Threesomes: Pros & Cons

Ask me anything. I'll answer, even if you call me a slut.

“Congrats on 450,000 hits on the blog! I hope 2008 is your best year ever. I am a long time reader of your blog, and now I am reading your hubs as well. One of the reasons I always read your relationship advice is because you are in a happy marriage so you must know what you’re talking about. It’s hard to take a “single and looking” person seriously when they give relationship advice. Obviously they don’t know what works. I know from reading your blog you didn’t get married until you were past 30 and before you got married you were kind of a slut. You’ve had alot of true life experience with sex and lovers and relationships. It is great that you figured out what works from trials and experiences and now you share that information.

I have a question for you. I specifically want your opinion because I know you know what you’re talking about. Like you I am bisexual. Like you I am happily married. Here’s my question. My husband and I are seriously thinking about having a threesome. There is really nothing lacking in our sexlife but an opportunity has presented and we are thinking about it. What are your real thoughts about this?

XOXO

Patricia”

****

Wow.

Patricia,

One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever received was posted on a highway sign on Route 80 in New Jersey. It simply read: STAY OFF OF THE MEDIAN. It’s brilliant life advice. It means make a decision. Move! Do something! Stop sitting on the fence. Stop riding the middle. It doesn’t need to be stated that Route 80 has never had a life let alone a life decision to make. All I’m saying is, great advice can come from anywhere.

I’m very appreciative of your readership and glad I’ve been helpful.

Wolves. Swans. Seahorses. Apes. Owls. Eagles. Foxes. Otters. Beavers. There are many animals that mate for life. Mating for life however does not necessarily mean mating monogamously. Seahorses are completely monogamous. Wolves aren’t.

The first thing you need to do is let go of preconceived notions that monogamy is natural, or unnatural. Just like heterosexuality is neither natural nor unnatural.

The only thing that you need to concern yourself with is what feels right to you and your partner. Honesty is the only thing I preach. Just like in my hubs about infidelity. The sex isn’t the crime, the LYING is.

(You aren’t a scumbag because you love two women. You aren’t a dirtbag because you sleep with two women. You are a scumbag and a dirtbag because you lie. All the excuses and reasoning in the world doesn’t change that.)

There are many happy committed couples that do not practice monogamy.

I’ve written about this quite a bit. No one has the right to judge what two (or more) consenting adults agree honestly to do. Many healthy couples are able to separate mating for life from monogamy, like wolves. The only thing you have to do is to be honest in your communications and frame out the parameters that you mutually agree on. This includes everything from your feelings about monogamy, to whether or not it's ok to kiss the invited guest in the threesome.

I want to add something at this point. My husband and I are monogamous. We’ve had many opportunities not to be, but for 11 years now, neither of us has had any interest to go there. We are both incredibly open minded people. And believe me, no one is more shocked that I’m monogamous than I am, but that is how I naturally feel. Patricia, I admit I grinned and winced when you called me a former slut. But the truth is I’m proud of my past. I have no regrets and nothing I feel ashamed of. Maybe that’s why I am so comfortable with my monogamous marriage now. Maybe I needed to sew all those hundreds of wild oats. And maybe that is why some people say monogamy is unnatural: maybe they did not sew all their oats and now feel trapped, frustrated, or unhappy.

There are many reasons why you and your partner might want to engage in a threesome. But there are also reasons you might not.

The Pros

Threesomes are fun. They are erotic, exotic and decadent. It’s fun to mix things up every now and then. You might learn something new. You might discover a new way you enjoy being touched, you might learn a new way to “perform” a natural action.

A couple I know have told me quite a few times that one of the reasons they invite a third into the bed with them every now and then, is because they can. Personal freedom is a highly motivating thing. Sometimes you just need to feel unrestricted. You need to remember that you are in charge of your destiny and no one forbids you from doing what you want to do. This extra-decadent slice of dessert could be the reinforcement your sense of freedom needs.

