Three primary reasons why people don’t get a second date

These days a lot of people have no problem getting a first date. In fact it is not uncommon to hear someone complain about not having many second dates. Oftentimes they themselves were not interested in having a second date and other times they are baffled as to why they did not get a second date. Generally speaking there are three primary reasons why people don’t get second dates.

No Chemistry

The first reason is a lack of chemistry while on the first date. Sometimes people simply don’t click. Making conversation is equivalent to pulling teeth. They have very little interest in the same things and do not share the same sense of humor. Dating is supposed to be fun. If people don’t have a good time they aren’t likely to want to invest time or money going on second date.

Interview and Test

The second reason why people don’t want to have a second date has to do with the tone of the conversation. Too often someone will approach dating like an interview and will rattle off several questions one after another. In other instances they will bring up hypothetical situations in an attempt to find out how their date would handle various scenarios. In other instances they want to plow into a person’s dating history. No one enjoys taking a pop quiz or being interrogated especially on a first date.

Bad Behavior

The third reason is: A person says or does something offensive, commits an unknown “deal breaker”, displays bad behavior, self-centered, or is very late and shows no respect for the other person’s time or made no real plans for the date. These bad behavior turn offs vary from person to person. Some examples might be picking one’s nose, constantly checking a cell phone, cursing excessively, dressing inappropriately for the date, (belching, farting, or spitting) are turn offs for most people. Being inconsiderate can kill the chances of having a second date.


A Wink and a Kiss

The bottom line with all three reasons for why there is not a second date is because one or both people did not have a great time on the first date! First dates should be easy going, light, and all about having fun as you enjoy the event, dinner, movie, or whatever the date entails. Living in the moment is the key for having fun. Secondly don’t be afraid to flirt if you have a genuine interest. A little bit of flirting will give you an idea if there is mutual interest by how your date responds. Last but not least if you want a second date make sure the first date ends with a good-night kiss.

There are those who swear by (never kissing on the first date). However the kiss is what seals the deal with regard to chemistry. A great kiss will make a person dream about having the next date.

Generally speaking if a man leans in to kiss a woman and she turns her face away from him it’s not likely to make him want to take her out on second date. If you are not attracted to someone and don’t care whether you see them again then by all means refuse to be affectionate. However if you do want to see a person again you don't want their last memory of you to be a rejection of their affection.

"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is."

- Henry Cloud How to Get a Date Worth Keeping

Below are two hubs regarding dating from a male point of view.

Dating 101: What traits do men look for in women before asking them out?

15 Questions men don’t want women to ask on a first date

Have you ever wondered why you did not have a second date?

  • Yes! I often feel like we had a great time but for some reason we never go out again
  • No. I can always tell one way or another if there will be a second date
See results without voting

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29 comments

mike102771 profile image

mike102771 3 years ago from Lakemore, Ohio

IMHO we have become an instant society. We expect everything now (right away, today, this instant, now, now, now) the first date went from being a fun time to a job interview for the rest of your life. Marriage is a lifestyle not a career. Dating should be a walk not a race. The goal for a date should be to have fun not plan the future (that’s the second date).

Also there are way too many self-help books telling people to treat dating like a war (or worse a job) with the goal of happiness as if you can force happy.

Good HUB as always.


Miss-Adventures profile image

Miss-Adventures 3 years ago from Denver

Great article, truthful, to the point and funny. Thumbs up!!!!


jericho911 profile image

jericho911 3 years ago from Ohio

I agree with you totally. You don't have to "kiss" on the first date, but if you aren't touching or playfully flirting, chances are that it is going nowhere. The cliché "you never get a second chance to make a first impression" is very true.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

mike102771, Thanks for stopping by and posting a comment. Sadly it's gotten to a point where people insist on looking at a (first date) as if it is a life or death decision to determine if this person will be their future spouse!

Miss-Adventures, I appreciate the thumbs up! :-)

jericho911, You are right if there is no indication there is an attraction then there is no point going out on second date! :-)


jaydene profile image

jaydene 3 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

great hub here , i like all the points you have made here and they are very true :)


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

jaydene, I appreciate you stopping by to read my hub and post a comment. Maybe one day people will learn to simply (relax) on first dates! :-)


SandCastles 3 years ago

On one date I had, the man would turn off his car at stop lights. He said he was saving gas. At the movie, he began to barter with the cashier over the price of the tickets.

