There's a Lot of Work Being an Idiot or Fool

THIS IS NOT ALBERT EINSTEIN

but sadly, a terrified idiot. Did you realize there is a difference in an idiot and a fool? It's tough to see the difference sometimes.
but sadly, a terrified idiot. Did you realize there is a difference in an idiot and a fool? It's tough to see the difference sometimes.

ONE TIME MANY YEARS AGO

I was sitting attentively in an American Democracy class in my senior year in high school. I was so fearful of my teacher, Mr. Ruble Shotts, that I dared not move. The class was going along smoothly - -people answering questions right and left, Mr. Shotts' face was a picture of pride in his teaching abilities. Life was, at that time, good.

Then without as much as a friendly warning, a good friend who I shall call, "Frank," (as I want to respect the real guy who is still around in my hometown), let go one of the biggest and most-intrusive yawns known to modern man. His mouth, I swear, you could have parked a semi-trailer truck between his jaws. I thought to myself, "'Frank,' must have chased the girls too late last night," and I was partly-right. The class froze after his animal-like display of either boredom, lack of sleep or both. It was so quiet I heard every beat of my heart. Then my stomach started tying itself into knots due to the tension in the room. "Frank," just smacked his lips and looked forward at a very angry, red-in-the-face, trembling-with-rage, Mr. Shotts. I just knew this was "it" for "Frank."


SOME PEOPLE THRIVE ON IDIOICY

and go so far as to rent DVD's of idiot and fool-related stories. I must be missing a key link to a happy life. For I've never met a sad idiot or fool.
and go so far as to rent DVD's of idiot and fool-related stories. I must be missing a key link to a happy life. For I've never met a sad idiot or fool.

Mr. Shotts, now settling down and in a calm manner

walked slowly to where "Frank" was sitting, mid-way on the row to my left. Still, no one dared to move. Mr. Shotts had a terrible, feared repoir as a teacher who took no nonsense or no prisoners. He was all business all of the time.

"Frank, am I boring you? Huh?" Shotts asked "Frank," who was just staring at the floor.

"Look at me when I talk to you," Shotts stormed out in a louder tone of voice. Now the class was showing signs of mass hysteria as the girls began gasping with fear and even the "jock's" in this class were getting edgy.

"Frank" slowly raised his head and made eye-contact with Mr. Shotts who was now at his limit for patience.

"Yes, sir?" "Frank" asked in a 'what-did-I-do' voice?

"Hey, is that yawn the best you can do to get attention, 'Frank'?" Shotts asked with the stern tone of a Marine D.I.

"Yup. Sure is. What else do you want?" "Frank" asked so innocently that he had the girls almost in tears. I swore I heard a soft, feminine, "awwww," from the back of the room.

"Why don't you get up and come to the front and tell us all what you did last night to make you so sleepy, 'Frank,' I think we would all enjoy that," Shotts said hoping to make a fool out of 'Frank' who was now in the process of getting out of his desk to walk to the front of the class.

Shotts, who's bluff hadn't been called that many times, said, "Frank, sit back down. Now. And let me ask you, have you ever in your life been called an idiot?"

"Yup. Many times. My mama calls me that all of the time at home," "Frank" said sending a wave of nervous laughter throughout the class.

Mr. Shotts had met his match. "Frank," was honest. And was proud of that name "idiot" for he didn't act ashamed, humiliated or cast down. Factually, he just stood tall and played out the part that was given him. In that fleeting moment of "Frank's" reply to Mr. Shotts, it dawned on me that I had been punishing myself for nothing for all of the foolish and idiotic things I had done over the years. I was the idiot. I was the fool. Not "Frank."

IDIOTS AND FOOLS CAPTURED IN PHOTOS

This man can only be an idiot if he wore this get-up to the office and the costume party had been called-off and no one told him.
This man can only be an idiot if he wore this get-up to the office and the costume party had been called-off and no one told him.
Sometimes two idiots or two fools can give the appearance of being just one of the guys.
Sometimes two idiots or two fools can give the appearance of being just one of the guys.
"The Fool Dance," not easily performed by those with sanity.
"The Fool Dance," not easily performed by those with sanity.
Somehow, I think the word "idiot" fits this man.
Somehow, I think the word "idiot" fits this man.
Nothing wrong with doing impressions of idiots and fools. They think it is paying them homage.
Nothing wrong with doing impressions of idiots and fools. They think it is paying them homage.
This is too tough to call. What do you think? Is he an idiot or a fool?
This is too tough to call. What do you think? Is he an idiot or a fool?
This man is a multi-purpose man. He can be either an idiot or fool, depending on what circumstances are present.
This man is a multi-purpose man. He can be either an idiot or fool, depending on what circumstances are present.