I don’t particularly like that old adage that no one wants Hamburger Helper for dinner every night. But I do understand the desire to just have a change once in a while. That’s not a reflection on how much you love what you have. It just is what it is, and it isn’t a crime.

I don’t know your individual situations, but if you or your partner married prior to experiencing all the different things you wondered about, a threesome is a way to experience those things you missed, while still including your partner in your journeys.

The Cons

Jealousy is not something you plan for. But it is something you have to think about and anticipate.

The person you invite in as the third could trigger some insecurity you have. You may not even realize you felt self-consciously about something until you’re in the midst of unavoidable comparison. It could be something simple, like that she has a flatter stomach or longer legs. It could be something a little more significant like that she’s what you perceive to be a better kisser, or a stronger lover. And it could be something detrimental like that you’ve perceived your partner’s attention to her as being more intense than his attention to you.

Another thing you have to remember is that once this is done, it can never be undone. You can never again say you’re a monogamous couple. You can never erase the image of his kissing another woman in your bed, out of your mind. There is no going back.

Ultimately, the biggest argument against the threesome is, why fix something that isn’t broken. If your relationship is a good one, why risk it. You could be opening a can of worms. If either you or your partner has had any second thoughts about your marriage, they are going to be unleashed. If this opportunity that has presented as you’ve said, is someone that either of you has feelings for, this could be the beginning of the end of your marriage. Do you really want to go there?

The Final Word

All of these things need to be discussed ahead of time. You really need to ask each other, and answer honestly, why it is you think you want to try this. The motivations behind the desire are extremely important.

Whether or not you decide to seize the opportunity, hopefully the dialogue that lead up to the decision was revealing and healthy. Hopefully it brought you closer together.

Just as you have to be honest with each other, you also have to be honest with the person you’re inviting in. You need to be clear that this is a one-time thing, or an occasional thing, or whatever it is you’ve decided. They need to consent to the parameters comfortably, just as you have.

If you decide to do this, I’d give you 2 tips:

1 – Have a safe word. Something you can just blurt out with out having to explain or verbalize your feelings if you just freak-the-fuck out and can’t go on. You have to mutually agree that if one of you says this word, that the tryst just stops. It ends. No questions asked.

2 – Finish with your partner. Trust me. ;)

Interpol - "No I in Threesome"

All text is original content by Veronica.

All photos are used with permission.

Videos are courtesy of YouTube.

If you liked this HUB, please hit the "Thumbs Up" button below, just before comments. Thanks!

More by this Author


Comments 33 comments

Goodwitch profile image

Goodwitch 8 years ago

EXCELLENT advice! I love the "safe" word - brilliant!


Mark Knowles profile image

Mark Knowles 8 years ago

Coincidentally, you have 69 hubs. Is this intentional?

I decided to look you up after a post on the forum about losing traffic to missing emails.

Good advice, although in my experience these thing often end in tears unless you do not care for the others involved. Just my personal experience. :D


Veronica profile image

Veronica 8 years ago from NY Author

Goodwitch, thanks so much.

Mark, I don't know that I believe in coincidences. Don't get me wrong, I've had threesomes, just not since I've been happily married for the last decade plus. I've had good ones and bad ones, but at this point in my life I'm just in a different headspace.

Thanks so much for checking me out. Yeah, the traffic loss is upsetting. I don't know how to fix the email thing.


Mark Knowles profile image

Mark Knowles 8 years ago

Well, I am glad you are happily married. It's a good thing. I am sure Paul will fix it, although I have turned mine off lately - I just get way too many emails. I will keep coming back and checking though.


Lukas 8 years ago

Interesting topic, and my second, more subdued answer without the graphics of puritan seizure agrivation. Perhaps it will be posted this time around ... maybe not.

When I was a bit younger (in my early 30's) I had a threesome of sorts. It limited itself to oral sex. But I was not married then and wasn't together with my present life-partner ... In any case, the experience was thrilling and there was no jealousy involved - during and after, which left a good "aftertaste"! (two girls and me)

Later on I fantasised about a threesome with two males and a single woman. But it never came about. I imagined it to be thrilling for the woman to have double promises of excitement. The sensation could be fabulous, that was my imagination back then. But as I said before, it never came about - and now I am not interested anymore.

