Too Stressed for Sex: How to Cope with it

Stress is a double-edged sword that can motivate you achieving excellence and at the same time it has a tremendous hold over your physical and psychological well being and therefore your sex life.

Stress and sex are strangely correlated! Although exact statistics is very difficult to obtain, experts say infertility has risen almost 30 per cent in the last two decades. And stress remains the single most important factor responsible for this. In a world with expanding work hours and shrinking leisure time spouses hold each other’s hand with cell phones stuck to their ears. Laptops and cell phones are must-haves on vacation. Divorce rates have been steadily increasing, yet there is no time to grieve.

Work, kids, parties, networking, socializing… there are no dearth of hyper activities. Sexual priorities are changing rapidly for a stressed out nation. People are looking for the gentle and softer side of sex – quality time with partners, romance and a sense of security within the bedrooms.

It is quite strange though that so much sex is happening around us, yet very little action is taking place in the conjugal bed! There is no denying the fact that feeling loved, respected and secure all impact strongly on our ability to achieve sexual satisfaction, but thrill is the main driver of dynamic sex.

Reduce Stress & Raise Desire: 5 Tips

  1. Avoid caffeine: Caffeine has the capacity to deplete your stores of norepinephrine and epinephrine, the chemical messengers of sensuality. It can boost cortisol levels, thus increasing the stress response. Avoiding caffeine or restricting you to one or two cups of caffeinated drinks (e.g. coffee, cola) a day would be helpful.
  2. Limit alcohol: Psychologically, alcohol may help to get rid of stress, but it opens blood vessels on the surface of your skin, when blood should be moving to your sex organ for arousal and lubrication. So avoid or limit alcohol intake just before sex.
  3. Breathe deeply: Use your body’s feedback loop, to change from stress-escalating to sex-escalating feelings. Yoga and meditation can help too.
  4. Exercise and rest: Too little exercise and probably you risk yourself with diminished libido; too much of physical and psychological demands can leave you chronically stressed. Balance moderate exercise with plenty of rest, calm the stress.
  5. Know your medications: Painkillers and the SSRI antidepressants can disturb arousal, lubrication and orgasm. Discuss all medications with your doctor.

Clinically, stress can be directly responsible for erectile dysfunction. It is known to increase the production of adrenaline, while it decreases nitric oxide, which is a muscle relaxant. So when one is stressed, nerve impulses constrict vessels and smooth muscles in the male organ, thereby reduce blood flow that causes erection. Sex requires all of your neuro-chemistry to be balanced. Stress can unhinge any of the four phases of the sex cycle – appetite, arousal, orgasm or resolution. Chronic stress disrupts other erotic body chemistry as well.

Psychological impotence is the killer of physical love, just snap out of it. Try stress management techniques – they are real and they work. Make some lifestyle changes if necessary – change your diet, exercise regularly, stop smoking and limit alcohol consumption. Let stress not overtake your mind, try to remain relaxed. According to experts, many couples become frustrated, even panicky, when their sex lives go to the wayside during stressful times. When it comes to the factor that governs a person's sex life, its personality, reports Fox News.

Experts say that how an individual's sex life fares depends on whether he/she tries to get closer to his/her partner in tragic times or wants to be totally alone and if she's the withdrawing sorts, then it can create misunderstandings in the relationship. Also, the couple should make an effort to stay connected during life's highs and lows, because if they don't, it could lead to dire consequences. And in case, sex is not on mind and also the time to be spent in the sack is less, then a person can try the following:

1. Showing appreciation for one another. Giving compliments, for example, is a simple way of expressing affection and letting your partner know that he or she is still being noticed and loved.

2. Talking daily. Chat during dinner or at bedtime. Conversations foster bonding by providing support. It's also important for couples to check in with each other, showing concern and care for one another's well-being.

3. Staying positive. Bite your tongue if you're about to complain. Stressful situations are hard enough to deal with. Don't add to it if you can avoid doing so.

4. Believing in your future together. Stressful times can make lovers doubt their ability to stay together for the long haul. Insecurity issues that arise can only make matters more difficult. Making plans is one way to indicate that you're feeling secure about your future.

5. Helping each other with responsibilities. Approaching tasks with a team effort provides a greater sense of being in 'this' together.

6. Balancing 'alone time' and 'together time.' Create a sensual atmosphere, for example, soothing scents, dim lights, delicious food, and relaxing music to help you unwind.

7. Getting creative in how you'll be intimate. Redefine your definition of sexual intimacy when needed; try a simple body massage.

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Comments 13 comments

Pamela N Red profile image

Pamela N Red 5 years ago from Oklahoma

A lot of great points here. Sex relieves stress and keeps marriages strong.


andycool profile image

andycool 5 years ago from the U.S. Author

Thanks a lot Pamela N Red for your valuable comment! You're absolutely right, sex relieves stress and keeps marriages strong.

Love & Peace! - andycool


Mrs. J. B. profile image

Mrs. J. B. 5 years ago from Southern California

So now I can add stress to my list too. I always thought it was because of being just to darn tired


soneblom profile image

soneblom 5 years ago from South Africa

Great hub, true and helpful


andycool profile image

andycool 5 years ago from the U.S. Author

Thanks Mrs. J. B. and soneblom for spending your valuable time to read the hub and post feedbacks! I really appreciate your views.


Mrs. J. B. profile image

Mrs. J. B. 5 years ago from Southern California

I love reading... I love learning new things too. No one is ever to old to learn.

I also hope you sometimes read my sunday special. You have been mentioned a few times!!!


andycool profile image

andycool 5 years ago from the U.S. Author

Dear Mrs. J. B. I'll go to your backyard very shortly to check your Sunday specials... probably this Sunday, I promise!


bbnix profile image

bbnix 5 years ago from Southern California

Very nicely written andycool. A sensitive and comprehensive look into an obvious, yet not often correlated, result of our harried lives. Now married for 27 years, I'm still learning as to how to better my relationship with my wife. Thanks for the great ideas my friend.


andycool profile image

andycool 5 years ago from the U.S. Author

Thanks bbnix for your positive feedback. I appreciate your comment. Be happy and healthy!

Love & Peace! - andycool


the pink umbrella profile image

the pink umbrella 5 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me.

this is very interesting. i really agree with the complaining part. Tonight for example, we are super stressed, and we were just sitting there complaining about my father in law. That just makes us more mad, and when im frusterated the thought of sex makes me feel obligated and angry. im going to try and complain less.


andycool profile image

andycool 5 years ago from the U.S. Author

Thanks a lot the pink umbrella for your comment! Stress has really bad impact on one's sex life... less complain and more understanding, that's the mantra of a happier sex life! - Andy


Trsmd profile image

Trsmd 4 years ago from India

Another tips is to avoid sex during stress..


andycool profile image

andycool 4 years ago from the U.S. Author

Thanks Trsmd for stopping by and leaving a comment! - Andy

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