Vital Information Needed by All Newlyweds

Legal and social disclaimer: this is not a story about the latest and unusual sexual information discovered in New Delhi for newlywed couples. This is a simple story with priceless information that will help to enrich marriages, not wreck them. Thank you. Kenneth

"Mr. Husband-to-be," I need to talk to you

So here you are, “Mr. Lucky,” standing at the altar with your groomsmen and an humble priest. While you are waiting for your lovely bride (and father who is giving her away), to make her entrance to this lavish cathedral, did you ever think that you are also standing on the edge of eternity about to say the heart-felt vow you wrote to your intended and when she does the same, your two lives, although are supposed to be as one, actually will never be the same.

Truthfully. No matter if your marriage lasts for a week or ten years, your lives are moments away from changing forever.

Are you scared yet? Have you had any second thoughts scamper through your mind? These, my friend, are obvious questions, but let me ask you “the” most-important question one could ask a bridegroom: How well do you know your lovely bride?

I don't mean to scare you

Don’t look at me with your face all pale with fear. I am totally-serious. I know that you and your fiancé dated for about six months, and then you somehow knew that she was the one you wanted to spend your life with. Do you really think that six months was long enough for the two of you to get to know each other well enough for probably the most-serious area of life, marriage?

Why are you sweating and your hands shaking like a Polynesian belly dancer? You “are” scared and doubtful that I may be right in my asking you these serious questions that affect not only your future, but her future as well.

Before your bride (and father) get here, step over here behind these fake ferns and let me lead you through some vital areas of your relationship with your bride-to-be and be ready to answer the pointed-questions in each area as honest as you can.

Before You Asked Her to Marry You, Did You Ask Her These Questions?

Vintage photo of newlywed couples

  • Can she read the directions in a cookbook well enough to cook a meal for you and her?
  • Does she know what weight of motor oil her car uses?
  • Is she a good shot with a 12-gauge shotgun when it comes to shooting crows?
  • Does she have a criminal record that she is hiding from you?
  • Will her widowed mother be living with you and her after the marriage?

At What Point Did She Start Talking About Marriage?

  • On the second date when she rode in the new Corvette you just bought last week? (Did you not think this strange, her talking about marriage on the second date?)
  • On the fourth date when you finally confided in her about how much money you were worth?
  • After she did start talking about being your wife, did the subject of separate checking accounts dominate the conversations between the two of you?

In The Area of Trust

  • Do you really want to know how many guys she dated before you came along?
  • How do you feel about her keeping the names and phone numbers of those guys on a list she keeps in her purse?
  • Are you comfortable when you are with her at dinner and every man who sees her, winks at her?
  • Are you ashamed of your, let us say, non-promiscuous single life that you won’t share with her because you are too ashamed?
  • Why didn’t she answer your question: Why does she have two names

Concerning Her Background

  • Did she attend grade school, high school and college?
  • Why did she quickly change the subject when you asked her this question about her education?
  • Has she ever had a job, and if so, what kind and where?
  • Is she really single and never married? Well then, why does a man named “Dave,” keep calling her cell phone and insisting that she give back the deed to a plush house located in Los Angeles?

When You and Her Were Dating, Did These Things Make You Suspicious?

  • She would answer the phone in a man’s voice. Then giggle and tell you she was pranking you.
  • She stood you up three times, but you saw her at a gentleman’s club pole dancing under the alias of “Barb Blaze,” and when she knew she was busted, she suddenly ran off-stage and the manager couldn’t find her.
  • She says her love for you is her “drug,” but on more than one occasion a known drug dealer was leaving her apartment when you came to pick her up for a dinner date. And the rest of the evening she made several trips to the ladies room and came back with her eyes glazed and sniffing as if she had an allergy.
  • She has trouble remembering your name.

Divorce stats at a glance . . .

The National Center for Health Statistics reports that from 1975 to 1988 in the US, in families with children present,
wives file for divorce in approximately two-thirds of cases. In 1975, 71.4% of the cases were filed by women, and in 1988,
65% were filed by women.

According to a study published in the American Law and Economics Review, women currently file slightly more than two-thirds
of divorce cases in the US. There is some variation among states, and the numbers have also varied over time, with about 60%
of filings by women in most of the 19th century, and over 70% by women in some states just after no-fault divorce was introduced,
according to the paper.

Marriage and Divorce rates in the US 1990-2007
"Rate of divorce" usually refers to the number of divorces that occur in the population during a given period. However it is also
used in common parlance to refer to the likelihood of a given marriage ending in divorce (as opposed to the death of a spouse).

In 2002 (latest survey data as of 2012), 29% of first marriages among women aged 15–44 were disrupted (ended in separation,
divorce or annulment) within 10 years. Beyond the 10-year window, population survey data is lacking, but forecasts and estimates
provide some understanding. It is commonly claimed that half of all marriages in the United States eventually end in divorce, an
estimate possibly based on the fact that in any given year, the number of marriages is about twice the number of divorces.
Using 1995 data, National Survey of Family Growth forecast in 2002 a 43% chance that first marriages among women aged
15–44 would be disrupted within 15 years. More recently, having spoken with academics and National Survey of Family Growth
representatives, PolitiFact.com estimated in 2012 that the lifelong probability of a marriage ending in divorce is 40%–50%.