But as Veronica said, all this stuff is not so much endangered by the physical experience, it is more an explosion of the mind, and as she pointed out, a decadent one. I must agree with her, that it is of vital importance to be super-honest and clear-speaking. The moment someone feels uncomfortable - stop, have a glass of wine, or whatever, chat and then depart - in good terms.

Good luck Patricia with your decisions .... and don't take Veronica's Freudian suggestion and use eight condoms as shown in the posted pic, I think that would be going overboard:)

Cheers, Lukas.


Veronica profile image

Veronica 8 years ago from NY Author

Thanks Mark, it made me smile to think you'll keep checking me out.

Lukas, thanks for the relay of your personal experiences. Very interesting!


Mark Knowles profile image

Mark Knowles 8 years ago

Oh, I'm checking :D


Keny Luger profile image

Keny Luger 8 years ago

The elf photo is a bit disturbing...and funny. Not the kind of threesome I'd like to have.


Veronica profile image

Veronica 8 years ago from NY Author

Lol, thanks Keny.


Kenny Wordsmith profile image

Kenny Wordsmith 8 years ago from Chennai

I diasgree with you on many things, but I agree with the 'honesty' bit. And you are courageously honest, which is rare.

Great discussion in your comment section, as ever! :) 


Veronica profile image

Veronica 8 years ago from NY Author

You just can't disagree with honesty. It's the only way to have a good relationship I'm convinced.

Kenny, I can appreciate your disagreement with other things, if you feel like discussing them here you are welcome. And if you post a hub of your own on your disagreements you are also welcome to post the link here. You're a gentlemen, and I respect your opinions. -V


Kenny Wordsmith profile image

Kenny Wordsmith 8 years ago from Chennai

Oh, Veronica, thanks, for calling me that!

I'm not a narrow-minded gentleman and I am okay with people doing their own sexual things. My 'disagreements' are complicated, which is why I didn't open a discussion. Overall, actually, I think like you!

For example, I have a problem with calling this hub a pro and con exploration, whereas it leans towards the disadvantages. But I'm glad you did that, too. Only my intellectual side has problems.

But then, I realised I was guilty of the same crime: 

I wrote a hub on the pros and cons of working at home, 

and my friend pointed out that I leaned towards the pros.

See, complicated. Then I had problems with what you had written in the pros, saying threesomes are fun. Then I had to look at myself and see if I had become a bigot or something. Very, very, complicated; a problem I had since I decided to always be honest.

Don't respect my opinons, they are a sea of confusion! lol! 

 

 


Veronica profile image

Veronica 8 years ago from NY Author

Kenny, you're a cutie.

There is nothing wrong with your hub, or this one, saying there are pros and cons, and then after going through them showing that one may outweigh the other for us. I read your hub on working at home and I liked it.

I am not a journalist. There is nothing anywhere on any hub or blog I have ever written that says - "here is a factual and completely objective informational piece with no opinion."

I'm not a reporter. I'm a writer. This isn't CNN, its a hub or a blog. I write about my experiences, my thoughts and feelings, my advice and my conclusions. While I think it is well balanced advice, it's still my opinion. It always surprises me if I get a comment from someone saying my article wasn't objective. Of course it wasn't objective. Why would anyone think I have to be objective?

Thanks as always for contributing and opening up that dialogue, Kenny. And I will continue to respect your opinions and thoughts, thank you ;)


Kenny Wordsmith profile image

Kenny Wordsmith 8 years ago from Chennai

Whew. Relieved. On many counts.

Since honesty deserves honesty, I wanted to say it all, but didn't want to mess up your comments section.

Thanks for the 'cutie.' 

Now I am delighted, but if you had told me that when I was a teen, 

I would have not spoken to you for a week! Though enjoying it in secret, of course! 


