Things like that don't happen to people like me! -A Domestic Abuse Survivor's Tale.

"Let's strengthen a woman's heart, by empowering their strengths." ~Ceci~

I used to say "Things like that don't happen to people like me!" when I would hear the horrors of abuse. I used to say that when I would see something on the television or watch a movie about abuse. I was a critic, I was close-minded, and naïve. I would often spout things that I had no understanding of. I would climb up on my soapbox and rant and rave about the subject of abuse, and state the most obvious in those rants, “Why doesn’t she leave him? Why doesn’t she just get out? Why does she refuse to leave?”

Yes, I was one of THOSE people. I was one of those people who had no clue, who had no understanding, nor empathy. Don’t get me wrong, I hated seeing the injustice of this world, and I hated seeing people hurting, but I did not understand why they stayed! I did not understand why they would put up with being beaten, why they would put up with such degrading abuse, physical, emotional, spiritual. Why in the world would they lower themselves to be a doormat of pain?

And one day I became one of THOSE people.

I had been married almost a year, I was eight months pregnant with our first child. His first child, I had three from a previous marriage. He was elated, exited; he would talk for hours and hours about having his first child. He would tenderly take care of me, and I was on top of the world. I was cleaning one day, my every week chore, in our bedroom dusting and humming away, in he came from the garage. He had been working on the car and he came in to ask me an ordinary question, nothing major, just something simple. And he wanted me to come out and help him. I told him I would be right there as soon as I finished the last piece. I was almost done. His voice rose a bit, as he demanded that I get out there at that very moment. I looked at him wide eyed and told him I would be out there as soon as I was done.

The next thing I knew is I was slammed into the bookcase with a brutal force, scraping my side on the wood, tearing my shirt. I was shocked that he would have done such a thing, I started to sob and he tried to console. He begged and pleaded to forgive him. I ran from him, that man that was my husband, that man whose child I was going to bear, that man that professed his undying love for me. I locked myself in the bathroom, slunk to the floor with tears filling my emerald eyes, mascara trailing down my flushed cheeks. Hurt beyond belief. He shoved me! He hurt me! He had slammed his pregnant wife into a bookcase with no care that I might have lost the baby! How could he do such a thing?!

I heard the door slam and after two hours of being locked in that bathroom, I finally decided it was safe to come out. I heard no stirring in the house. I went to change shirts, hiding my wound from the world, from him, from myself. I went to rest on the couch and turned the television on to drown out the sounds raging through my head.

Later that evening when he returned, he brought me roses. He proclaimed that he loved me and that it would never happen again. I looked into his blue eyes and forgave him. After all he gave me roses, he cried real tears, and told me it would never happen again. It happened again, and again and again and again. It started with a shove, and eight years later it ended with him head butting me. Many bouquets of roses, countless times he would tell me he loved me, he would never do it again, no matter what. He would swear on his children’s lives, he would get down on his knees and beg, plead, and implore to forgive him.

I hid it from my family, my children, and my friends. I was not going to be an abused woman; I was not going to be a victim. I did not want to talk about that taboo subject; I did not want to discuss this with anyone! There would be times I would find domestic violence groups and sneak off to one, to listen to the other women talk about their pain, their suffering, their emotional turmoil, and I would sit there silently crying, blinking back tears, protesting to my inner soul I was not like that. I was not abused, for if I had to admit it out loud, it was true. And it couldn’t be! Things like that don't happen to people like me!

Until that last almost fatal day, that day I was allowed by God to keep my life, and those of my children. That day I became a survivor, instead of a victim. He was charged with abuse; he was charged with bodily harm, he was charged with two counts of physical injury. And I became a survivor. Can I tell you my story had a happy ending, can I tell you that my story is done, can I tell you that my story is a thing of the past? No. I wish I could.

As a result of years and years of violence, I have:

· PTSD, (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).

· Panic disorder. (Panic attacks), with this I have different kinds of panic attacks.

· Cued Panic Attacks. There are specific situations or places that trigger these attacks.

· Situational Predisposed Panic Attacks. Certain situations or places could make someone with panic disorder or another anxiety disorder more likely to have a panic attack.

· Spontaneous Panic Attacks. This type of panic attack can happen anywhere, anytime, and without any warning.

This was not meant to be a hub about panic disorder. This was meant to be a hub about domestic violence. I will keep the panic disorder and PTSD for another time. This is about how I thought I was not one of THOSE people; this is to pay it forward and to show people that it can happen to any of us at any given time. To never be close-minded and think it cannot happen to you, or to someone you love. This is to show people that there is help out there. There is hope, there are people that care. There are shelters; there are emergency numbers to reach out in your own darkness. There are agencies that aid in helping domestic survivors.

Things like that do happen to people like me! And I pray every day they never do again.

 

More by this Author


Comments 22 comments

James A Watkins profile image

James A Watkins 6 years ago from Chicago

Horrible. I am sorry to read what you have suffered at the hands of a lunatic.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS

I understand. Mine was not physical abuse, except at the very last. I won't go into it, but suffice it to say, one stays for any number of valid reasons; - valid in that anyone in an identical or very similar situation would choose to stay as a lesser of poor choices, at the very least. It's valuable to share enough of one's personal experience (especially when it has been resolved, but any time) to authenticate one's ability to speak on it and to advise others how to handle it and/or its after-effects.

Each person is unique and so is each situation. But the humiliation and limitation of good choices in abusive relationships permeates each situation for each individual regardless of other differences involved. It is at that prevailing level that one can truly empathize and offer whatever help one can to another person! Good work!!!


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 6 years ago Author

Thank you James, I always said that which does not kill us only makes us stronger. Well I was not the one with the quote, but I truly believe that.

