Top five mistakes men make in marriage? Ignoring the sensitivity of your wife!
‘Make women rational creatures and free citizens and they will quickly become good wives; - that is, if men do not neglect the duties of husbands and fathers.’ – Mary Wollstonecraft.
You are very practical in life, aren’t you? You think that married life has to be lived realistically and so you are always matter of fact in your interaction with your wife. Well, you as a man will always behave as a man
You too should expect your wife to be practical towards you, shouldn’t you? But you have great expectations from her.
What are your expectations from your wife?
- You look for a mother in your wife.
- She must be presentable.
- She must respect you.
- She must look after your home and children.
- She must be able to handle family issues all by herself.
- You feel vulnerable and lost when she does not support you.
- You feel wild when she compares you with others.
- You feel irritated when she cooks an indifferent meal.
Why are you stressed when your expectations are not fulfilled by your wife? You feel disappointed when your wife is not what you expected her to be. When you have expectations, why can’t she have it?
Do you know how hurt she feels when her sensitivity is ignored by you in the name of practicality? Your practicality is indeed important to balance your married life, as coexistence of two emotional personalities can make your life very demanding and oppressive. But sometimes your practicality border on indifference and your wife feels emotionally uncared by your apathetic behavior
1. You would not listen
What do you do when your wife comes to you with a problem? Do you listen to her? Or do you think that she is making a big deal about nothing? Why does she come to you with her woes? She loves you and she wants your support intensely.
But your male mind feels she is making mountain out of a mole. When she talks with you, your attention wavers as you are bored to stay focused on her problems. Your eyes shift and you make it known that she is being unreasonably complaining. She immediately senses your unresponsiveness and her tender mind shrinks in agony of being callously treated.
Do not do this to her. You should have direct eye contact with her when she is talking with you. You should give apt reactions and your body language should imply that she has your full attention. Your words should convey the message that you care for her and this is enough for her to feel happy and secure.
2. You do not consult her in financial decisions.
Are you a husband who feels that his wife knows nothing about financial investment? You do not want to listen to her advice when you take major financial decisions, do you? Will it surprise you if I say that your wife is as intelligent as you in dealing with financial investments and transactions?
You live for today whereas your wife lives for today but saves for tomorrow. You always look at the day to day financial needs and think you can handle the future commitments as and when it comes. You are lavish in your spending whereas she is judicious in it.
She always has the welfare of the family in her mind and her far reaching thoughts about the future of the family makes her take sensible decisions about investments which eventually leads to your financial security.
3. You do not appreciate her.
Your wife slaves from morning to night and she looks after you and your children. Let us assume she falls sick for one day and now you will understand her input of hard work for the family. You cannot manage your home on your own for a single day. But she does it unremittingly and relentlessly.
What does she expect in return? Just a word of appreciation will make her fulfilled that you care for her. Does she cook with care? Appreciate her! Does she do her duties with unfailing dedication? Appreciate her! She just needs a few words of your appreciation and she takes it is a token of love you have for her. It does not cost you a dime and it is your duty to do it.
4. You do not demonstrate love
During your courtship days you said ‘l love you’ an umpteenth time. But what happened after marriage? You never utter those magic words and your wife never outgrows the need to hear you saying it with intense love. You think that your wife must know that you love her and not expect you to artificially demonstrate your love.
Do you know that simple actions can convey loads of love you have for her? Do you demonstrate your love for her? Or do you make her keep guessing about your love? You love your children, don’t you? Do you keep them guessing about your love? You take them in your arms, cuddle them to your heart and kiss them affectionately.
Why do you do it? You want your children to feel your love. Just like your children, your wife too wants to feel your love. Small physical gestures can communicate your love in a telling way. A warm hug, pat in the cheeks, arms around the shoulders all conveys the message that you love her from the depth of your heart. She yearns for it, but you do not give her this simple pleasure.
5. You do not share household chores.
Again you feel that it is the duty of your wife to look after the family and you need not have anything to do with it. You spend your time before TV\laptop while your wife slogs with household chores.
She too will be tired from work. Why don’t you try helping her once and feel her glow of love. She feels she has married the best man on earth and that is a very good complement from your wife, isn’t it?
When you view everything from a male viewpoint, you feel what you do is right. But when you look at your actions from the viewpoint of your wife, you will know how indifferent you have been and how deprived in love your wife must be. Enter into her world and satisfy her sensitive need for love and when you do it, she places you in a pedestal of respect and high esteem.
© 2013 mathira
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