Internet Dating Horrors or This Must be A Trick!

A beautiful day for a hike - alone!
A beautiful day for a hike - alone! | Source

Trick and No Treat

Some things go so wrong, that they must be a trick of some sort. I have no other explanation.

The following tale is the foundation for my dislike of Internet dating sites, dating services, blind dates arranged by friends, and game show dating games. Contrary to popular opinion, bars and churches are also not always optimal places to find well-adjusted companions. There seem, in fact, very few effective ways and places to meet a human being and none of the methods listed fills the bill.

I am adamantly against the practice of claiming Christianity solely in order to troll dating sites for a match the troll feels will be trusting, naïve, submissive, and ill informed. These individuals are looking for victims -- It is dishonest and exploitative. Dating in the 21st century is full of woe. I prefer the system of planned courtship; otherwise, I go out with friends with no expectations other than good manners and lack of stupidity. I think that is fair.

Friendship can become another sort of relationship and I believe that spouses should be best friends. For dating, remember that the Bible tells us to be as wise as serpents and as gentle as doves -- I think that means to be gracious, but to keep one’s eyes open and one’s phaser charged.

You are totally illogical, Mr. Junk Food Tour Guide, for I have no ball gown, nor any glass slippers... nor money.
You are totally illogical, Mr. Junk Food Tour Guide, for I have no ball gown, nor any glass slippers... nor money.
Time exploded (Salvadori Dali)
Time exploded (Salvadori Dali)
Watching an unattractive sugar oad (From srbichara on sxc.hu).
Watching an unattractive sugar oad (From srbichara on sxc.hu).

Dairy Barn

At least the unit I visited had an indoor dining area.
At least the unit I visited had an indoor dining area.

My New Friends

The friendliest people I met on my +date."(From Ayla87 on sxc.hu)
The friendliest people I met on my +date."(From Ayla87 on sxc.hu)

First Contact SNAFU

A few years after I'd opened a martial arts school, I was introduced to a gentleman that claimed to be Christian. I couldn't tell much about him at a meeting for coffee in a public place, but he seemed at least benign. I agreed to go out with him once, the next day. He was driving an expensive new car, but I did not assume that it was his. It could have been a rental.

This person planned a pleasant afternoon for that Saturday. First, there would be a hike in a nearby state forest and recreation area, followed by changing clothes and dining at a sit-down restaurant. He said it would be expensive and I thought, “I doubt it” and took clothing appropriate for a moderately priced establishment.

I drove to this person's apartment in a decent neighborhood. Once inside, I found neatly kept lodgings. However, there was a display of bank statements and open bank passbooks lying on a table near the entrance door. I ignored them.

We proceeded to the state park, where this fellow produced a cheap 2-litre of soda from the Family Dollar Store and two old metal tumblers. This was not a good sign and I declined the “refreshment.” His conversation was boring before it became bizarre. I began to take notes. He spoke of a sister that had been sexually molested by a family member - not pleasant conversation and I said I'd had enough of that in my daily work with patients.

It was August, sunny but not hot that year, with a moderate breeze and clear skies.

During the hiking portion of this odyssey package, this person made a commotion about poison ivy on the trail. I am not allergic to it and he seemed to be disappointed by that fact. Then he picked up a garter snake and stuck it in my face, to which I did not flinch. I took it and put it back where it had been, thinking, “Where is his caregiver?”

He asked me if I was tired. I asked him why 15 minutes in good weather should tire me when 3 hours in hip-high February snow does not. He had no reply. This was becoming a waste of time, but the park and the weather were lovely and I did not have to drive.

At the end of the trail, we were to drive to his place to change. Instead, he took me to an outhouse.

Back again?

Sit here; it is a modern art chair.
Sit here; it is a modern art chair.

Just Desserts

I knew it had to be a game, so I planned to get through the next hour, back to the city, and away. In the worst case, I could put him unconscious without a mark and drive him to the police station.

The restaurant was a Dairy Queen affair (Dairy Barn, I believe) with a petting zoo - the only good thing about it. Customers could walk up to the counter and order or use the option to wait for the server to come to the booth. We sat down and my "date" went to the counter and ordered a large dessert, which he ate in front of me.

Now I knew what was wrong. He was and a control freak. His previous attempts to elicit a reaction from me were all about control. However, I stayed disengaged from the game.