Blessings,

Laurie


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 6 years ago Author

Thank you Nellieanna. *hugs* I have often felt that at times that we must share what life has dealt us, to give to others what they might not have. Courage, hope, and faith. And if I can help one person such as I was helped, that is what makes life a better place to live.

Blessings,

Laurie


Doug Turner Jr. 6 years ago

Glad you were able to emerge and find yourself again after that horrible situation and thanks for spreading awareness about a tough topic. The silence only prolongs the issue. Getting it out is the way to go.


Darlene Sabella profile image

Darlene Sabella 6 years ago from Hello, my name is Toast and Jam, I live in the forest with my dog named Sam ...

A brave hub my darlin friends and I have written a few myself, I yell and scream to stop keeping those family secrets, weather it was our parents, sexual abuse, marriage or any volence that exit as evil. Talk about it, tell everyone, I needed to know it happened to normal people, I thought it was only TV. I adore this hub and I adore and admire you...rate way up and keep writing about this...


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 6 years ago Author

@Doug, Thank you. I have always found that the way to spread the word is to get it out there, to find someone to listen, to find someone that needs that message just as much as I did years ago.

@Darlin' Darlene! Thank you my Sweet Friend. So many experiences happen for no reason, for cruel reasons of evil people, and to spread the word, to help, to get a shoulder if nothing else, that is always the answer to evil, to combat it with love. And to pass that kindess around, sharing, getting the secrets out there in the open. xoxo

Blessings,

Laurie


Sunnyglitter profile image

Sunnyglitter 6 years ago from Cyberspace

I could really relate to this hub, especially the first paragraph; I used to be like that as well. I dated a guy who beat the hell out of me repeatedly for years; this guy even attempted to choke me to death at one point. 7 years later, I got back together with this guy (we are not together now). I never thought I'd be THAT GIRL, and to this day, I can't tell you why I stayed-or returned.


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 6 years ago Author

I am glad that you are out of that relationship and that you are a survivor! Bless you and may you always be safe!

Often we have no reasons why we stay, other than the abuser, or kids, or whatever reasons, all that matters is we get out, and stay safe!

Blessings,

Laurie


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 6 years ago

I am happy that you said STOP and took your life back into your control and no longer let him control it for you. Abusing is a sickness and abusers need to seek treatment, they attempt to destroy their victims will and spirit and unfortunately often succeed.

Victims who can take back and claim their life as their own become stronger over time. I am happy that you are moving forward, yet sad that you were left with those disorders. I pray that you will heal and find love again. Peace and hugs.


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 6 years ago Author

Thank you Saddlerider! Yes, it sure is, and most of them refuse to seek help, and I used to think if I stayed that he would go and get help. Which he never has to this day. I am glad I got me and my children out in one piece, even tho the emotional scars may always be there, we have our lives.

And all I can hope for is that if this hub helps one of those to escape, then I will tell my story again and again. Thank you so much Darlin' Man, I hope someday I heal too.

Blessings and hugs,

Laurie


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 6 years ago from On the edge

I would so love to link this story with mine - do you know how? Would it be all right? And you have so many good related stories at the side. Mine barely touch the subject. These are life experiences that need to be told and read so that if there is any doubt the reader can run for their lives. You are such an excellent writer and in so many genres.


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 6 years ago Author

No, of course I don't mind! I think you have to put it in the links, not sure how to do that tho! *laughs* Something about you add it to the link box, but you might have to find that help question on the forums. I have been trying to figure out how to do that, and not sure yet. I think your stories are fantastic, and they show the pain that you endured, and I say whatever helps to get us past those times in our lives, is what matters the most. I think you Sweet Lady for your compliments.

Blessings and hugs,

Laurie


Justsilvie 6 years ago

You are a strong woman. I think no one ever believes they are one of those people until it happens to them. I think writing can help you work through the problems, feeling and emotions. You write well and I look forward to reading more of your hubs.

Take care,

Silvia


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 6 years ago Author

Greetings Silvia,

Thank you for your compliments on my writing. And that is so true, no one would believe that it could ever happen to them, until it does. That to me is the saddest part, that we just don't know beforehand what people truly go through. And writing does help work past the pain at times.

It is a pleaure to "meet" you.

Blessings,

Laurie


daydreamer13 profile image

daydreamer13 6 years ago

What a story. I don't know what else to say.


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 6 years ago Author

Blessings Daydreamer!


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge

Well, I've done it Laurie, linked our pages although I wanted yours to appear at the side where it says related stories. It is at the bottom near where I link the parts of my hubs so at least it is there and I hope it brings more folks here to read about the pain the remains with you and the scars that never heal quite right. But you are INDEED a survivor and a champion. I am blessed to have "met" you. *pooh*


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 5 years ago Author

Awww my Sweet Friend, I am so honored that you have linked us together, just as destiny has through these hubpages. I believe God brings people together for a reason, and I think He has brought us to those places. Sharing our stories, and our pain, our laughter and our tears. You too are a survivor and a true blessing to this world! I too am blessed to have "met" you.

Happy Holidays to you and yours!

Blessings and hugs,

Laurie


QudsiaP1 profile image

QudsiaP1 5 years ago

You are a beautiful woman and in my eyes you will never be a victim.


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 5 years ago Author

Thank you Qudsia! What wonderful kind words. Thank you and may you have a most blessed new year!

Blessings and hugs,

Laurie


edelhaus profile image

edelhaus 5 years ago from Munich, Germany

Abuse is so insidious in the beginning and you don't realize what you've gotten yourself into until it's too late - my very first relationship was with an abuser, so I know what you went through. I, too, thought it couldn't happen to me. I guess it just goes to show, you can't judge another person. Thank God, you found the strength to get out.

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working