Things That Girls Hate to See a Guy Do
"I am amazed that you did that."
Want to hear “the” understatement of the month? “Girls are special.” And the more I think of those three words, the more I believe this statement. Besides newborn babies and cuddly Collie puppies, girls are without question the definition of the word “special.”
I did not start my story with this acclamation about females to just “make points,” with the female writers and editors who work for HubPages, or the female writers who are part of my following. Many is the time I just speak from the heart.
Girls have a sharp sense of taste in men, cars, jobs, clothes, homes, food, and friends--whereas us guys are happy as long as we have hot-wings, ESPN and women who love us for us. (Me putting women in third place just goes to show you just how unthinking I can be).
"Did you just do that, 'Ned'?"
"You are simply insane, 'Ted'!"
We men "just" have to do certain things
Men somehow, for some reason, blame it on genetics I guess, have this aching, burning desire to “do” things in front of girls we are going with, engaged to, and those we just seemingly need to impress.
Stupid as it sounds, I am right. I know. I could have (by now) written a long line of books that would easily be on The New York Times Best-Selling List of things I have done to impress girls, both whom I wanted to date and those I were dating.
Some things worked. Some did not. Right now, I do not know which I would have written about. Probably the things that failed—for people for the most part, love to read about failure and people who fail. This is just part of what I took from 23 years working in the weekly newspaper business.
"I am so embarrassed thanks to you!"
"Unbelievable, the things guys do that I hate."
"I don't have a boyfriend. I have a circus clown."
"My word. How inappropriate."
"You did whhhaaattttt?"
Below, as you who are familiar with my hubs know, is a defining-list of
“Things That Girls Do Not Want to See Guys Do,”
And this is a family-friendly list, so do not tell your kids to go online and do research on some bogus topic just to get them to leave the room while you read this.
- Picking them up to go out in a car that backfires and smokes like a forest fire.
- Walking with them down the sidewalk, into a restaurant or in her house and the guy’s pants are unzipped.
- Belching—no matter where, private, public, driving, after eating or just by habit.
- Never checking their nose hairs to see if they need trimming.
- Standing on their heads, literally, in public, to show the girlfriend how athletic they are.
- Getting into a fiery argument at a restaurant with a waiter who smiles at their girlfriend.
- Getting into a fight with the manager of the same restaurant for asking, “Is there a problem here?”
- Begging the girlfriend to get bail money to get them out of jail for being arrested for disorderly conduct and assault in the restaurant where all of this started with a simple smile given a pretty girl by an appreciative waiter.
- Scratching their privates in public like a stray dog.
- Coughing and hacking in public or private to dislodge something in their throat.
- Filling their mouths with food while dining and then trying to talk about a job interview they had.
- When they go with girlfriends to shop for dresses, they over-act how “bad” she looks in that dress—making loud, foolish remarks just to get people to laugh. This is showing their girlfriends just how non-supportive they really are.
- Aggravating or irritating their girlfriend’s pet cat, dog, iguana or hamster.
- Doing awful celebrity impressions in public places. Please, guys, respect your girlfriend’s dignity. Do your awful celebrity impressions in private.
- Doing inappropriate things to their girlfriends while dining in a restaurant. (e.g.) touching them gently on their leg underneath the table pretending to be a spider. Talk about immature and juvenile.
- Talking more to an old college buddy that he has ran into while on a date with his girlfriend.
- Falling asleep while watching a romantic movie with their girlfriend.
- Snoring like a bull while sleeping during a romantic movie with their girlfriend.
- Telling pure, out and out lies, the first time he meets the girl’s parents to try to impress them in just how industrious he is and how many hours he puts in at work.
- Giving his girlfriend an empty-compliment just to get her to not talk to him during the World Cup competition.
Lastly . . .
Him reading this award-winning piece to his girlfriend as if she cannot read.
Coming soon . . .”How to Make a Driving Instructor Miserable.”
"And you are an intelligent guy?"
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