Minnie 8 years ago

This is a great article. I had a few threesomes when I was single and didn't really think about this until now but I don't think I would do it again for exactly the reasons you listed in cons.


Chris201 8 years ago

Congratulations on 100,000 hits on hubpages. You're blog fans have come over to hub to read you I suspect.

I agree with you completely on this one Veronica. I have had threesomes and I know it can cause unneeded stress to a good relationship. I say,if you're single and all having fun then go for it, but when you're in a good relationship you have too much to lose. Don't do it.


Veronica profile image

Veronica 8 years ago from NY Author

You're certainly making the rounds today, Chris201. Thanks for all the comments.

Yeah, I hear ya loud and clear. You've agreed with me a few times today! This is a record! Have a great week!


a_dork profile image

a_dork 8 years ago from egotistical jersey, usa

awesome.. now i just have to tell my wife to get off the median - go old Jersey! LOL


asalvani profile image

asalvani 7 years ago from London, UK

Hey Veronica, thanks for sharing this refreshing Hub. It convinced me to become your fun and reading some more stuff


stephen dake 6 years ago

Monogamy Pro: It's easier, less fighting, legal, consistency.

Monogamy Con: Consistency, some people get bored. During fights there is no outside influence to assist. Less income. One will probably have to stay home to take care of children, meaning there is half the income, with more expense.

--

Polygamy Pro: More people around to help pay bills, take care of children, take care of house work/yard work. If two are fighting, they can turn to the other(s) in the relationship for their opinion. More love and support for every one.

Polygamy Con: More people in the relationship. More chances of fighting. Illegal (in my area at least).

As for the previous mentions of STD's. I never have sex with any one unless they get tested. Simple. Before any one is permitted to enter into the relationship, they should get tested. All members in the relationship should get tested every 6 months, rather it is a relationship with 2 people, or 10.


oh no liz 6 years ago

that's good but i fond out to little to late for me as i have swag with my friends and i am a green eyed monster so it doesn't help that i just had a baby so my belly wasn't that good and im still on the chubby side and the of things girl i sopped with has a great body and a BIG chest when i stand next to her i feel like marshmallow standing next to a carrot stick .the first time the person i sopped with passed out so i went and to the other room where my hubby was and and let him and the other guys wife know what had happened and tryed to in the nice way to ask witch they didn't get so i had to hear the hole thing witch when for some time .and i wasn't happy about it after as my inner green eyed monster came out this when on for a few days a few days later will tried again this time the same guy i was with did'go for very long so i still had to hear them and a wail .and after she was very my clamming him in a way witch again i wasn't happy about and as a rule we said that's after we live the room in with this has happen in there will be no more touching one another and he kissed he be for we left as i was waiting for her and didn't tell me to the next day so i'm really at a loss as i have to see them nearly every day and i just feel like crap every time i see them in the same room i don't dislike this girl and i has spoked about this a lot every time i talk to my hubby it turns in to a fight and i don't know what to do or how to make my self feel better so i would really like a few word of help plz


Anon 6 years ago

A few months back my Wife and I (married 14 years with 2 kids) had the opportunity for a threesome with a close female friend of ours. Initially there was quite a lot of trepidation on all our parts. For me, would I be able to satisfy 2 women?. For my Wife, would she like her first bi experience ? For our partner, her main concern was the strength of our marriage. The strength of the couples relationship is paramount. Without it being strong and both partners consenting for their own reasons, not just to keep their partner happy, you're most likely heading for trouble. For us it worked beautifully, and has done so again on several more occassions since, twice with just myself and our 3rd partner, albeit \within the rules set by my Wife.

We found the follow worked for us...it may be different for you:

1. - KIDS. At no point should the safety or security, mental or otherwise of any children be risked in anyway. My Wife and I have 2 kids, and our partner 1, ranging from 8 to 12 years. At all times we have kept them 'in the dark' of our new relationship and have never engaged in any activity with kids present. It may be just a bit of fun for us, but I never want to explain to my Son why he saw me with another woman.