In my experience, an individual that plays games with food, money, or sex is maladjusted. Few of them can be fixed, since these games are indelibly attached to threatening a target's basic drives or needs. These behaviors can be vicious beyond the first step and must be a product of neural miswiring, maltreatment, or perhaps demon possession, to cover the spectrum.

There is no repair shop for these brains. One of their cylinders is not firing. Their fuel mixture is off. Having dumped too much oil greedily into the crankcase, the brain finds it all blown out the tailpipe. As one man said about incurably diseases, "There should be a shot for that," and indeed, there is likely some medication that works some of the time in some of these cases; but it is not a cure. There should be a telethon for it.

I did not react to the dessert sequence, because I made it a habit of not eating desserts. Further, one saves up possible reactions for a finishing blow, doesn’t one? I also eat breakfast and a light dinner, but skip lunch, so I was not hungry. That was to my advantage. At the Dairy Barn, a server appeared and my "date" ordered each of us a sandwich and a drink (after his supersized dessert). In total, he spent $3.00 on me. How flattering and generous. The petting zoo goats were friendly, though.

We drove back to the city, this Captain Ahab of sugar pointing out restaurants along the way in which he had previously enjoyed specific desserts. It was an Anthony Bourdain travelogue without the wit and wisdom of Anthony Bourdain. I remarked mildly, "I don't eat desserts" and the conversation ran out.

The dessert-obsessed tour guide turned on the car radio and switched to a Christian station before we arrived at his apartment parking lot. He made a sexually inappropriate remark about the female artist and I exited the car without comment when we arrived. I walked to my auto while he followed, calling out me instructions to bring him a Sunday newspaper at 10:00 AM sharp the next morning, after which I was to take him to an expansive amusement-park-that-is-a-city (and pay for it), and then take him to an upscale restaurant for dinner.

I entered my car, locked the door, and left without acknowledging any of this dithering.

At 10:03 AM the next morning, he called - presumably, to see why I had not arrived, although he never had the opportunity to speak. Caller ID identified him and I blew a police whistle into the phone. He did not call again, having finally received a reaction.

Dating should not be war and courtship should not be bondage.

And I can make my own dessert for myself and my friends.

End Game

Anti-abuse and anti-bully education can help youth of each gender to prevent the catastrophe that ends in death at the hands of an abuser. It can begin as verbal abuse: an odd comment that is slightly disrespectful - but you're not sure about it. Then it can escalate and manifest itself in any aspects of life.

Games that focus on control or the need to ellicit a negative reaction can result in a drug-like "high" when the game player succeeds. It’s not healthy and I hope you can avoid meeting these players.

Game Over.

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Experinces and Comments 19 comments

Triplet Mom profile image

Triplet Mom 7 years ago from West Coast

Patty, this is an extremely important lesson, that I truly wish were taught in schools. People like your "date" need only one response to know that they are successful and then they take complete control. I am so grateful that you gained the upper hand and could see through his veiled attempts. Its too bad others are not so successful.


Patty Inglish, MS profile image

Patty Inglish, MS 7 years ago from North America Author

Thanks for the good word! I hope this can help people before they fall victim to it.


Netters profile image

Netters 7 years ago from Land of Enchantment - NM

You poor thing. I'm sorry but it did make me giggle. Sounds like we have the same kind of luck.


Julie-Ann Amos profile image

Julie-Ann Amos 7 years ago from Gloucestershire, UK

Hi Patty I loved this! So funny yet so reminiscent of many bad dates I've been on!


jxb7076 profile image

jxb7076 7 years ago from United States of America

Great solution on your part. The best way to prevent abuse is to never allow it to happen. Thank God you saw the red lights in advance.


RGraf profile image

RGraf 7 years ago from Wisconsin

Good for you! Those kinds of people really creep me out.


BDazzler profile image

BDazzler 7 years ago from Gulf Coast, USA

Dang - No wonder all the single women I meet have their shields up and their phasers charged ... and they don't have 'em set on stun either!

I would print a couple of the horror stories I have about gold-diggers and attention cravers ... but I'd be ebarrased to relive the details ...

