Training Women on Family Violence

Violence in relationships are a common scenario and sky rocketing in this tough economy. I teach and train women in the community on violence, to name abuse, and how to get help. Men as well as women are abused, but we know more women go seek help. There are many forms of violence. Let me name a few:

Sexual Violence

Emotional Violence

Psychological Violence

Verbal Abuse

Financial Abuse

Physical Abuse

Social Abuse

Violence toward Property or Pets

Spiritual Abuse

Many of us do not realize that abuse is not ONLY physical. Researchers state that men and women that are in abusive relationships say that they would rather have the physical abuse occur because physical abuse heals. The wounds from verbal, psychological, or emotional can stay with us for years to come. One must seek counsel in some form or another to heal the trauma.

I teach the women that I train on violence, there is hope to end this cycle of abuse. In order for the cycle to continue, there are two main fuels to keep it going.

  • Power
  • Control

Please see the violence wheel above. You will see that in the middle, what keeps the cycle going, is power and control. At the outside of the wheel is the different forms of abuse. Inside, are the dynamics and how they play out in the relationship. For example: One of the triangles talks about isolation. Many women in abusive relationships are kept away from their loved ones. Many times women as well as men, will keep this a secret because of the shame and guilt they feel.

There are some red flags that can help you identify if you are in a abusive relationship.

  • Is your partner telling you what you can and cannot wear?
  • Is your partner jealous or asking where you are often?
  • Are you financially equal in your relationship- Example: Do you have to ask for money, even if your the bread winner? Is your partner controlling the money?
  • Are you able to voice your opinion on issues- A healthy relationship is based on equality.
  • Are you getting text-ed, emailed, called, via phone where you feel uncomfortable?
  • Are you able to work and/ or follow your bliss, or does your partner feel insecure and escalate when your doing what you enjoy?
  • Is your partner telling you who you can be with and even telling you what to say to your family and friends?
  • Are you able to be with people you love without scorn from your partner?

It takes only six months to see the cycle of violence occur in your relationship.

Do not ignore the signs or red flags of abuse, it could cost you your life. We give women safety plans that help keep them safe.

Statistics

The Boston Bar Journal states that battered women are often severely injured.-( 22-35% of women) who visit medical emergency rooms are there for injuries related to ongoing partner abuse.

Women who leave their batterers are at a 75% greater risk of being killed by the batterer than those who stay as stated by the National Coalition against domestic violence.

Two out of three female victims of violence knew their attacker and a woman is beaten every 15 seconds according to the bureau of justice.

Articles in battered women's journals, indicate that women of all cultures,races, occupations,income levels and ages are battered.

I just facilitated a training in my community on Wednesday. I trained for one hour, gave the women a break, and by the time we came back for one more hour, I learned one of the women had been beaten when she went to pick up her things from her abuser. She did everything right. She took an advocate and staff member with her, from a nonprofit, that helps support women in abuse. She was pulled in her old apartment by her ex- boyfriend. The moment her ex- boy friend saw her, he pulled her in, locked the door and brutally beat her. The police were called and she is now unrecognizable to her friends and family.

" To have one's individuality completely ignored is like being pushed quite out of life. Like being blown out as one blows out a light." Evelyn Scott

I have trained for fifteen years in the area of violence/perpetration and hope. I would not take this heavy issue or cause on, if I did not believe there is hope. My hope is that you will befriend those that share with you their secret of abuse . Let them know every community has a crisis line and they can receive support.

Please commit your lives to nonviolence, as violence starts within each of us if we choose to let it. Please choose peace. Go out in the world and exude peace. May peace be with each of you. Know that no one deserves to be put down, hurt physically, or emotionally. Know you did not cause the abuse. One chooses to abuse and one can choose to stay or leave an abusive relationship.

© Laura Rogers Arne




Comments 36 comments

Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota

HT-You did it again. What a sad but true story of what abuse does. Great info that we can all learn from.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Minnetonka Twin,

Thanks for reading my hub on abuse. Can't wait to see what you have in store for all of us next.

Healing touch


LillyGrillzit profile image

LillyGrillzit 6 years ago from The River Valley, Arkansas

A timely and important Hub (article). Thank you for your good work. You will probably save lives and/or sanity with this...Bless...


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

LillyGrillzit,

I really appreciate your stopping by. I hope it can save lives. Keep on writing.


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago

Great hub as always. Thank you Dear!


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Micky Dee,

Thanks as always for the feedback.

Healing touch


tonymac04 profile image

tonymac04 6 years ago from South Africa

Well done, Healing Touch! A really good Hub on domestic violence. It is such an important issue and so many people suffer so much. Hope that this will help many of them.

Love and peace

Tony


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Tonymac,

Thanks for stopping by. I always appreciate your feedback.

Healing touch


stars439 profile image

stars439 6 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

Very nice hub. Thank you for the information concerning abuse and how to recognize it. God Bless You.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

stars 439, I am so glad you liked this hub. God Bless you back. I am so glad to follow you


katiem2 profile image

katiem2 6 years ago from I'm outta here

Very timely and valuable information on Training women in recovery on family voilence. Thanks for the vital and useful insights during troubled times. Peace :)


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

katiem2,

Thanks for stopping by. I am glad you think this info is useful. I left a violent relationship and have so much passion now teaching women to see the red flags.

Healing touch


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada

I began my hub on domestic abuse, and continued with a series where one discusses the cycle of abuse. I was not able to finish this hub. It's still on my unpublished list and I don't know if I will ever wrangle up the strength to complete it. I'm very glad that you have explained the cycle. You're work is important as it touches the very life of an individual. Thank you for being there for so many and for being here.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Beth100, I really appreciate your feedback. It took me six years to finally open up about what I struggled with in my marriage.

