Tips for Men: How to Move Beyond Flirting

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The Problem

You've noticed a disheartening trend where you’re not as successful with “the chase” as you’d like to be. You wonder what you’re doing wrong when it comes to attracting women. Why do women flirt with you, but never make the "first move"? What do you have to do to get that lady eyeing you from across the room to walk over and talk to you?

First Thing’s First

To a woman, flirting is the first move. Flirting means that she has taken the time to observe a man and has, so far, found him to her liking. Then, she takes the effort to non-verbally communicate her approval of him; a shy look, flip of the hair, particular tilt of the head. She is giving him the green light to start the chase. All that work and no one has spoken a word, yet!

To then expect her to stroll over and start a conversation is expecting the woman to make the first and second move. Help a lady out! When you see her flirting, go over and introduce yourself! It's a simple as that!

NOTE: “Attractive to women” does not mean rippling abs, loads of cash, or underwear model looks.

There are certain attitudes and behaviours that make women weak in the knees for even the "Average Joe."

What Flirting?

What if you’re one of those unhappy fellas that never see a woman flirting in his direction? Sadly, the reason for this may be simply that you don't know how women flirt and are missing it when it comes your way. Lucky you! This is a problem that is very easy to solve and will be addressed further down.

What if you know the signs and still don’t find women flirting with you? Or worse, you catch the flirting, but just can’t seem to get past that stage despite your best efforts? In this case, it could be that you're not doing the things that make you attractive to women.

If either of these last two apply to you, then rest assured; this too is something that you can fix with a little effort.

Here are 5 suggestions, offered in the spirit of nudging you gently down the road to success ...

1. Do Your Homework

Learn what women do when they flirt so you can see how many women are actually interested. Remember: if a woman is flirting, she's making the first move to let you know to chase her.

Then, go out and observe this activity in progress. Sit quietly in a cafe, bar, or restaurant as an unattached observer and watch it happen between others, so you'll recognize it when it happens to you.


2. Discover Your Self

Sit down with a pen and paper. Look deep inside and ask:

  • What kind of person am I?
  • What are my beliefs?
  • What are my values?
  • What is important to me in a relationship?
  • What do I want/need in a woman?
  • What kind of relationship am I looking for?

All this will help you narrow down the field of who you're looking for and where to best look for her. If you just want to hook up for a good time, go to the bar and good luck with that. If you're looking for someone who shares your interests, go to places you enjoy and have fun while expanding your knowledge or skills.

3. Learn the Art of “The Chase”

When you learn how to chase properly, you won't get discouraged by the “one that got away”. Read a helpful book like Mars and Venus on a Date by John Gray which give important inside on healthy dating and relationships.


Warning: You'll discover that courtship doesn't ever get easy. It will always be a game of chase. If done right, it will be fun game where you feel a healthy empowerment by the process.


Take notes and practice what you learn. You'll be pleasantly surprised by the results and if you're lucky, you'll find a woman who has also taken the time to do her homework so she is also empowered by the game.


4. “Nice Guy” vs “Good Man”

Learn the difference between being a "nice guy" and a "good man." Then do what it takes to make sure you're the latter.

Quick crash course on the difference between these two species of men:

The Nice Guy

The Nice Guy lacks boundaries; he avoids conflict and thus appears weak, wishy-washy, and lacking conviction. Worse, his avoidance leads to passive-aggressive behavior that leaves his lady confused and hurt.


He places his woman on unrealistic pedestals and is thus "let down" when she reveals some normal human flaw. He is overly needy and clings too tightly to the relationship. He loses himself in his partner so that they don't have their own identities. All-in-all, not attractive.

A Good Man

A Good Man is assertive (not to be confused with aggressive). He has learned healthy conflict resolution skills. He understands that women have flaws and are unique beings with emotions that are valid (even if they don't make any sense). He is self-reliant and does not need a woman to make him feel good about life or to himself. He has purpose and is confident in who he is. He understands that failing doesn't diminish his value and that a woman in his life is an added source of strength, not his own reason for being. Very sexy.

Suggested Reading

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts

Learn the different ways people communicate their love so you can effectively give them love in their specific "language".

 

Take the Time

Good men aren't born that way. They have taken the time to learn these attractive attitudes and behaviours. They've taken workshops on assertiveness and conflict resolution. They've read books on Love Languages, His Needs Her Needs, Mars & Venus, etc.


Most importantly, they practise what they've learned. And, they take the time to look into the darkness within to know their true Selves so that they can never be diminished by the tides of the world around them.


His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage
His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage

Men and Women have different needs in their relationships. Knowing what they are can help keep a relationship strong and fulfilling.

 

5. Have Fun

One of the sexiest things about a man is his ability to laugh and enjoy life. As you enjoy life, you will attract the things in life that will bring you joy. It will make you more attractive to women and vastly improve your chances of getting beyond the flirting stage.


Good luck and have fun!

© 2011 Rosa Marchisella

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Comments 6 comments

SpiffyD profile image

SpiffyD 5 years ago from The Caribbean

I loved the fourth point with the distinction between a good man and and nice guy. Too many guys try to be nice and end up appearing wimpy or desperate. There's a big difference between being someone a woman can count on versus being someone she can step on (and wipe her feet too).


I Am Rosa profile image

I Am Rosa 5 years ago from Canada Author

Hi SpiffyD! Thank you! #4 is a big one for me. I get creeped out when I hear women talk about the "nice guy" she's met or is with because it usually means he's a door mat with passive-agressive behaviour. I always double-check by asking, "Do you mean Nice Guy or is he a Good Man?" :-)


loveguru23 profile image

loveguru23 5 years ago from Queens, NY

I like the article Rosa. And I agree also with SpiffyD comment.


I Am Rosa profile image

I Am Rosa 5 years ago from Canada Author

@loveguru23 - Thank you!


Bard of Ely profile image

Bard of Ely 5 years ago from Lisbon, Portugal

I have no success with women when it comes to finding a partner although I have loads of women friends on a platonic level so I have voted up for this very useful hub!


I Am Rosa profile image

I Am Rosa 5 years ago from Canada Author

Thank you, Bard! And, thank you sincerely for becoming a follower :-)

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