Getting to "the meat" of idiots and fools

There is absolutely nothing wrong, sinful, or fearful about an idiot or a fool. Both groups of people are only here in this life to live-out their purpose just like the salamander or lowly flea.

Where we of the civilized world make a huge social error is judging idiots and fools to be someone who can cause us harm and torment. Not so, friends. Fact is, idiots and fools only want what we want. A good job, a warm bed, companionship and membership in their favorite country club. Is that too hard for "us" to cope with?

Facts About Idiots and Fools

  1. Not all idiots are fools. And not all fools are idiots. Remember that.
  2. It takes more work to be an idiot or a fool than it does to be a regular "Joe."
  3. Idiots and fools are deeply hurt when people like "us" call each other "idiot" or "you fool!" You never hear them calling each other, "Brain," or "Mr. Intelligence!"
  4. You have to be on top of your game to recognize a true idiot or fool, for there are may counterfeits in our world. Here is a short-list of "counterfeit" idiots and fools:
  • a student who 'acts' sick in order to stay home and play video games all day.
  • an adult with a job who 'acts' sick in order to leave work early to go home and drink with his buddies.
  • people who are clinically-sane, and cheat on tests in school or lie on job applications.
  • people in school or the workplace who commit idiotic or foolish acts and when caught by the boss, try to blame a REAL idiot or fool. NOTE: idiots and fools are not to be used as "scape goats," or "whipping boys."
  • a low-life who files suit against a fast-food place because he or she wasn't put at the front of the line just because of their "importance" in life.



How YOU Can Be an Idiot or Fool

in the office: you are working hard on an important project that your boss has promised the CEO and shareholders will be finished a week early. Sadly, for you, it isn't. Your partner up and quit leaving you to do all of his work and yours too. The boss catches wind of this and storms to your desk, "Hey, you! That's right, you, the FOOL with the stupid grin on his face! Why aren't you through with this important project?" YOU: "uhh, yuppity, yup, yup, uhh, is it hot in here, boss? On that project. Well, hey, let's have some coffee and talk about how our wives treat us like dogs. Whattya say?" Boss: "you are ONE REAL IDIOT! I am going to get you some help. NOW!" And by you acting like a fool or idiot, you saved your job and got the help you needed to finish that important project. NOTE: what other kind of grin does a fool have on his face but a stupid grin?

at church: the guy sitting behind you belches outloud embarrassing your preacher who asks you to see him in his study after services. Pastor: "Tom, my child, I know that my sermons are not Bruce Willis films by way of excitement, but I try to provide my flock with words to live by. So why the belch?" You: "Errr, Bro. Wilbert, that was not me, sir. I am my brother's keeper and it was that Mr. Hubert who is a secret Nazi, did you know that, sir?" "Belch? Is that the same as a burp?" Pastor: Get out of here. Sometimes, Tom, I think you are an idiot." And all is forgiven. And by you playing the part of an idiot, you didn't get chastised by your preacher and your preacher will not be watching you next Sunday, but that "secret Nazi," Mr. Wilbert.

on a date: "Betsy June Hayfield," the sexiest girl in your town, consents to go out with you. You are so alive and excited to be with such a hot and wordly girl. But when you drive through town and stop at a redlight, "Barbara Sue Wilson," your steady, is just driving home after working late and sees you with this "Betsy June," she yells, "Are you a fool or what? I thought "we" were going steady and there you are with that harlot and sneaking behind my back. What have you to say for yourself?" You: "Garsh, Barbara, I, uhhh, was just sitting around my apartment and started to cough . . .listen . . .(cough! Cough!), might be bronchitis. So I took a bottle of this antibiotic stuff and before I knowed it, I was in the grocery store and passed out . . .this girl, the manager's sister, volunteered to see me home safely," Barbara: "What a fool, but you are my fool. Thank you, Miss Betsy for taking care of my man." Aren't you glad that you knew exactly how to be a REAL FOOL?

at a sell-out championship football game: You struggle for weeks, pawn your jewelry and promise favors to some "shady" men for a ticket to the championship game between your college alma mater and their rival college. You find your seat and relax while sipping a cold beer and munching on a pretzel. Then a known-bully stops at your seat and says, "hey, panty waist. I am gonna take that seat, see? And if you don't give it up, I will beat your butt and make you look like a fool in front of everybody!" You: Uhhh, haw, haw, hey, Bobby, nice to see you. How is heaven and how did you get there? Hey, look! An eagle landing on the field . . .stand up for "the wave," uhhh, like some Butterfinger? It looks like a pretzel, hey how about some meatloaf I sneaked in under my coat? Oh, I need to tell you, haw, haw, garsh, the test results came back "positive" - - -I have an STD and can I get that scab off of your face?" So long, "stadium bully."

You see? All this time you thought that being an idiot or a fool was a disgrace. Go ahead. Face it. Sometimes being an idiot or a fool is better than being a genius.