2. KEEP NO SECRETS FROM EACH OTHER! No 1-1 interaction is to be kept secret. Each night my Wife and I swap phones and read the messages that have been passed back and forth throughout the day with our 3rd partner. Our partner is also 'true' to us to the point where I have seen her give guys the flick at night clubs.

3. - RULES. My Wife has no issue with myself and our 3rd partner 'meeting up' as to say, however with the 1 rule of no penial penetration without her being there, even if just to watch. We have all respected this rule and yet still had plenty of enjoyment exploring each other.

4. - KEEP IT BETWEEN YOURSELVES. Lets be honest, we dont know how long this relationship will last, so we have all agreed to keep it our secret until we all agree to let others know. We're still exploring our feelings, so best not create too many headaches by having friends/family passing judgement.

PROS:

If the couples relationship is solid, you get the right person for the right reasons, ground rules are established, then all 3 of you are heading towards having a life changing sexual encounter...and I mean life changing!!

CONS:

Our relationship has deepened. While Initially we all looked at it as bit of experimentation and the chance for some great adult fun, we have since discovered that while the sex was great (understatement) our feelings for each other, all 3, have now deepened and become a bit confusing, more so since our partner has had to move further away (not caused by the threesome). Having my Wife crying about not seeing another woman is a difficult experience. Having another woman sending you messages about how much she misses us both hurts. After 14 years of marriage we were definitly not prepared for the emotional rollercoaster of new love. Our relationship has gone beyond anything any of us could have previously imagined in our wildest dreams.

CONCLUSION: You think you know yourself, then something amazing happens and you learn a side of you you never knew existed...learning about yourself should never be seena as a bad thing. While out partner has moved further away, we are still in constant contact and are moving that way ourselves later in the year, and the concept of a permanent, if not legal, polygamous relationship has been discussed by all of us. If it happens then great, if not, then we wrote a great book for only us to ever read.


KatieCohen profile image

KatieCohen 5 years ago from San Francisco, CA

This was a great hub! I am not a threesome person though :)


daroeberts 5 years ago

about too have one now! ;)


Justine 5 years ago

My husband and I are separated. We talk every day and he lives in the house still. He cheated and lied to me for many years and has come to the conclusion that he is a sex addict. For all the years we have been together, he has often asked me to do a 3some. I have always said no. Jealousy was always the main reason. Being honest with myself, I knew that I would be jealous to see him with another woman. But when I found out about him cheating, a part of me was turned on. Today I am not because I am unsure if we should stay married or not. Somedays I do and somedays I don't. Same goes for him. So of course the topic has come up again. I have been thinking about it hence this search.

So everyone is saying that you should only do this if you have a solid relationship. What if you have sex with a stranger? What about my case, do you think it would destroy what we do have? We still have sex because well we both have needs and I am not interested in getting involved with anyone as I am emotional unstable and he needs to stay sober but not celibate. And he knows if he sleeps with another woman it is definitely over. Just wondering if anyone has a suggestion or comment.


Veronica profile image

Veronica 5 years ago from NY Author

Justine,

In all honesty I think in your case it's a mistake.

I agree, people have needs, and there's really nothing abnormal or unhealthy about consenting adults, whether they are in stable relationships or if they are single, agreeing together to explore options like threesomes.

But in your case, you aren't in either situation. You're not sure if you want to be married. You went from feeling jealous to feeling turned on, you're admitting you have some confusions, and you described yourself as emotionally unstable. It is my opinion that you're really not in a safe place to make the decision to explore threesomes. Additionally, back when you married and monogamous it was something you did not want. You're only even thinking about it now, since you are in an emotional place of turmoil. That's not good.

I don't understand why if your husband is a sex addict, that he needs to stay sober not celibate. I think there's a lot more to this situation. I think it's complicated enough. I don't think you should complicate it further.

