Tips on "Coming Out" to Your Family and Friends

Ellen & Portia

George Michael

Are you secretly gay or lesbian but are afraid of coming out to your friends and family? Opening up to your loved ones about your sexuality is never easy. When I first came out to my family, well, it wasn't exactly "coming out" or an easy confrontation. I was sort of guilty by association and my girl friend at the time was the one who "outed" me. That's a whole other story! Regardless of the situation, coming out is easier said than done. Maybe your family is conservative, religious, or homophobic. But no matter what beliefs they may follow, they are still your family. Coming out is a confusing time. You may start to wonder, "What will people think of me?" "Will my family and friends stop loving me?" "Will people make fun of me?" This is an opportunity to re-evaluate yourself and who you want to be.

Life is too short to live in a closet.. haha! Let me try again, Life is too short to live with regrets.

You should always be true to yourself.. Here are some tips about coming out to your friends and family that helped me.


1.) Make sure that you are what you say you are. Accept yourself. A lot of teenagers and people think that homosexuality is something you can just "try out" until you realize that you really are or not. In a lot of cases, being "bisexual" becomes a new trend. That, my friends is NOT cool. Don't pretend to be someone you're not just because its the "cool" thing to do.


2.) Reach out to the closest person to you.. Casually bring up the topic about homosexuality and wait for their reaction.. if its positive, you can slowly start telling them about yourself. If their reaction is negative, maybe you should reach out to some people who ARE gay. Join a group on line, whether its myspace or facebook, whatever, join a group and reach out to people who are experienced. Chances are, they've been in your shoes too. Everybody is different and their experiences are different, but there are people your age going through the same thing you are. Sometimes its helpful to get a second persons perspective.

Know that you are not alone.

3.) Learn about the Gay community. Educate yourself on practicing safe sex, how to handle discrimination and defamation. Because of religious and or personal beliefs, a lot of people are not accepting of this lifestyle. Try to surround yourself with positive influences such as celebrities, artists, or people you meet.

4.) When you are ready to come out to your family, start off with the person you feel most comfortable with and when you're ready, work your way up to your parents.And if your parents are not okay with it, surround yourself with people who are. I'm not saying that you should turn your back on your parents but this is a hard process for them as well. Educate them with books or articles about homosexuality. It may take a little longer for them to come to terms with the situation or even accept it, but they will on their own time.


No matter how you do it, whether its through a letter or an email, tell the truth and make sure that you are ready and comfortable. Keeping your sexuality hidden will repress your true emotions and desires in the long run. Believe me, that is NOT fun. Being gay or lesbian does not make you a monster. Be proud of who you are. People in this world discriminate against others not only because of their orientation, but race, gender, religion, and anything they can. We live in a society that judges and discriminates each other! Shameful, isn't it? One's opinion is only as big as you make it. I hope this was somewhat helpful.. If you have any questions or comments, feel free to post!





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Comments 12 comments

dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

Great hub! I like your hubs so far because they touch on things I have yet to witness. We'll talk again very soon! Keep it up!


atlovesbm profile image

atlovesbm 7 years ago from Orange County, California Author

Aww thank you Dohn121!! =)


d.william profile image

d.william 5 years ago from Somewhere in the south

wonderful hub with excellent advice. And you are correct to emphasize the comment: "Be proud of who you are". God made us the way we are, and he does not make mistakes. We are who we are for a reason. And I love the cartoons.


atlovesbm profile image

atlovesbm 5 years ago from Orange County, California Author

@ d.william: Thank you for your kind words and thank you for reading :) I'm glad you enjoyed the cartoons!


dingdondingdon profile image

dingdondingdon 5 years ago

Fantastic hub! My brother came out to our parents (he was already out to me because I've been passionate about LGBT rights since we were teens, so he knew I wouldn't judge him) about five years ago and I'm proud to say our parents reacted by simply smiling and saying it didn't change a thing about their love for him.

I just wish all kids could have such a positive coming out experience.


atlovesbm profile image

atlovesbm 5 years ago from Orange County, California Author

@dingdondindon: That is awesome! Some people are lucky to have such understanding parents. My mom FLIPPED when I told her I was gay haha


Schwag profile image

Schwag 5 years ago from Clarksville, TN

Great hub. I can't imagine the stress of such a huge secret.

Our parents know us better than anyone. In many, many cases the parents already know. I have two daughters; one is 3, the other is about 2. The older one loves climbing, trucks, tackling boys for the ball, sports, etc. The younger one's favorite phrase is "I want shoes". My wife and I already joke about my older girl possibly being gay.

If you're worried about coming out to the parents, chances are they already know or at least suspect. Just a thought.


Astra Nomik profile image

Astra Nomik 5 years ago from Edge of Reality and Known Space

This is just fantastic. This should be tweeted everywhere. And on Facebook too. Thank you for another wonderful Hub. Coming out can be so hard for some people. You explain this so well. :)


Cheeky Girl profile image

Cheeky Girl 3 years ago from UK and Nerujenia

Ditto!