Anyone care for some asphalt-flavored pop-overs in the morning?



THESE ARE GOOD-HEARTED IDIOTS

getting wasted in their favorite club. If they try to drive home, they will magically turn into a raving lunatic, or in harsher terms, fools.
getting wasted in their favorite club. If they try to drive home, they will magically turn into a raving lunatic, or in harsher terms, fools.

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Comments 24 comments

writer20 profile image

writer20 4 years ago from Southern Nevada

Ken you really are being funny today this one is totally funny. Vote up and Yeh funny, Joyce.


Sueswan 4 years ago

Good Morning Kenneth

Funny but very wise.

Voted up up and away.

Take care and have a wonderful day.


annaw profile image

annaw 4 years ago from North Texas

I have not been here in a long time, but glad I read this one. I needed a good laugh this morning. You are a funny man and a great writer. Voted up, and funny. Have a great weekend.


Snurre profile image

Snurre 4 years ago

This is really funny! I actually laughed out loud. Voted and shared on Facebook.


catgypsy profile image

catgypsy 4 years ago from the South

The more I see of the fools and idiots of this world, the more I think they have it made! Funny and interesting hub, Kenneth.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Writer20 . . .My sincere thanks to you for your honest remarks. Believe me, I HAVE THE BEST FOLLOWERS On HubPages. Honest.

I am going on break soon. Coffee is good today.

Visit with anytime you want.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Sueswan . . .THANK YOU SO MUCH for ALL of your sweet and encouraging words. I do appreciate YOUR friendship and votes also. Notice I never revealed which of these groups I was, an idiot or a fool. Ive been both in the course of my life. Guess I will be that again before my life is over.

Uh, oh, got to go. Im sounding too sentimental.

May I get you a cab, Susan?

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, annaw . . .thank you kindly for your heartfelt comment. I loved it. And needed it too. You take care and come back often.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, Snurre,

Thank you for laughing outloud. That is my goal. Most of the hubs I do are for that reason: Laughing at your dark times rather than cry.

And thank you for the share on FB.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Catgypsy . . .you are correct. Idiots and fools DO have it made. Well, I dont. I still plug away on hubpages in hopes of making enough $$$$$$ to buy a steak, maybe some Zeigler's bologna. Whatever!

LOL! Hello, Big Apple!

Kenneth


mandyf profile image

mandyf 4 years ago

Thank You so much for this inspiring hub. It has been a lifelong dream to become the idiotic fool I can now be with such great advice through this writing! Thank you so very much for allowing me to check off #6 from my bucket list. But in all seriousness this made me giggle all the way through it! BIG SHOUT OUT TO FRANK for big inspirations! lol


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, mandy!

Where have you been, and what about our longest comment hub about Charmin? Did you get bored, tired or just want to leave? I missed you and still do. And yeah, April was a good player too.

Thanks for your comment on this hub that could have easily been aimed at me. Hey, Im "foolish in my own skin," Who cares about being comfortable in their own skin? That sounds awkward, who else would let you wear their skin??? HUH?

And that Frank, what a fool. But a cool fool. I idolized him that one time. What an idiotic image he tattooed on my brain.

Hey, Mandy, come back soon and we can start another "comment challenge."

Example: How Many Ways do People Eat Kentucky Fried Chicken?

Im first . . .with their fingers.

Thanks for your nice comment!

Kenneth


mandyf profile image

mandyf 4 years ago

LOL just been busy is all. Kids guitar lessons, football practice, riding lessons, language lessons, on top of all 3 having summer school and myself trying to graduate. Just because the kids do not have regular school I still like them to be educated as much as possible.

KFC huh? lol ok challenge accepted:

ways to eat KFC #2 with a spork


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Thanks, dear Mandy, for your exciting and welcomed comment. I have missed our "electronic banter," so much.

My turn: Being fed by a good friend.


mandyf profile image

mandyf 4 years ago

LOL I must agree we do have some pretty interesting conversations....

being fed by a 3 year old stranger with cheerios embedded in your chicken


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

that's why I love you so much. You are so creative and many times on-the-spot.

being fed by a 3 year old stranger with cheerios embedded in my chicken and being given ice tea through a red straw, the KFC color brand while the 3 year old flips the crumbs that didnt make to my mouth into the sides of my mouth at amazing accuracy . . .(whew. Break time). And where's that chick, April who helped with our Charmin game??


mandyf profile image

mandyf 4 years ago

man oh man! That one made me laugh so hard I snorted like a little piggy!!!! Not sure where April is maybe she will find us and chime in eventually...

ways to eat KFC file number 2012.10.45F

at the cashier station behind the register hunched down on all fours making snarling noises while taking orders and screwing them up


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

and when caught, run like a Gazelle about to be trapped and sent to the zoo, and head to the stock room where your pal, "Frank," a good-hearted and gullible man, has for you, from seven to ten buckets of KFC, extra crispy and the only thing "Frank," wants from you instead of cash for the chicken, is to let him hum music to "Saturday Night Fever,"as you shove the delicious breasts, things, and wings down your throat to your awaiting stomach.

