Unfinished Business - An Ode To Myself
I had no idea that there was still unfinished business in my life. I got up every morning, showered, shaved, sucked my stomach in a little and convinced myself that the person in the mirror was the same person I’d always been as yet another day began. Distracted by the life I led, filled with frustration at the person in front of me at Starbucks who ordered enough complicated drinks to make me late, focusing on the daily and mundane activities that seemingly defined the adult inhabiting my body as I tried to avoid thinking too hard about all the things in my youth I’d thought I’d be by the time I reached this age. When did it happen? Where was I when the change took place? Why couldn’t I remember?
There’s something about seeing yourself in other people’s eyes that can hit you like a lightning bolt. An undefined energy that reaches inside of you and makes you feel as though you’re naked and the odd part is that for the first time in a long time you become less self conscious. If you’re lucky you find this in your spouse’s eyes but sometimes if you’re really lucky you can find it in the eyes of a friend you haven’t seen in years too. Someone who knew who you were before you were the adult you are today, loved you because of it as well as in spite of it and seeing them again reminds you that the person you thought had fled years before is still inside you, simply lying dormant, awakened once more.
It’s not that the façade that’s taken you years to create isn’t still intact but this friend you haven’t seen in years who hasn’t seen you building the façade a brick at a time somehow gets beyond the shell and sees the vulnerable pearl you’ve been creating from that grain of sand that has been in the pit of your stomach for so long. Sometimes the people we’re around each day don’t see the gradual changes inside us, most of the time we can’t see it for ourselves. Sometimes you need someone’s vision of you from your past and present to clear your eyes to see your future.
It doesn’t have to come in some deep conversation maybe it’s as simple as feeling an embrace that you haven’t felt in years, or just from being with one another, sharing stories and allowing yourself to laugh about past common experiences only the two of you share. Some experiences that were clumsy, youthful and had gotten lost under the rest of the loving memories and moments from your life that have piled up on top of one another in the safety deposit box that is your heart.
You may think this is a declaration of love unspoken for years. In a way it is but what I discovered was that it was a love for me, a vision of myself I’d lost and for friendships that had slipped through my fingers due to life’s daily annoyances. These daily annoyances that had one by one, like bricks built the façade of the person I’d become. But once you’ve had a taste of yourself again, there’s no way you can continue to simply look through the eye holes of the mask you’ve created. It’s time to risk again, reconnect with yourself and old friends again, still suck in your stomach a little but begin to love yourself again. And the most shocking part is learning that having unfinished business is what life is all about. Whether it’s revisiting past experiences or experiences you’ve yet to have, it’s not a “bucket list” filled with harrowing adventures or exotic locations to visit, it’s simply realizing how much you’ve done and how much more there is still left to do to become a more complete person melded from your past present and future. So here’s to good friends, tonight is something special and to unfinished business.
Read More Scott @ www.somelikeitscott.com
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