Things Not To Do at Picnics

What a gorgeous picnic site

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Time was

a picnic served two purposes: One, to have a relaxing time with family or just you and your hot girlfriend.

At both picnics you could enjoy loads of tasty fried chicken, potato salad, pork chops, coconut cake, wine, cold beer, and soda for the children.

The latter picnic where a guy and a girl sneaked into a secret place in the woods, ate very little food, but drank gallons of booze while they made-out without interruption.

One couiple wants the other couple to leave

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Then some rowdy people

made it hard for everyone by getting wasted, leaving chicken bones, candy wrappers, and beer bottles all over the pretty forest area and the Forest Rangers had to put their foot down.

This type of behavior was just too much to handle. And by the way, this was in the late 1950's.

firm set of rules for picnickers who want to just have a relaxing, quiet time with their families or girlfriends without being suspected of too many shenanigans.

So here is the list of . . . Things Not to Do at Picnics.

  • Leave controlled substances at home, or do not touch them at all. Reports once had a man of college-age who had smoked too much marijuana and went wild while he gorged himself on chicken, pie, and raw hotdogs. He was arrested without clothing miles from the picnic area standing on the interstate bellowing, "I am Tarzan of The Apes! I need ride!"
  • Same for alcohol. Why ruin the perfect picnic by getting so drunk you think the roasted turkey is your girlfriend's sister.
  • Throwing rocks at wasp or hornet nests. If I have to explain this, you do not need to go on a picnic. You need to attend night classes at your community college to learn why you leave wasps and hornets alone.
  • Clothing should stay on your body. Now this depends on how good you and your girlfriend know each other, and if you have been hitting the gym on a regular basis. And clothing is to be kept on if there are more than you and your girlfriend at the picnic--e.g. your grandparents.

Do not smoke "weed" at picnics

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More things not to do at picnics

  • If you eat too much and become nauseated, look for the restrooms so you can "barf" in the commode, not on your girlfriend.
  • Ignorant talking is not acceptable. Do not, even to lighten the mood, say stupid things to your girlfriend or other people at this picnic. Now unless you really have a secret desire to be thought of as an idiot.
  • Hurting pets is against picnic ethics. Sometimes after a hefty meal at a picnic, boredom sets in and adventurous people look for ways to have fun, but abusing area wildlife or your girlfriend's pet Calico cat is not acceptable.
  • Obey all "No Swimming" signs if your picnic is held near a body of water. And also keep in mind the "No Swimming" sign does not mean people (like you) who cannot swim are the only ones who can enter the water.

Drinking at a picnic? Seriously?

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This type of behavior is not acceptable

at most picnics that I have ever been around.

So I am closing this informative-hub with a few more rules on "Things Not to Do at Picnics," so you and your loved ones will have a better time when you go on a picnic this summer.

  • Do not set fire to the forests. I am totally-serious. Even if you eat fire for a local circus, leave fire out of any picnic. Dispose charcoal properly when you are finished cooking so do not doze off and hope that the fire will go out.
  • If you do see a bear, rattlesnake or any dangerous animal or reptile, do not try to be a he-man and try to impress your girlfriend and handle it. You could end up in the emergency room.
  • If a friend at your picnic drinks or eats too much and goes to sleep, do not make fun of him or her by painting vulgar words on their forehead, or even worse, do not pile empty chicken buckets, grocery bags, banana peels and beer cans on them and just leave them when you leave. When they wake, they might suffer a panic attack for not knowing what is going on or where they are.
  • Stealing food from others who are having a picnic near you. In today's society, you might get shot.

"And if you go on a picnic, remember "I" was responsible for you having a safe time and lots of free food would be the only gratuity I will get."

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Comments 8 comments

Sherry Hewins profile image

Sherry Hewins 2 years ago from Sierra Foothills, CA

LOL, OK, those are a lot of things I never would have thought to do at a picnic, so I will continue not to do them!


mgt28 profile image

mgt28 2 years ago

Ken, it is hard to believe that you made up these. I have a secret feeling that you did three quarters of this misdeeds. I hope I am wrong though.


DDE profile image

DDE 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

Picnics sound such fun an what a great way to spend the day with family and friends.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Sherry,

Good girl. Just try to not think about this hub when you go on your next picnic.

Thanks for your sweet comment.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

mgt28,

Now you have me cornered. I will not say no, but I won't say yes either. I had some wild beer-drinking days a long time ago, and maybe at one of these times I might have . . .hey, I cannot remember. I need to call my attorney, Perry Mason.

Thanks for your comment and making me sweat with worry.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

My Dear DDE,

Ahh, you are so right. I love picnics. Especially the ones that are so quiet that you can nod-off and stick your face in the potato salad.

What am I saying?

That is a waste of good potato salad--one of my favorite foods.

Thank you, dear friend, for your sweet comments.


Thelma Alberts profile image

Thelma Alberts 2 years ago from Germany

Hi Kenneth,

I love picnic with my family or friends. You have great tips here. Thanks for sharing. Happy Sunday!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Thelma,

You are a great friend and follower. I love picnic/barbecues, lemonade, watermelon, and now I am famished.

LOL. Thanks for making my night.

Thanks for your comment.

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