Things That Most Men Think About

"Yes, sir. I do love my hammock."


Man's thought processes

it's not difficult. Fact is, it's comical. Men and women are wired differently, thus they think differently. Between the two, if I were a gambling-addict, I would lay you 20 to 1 that men have the most-outrageous, strange and thoughts that are really "out there."

Thank you for stopping by, and now let's explore "What Most Men Think About."

"Ahhh, relaxation. My wife says I'm lazy. I am really into relaxing. She gets confused."


At work

  • "Man, I wish now that I hadn't bet that thousand on the Jets."
  • "Carol will flip when she learns that I lost a thousand dollars that we didn't have?"
  • "Did the boss just call me to his office?"
  • "Kathy looks good today. Bet she had a wild weekend--she is limping."
  • "Should I tell my priest about me losing the thousand dollars?"
  • "I bet Kathy never bets."

"Wonder how I will get home?"


At home

  • (man to the right is thinking these thoughts) "I love to drink beer."
  • "Beer gives such a boost in confidence and since I am a "man about town," if you know what I mean, well, the ladies love me more for drinking."
  • "Where is that chick, Tammy, who came on this picnic with me anyway?"
  • "Wheww, breaking-up with Melodie was the best thing I ever did--man, I am not a domesticated dog. I am a wild dog. Wooooo."
  • "Wonder if Tammy got lost in the woods? She said she needed a restroom."

"Five-hundred dollars for this dump-of-a-motel! My husband sucks at managing money."


And now, a special guest

a "today's woman," independent, empowered, strong. She wanted to share with us what she thinks about most of the time . . .

  • "Why does Hal insist on going to Utah for our yearly-vacation? If I say anything, he will get all defensive and sull-up for days."
  • "I smelled a woman's perfume on Hal's shirt last night. Hmmm, I wonder. Naaah. He's too dull to have an affair."
  • "I came up a thousand-dollars short in my monthly checking account balance--now where did that money go? I know it wasn't Hal. I don't give him any money."
  • "I am so happy that Sheila noticed that I have lost ten pounds. I will look better than her in a two-piece this summer."
  • "Was the mailman coming-on to me this morning when he winked at me as he handed me the bills?"

"I'm lost, but I am smiling to show that I am not afraid."


On a weekend get-away

  • "Do I really look retirement age?"
  • "That waitress was really cute, but my wife was watching my every move."
  • "Maybe if I used some of that men's hair dye I saw on television."
  • "Naaah, an old guy and a young girl. Never work. And I cannot afford Viagra."

"I am really married. Does that mean forever?"


During a newlywed-crisis

"I feel so trapped. I can run with my frat brothers, hang-out. What have I done?"

  • "Settle down . . .the preacher said I would have thoughts like this."
  • "My little wife sure has a sharp tongue. I was only telling her how my mom cooks stew."
  • "I can't breathe. Fool! No one can hear me."
  • "Am I paranoid? I feel as if someone is writing about me."
  • "I'm married. No more strip clubs, beer fests. Oh, God! My life is over!"

"Thank God for my scholarship--I am a lousy soccer player."


In college

  • "I am having a ball--partying all of the time, girls, what a life."
  • "I can understand it. I failed Phys Ed. People think I am a fool."
  • "So boring here. All of my frat brothers are gone for the weekend."
  • "I hate being broke."
  • "I can't wait to graduate this dump. Then I will be on my own--doing what I want, when I want and hey, my girl, Toni, is so hot. I think I will marry her," . . .

yeah, man! Real life . . .this boy cannot wait!"

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Comments 12 comments

Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

Funny stuff Kenneth, but hey, I don't think any of those things. fact I married Kathy. :)

mgt28 profile image

mgt28 2 years ago

Probably one of your best articles ever. But again, this is Kenneth Avery. You have a way of unraveling complex human nature in a comical way.

And back to subject of your article, the random thoughts we have are truly random and wild at times, sometimes I actually get a fright and now I am consoled that I am not alone. I always knew but thanks for setting that issue straight.

DDE profile image

DDE 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

Very interesting! Most men don't thin like that, sometimes just the opposite your suggestions sound too good.

profile image

sheilamyers 2 years ago

Thanks for the laugh. What I think is really funny is when guys do think those kinds of things and follow it by thinking women don't think that's what they're thinking.

easylearningweb profile image

easylearningweb 2 years ago

How about this one: A woman asks her man, so, what are you thinking about? The woman anxiously awaits his answer, really to dive into a conversation. He says: Nothing. The woman continues to be surprised by this answer. LOL. Enjoyed your hub. :-)

Lisa Keatts profile image

Lisa Keatts 2 years ago from Virginia

Another good one! Like your insight.

kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Jodah,

Thank you, good friend, for the comment. I should have added, for men such as myself, thinking can be a dangerous thing, but maybe next time.

If I think of it.

Visit with me again.

kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Heyyy, mgt28,

You are not alone in the world of "Bizzarro Thinking." In-fact, I was just thinking about how far I can stretch my abstract-thinking maybe into a place where Daffodils have names and can make one a great pet. Nahhh, they cannot talk like you, my valued-friends/followers, so "Daffy Land," would not be that cool.

I need help.

(Stop by anytime you like. And I'll let you turn your own light on.)

kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear DDE,

Thank you for the positive comment and truthful view of this piece. Hmmm, I need to do more research on the thoughts that men DO think, but I cannot run them in HP, they have editors for text, grammar and DECENCY, so I will just live on the fringe.

Thanks, dear DDE, for making me smile.

kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, sheilamyers,

Great comment. And the truth also. In my home, I let my wife do most of the thinking. I think I made the wise move in doing that. So now, whatever decision is to be made and she asks, "What do you think?" I instantly, like a horse shot out of the gate at Belmont, say, "Whatever you think is fine. You have a very level head on your shoulders." And Sheila, this is the truth.

Come back soon. And thanks again for the comment.

kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, easylearningweb,

Nice comment. Many times, I do that. Think of nothing--and that is harder than you think. What a paradox.

I would love to be able to do like the movie, "What Women Want," with Mel Gibson actually hearing the thoughts of women. Maybe if men were able to do that, we would have more understanding, peace, and less divorces.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Lisa Keatts,

Thank you sincerely. I humbly thank you for those words. You are a valued-friend, follower.

Take care and visit with me often.

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