The one thing about 3somes you really need to remember is, once it's done it can never be undone. You can never again feel you were monogamous with your husband. You can never un-see him with another woman right before your eyes. Are you really emotionally ready to take that giant step? I don't think you are.

Maybe up the road, maybe some day. Maybe. But not now. I don't think you should consider doing this. Maybe if anything you should just really concentrate on spending some real quality alone time. Get to know your own thoughts, desires and feelings, as an individual, separate from the consequences your husband's actions have had on you.

Good luck to you.


PJ 5 years ago

Thank you, Veronica, for a very enlightening post. I am currently in a relationship with a lovely young lady. We're not married yet but I have plans to ask for her hand within the next year or so and she found out about it during a Freudian slip of mine. Haha. Like every relationship, we've hit our rough patches, but it's always ended with us becoming closer and stronger and we are in amazing place right now.

I've always joked with Keri (my girl) about how she and her best friend need to make out, take a shower together, etc. A part of me wanted to see it come true but I never expected it and wouldn't care if it never did. Over the course of the last couple years, the 3 of us, I feel, have become closer. Keri doesn't tell me everything her and Jane talk about but it was brought to my attention that Jane treats us like one entity and trusts us both enough that she wouldn't mind if Keri DID tell me everything. I felt honored and hadn't realized our friendship was that far.

Recently, while the three of us were hanging out, Jane mentioned that she'd be willing to engage in a threesome with us. I immediately was excited to hear it but didn't really say anything in response to it. Over the last week I've thought about it and researched it, and am feeling like it's something I'd like to try. Of course I have to talk to Keri and Jane about it and see how they feel or if she was just joking. I'm hoping we're in agreemnt but wouldn't mind at all of we weren't.

I suppose I didn't need the explanation but thought it'd be nice to share my side. I really just wanted to say this post, as well as some of the comments, have helped me out in making this decision, for myself at least, and confirmed my assumption that it shouldn't be a drunken decision but actually thought out and discussed. :)


Veronica profile image

Veronica 5 years ago from NY Author

Thanks PJ. Good luck with this. It's a perfectly normal and healthy desire. But making it a reality is definitely a big decision. Think, talk, and remember: once it's done it can never be undone.


Charlie 5 years ago

Hi Veronica

I came across your post will searching for advice on a safe threesome. My wonderful wife and I have been married for 10 roller crazy years and dated on and off for a 9 years before that. Our marriage over the years has become stronger and more and more satisfying. My lust for my beautiful wife has also become stronger especially after she started running her own business, it seems the more control she takes of her life the more I desire her sexually.

For as long as I can remember I've always fantasised about a threesome with my wife and another man. The thought of it drives us both wild, me even more so knowing that she loves the idea so much in fact her fantasies involve several men. We speak about it a lot and we always end up steamy whenever we do. I would love to surprise her with it on her birthday but I really have no idea how to go about finding a suitable guy who my wife would find attractive and who is hygienic and then inviting him to join us for a threesome.

Sometimes I think, is better left a fantasy?

Thanks a lot for the post.


Veronica profile image

Veronica 5 years ago from NY Author

Charlie,

Congratulations on so many happy years together.

In your case, it's pretty clear that the two of you are happily fantasizing and steaming each other up with the thoughts. Yes, I think this is better left as fantasy. Sharing these things, enjoying some erotic book or dvd about it, are all fun and exciting enough. In your case, wow Charlie you guys have been together a long time and you're so turned on by each other already. I really think it's best at this point anyway, not to fix what isn't broken. Enjoy what you have, you're very lucky.

V


Pam 5 years ago

oh Charlie!

be careful! While I think this is a fantasy that you could certainly play out in real life, this is NOT NOT NOT the time for a surprise. A lot of the dirty talk in bed is just that-- talk! we talk about a lot of things that turn us on, but we don't want to actually experience them! if someone had "doctor" fantasies, does that mean they actually want to their GP to get funky on the table with them?? (ok, so maybe they might, but you can see the difference between "might" and "definitely" and that this is definitely not a surprise you want to walk blindly into.)

if you did want to "surprise" her, personally I think you should let her pick out a guy, explicitly knowing that it's going to be for a threesome, and you can do the set up.