Suffice it to say ... I hate trying to date! People of integrity (male and female) are far, far too rare!


anitariley65 profile image

anitariley65 7 years ago from Little Town Ohio

I've been trying to do one of these myself, but I could never do it this well, lol. Love it. Just another great one. If and when you ever find a really "good" dating site, please let me know.


Zsuzsy Bee profile image

Zsuzsy Bee 7 years ago from Ontario/Canada

Patty this is one great hub. As I read it my brain congured up all these hilarous images. I love the whistle in the phone bit. This is the reason I gave up dating a long time ago. Why put myself through the agony of having to listen and pretend to be interested in what these self-absorbed weirdos come up with but only on the second dates.

I love the goat pics they're so sweet.

kindest regards Zsuzsy


mulberry1 profile image

mulberry1 7 years ago

Ick. I was single until 43, met my husband through a dating site actually at 38 but only after what seemed like hundreds of experiences similar to, or worse than, your own. I was even set up by friends with a man, who after a bit of conversation, revealed that he believed men had the right to beat women if they "acted up".


Patty Inglish, MS profile image

Patty Inglish, MS 7 years ago from North America Author

I want to thank everyone for such wonderful comments. Funny and sad at the same time, some of these tales.

mulberry1 - Glad you found a well adjusted person in the bunch. You went through a lot of horrors.


SirDent 7 years ago

I must say that I was a little disappointed at the end. I was expecting him to be gasping for breath from a death blow ot his windpipe or something similar. Maybe a good swuift kick in a very vulnerable place on his body.

Seriously, I am glad that you were able to withstand his bad mannerisms and such. Even more glad that you were smarter than he is and was able to see through his ruse. I would give you many thumbs up if possible.


Patty Inglish, MS profile image

Patty Inglish, MS 7 years ago from North America Author

SirDent! - By the power invested in me, I temporarily grant you 20 thumbs foir 24 hours! LOL LOL

The worst I have ever done/needed to do was to place my foot into the abdomen of an attacking gentleman and thrust him through a pasterboard wall, where he was stuck by the butt up to his knees and elbows for a while. More entertaining than bloodshed...

I learned not to get into a car with strangers during that horror date, though. I have seen much worse behavior since that tme and avoided it altogether. Thank God!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia

Wow, what a story! It was funny, alarming, and informative. I'm glad you shared this, because recognizing the early signs of a control freak are so important. Thanks Patty. :)


Patty Inglish, MS profile image

Patty Inglish, MS 7 years ago from North America Author

Thanks, Pam - thinking back to this one helped me to avoid some others. Hope it helps a few readers as well.


MellasViews profile image

MellasViews 7 years ago from Earth

OMG how creepy!!!!!! The whole part about him ordering a dessert, and eating it in front of you!!! its like he was going out of his way to be a douchebag. Ugh!!! I never had all too many dating disasters. Ive had creepy stalkers though in my late teens and early 20s, which scared the crap out of me, because I did nothing to provoke the stalkings. I simply took their orders at mcdonalds (i worked there) and they seemed to get this crazed idea in their heads that because I was (forced) smiling when I took their orders, it was their que to stalk me! Def a lot of loose gaskets out there man... I had 3 stalkers at one point in my life... it was too much to handle. Id hub about it, but it just brings out old creepy memories everytime I think about it.


Patty Inglish, MS profile image

Patty Inglish, MS 7 years ago from North America Author

I knew a dental hygienist (female) that stalked and finally broke into her ex-boyfriend's bedroom through a window at night because she was convinced he was seeing someone else. Stalking doesn't seem to need any provocation at all, and it's not our fault.

Yes, the dessert scanario was ridiculous.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

I could never see myself going back to the dating scene. The older we get, the stranger it becomes. You find out that there really are some specific reasons why some people are alone. Even if I had been so inclined, I could never be the answer for them. I'm too selfish of my own happiness. Very good hub and a great lesson. I thoroughly enjoyed it!

In fact, have you ever been to Paris, Patti? I was thinking you could pick me up tomorrow and we'd scoot on over. I'm sure you can afford it! (Whatever you do, don't blow that whistle into the phone when I call to chastise you for being late!)


Patty Inglish, MS profile image

Patty Inglish, MS 7 years ago from North America Author

TWEEEEEEET!

But you made me laugh anyway. I'll have to be careful of invitations to Paris now...

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