On a different date, a man took me dancing. We got on the dance floor and he began to break dance, combined with other dances (like a clumsy Jennifer Beals from Flash Dance impersonation). And he was oblivious to the people around him. He was really tall and the dance floor was small so he ended up hitting people. He whacked a woman right in the face. I said I was going hom and he said, "I thought you were nice" and I said, "you were wrong".

No second dates there with Mr. Cheepo and Danceman.


jericho911 profile image

jericho911 3 years ago from Ohio

Very funny but sad, dashingscorpio !


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

SandCastles , The one good thing about "bad dates" is they give us funny stories to tell. Thanks for sharing this one! :-)

jericho911, I appreciate you stopping by and leaving a comment. Glad you enjoyed this hub.


DDE profile image

DDE 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

Three primary reasons why people don’t get a second date, interesting about dating and how one choose to be with another always something more to think relationships from your great hubs voted up and useful


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

DDE, Thanks for stopping by to read and post a comment on my hub. There is always something think about when it comes dating and relationships. Thanks for the vote up! :-)


Miss-Adventures profile image

Miss-Adventures 3 years ago from Denver

Great article and 3 reasons I completely agree...Voted Up! My best girlfriends and I came up with 50 reasons which I published on Monday why women stop dating men: http://hubpages.com/relationships/NewsFlashThereWo...

A lot of the list you would think be common sense, however... you would be amazed :/


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

Miss-Adventures, Thanks for stopping by and posting your comment. I have to agree with you, commonsense is not so common anymore! :-)

I will be reading your hub later on today!


Bk42author profile image

Bk42author 2 years ago from New York

If I didn't feel any chemistry on the first date I would be polite and friendly but do my best to not come off as flirty and definitely no good night kiss. Voted up!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 2 years ago Author

Bk42author, Thanks for your comment and the vote up!

I agree with you. If you're not "feeling" someone you don't want to mislead them. Too often people leave a date believing both of them had a great time and then they're shocked when one of them never calls again or finds reasons not to go out again. Flirting and laughing at jokes you don't find funny can make someone believe you had a wonderful time. :-)


ubanichijioke profile image

ubanichijioke 2 years ago from Lagos

Ya you are right on this. The reasons vary from person to person; I believe people get pissed off when a first date flops. So they find it difficult to get up from where they stopped. No chemistry is another fact too.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 2 years ago Author

ubanichijioke, It's hard to get over not having any chemistry! ha ha ha

A lot of people do walk into a first date with negative baggage from their past "first date" experiences. Dating is supposed to be a FUN sociable activity. If someone is not in a "good mood" they should stay home! :-)


TIMETRAVELER2 profile image

TIMETRAVELER2 2 years ago

I agree with everything you said here except for the goodnight kiss part. Unless you have a strong attraction to a person, why would you want to kiss them on the first date? More importantly, anybody who lets a kiss, or non kiss, be the reason for lack of follow through would appear to be someone who only wanted one thing from a date...not good!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 2 years ago Author

TIMETRAVELER2, Thanks for stopping by to read my hub and post a comment. As I stated some people don't believe in kissing on the first date.

I also said the following on that matter:

" If you are (not attracted) to someone and don’t care whether you see them again then by all means refuse to be affectionate."

It's really not so much about letting a kiss or non kiss be the reason for lack of follow through. It's about sending a signal of whether one is (receptive) to being affectionate with that individual.

One of the biggest complaints people talk about these days is landing in the "Friend Zone". This usually happens when they don't make romantic overtures towards the person they're attracted to early on. Rejection early on can be a good thing in that it saves a person time and emotional investment. If someone is "into you" they're not going to avoid a kiss.

However the most important aspect I wanted people to be made aware of is that ending a date with a "rejection" of a good-night kiss is NOT likely to make the other person believe there is a (mutual) attraction.