(Whewwww! Evening break time.) Send out a search party for April. Unless she is a traitor and working for Wendy's.


mandyf profile image

mandyf 4 years ago

lmbo! Dang that Wendy's! Takin all the good help!!!!

ways to eat KFC - Sitting in Wendy's drive through while you give your order for a spicy chicken sandwhich to April, with a mouth full of KFC famous chicken you got on the way back from the zoo with frank in the passenger seat humming through a mouth full of kfc crispy chicken holding the 10 buckets of chicken waiting to recruit wendy employees to work at kfc


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

. . .and long about then, April gets an attack of morality and says to Frank, "we need to leave the Wendy girls be," Frank looks confused even with the 10 buckets of KFC. Meanwhile I am just coming from Church's Fried Chicken with a box of wings and 100 pieces of silverware that "just" appeared in my hands and Im headed to KFC to replace some of their chicken with Church's to see how many people will know the difference. Then April spots me and yells, "Mandy! There's Ken! Hit him, ohhh, I mean swerve now," and you do, but not before 3 sets of silverware are jolted from my hands into your car and you three can now park and eat your KFC in peace . . .

your turn . . .


mandyf profile image

mandyf 4 years ago

OH LORD! Park the car and get otu to grab the silverware as I did not recieve any from KFC to eat my mashed taters I ordered with the 10 buckets of KFC. Return to my car and rev her up and spin out to head over to KFC and ask if they serve Church's chicken here.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

. . .(Wow!)

but then Frank, who is still in a state of confusion, makes the big mistake of flirting with the pretty cashier at KFC which brings out of the kitchen, "Bruno," her Wyoming cowboy-turned-KFC cook who smacks Frank with a drumstick sending him reeling into the condiments. By now, you, and April who has joined this "tenacious trio," is loading up with boxes and buckets of KFC, with complimentary plastic forks and spoons that are thrown at you out of anger by the "stoners" who go to school part-time and work at KFC for "weed money." . . .back to your car and you take it from here . . .You reach into the first bucket of chicken only to find . . .


mandyf profile image

mandyf 4 years ago

I reach into the bucket only to find someone's "stash"....guess someone made a mistake. trying to be a do-gooder and resist but there is a lot of chicken to be eaten...dear ole frank is looking ill from eating all that KFC...takes the complimentary forks and opens a breast stuffs the stash in there and hands it to frank..."come on. ONE MORE YOU CAN DO IT!" Frank stops flirting long enough to stuff down one more piece of chicken....half an hour later he is unloading chicken like a 1st place champ of an eating contest. Frank starts giggling out of control and spews chewed chicken pieces all over the Wendy's cashiers so we peel out. He has had the brilliant idea of going through Mcdonalds drive throughs all over town and telling them our orders are TO GO.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

(LOLOLOLOLOL . . .hilarious, Mandy!!!!) I doubt if I can beat this, but . . .when you two, or three, counting April, stop running from the law in a deserted part of town (due to unemployment), you have to adjust your make-up and suggest to April, "lets get out and stretch our legs (not chicken legs) for I (you) have been driving better than "Bo Darwin,"in Smoky and Bandit. April agrees. You two get out leaving Frank giggling like a school girl with her first crush (not Orange), you are dressed in an expensive summer dress from Italy and April is wearing cargo shorts and tank top. Suddenly, a wolf whistle comes from the dark alley . . .it's drug addicts and their pusher who have sniffed the stash on your hands and are hungry for a fix . . .without showing any fear, YOU shove April back into the car and now Frank is coherent and screams, "anybody got a Baby Ruth???" And with the grace of a jungle cat, you drive your convertible into, and I mean into the nearest Popeye's Chicken. April is now used to your dare devil driving style and she casually swipes off the glass from her tank top as Frank stares in fear at the customers, some with guns, looking at YOU and him. April struts up to the counter and says with such confidence, "your wings or your life," and she leaves with six boxes of wings which makes YOU NOW hungry, again, and Frank famished too, so back to Church's and KFC to try the same thing with them. "Let me try," you say and you do as good as April. Frank is way too freaked to move. The next thing you three know, you are sitting in a vacant drive-in theater lot nearing sundown with 35 boxes, buckets and bags of various pieces of chicken, 67 pair of plastic forks and knifes . ..then Frank has ONE OF HIS rare ideas, "Hey, Mandy and April," (then swallows a wing whole), "We could take all this loot and . . .(YOU TAKE IT FROM HERE, MANDY) I have to admit, YOU are far better writing crime comments than I.

Love, Kenneth

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