Three Big Single Woman Mistakes

Single Woman Mistakes


I made a lot of dating mistakes when I re-entered the dating world nine years ago. It seemed that all of the rules had changed but I had not. When I was dating my now Exie in the early 1980s Internet dating was not even in our imaginations much less our computers. "Hook-up" did not carry the meaning it does today and well.... everything had changed!

I entered the dating world completely out of touch with the new rules and absolutely battered emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. That is not a good way to enter the dating world; beat up and clueless! Talk about vulnerable! I was not operating from strength but was reacting out of fatigue and a weakened state. My mistakes were obvious and numerous.

I think that the first consideration of the single woman is a full and honest evaluation of her strength and her motivation for dating. She should not date if she is not operating from a platform of strength. If she is depressed, suffering from loneliness, or financially needy then she most certainly should not date in the hopes of developing a long-term relationship. This is the time she needs to concentrate on her own health and fixing her neediness. Dating in a weakened state is not wise!

That said, the dating world is full of pitfalls that threaten to trip up even the best of us. I have contemplated three traps that threaten to ensnare even experienced single women. I know these pitfalls well since I have fallen into them so many times.

Three Biggie Dating Mistakes Common to the Single Again Woman:

1. If she is giving up her dreams, hobbies, ministries, or interests to morph into his life then she is making a big mistake. She needs to keep her own interests and look for someone who likes some of the things she likes. For those interests that are not shared then she needs to be able to cheerfully and confidently part from her man for the day or weekend. She should not discourage him from pursuing his interests or let him discourage her from pursuing her interests. If a woman notices she is consistently cancelling her life for him then it is time to cut him loose before he cuts her off from her own life. Long-term relationships are stronger when both partners bring something to the table.

2. If she is compromising her morals or faith then she is making a big mistake. No, they do not have to agree on everything but if he does not agree with her on matters that are at the core of her being then no matter how sweetie pie he is, the woman is courting disaster. She should not date him with the hopes of converting him or pretending that core matters of faith and moral stances can be ignored. If she gives up her faith then she has been untrue to herself and has deprived herself of the joy of discussing her deepest thoughts with the one to whom she has given her heart. This will eventually catch up with the both of them and cause a lot of needless pain. Be friends but skip being lovers.

3. If she makes excuses for his poor behavior then she is making a big mistake. Be on guard for red flags of lapses of characters. Is he consistently late? Does he have a temper? How does he treat small furry critters and children? Look, look, and look again for these red flags; do not compromise or make excuses for him. If he is ready to be in a relationship then he is a big boy and does not need a woman to enable him in his bad behavior. If she makes excuses for him in the beginning of the relationship then she will be making excuses for him even after it all falls apart.

There are a million and one mistakes a single woman can make when she enters into the big bad and sometimes wonderful world of dating. I think the main thing the single woman needs to do is operate from a platform of strength. If she is needy in some way then she needs to remedy it before looking for a man. When she does meet an interesting man she needs to let her head do a lot of the grunt work. The heart can lead a woman down a bad path and emotions can be deceiving so she needs to think about him. Does he discourage her from pursuing her own interests or does he support her goals and dreams? Can they freely speak about core matters of the heart? Does she make excuses for his bad behavior?

She needs to weigh and measure his actions when he is not "performing" for her. She needs to look for cracks in the fissure and take character issues very, very seriously. Hold him accountable for his own behavior. No excuses! If he lacks integrity in the little things then he will lack integrity in the big things. She would be wise to let her head lead and make sure the way is safe and clear to slowly give her heart to a man who is deserving of a great woman.

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Comments 14 comments

Mary Stuart profile image

Mary Stuart 4 years ago from Washington Author

Thank you! How smart of you to catch on that I am Queen of the Scots. I have so much fun with my name!


quester.ltd profile image

quester.ltd 4 years ago

Mary, queen of the Scots, wonderful hub: well written and full of good advise.

q


Mary Stuart profile image

Mary Stuart 4 years ago from Washington Author

No problem!I am happy you enjoyed the hub.


KrystalD profile image

KrystalD 4 years ago from Los Angeles

Oops. Sorry for the name mix up Mary!


Mary Stuart profile image

Mary Stuart 4 years ago from Washington Author

I wish your friend happy hunting and many friendships. I have met some wonderful friends through online dating. My life is definitely richer because of this funny online dating trend.


teaches12345 profile image

teaches12345 4 years ago

I have a good friend who is beginning to pursue dating relationships and I will pass this information on to her. Your hub is great advice for looking at the new trends in dating.


msorensson profile image

msorensson 4 years ago

Mistakes..we use them to learn..so there are really none. We learn about ourselves, if we really pay attention. It is not easy, this learning process. When we find that the only way we can truly love another is to accept ourselves fully, the good, the bad and the ugly, then we are open. Better not to be in a relationship if you are not willing to be vulnerable...


Mary Stuart profile image

Mary Stuart 4 years ago from Washington Author

Thank you! I do not tend to hurt myself in any way but I certainly do bolt effectively. :) I see lots of ways that I shield my heart from possible attacks. I am, perhaps, a bit too cautious. I am sorry you have had to go through so much with your self-destruct tendencies. It is great to hear that you are happy today.


Beata Stasak profile image

Beata Stasak 4 years ago from Western Australia

Dear Monica, don't be so harsh at yourself, and yes, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, self-destruct mode will go away eventually. It is the irony of our lives, I have had to get seriously ill to loose totally my 'self-destruct tendencies' and realize how precious is one's life...now I am content and happy as never before.

Having young sons, I realized that often they have the same problems as girls and tendency to self-destruction as well...I think communication and openess on both sides is the key:)


Mary Stuart profile image

Mary Stuart 4 years ago from Washington Author

It takes a long time. I still have a tendency to self destruct but not nearly so badly as I used to. I guess I fear being trapped again more than I fear being alone. In the meantime I have made some wonderful friends. Maybe self-destruct mode will go away in a decade or two. :)


KateWest profile image

KateWest 4 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

Good thoughts. However a few years later I am still waiting to feel "ready" to date again. Maybe someday ....


KateWest profile image

KateWest 4 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

Right on!


Mary Stuart profile image

Mary Stuart 4 years ago from Washington Author

Funny. The mistakes single women make seem to be made by many, many people. We follow a pattern, of sorts. It helps to think about our own mistakes and then to make a plan of how to avoid them in the future. Thanks for writing.


KrystalD profile image

KrystalD 4 years ago from Los Angeles

Monica, you really approached this question deeply and thoughtfully. I think women are groomed to make each mistake you named! I strongly feel that women are socialized to place getting a partner as a high priority in life and that this can create a lot of confusion, espcially in the younger years.

Girls that have high self-esteem seem to value themselves higher and therefore expect more from their partners and themselves. The raising of girls is so vital.

Thanks for an awesome, thoughtful hub!

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