Tweeted.... ! :)


katherine 3 years ago

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Jane 3 years ago

My Name is JANE.I will love to share my testimony to all the people in the forum cos i never thought i will have my girlfriend back and she means so much to me..The girl i want to get marry to left me 4 weeks to our wedding for another man..,When i called her she never picked my calls,She deleted me on her Facebook and she changed her Facebook status from married to Single...when i went to her to her place of work she told her boss she never want to see me..I lost my job as a result of this cos i cant get myself anymore,my life was upside down and everything did not go smooth with my life...I tried all i could do to have her back to all did not work out until i met a Man when i Travel to Africa to execute some business have been developing some years back..I told him my problem and all have passed through in getting her back and how i lost my job...he told me he gonna help me...i don't believe that in the first place.but he swore he will help me out and he told me the reason why my girlfriend left me and also told me some hidden secrets.i was amazed when i heard that from him..he said he will cast a spell for me and i will see the results in the next couple of days..then i travel back to US the following day and i called him when i got home and he said he's busy casting those spells and he has bought all the materials needed for the spells,he said am gonna see positive results in the next 2 days that is Thursday...My girlfriend called me at exactly 12:35pm on Thursday and apologies for all she had done ..she said,she never knew what she's doing and her sudden behavior was not intentional and she promised not to do that again.it was like am dreaming when i heard that from her and when we ended the call,i called the man and told him my wife called and he said i haven't seen anything yet... he said i will also get my job back in 3 days time..and when its Sunday,they called me at my place of work that i should resume working on Monday and they gonna compensate me for the time limit have spent at home without working..My life is back into shape,i have my girlfriend back and we are happily married now with kids and i have my job back too.This man is really powerful..if we have up to 20 people like him in the world,the world would have been a better place..he has also helped many of my friends to solve many problems and they are all happy now..Am posting this to the forum for anybody that is interested in meeting the man for help.you can mail him to My Name is JANE.I will love to share my testimony to all the people in the forum cos i never thought i will have my girlfriend back and she means so much to me..The girl i want to get marry to left me 4 weeks to our wedding for another man..,When i called her she never picked my calls,She deleted me on her Facebook and she changed her Facebook status from married to Single...when i went to her to her place of work she told her boss she never want to see me..I lost my job as a result of this cos i cant get myself anymore,my life was upside down and everything did not go smooth with my life...I tried all i could do to have her back to all did not work out until i met a Man when i Travel to Africa to execute some business have been developing some years back..I told him my problem and all have passed through in getting her back and how i lost my job...he told me he gonna help me...i don't believe that in the first place.but he swore he will help me out and he told me the reason why my girlfriend left me and also told me some hidden secrets.i was amazed when i heard that from him..he said he will cast a spell for me and i will see the results in the next couple of days..then i travel back to US the following day and i called him when i got home and he said he's busy casting those spells and he has bought all the materials needed for the spells,he said am gonna see positive results in the next 2 days that is Thursday...My girlfriend called me at exactly 12:35pm on Thursday and apologies for all she had done ..she said,she never knew what she's doing and her sudden behavior was not intentional and she promised not to do that again.it was like am dreaming when i heard that from her and when we ended the call,i called the man and told him my wife called and he said i haven't seen anything yet... he said i will also get my job back in 3 days time..and when its Sunday,they called me at my place of work that i should resume working on Monday and they gonna compensate me for the time limit have spent at home without working..My life is back into shape,i have my girlfriend back and we are happily married now with kids and i have my job back too.This man is really powerful..if we have up to 20 people like him in the world,the world would have been a better place..he has also helped many of my friends to solve many problems and they are all happy now..Am posting this to the forum for anybody that is interested in meeting the man for help.you can mail him to My Name is JANE.I will love to share my testimony to all the people in the forum cos i never thought i will have my girlfriend back and she means so much to me..The girl i want to get marry to left me 4 weeks to our wedding for another man..,When i called her she never picked my calls,She deleted me on her Facebook and she changed her Facebook status from married to Single...when i went to her to her place of work she told her boss she never want to see me..I lost my job as a result of this cos i cant get myself anymore,my life was upside down and everything did not go smooth with my life...I tried all i could do to have her back to all did not work out until i met a Man when i Travel to Africa to execute some business have been developing some years back..I told him my problem and all have passed through in getting her back and how i lost my job...he told me he gonna help me...i don't believe that in the first place.but he swore he will help me out and he told me the reason why my girlfriend left me and also told me some hidden secrets.i was amazed when i heard that from him..he said he will cast a spell for me and i will see the results in the next couple of days..then i travel back to US the following day and i called him when i got home and he said he's busy casting those spells and he has bought all the materials needed for the spells,he said am gonna see positive results in the next 2 days that is Thursday...My girlfriend called me at exactly 12:35pm on Thursday and apologies for all she had done ..she said,she never knew what she's doing and her sudden behavior was not intentional and she promised not to do that again.it was like am dreaming when i heard that from her and when we ended the call,i called the man and told him my wife called and he said i haven't seen anything yet... he said i will also get my job back in 3 days time..and when its Sunday,they called me at my place of work that i should resume working on Monday and they gonna compensate me for the time limit have spent at home without working..My life is back into shape,i have my girlfriend back and we are happily married now with kids and i have my job back too.This man is really powerful..if we have up to 20 people like him in the world,the world would have been a better place..he has also helped many of my friends to solve many problems and they are all happy now..Am posting this to the forum for anybody that is interested in meeting the man for help.you can mail him to My Name is JANE.I will love to share my testimony to all the people in the forum cos i never thought i will have my girlfriend back and she means so much to me..The girl i want to get marry to left me 4 weeks to our wedding for another man..,When i called her she never picked my calls,She deleted me on her Facebook and she changed her Facebook status from married to Single...when i went to her to her place of work she told her boss she never want to see me..I lost my job as a result of this cos i cant get myself anymore,my life was upside down and everything did not go smooth with my life...I tried all i could do to have her back to all did not work out until i met a Man when i Travel to Africa to execute some business ha


CELINA22 3 years ago

YOU ARE APPRECIATED,I am CELINA from Canada i just want to thank Dr Okoro of okorohomeofrefuge@yahoo.com for all he did for me...for really taking his time to cast that brought my ex lover back to me[ALBERT] we are both married with kids and we are very much happier than never before what more can i say rather than to say a very big thanks i am everything i am today because of Dr Okoro i am grateful unto YOU spiritual Doc His email okorohomeofrefuge@yahoo.com for marital and relationship problem.

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