Source: WiKipedia

Did You Not Think Something Was Up When She Talked to You About These Things:

  • Having plastic surgery to change the look of her face.
  • Taking a course in learning a foreign language.
  • Making you have plastic surgery so you can look like Tab Hunter.
  • She almost demanded that you allow her three nights on the town with her girlfriends.
  • Making monthly payments of $30,000 to her “Uncle Slim,” in Las Vegas who is suffering from having a liver transplant go bad because the doctor, who was really unlicensed, placed the liver of an ape in her uncle.

One more question, my good man:

You and I have been standing here behind these fake ferns for almost two hours, so where is your bride?

I am fully-aware

that this piece was told from a scared groom's point of view. And that was how I designed it. I intend on publishing a hub of rebuttal from the bride's point of view.

That to me would be the fair thing to do.

And to clarify, this hub was NOT intended to make men smarter than women or grooms smarter than brides.

Quite the opposite. The fictional man in this hub was rather gullible when it came to women. Especially women who, in the olden days were referred to as, "Gold diggers." But this guy was to happy that he had found a woman who would live with him, he never bothered taking off those "rose colored glasses."

Sincerely,

Kenneth

And in closing,

THANK YOU ALL

for taking time to read

this hub.

Single girls, would you ever marry a man JUST for his money?

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Comments 28 comments

taiwokareem profile image

taiwokareem 2 years ago from Salford

Interesting piece. Its good to try and study your partner for sometime and not rush into marriage


word55 profile image

word55 2 years ago from Chicago

This was a great hub of marriage advice Ken.


carrie Lee Night profile image

carrie Lee Night 2 years ago from Northeast United States

Interesting ;). My mother and father dated for three months and now been happily married for 40 years :). I think time can be a big factor or a small one depending on the couple. I'm no relationship expert, but it seems like those couples with the same core values last longer. Thank you for writing this hub....so true on so many levels :)


Imogen French profile image

Imogen French 2 years ago from Southwest England

Interesting, from a rather suspicious male point of view. I would hope that no man would actually be standing at the alter without first knowing the answer to these questions!

I was hoping you'd have a bit of inside information for the bride-to-be as well - but maybe you could write another hub about that :-)


sheilamyers 2 years ago

Would I marry a man just for his money? No, but he better not be a lazy bum who expects me to work and then spend the money I earn. How's that for honesty?

I'll answer the questions you started with. The guy's answers would be "No, she told me she couldn't cook", "She always has to look in the owner's manual, but at least she can read", and "Yes, she's a lot better shot than I am."

I always wonder about the things most people talk about when dating. I never hear them say they talk about the important things, which you mentioned with a touch of humor, during dates. Maybe that's why I'm not married. The guys may be thinking I'm interrogating them instead of trying to have something other than superficial discussions.


Dana Tate profile image

Dana Tate 2 years ago from LOS ANGELES

Wonderful hub ken, as always: I would love to be married to someone who is compatible with me, which, seems so hard to find.


Jean Bakula profile image

Jean Bakula 2 years ago from New Jersey

Great advice Kenneth. I think couples rush into things so fast, some are living together because they can't afford to have a place on their own, and rationalize they are in love, and then marry. Then they are surprised when the real responsibilities come and they are married to a stranger.

I think it takes time to get to know a person, and if you aren't friends too, the marriage has little hope, communication is the key. My husband and I were married for 34 yrs. when he died, and we dated for 5 years before that. But we never lived together, that was just beginning to become popular then. We were still in love though after all these years, and hearing about some couples I realize how lucky I really was.


Abby Campbell profile image

Abby Campbell 2 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

Okay, Ken... had to look up Tab Hunter as I knew not who he was. But, I am glad to say that I didn't make your statistics list. My husband and I were married young and only after 7 months. We've been married nearly 22 years and still feel like newlyweds. He is my best friend, and we do just about everything together... except play pinball (his hobby)... nor does he like working out (my hobby). Other than that, we are blessed with 3 beautiful daughters. But, thank you for the wonderful article... made me chuckle once again. I can't wait to read the bride's view. ;-)


Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 2 years ago from Riga, Latvia

Great hub. Only you can make me think and rethink things I would otherwise never have in mind.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

taiwokareem,

Thanks so much for your wonderful remark. I tried to fuse comedy with truth and I am glad that you liked this.

Your friend,

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

word55,

Thanks, brother. I needed some support. I have felt very depressed in the past days, but YOU and my followers always make me feel great.

God bless you richly, my brother and friend.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Carrie,

Thank you too for your great input. I understand your point. Your parents sound like mine, who have gone on to The Lord. They like yours, dated for a short time, and were married for 68 years.

That is one long time. But they loved each other. That was the key.

Carrie, stay in touch with me. I appreciate you.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Imogen

Thank you for your comment that I appreciate very much.

And I agree with you. This was from a guy who wasn't suspicious at all. And yes, I am going to publish a hub similar to this, but from the bride's viewpoint.

