WHY MEN CHEAT AND HOW TO AVOID IT

IS CHEATING IN THE GENES?

Why Men Cheat: Biology?

Why men cheat is a question that has be asked millions of times, and answered with various points of view. Digging deep into the genes of men, provided a convenient answer; To Fulfill Their Biology. What a load of crap! The argument that men are designed to "spread their seed", and that "the biological urges to ensure the survival of his genetic legacy", is truly grabbing at straws! I'm not implying that the natural urge is not there, but I am saying everyone has urges of all kinds. Perhaps a self control seminar would be time better spent for those arguing monogamy isn't natural for men.

BIOLOGY

Do you believe that men are designed to be cheaters?

  • Yes
  • No
  • Not Sure, but it should not control their actions.
See results without voting

Can You Feel The Love?

Wrong Kind Of Fireworks

Almost all relationships start off great. Adoring each other and sparks are flying in the bedroom. So what happens? When did he start breathing so damn loud? How long has she pronounced it "supposebly"? New annoyances seem to pop up daily. Why? Your getting to really know each other. Getting comfortable. Getting past the top layer can reveal quite a different picture. Finding out that he picks his nose, or that she is terrible with money can really effect the way you look at a relationship. Often times love is already a factor, and with walking away not being the first choice, the fighting begins. Women tend to get critical at this juncture. Men don't typically respond well to critisism, and would rather avoid conversation altogether then fight.

SHE HAS NEVER HEARD HIM SNORE

ATTENTION STARVED

A woman's frustration with her man, typically drives her to express that to him. Having asked him 500 times now to put his cloths in the hamper, and to stop leaving the toilet seat up, she probably wont do much sugar coating Men generally don't view dropping their clothes on the floor to be disrespectful. More than likely, his lady adopted a special tone used when she is repeating herself for the third time, which he has subsequently tuned out. When that tone is used, he no longer hears her, but rather; "blah, blah, blah" This is a formula for disaster. The moment he walks in the door, a knife wielding woman holding boxers is charging him. Not the welcome home he had hoped for.

To make matters worse, some tart at the office, or his hangout, finds him adorable. Hanging on his every word, laughing at all his stupid jokes, and making it clear she wants him. You know, like you used to ladies? So here he is, with an angry, frustrated, and in his mind unreasonable woman at home plotting his death, verses a cute, flirty, interested woman.

That's a lot of pressure. He loves his woman and wants to be with her, but can not seem to make her happy. An opportunity for passion and desire presents itself, and often men take it. I personally believe this has little to do with his attraction to the particular woman, but the attraction to feeling wanted.

IS HE REALLY A PIG?

THE OLD BAIT AND SWITCH

Ladies, a lot of you aren't going to like this, but true is true. How many of you spent hours dolling up for dates, and would have died if he saw you without makeup those first 3 months? Don't lie. What effort do you make for him now? Humm? If you went from short skirts and lipstick to sweats and hair bands, how should he receive that? Women generally reply that her man should love her and be attracted to her regardless of what she looks like. WRONG! The truth is, that it's not a matter of what you look like as much as it is an issue of effort. If a man prefers high maintenance women, then he will pursue them. If you portray being one way and once relaxed your true colors show you prefer comfort, that's a bait and switch. Plenty of men prefer low maintenance women. The key is to be open and honest about these things.

Some men are just pigs. Others are portrayed to be after being misled.

PASSIONATE SEX

Are You Awake?

Gone are the days of ravaging each other from room to room and carpet burns on the knees. Is it down to pity sex? A chore to be gotten over with? Are you kissing anymore? How can something as fantastic as sex be phased out and dreaded? Baggage. A woman's passion comes from the heart. Men derive passion through ego. If a woman feels loved, respected, attractive, and needed she will in turn feel sexy. Men need to feel desired, wanted, and physically needed. Attraction sparks chemistry initially, so it was there at some point. The baggage clouding that is what needs to be addressed.

