Things That I Wouldn't Do Even if Jacquelyn Smith and I Were Trapped In a Mine Cave-in
THE "ULTIMATE FANTASY"
Every red-blooded, heterosexual male, me included, has had “that” one favorite fantasy that tops every fantasy without trying. It’s that fantasy that is enjoyed better alone where the male can truly explore each aspect of their “ultimate fantasy,” we shall call it.
Let me cut the suspense. I am talking about us being trapped in some dark, dangerous place such as a mine cave-in leaving us, the teenage male with all of the responsibility of taking care of our famous female celebrity because she has never encountered such fear even in her life in the movies.
MY FANTASY IS FAR DIFFERENT THAN THOSE OF THE OTHER GUYS
Who cares about those guys and their fantasies? I don’t. Yes, for just a little while, I am going to let go of some pent-up selfishness to fuel this hub.
To further explain the sheer-importance of this piece, just let me say that over the course of our male lives, we may experience and remember a million or so more enjoyable fantasies, but none of them will ever take the place of “that” one fantasies.
WELCOME TO MY FANTASY
My ideal-fantasy involves Jacquelyn Smith, one of the most-beautiful women who God ever let breathe, and myself at the tender age of 18. Now even with those few words, can you “dreamers,” just picture this on the big screen?
Jacquelyn meets me in my photo studio for in this fantasy, I am not eaten-up with poverty, but living rather comfortably off of the bucks that I have made with my chain of photo studios in the United States. Smith wants me, not an employee, shoot some photos of her against a rugged background such as the landscape that exists in the western United States.
SMITH IS A TOUGH CLIENT TO DEAL WITH
I have spent myself begging her to change her mind about the scene of where her photos are to be shot, but she just sighs, “Ohhh, Kenneth. My mind is made up and besides, I am a big girl (giggle) and can take care of myself.”
So I stop arguing with her and agree on her terms.
We are driven to the location by my driver in my customized van. (Did you think that this hub would be complete without my van)?
Skipping ahead. Jacquelyn and I are alone as I send the driver back to Dallas, Texas, where my corporate headquarters are located. I tell “Dack,” the muscular German driver to not come back after us because “I can handle this visit to paradise,” as I confide in “Dack,” who is not just an employee, but a dear friend whose life I saved from the hands of a street gang on the south side of Chicago
Jacquelyn Smith, Everybody's Angel
- Jacquelyn Ellen "Jaclyn" Smith (born October 26, 1945) is an American actress and businesswoman. She is best known as Kelly Garrett in the television series Charlie's Angels, and was the only original female lead to remain with the series for its complete run (1976–81). Beginning in the 1980s, she began developing and marketing her own brands of clothing and perfume.
- Smith began her career in 1969 in television commercials and had early appearances in the 1969 film Goodbye, Columbus (uncredited) and the 1970 film The Adventurers. In 1976, she was cast in Charlie's Angels, alongside Kate Jackson and Farrah Fawcett. The show propelled all three to stardom, including appearing on the front cover of Time magazine. During this time, she also had a leading role in the 1980 thriller Nightkill.
- On leaving Charlie's Angels in 1981, she starred in the title role in the TV movie Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy and received a Best Actress Golden Globe nomination. She starred in numerous TV movies and miniseries over the next twenty years, including George Washington (1984), Kaleidoscope (1990) and Nightmare in the Daylight (1992), opposite Christopher Reeve. She also starred in the 1985 feature film, Déjà Vu.
- From 2002-2004, Smith had a recurring role in the drama series The District. In 2003, she reprised her role of Kelly Garrett in a cameo in the film Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle.
THE ADVENTURE BEGINS
As Smith and I walk around this rugged land that has its share of cacti, Diamond Back’s, and severely-hot sun, we are both shocked at what we see: An old gold mine that has long since been abandoned from the rusty tools and broken-down lumbers that once held the entrance open.
“Let’s go inside and explore,” Jacquelyn says laughing like a schoolgirl.
“You are kidding?” I protest, but quickly agree for I remember how much she is paying me for these photos.
We walk about twenty yards, our spirits excited at finding an ideal place to shoot her photos, and then we both hear an awful sound that causes us to fall to our knees. It is the terrible sound of a cave-in that has trapped us deep within this old gold mine.
Now. For any other red-blooded heterosexual male of 18 years old, this would be the “perfect” place to put some slick moves on this gorgeous woman. I mean, the young male is living on his testosterone and actually, he is beyond self-control.
But this is where I part ways with the weak, excited male driven by his primal extincts, for I want to sincerely make sure that Jacquelyn is okay and can trust me for we do not know how long we will last under these circumstances. This is why I named this hub . . .
Things That “I” Would Not Do with Jacquelyn Smith if We Were Trapped in a Mine Cave-In
In this ideal fantasy of being hopelessly-trapped with the beautiful, Jacquelyn Smith, these are the things that I would not even dare to do:
- Cut my finger or toenails in her presence. I wouldn't want this "beauty" to think that I was barbariac.
- Scream, yell, and roll myself up in a fetal position on the mine floor until Jacquelyn, out of fear and frustration, tells me to "just shut up and be a man!"
- Let my primal insticts cloud my common sense and try to make some smooth moves on Smith. If she were to protest which is a sure thing, my argument would be: "Hey, no one will ever know!"
- NOTE: me trying to be a Roger Moore or Bruce Willis would classified as very stupid. And hilarious to Jacquelyn for she has met and seen how slick Moore and Willis can be. But what causes her to laugh like a hyena is seeing me, a rural rube all nervous and stuttering supposedly-sweet things to her.
- Begging her to act-out various scenes from "Charlie's Angels."
- Pestering her to discuss in pure frankness, every man she has dated and had a serious relationship during her career in film and television.
- After studying Smith's auto-biography, I found out that she is very intelligent and shrewd. I can hear her suggest, "Kenneth, why don't you get up on that pile of rocks and dirt and if you can dig us way out of here?" My answer, "Okay, Jacquelyn, but can't it wait until morning? I cannot see well in the dark."
- I would not fake a leg injury just to get her to tear off a piece of her blouse to serve as a bandage.
- To keep Jacquelyn from getting testy with being trapped, I wouldn't ask her to play "Tame The Wild Horse," with me where she acts as the "bronco buster" and ride my back over the cave floor yelling, "Yeee-haw!"
- If she were to ask, "Do you mind terribly if I lean on you for it is so cold," I would agree, but only out of respect for her. Then I would ask, "But Jacquelyn, whom will I lean against?"
- No, I wouldn't dare to share details from my life because I would hate to know that facts about my life put one of Hollywood's most-talented, beautiful women to sleep.
- I would not do things to make her think that "I" was a he-man such as going to the pile of debris blocking our escape and yell as loud as Tarzan ever did.
- When boredom would hit us, no, I would not beg Jacquelyn to get up and do some fancy tap dancing for me.
- What would we do for lights, you ask. Simple. I would have a disposable lighter in my jeans pocket, so I would simply set fire to my clothing with me in them, to give us some needed-light.
NOTE: This is as far as I can do for now. I promise to let you know more when we get out.
More by this Author
Guys, which is the most-dangerous, a keg of dynamite with the fuse burning, or an angry girl who is angry because you asked her the wrong question? If you need me to tell you, you best read this story.
Just because a guy kisses a girl without her slapping him does not mean that he knows everything about the art of kissing to make girls happy.
Yes, "we" talk funny in the South. Need proof? Just read this hub.