I look forward to reading your comment on that one too.

Thanks for your support and the following.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, sheilamyers,

I admire your honesty. And I admire how you answered the questions too. You have every right to NOT expect a lazy creep who only acts like a man, but expects you to be his "meal ticket."

The point of this hub was simply for couples to take their time, date, have fun, and get to know each other well, before taking the marriage step.

I know I am old-fashioned. I sound like it.

I still think that if a man and woman trust and love each other, they stand a better chance to having a long marriage.

Thanks, dear friend, for making my life worth living.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Gypsy Rose Lee,

Dear friend, thank you for your comment and time you spent reading this hub.

I appreciate you very much and how you think.

Have a safe and happy week and stay in touch with me.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Dana,

I first thank you for your sweet comment. And I admire you for wanting someone compatible with you. That is a wise attitude.

Your comments and writing always seem to penetrate my heart deeper and deeper and teach me more about living a fulfilled life.

You are a good girl, Dana. God bless you.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Jean,

Nice to hear from you too. I have missed you. You and I go back to when I got on HP going on four years now.

Thank you for your input on this subject. I appreciate your candor.

Where I live there are literally hundreds of kids just past 18, who have two kids and divorced. Not working. And on drugs.

I cannot think of anything sadder than these poor babies not having a mature mom and dad who DID bring them into the world.

I cannot get out of my house unless I see these people who split only after the first spat. Get real, kids.

Life is not for the sissy in us. It takes real men, women, and real commitment to each other, the marriage and kids.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Abby,

Thank you for your delightful comment. I admire you and your husband for the 22 years of marriage. You and your companion are rare people compared to many people where I live, as I was telling Jean about them divorcing just when the newness of their wedding day/night wears off.

Again, thanks for sharing such wonderful news.

I thank you ALL for sharing your thoughts. I love you all, by the way.


Jean Bakula profile image

Jean Bakula 2 years ago from New Jersey

Dear Kenneth,

It's hard to believe we've been on HP for almost 4 yrs. I don't know if I learned so much, since we've been through so many changes. The best part of it is people like you, that's what made me come back. I send you healing light all the time my friend, so you can have at least any comfort you can find. You are an angel, and make us all smile, so you must have loads of good karma!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Oh, my! Dearest Jean,

Wow. I am totally blown-away with such nice words from a far-better writer than I.

Yes, it has been almost four years. And I do remember the very day you became one of my followers. I remember how fast my pulse rate went and I thought, "Wow, what a girl this Jean is to follow me."

I still feel that way and as for the angel, YOU, my dear, are the angel of HP.

I have NEVER read any of your comments that I wasn't uplifted and made to feel better.

I am sincere with you, Dear Jean.

I am so thankful to have a Dear Friend such as YOU. And I thank God that YOU came back to HP.

Honest.

Love, your Friend for Life,

Kenneth


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 2 years ago from southern USA

Dearest Kenneth, you are so very clever in your presentation of these facts here no doubt! I truly enjoyed this hub here and hope that all pay attention LOL, as in reality, such things need to be discussed, precious heart.

I love your humor as always and your dedication to presenting the reality of things no matter how far-fetched they may seem.

God bless you always, precious heart


sheilamyers 2 years ago

Kenneth: I'm also a little old-fashioned when it comes to dating. I don't six months is too short of time before jumping into marriage as long as the man and woman have open discussions about how they envision married life, their career goals, etc. So many young people today seem to not be able to have more than superficial conversations and jump into marriage within a few months because they think what they have involves true love when it's not.


tobusiness profile image

tobusiness 2 years ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

Kenneth, well now, I was engaged to my husband three month after we met, we were married about four months later. That was 27 years ago, we're still hanging in there. Some things are just meant to be, so why fight it? :)

Still... a funny and very interesting read, looking forward to your follow up from the female's perspective.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

tobusiness,

You and your husband are a rare exception. Not all couples who date for a short time last as long as you two.

I am proud of you both. Honest.

You should publish a hub entitled: "How to Make Your Marriage Last and Last," I would read and comment for sure.

Peace.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear sheilamyers,

You are right in that aspect--both parties know what the other wants, the goals, and dreams. I have to respect that.

But there are those couples who date for over two years and then be engaged for three years and finally marry.

I know a few couples who did this where I live. And their friends always asked the same question, "When are you going to tie the knot?:

To me, it had been tied already.

Thanks for your comment and sweet visit.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

My Dearest Faith Reaper,

Awww, how sweet of you to leave such a nice comment. "You," are THE precious heart, my dear friend.

Thank you very sincerely . . .for your sweet compliment. You are so warm-hearted, I am speechless and humbled by your remarks.

You keep up your fine writing too.

Come back to see me often.

Your Friend for Life, Kenneth :)


Meredith_A_Iager profile image

Meredith_A_Iager 2 years ago from Maryland

Great hub Kenneth! Great stuff!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Meredith A Iager,

Thank you so much for the uplifting words.

I thrive on the words of all of my followers and I sincerely appreciate them so much.

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