If you roll your eyes at the prospect of sex, try to think back to the beginning. Sparks and butterflies of the first kiss, holding your breath a little the first time new hands touched your waist, heart racing as the button is undone. Remember that? Damn right you do. People want that, need that. Perhaps an open conversation about major issues could lead a conversation that ended with an effort to separate sex and problems. Women appear to withhold sex when they are upset, but the fact is they are not interested in sex when that's the case. Ladies, don't be afraid to take out some of your aggression toward your man in the bedroom. I feel it's a safe bet that he wont mind. New tactics may need to be adopted to get the ball rolling. One I have found to be playful and fun is teasing, without any option for sex until a certain time. If your sex life is currently dead or dieing, then chances are a wink is all it takes for your man to flog you, which can be annoying. It makes it hard to put the spark back if you're afraid getting something in your eye will get you attacked. So, if sex is not an option until, lets say 9pm, then start teasing him at noon. That puts sex on your mind, and his. You can be as playful as you want to be and enjoy watching him squirm. You may just find that it is you that cant wait till 9 pm. Be creative. If your open minded and put down that stick he deserves to be beat with for a day or two, passion may peek back in on you.

IS HE CHEATING?

Sure Signs That He's Cheating

  • At the beginning of an affair, he may actually be more affectionate than usual, due to guilt.
  • Later you will find him disinterested in being affectionate with you, or you may see a sudden change in his sexual interests.
  • He will become more distant, cold, and fault finding to the entire family.
  • There may be a sudden increase in the time spent away from home.
  • You may see suspicious telephone activity (i.e., hang up phone calls, unusual charges on bills, him trying to hide the phone bills, going into the other room to talk or whispering during conversations, or sudden use of prepaid phone cards).
  • You may see suspicious computer activity (i.e., using the computer in private, turning off the screen when you enter the room, using free email services, or suddenly deleting email).
  • He may become more frequently "unavailable" (i.e., busy at work, not answering cell calls, being "out of the office").
  • You may see an unusual increase in secrecy (i.e., using the phone while you are asleep, being concerned with collecting the mail to intercept any unusual credit card bills, or checking voicemail before you to intercept messages).
  • He may begin to have an unusual amount of interest in your precise daily schedule: When are you leaving? Where are you going? When will you be home?
  • Overall appearance may change. He may have a sudden interest in getting in shape, or letting their hair grow, or wearing flashier clothing, using a different cologne or an abnormal increase in bathing.
  • You may see an increase in unexplained financial transactions (i.e., finding strange receipts, unusual charges on credit accounts, or carrying around an unusual amount of cash).

Don't go rushing home to dump your man if something sounds familiar. One or two of these things can mean nothing. If he's guilty of nine of the eleven, get the frying pan out, and knock him out the door. Accusing a faithful man of cheating can really blow up in your face and cause a lot of problems. Just keep a watchful eye on him if your unsure. 85% of woman who suspect that her man is cheating, turns out to be right. Follow your gut.

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Comments 26 comments

Jesse 7 years ago

We cheat just as much as girls...But good story


Anna 7 years ago

Just came acrossed this and really liked it..


Bella 7 years ago

Interesting topic. I do not think science plays a role in cheating. I think it's all up to the person =)


james 7 years ago

lots of info good piece


Tom Cornett profile image

Tom Cornett 7 years ago from Ohio

Good Hub and wise advice! :)


Kelly Downey profile image

Kelly Downey 7 years ago from Kentucky Author

Thanks TOM. I wondered what men reading this would think. :)


ladyvenus 7 years ago

Men just can't be resist that male thing maybe that's why.


Kelly Downey profile image

Kelly Downey 7 years ago from Kentucky Author

I think they CAN resist, the question is why would they? Some are just good men and that's why they resist, others respect the woman in their life too much to stray, then there are those that are so beat down and neglected at home that while the above may be true for them, they slip anyway. The desire to be wanted is a strong one. Everyone likes to feel attractive and desired. :)


Misha profile image

Misha 7 years ago from DC Area

As the first commenter said - it's not a gender problem :)

Western culture based on Christianity bends our nature. We are not wired to stay the whole life with one partner biologically - hence almost everybody has affairs...