I don't want to sleep with anyone that I don't find attractive, and my partner-at-the-time was also seeing a few women that I did not find attractive, and I imagine his taste in male partners for me would also not be 100% compatible.

If she picked a guy that you both felt were acceptable (and you -explicitly- mentioned this not as a fantasy but as a potential reality!) then you can surprise her by setting up the when where how scenario.

and of course, do consider Veronica's caution, if it's not broke, you may not want to fix it. this could open up a can of worms and you have to be prepared to navigate it. my ex-partner and i had several big rules for our non-monogamy and those are best worked out beforehand. ie, you may want to talk about what kind of acts are acceptable to both partners, are there any lines that shouldn't be crossed (and potential partner should be made aware of this also).

good luck, have fun, be safe!

-pam


Whybaby7399 4 years ago

Hi Veronica! I really appreciate your honesty in your blog. I would like a little advice. I have been with my fiancé for 5 years and we are set to get married in 6 months. He has always been interested in having a threesome... Both with myself and another male or female. I do find the idea erotic and sexy but I have some reservations. Recently the opportunity has arose to have a threesome or foursome with another couple we know who are engaged as well. They want to start off with a threesome with my fiancé and the male of this other couple then go from there. My fiancé said that he wants to experiment with me and experience new and exciting things with me. He said he wants our trust to be that insurmountable and he said that there is nothing that is more of a turn on as us having that much trust in each other and watching the other person get pleasure from someone else. I really do find it a turn on and there seems to be something safe with going with another couple rather than another single person. I am an experimental person and I love when we try new things. I am wondering if I should go ahead with it. I worry that he will like someone else more than me or that I am not enough for him and I dont make him happy. I also worry about if it will be damaging for me watching him get pleasure with another woman. He said this isn't true at all and that sex and love are different. I am also worried about it changing our relationship rather than strengthening it. I want to make him happy and be a crazy sex vixen with him. I'm not Interested at all in experimenting with other people seperatly. I am just scared and need help overcoming it.


sunniebeach 4 years ago

I just had my first threesome last week with my boyfriend of 1.5 yrs and another woman.

I have wanted to do this since my twenties (20 years ago) and even when I was a 19 I felt that a group marriage would be better than a two-some/couple marriage- in a few ways!

I was married for 13 years (good man and friend) but I left him b/c I needed to find my true self & express myself fully.

I was scared to death and acted like a young shy virgin all evening (it was a fun and sexy 'dance'), until the sex started. omg, it was awesome! I watched my bf have sex with her at my request(I called all the shots, they both wanted it this way) and I now know that I love sex with women as much as with men. We all spent the weekend together.

My bf and I are closer because of it (big time bonding) and I feel a sense of personal freedom that I have never felt in my life.

I actually have a crush on this girl, and we talked about getting together again soon, but I know that there is no potential for a relationship there for her, she is in a different place in her life, plus I am sure she wants to fall in love with a guy. It is weird to have those heart tugging feelings for a girl who is straight like me...it is most likely chemically based (the oxytocin thing).

What has come up for me is I am re-visiting my feelings that I had twenty-some years ago at 19, that I would like to 'marry' a group, this could be two or more people.

I think my bf gets this b/c he keeps telling me to be careful with my feelings for her b/c 'she does not want to marry us, but she wants a safe couple to get together with'.

I am life experienced enough to know that and not hope for more from her specifically (dang!), but I am going to have a really honest talk w/ my bf about being open to attracting a three-some relationship w/ a woman.

Thans for listening! I feel so alive and it is not just b/c of the sex. Women are different than men and to have another woman with us feels very fulfilling.

I am just going to go about my life and trust that a situation will work out...

:-)

Submit a Comment
New comments are not being accepted on this article at this time.
Click to Rate This Article
working