spreading these fantasies around and you should hate it too. They give all these seminars and books to rip people off their good money only to tell them that they are still not good enough or something else overly obvious or just plain delusional. Attraction is very random and ingrained in your early years of conditioning, nothing to do with destiny or a past life in Egypt where you wore your cotton dress to impress your pyramid making man. Im sick of these lunatics swaying their Sapphire crystal pendulum on a mat to find "the one" There is an endless supply of mates which you can choose from and none of them are "the one" either , there's compatibility and responsibility to make it work, a thing which new agers don't know about. And if no one comes along you have yourself to work on and that is f---u--ck--ing enough for a day. Im out


Chris 4 years ago

I know a girl who loves me and has such a infautation with since we were teenagers. She said long ago we belonged together and we were soulmates. Let me tell you what this supposed soulmate has done. She got involved with a pice of garbage man back in the 90's and had 3 kids by him, he left her and now owes $90, 000 in child support. Then she met another crappy guy, got married, he beat her and had another kid. Then she got married again been married for 6 or 7 years now, their marraiage was done long ago and yet she won't leave him even though she doesn't love him and yet she still claims that we are souldmates.

I gave her every opportunity to be with me and she never once did. Now. Do I believe she is my soulmate? No, but I do care for her. Do I believe in soulmates? NO. It is a fairytale from Disney cartoons.


rubbish 3 years ago

Judging by what you say, then it might as well be,

No such thing as universe.

No such thing as earth.

No such thing as a human.

No such thing as you.

No such thing as I.

Soulmate is just a simple term to define people that you meet in life to do some work together or for some other purpose, e.g. classmates, colleagues, relatives, friends, pap ma. It's got nothing to do with your ultimate romantic whatever... You're not getting this definition right like many millions out there.


eureka 3 years ago

May be what this article say it true.

But I don't know why, not sometimes but quite often, any where every where, even in the middle of my wonderful shopping spree with my friends, his image pops to my head like a bulb out of nowhere and feel pressurized and suffocated until I go to rest room or some lonely place, take a deep breath and whisper "I love you" thinking of the guy who once chased me astronomically, for which I didn't respond.

I don't know why, I don't know why.................this things happens to me.


eureka 3 years ago

.............the heart feels really heavy until I utter this 3 wonderful words to you...........and once I say them, I feel happy and relieved.......and I am thinking.............you are thinking about me at that time..........so I respond by saying, "I love you".............and I always will.

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