Kelly Downey profile image

Kelly Downey 7 years ago from Kentucky Author

Misha - I definitely don't believe that almost everybody has affairs, I don't even believe most people do. I think that all people, male and female have a need to be wanted. That's personally my bottom line. Statisticly, men cheat more than woman, but both genders clearly have been known to stray. While I can't argue that almost everybody thinks about, even wants to have an affair. Less than half os us actually do. Statistically speaking. ;)


robertsloan2 profile image

robertsloan2 7 years ago from San Francisco, CA

This is interesting and you have some good advice for women in it. You've described a number of behaviors that leave me glad to be single right about now, things I could no longer put up with in a relationship at all.

However, the entire premise assumes it's men's nature to cheat and not women's nature to cheat. I think it's both. I think a fairly high percentage of human beings faced with a relationship they're not comfortable with or just with the opportunity of an attractive encounter, will go off and actually cheat on vows made. Even in non-monogamous societies it happens. It seems to be consistent across cultures though one thing about it is that different cultures seem to regard one or the other gender as the one most likely to cheat.

Many cultures think it's women who can't resist an attractive temptation and men who tend to be faithful.

Yet these cultural outlooks don't change the real proportions of people cheating in sworn monogamy.

I've also oddly found people in open relationships sometimes wind up cheating on the terms of the open relationship, whatever they are. Most successful open relationships do set boundaries that are sensible, like "not with someone my main partner doesn't like" or "drop any outside encounter who's trying to break up the relationship" or "always tell my partner who I'm with" or "only safe sex with flings" which is a real lifesaver if they stick to it.

Yet the odds of someone cheating on that arrangement is as likely as when people choose monogamy. I think it's human nature to be opportunistic and that a certain number of people will always behave that way. It gets hilarious when both partners cheat because both become more suspicious and jealous knowing what they'd be doing.

It's also not always reason to break it off. Depends on how you take it and whether it's a big deal. I have known people to cheat as a way to end the relationship -- just to create a clean break over many of the issues you described.

Keep in mind it's not always the man that's a slob. That's a popular outlook but as someone who's had lots of housemates of both genders, it's pot luck as to who's the slob and who's the offended neat freak.

Deceptive behavior in courtship is going to ruin a relationship no matter who's doing it and the results get ugly fast. Same with controlling behavior -- because if it doesn't break up it'll become miserable and someone's going to be living an empty life for years and years out of a sense of obligation.

I just don't believe in double standards.


Wanderlust profile image

Wanderlust 7 years ago from New York City

With exception of total pigs, I think that most of men (and actually women) cheat because they have unsatisfying relationship with their main partner. Some (if not a majority) people enter and continue relationship for wrong reasons: money, loneliness, ‘it’s time to get married’ and etc. I know many people who cheat on their current spouses but don’t want to leave them, because they afraid to be alone or afraid of complications of changes – so they try to find satisfaction on a side.


phoenixarizona profile image

phoenixarizona 7 years ago from Australia

Kelly this is brilliant. You have defined what cheating is without demonising men. I like it a lot. My man was never baited and switched though. The day I met him I was in my sweats hair tied back no make-up no nothing. He still loves me anyway.

Loved the Hub


Kelly Downey profile image

Kelly Downey 7 years ago from Kentucky Author

Phoenix - Thank you! :)

Practical - I deleted your comment because you used profanity, you were crude, and had an overall disrespect toward women. Considering how you speak, I could not care less what you think.

Practicals comment in a nut shell was that men cheat on women that don't take care of their sexual needs.


mroricle1973 profile image

mroricle1973 7 years ago from Virginia Beach

Very interesting Kelly.... being a man that has cheated before and has faced consequences I can elaborate a little on this topic... I have done research as well on percentages of men that cheat compared to women. Men cheat for status... It's terrible to say, but we are almost expected to cheat. We either have cheated or know somwone that has cheated and from the outside it looks good. I hope I don't sound arrogant in saying this because that is not how I want to come across, but I am being honest and real. I cheated because I could... Women were like a weakness.... I have since faced many consequences of cheating including losing my wife... I have changed and I do want to say that it is difficult to not pay attention to the women that show me attention, but when I think of the consequences and what I believe in, I can withstand the temptation....