You will be ready to publish only when your ready. Please be gentle with your self. I am so glad I follow you. We need to stick together.

Healing touch


K9keystrokes profile image

K9keystrokes 6 years ago from Northern, California

I am reading through your hubs, and as I do I am finding that you are simply amazing. What bravery and heroic measure you rise to. My inner breath is stunned and revived all within the same string of words you place to the page. You offer hope from a place that has knowledge and grace.

I am sharing this hub, up and awesome.

K9


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Dearest K9 KS.

I am deeply touched by your gentle words. I so appreciate you sharing my hub. I am honored to follow you.

Healing touch


Sweetsusieg profile image

Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

Well said! This is an excellent Hub. Keep on speaking out!


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Sweetsusie G,

Thanks so much for your uplifting support. Thanks for stopping by.

Healing touch


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 6 years ago from Wales

Great hub.I was in an abusive marriage for 26 years and circumstances finally gave me the strength to leave. I tell my story in my first hub 'From This Moment On.' Your hub I'm sure will help so many, well done!Maybe 'To Feel Truly Whole ' will also interest you. Keep up the good work. It is hubs like this that make Hubpages great !!


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Eiddwen,

I am so glad your out now too. I will read your hubs. Thanks for the great support on my hubs.

Healing touch


frogyfish profile image

frogyfish 6 years ago from Central United States of America

I just re-read your profile and it is absolutely positive, helpful, a much needed work you do. Blessings on all your work, and fulfillment to your inner self!

Thank you for the encouragement in this hub also. Blessings as you continue serving others!


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

frogyfish,

thanks so much for stopping by. I love your comments, your too kind. Blessing


Mrs. J. B. profile image

Mrs. J. B. 5 years ago from Southern California

This is such valuable information.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Mrs. J.B. Thanks for the follow. I am glad you thought it was helpful.


Jenn 5 years ago

I think the work you do is wonderful!! Thanks for sharing...I enjoy reading these posts and learning. Cheers, Jenn.


Happyboomernurse profile image

Happyboomernurse 5 years ago from South Carolina

Great informative hub with some clearly written red flags and a good explanation of what fuels the cycle of abuse. It is wonderful that having moved on from an abusive relationship yourself, you are now training so many others in this difficult situation.

An eye opening and distressing fact that you mentioned in this hub is, "Women who leave their batterers are at a 75% greater risk of being killed by the batterer than those who stay as stated by the National Coalition against domestic violence." We have to somehow find a way to better protect women from their abusers when they do garner the strength to leave.

Am voting this hub up, useful and awesome.


schoolgirlforreal profile image

schoolgirlforreal 5 years ago from USA

Thankyou for the hub, your warning signs, I checked off most, and this gives me warning to not go back.


prospectboy profile image

prospectboy 3 years ago from Texas

This is a very informative hub, and I'm glad I came across it when I did, because I had a discussion with a family member last week about this. There was a time when I was younger that I judged women who stayed in these types of relationships. It took me meeting a woman whose mother was in a relationship of this nature. After talking to her and beginning to understand the reasons why she stayed in it for as long as she did, my views began to change.

I saw that to say this; it's people like you that should be commended in this world. Instead of judging like I once did, and like so many other people do today, you're actually taking the initiative to do something positive to help, instead of just talking and judging women who are currently, and have endured this unfortunate way of life. I wish that the family member I referred to earlier could have read this before they said "I don't see how a woman can stay in a relationship like that." A lot of talking, but no real action to help someone.

Great job once again. Voted up, rated useful, shared, and tweeted.


jainismus profile image

jainismus 3 years ago from Pune, India

This violence against women is a worldwide problem. Your Hub throws light on it.

Thank you for sharing your views.


CraftytotheCore profile image

CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

This is wonderfully written. I have a personal horror story. My ex mentally abused me. First it started out with telling me that I wasn't allowed to watch certain tv shows. Then it turned in to he was telling me which friends I could talk with on the phone. He didn't want me to work but became extremely agitated that I wasn't contributing to the finances. When I started selling stuff my children had outgrown and buying groceries with that money, he became extremely angry that his paycheck wasn't good enough...

I'm sure you've heard this all before. He also told me that I was "disobedient". He tried to ruin my reputation online behind my back, going to places I frequented online and talked with other moms. He started an internet affair with one of my friends, who didn't know who he was.

Sadly, after all this happened, I filed for divorce. Then my own family turned against me. They figured because I was so "stupid" to let a man abuse me mentally, that I wasn't fit to handle a divorce.

When I won everything, and I mean everything....they suddenly wanted to try to be my friends again.

I've cleaned my slate off. Now I choose who to be friends with, and that doesn't include any one of them.

I'm sure you know this quite well. After hearing one story, they all sound the same, just change the name of the abuser.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 3 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

You are so right. Each story sounds like we are with the same person. In my abuse group I attended that led me to file divorce, we all laughed because each story sounded like the same. Not funny Ha Ha, just, we were in the same group we never wanted to be a part of. I am so glad you left and know only real friends stick close. I am choosy now too.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 3 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Thanks Jainismus


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 3 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Thanks so much for understanding this hub. So many judge women and we are smart women that get caught up in the charm and when the hooks are in, it is hard to leave. I left after 13 yrs. I am so happy now.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 3 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Jenn

Thanks so much. Unfortunately, I belong to a club I did not want to join, but if I can help atleast one person, it is and was all worth it.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 3 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

THanks Happyboomernurse

You are right it is so distressing to see the risk for women that leave.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 3 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

schoolgirlforreal

I try to teach women to always trust their gut. The feelings of intuition can save women when faced with this. Women need to see that this intuition is a gift and we need to listen to what we hear.

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