Having said that there are no guarantees in life and even if there is a good night kiss there may not be chemistry. Nevertheless speaking as a man I can't imagine me or many other guys being in a hurry to call, take out, and spend money on someone who is NOT romantically interested in them. It's another thing if I'm looking for a platonic friend. No one really should be surprised that ending a date with (rejection) of a kiss decreases the odds of having a second date. One man's opinion! :-)


TIMETRAVELER2 profile image

TIMETRAVELER2 2 years ago

dashingscorpio: Tsk Tsk. Speaking as an old, (and I do mean old) lady, I can tell you this (and from one woman's perspective)...any guy who took me out and gave me any hint that if I did not respond romantically on the first date is not one I would ever have wanted to call me again. Meaningful relationships take time, and men who expect "payback" for their time and financial generosity are not the type any self respecting woman would ever want to have in her life. The funny thing is (and I speak here from my own experiences), I didn't always "kiss" (or anything else) on the first date and yet there were plenty of men who stood in line ready to treat me like a lady, date me and wait patiently to see if the relationship would blossom into something more.

Maybe the younger generation sees things differently these day, but to me, the basics are the basics. I have to LIKE you before I decide to LOVE you...if you get my drift!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 23 months ago Author

TIMETRAVELER2 , A good-night kiss is not meant to be a form of "payback". My point is rejecting someone who attempts to kiss you good-night may send them home with a signal they're not interested in them.

Not every woman has had your experience of having " plenty of men who stood in line ready to treat me like a lady,".

As you noted you're "speaking as an old, (and I do mean old) lady". My guess is you would be unhappy with modern dating. However most people do have to (like) someone before they (love) them. A kiss good night doesn't mean someone is "in love" with you. However a rejection of a "good night kiss" may cause someone to think you have no romantic interest in them.

There are no harden dating rules other than those set my yourself.

“While we are free to choose our actions, we are not free to choose the consequences of our actions” – Stephen R. Covey


Deborah Demander profile image

Deborah Demander 23 months ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

I especially appreciate your suggestion to live in the moment. There is no need to start planning your future together, or your hasty exit. Just relax and enjoy. Life is about having fun.

Namaste.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 23 months ago Author

Deborah, Thanks for stopping by and posting a comment.

First dates really should be casual, relaxed, and fun. :)

Have a Happy New Year!


Pennyforyourthots 22 months ago

I'm curious to know what you think of the coffee date as a first date. It's casual and there's no pressure, but does it decrease chances of a second date?


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 22 months ago Author

I believe if there is a mutual attraction, chemistry, and a similar sense of humor people are incline to want to see each other again.

Conversations that preceded the date can also lay the groundwork. Sometimes "coffee dates" can be deceptive in that one person may believe it's just two people "hanging out" and having a cup of coffee.

The tone of the conversation and if there has been any flirtation back and forth should give some indication that this "coffee date" is for potential consideration of romance.

Today a lot of young people in particular avoid appearing as though they're asking someone out on a "date" by saying things like;

"Me and some friends are going to be at such and such this Saturday. You should stop by." or "They just opened up this new coffee house that is supposed to have the best muffins. They handed out some promotional coupons and I was thinking about checking it out this weekend. Do you want to give it a try?" That's not asking someone out on a date!

If there has been no flirting or any indication of romantic interest one person may think it's two platonic friends meeting for a cup of coffee while the other sees it as being your "first date".

It's usually the men who try to avoid making an "invitation" sound like a date. In many instances women have walked away having no idea it was supposed to be date! Being overly casual/laidback can confuse one's intentions.

The conversation before, during, and after the date are key.


stricktlydating profile image

stricktlydating 18 months ago from Australia

Great tips!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 18 months ago Author

stricktlydating, Thanks for stopping by to read my hub and post a comment. Best wishes!


ladyguitarpicker profile image

ladyguitarpicker 16 months ago from 3460NW 50 St Bell, Fl32619

Good advice and I agree a goodnight kiss will not hurt any one. Enjoy your self is a great first date. Good Hub, Stella


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 16 months ago Author

Stella, Thanks for taking the time to read my hub and post a comment. As you stated a good-night kiss will not hurt anyone!

Naturally if one had a horrible time or doesn't want to go out with that person again the it makes no sense to end the date with a kiss. ha ha

I mainly wanted to point out the potential consequence of ending the date with a "rejection" of a kiss. :)

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