I have learned that 50%-60% of men have admitted they have cheated.... and 40%-50% of women have admitted they have cheated... Men not necessarily want to get caught but we do it for bragging rights... We do it to say... "I slept with her" Which in turn gets us caught.... Women are TOTALLY different... Women cheat either to get back at the man that hurt them or for lack of attention at home... Men need to learn from this... If you are NOT giving your woman attention at home, there is ALWAYS another man that will. NEVER think your woman is not sexy enough to get attention elsewhere..... Women also don't need for anyone to know they have cheated... they are satisfied knowing for themselves that they have.

Well... that is my 2 cents.... Thanks for the article Kelly


Kelly Downey profile image

Kelly Downey 7 years ago from Kentucky Author

mroricle- I appreciate you sharing your experience. I think you captured it well when you said you find it hard to resist women that pay attention to you. Personally I believe that is the attraction more than bragging rights, but I am a woman, so whos to say. :)

I also believe that what you say about getting attention applies to men and women. There is always someone willing to give attention to your significant other, meeting their needs at home will make that nothing more than an ego stroke.


Runway profile image

Runway 6 years ago from New York

Thanks for this informative and realistic hub. You are so right about women needing to continue to try. I think lots of women, after getting married and having kids, are just too tired to maintain their looks. The problem is, men are visual and need to have that type of stimulation. So, unfortunately, I think women still need to try, even after they are married or in a long-term relationship.


Heather Writes It profile image

Heather Writes It 6 years ago

Very good HUB.


Lisi Hansen profile image

Lisi Hansen 6 years ago

Lots of information here! Thank you Kelly.


queeneth 6 years ago

men cheat, because is like a virus in their system, even when they love you, they still can not resist the urge to cheat, they are just animals, dogs.....


Ed 6 years ago

I've been in a long distance relationship for almost two years w/o cheating. I WAS a cheater, I believe my ex, over long periods of arguments co-insides with this long before I READ this..I've lived it. 15 years down the drain and I tried counciling and even had her kids in counciling and through it all was a very angry woman with loads of insecurity. young men just cant handle that much less their own insecurity. I'm a nice guy - I don't look at women the same way I use to at a young age - even when sex in the media or on internet is blownup in front of me, I deem an intrusion on your intellect because it trys to manipulate your thinking. I didn't even think about cheating til someone cute and new and fun came into play. She knew I was involved (after 15 years and me asking several times we never wed) but still..I considered myself married. It was easy to laugh..it was easy to give in. I needed it. In short - IT WASN'T ABOUT SEX. I had a really good sex life with the ex but as you move on in life, somethings are just more important then good sex.


kittythedreamer profile image

kittythedreamer 5 years ago from the Ether

great hub...you write very well! good points in this hub, too. as i write this, i'm sitting on the couch in sweatpants...i'm not an unattractive girl but i definitely could put some more effort into my look at home. i could also put more effort into making my hubby feel more attractive. thanks for the advice and truth!


Kelly Downey profile image

Kelly Downey 5 years ago from Kentucky Author

Hello all! I have not been on here for awhile and I was sincerely shocked at the volume of comments received! I apologies that I cannot reply to them all individually, but do want to say thank you for those with kind words and to those with...less than kind words, I left your comments as long as no profanity was used. :)

I understand there are many opinions and perspectives on these things and I just wanted to share mine. For those that were deleted, if you would like to restate your position with a little class I will leave it. Pointless disrespect and name calling just makes you look ignorant and your point was lost anyway, so I spared those that might be offended by your vulgarity from reading your drivel. :)

All opinions and perspectives welcome, and thank you to those that shared your personal stories! :)


trucker 4 years ago

some men just are not worthy for a for a positive relaiton ship some are. even some women cheat only the men who do cheat get caught more apposing to women that cheat they stay hidden. so don't take it out on every man that we are all cheaters so are some women. how would you like it if we called all women cheaters.


Kelly Downey profile image

Kelly Downey 3 years ago from Kentucky Author

Trucker, I didn't mean to imply all men were cheaters at all. I agree that women cheat just as much also. Jealousy tends to be a problem on both sides, but when I wrote this there happened to be a slew of posts and questions from women thinking their man was cheating or asking why they had. This was just a Hub I thought could help bring a different perspective to the table. Nothing more. :)


LOLPOP 3 years ago

GRRRRRR I NEVER GET ON IN TIME O WELL QUESTEN WHY DID YOU MAKE THIS WON I LOVE PEAPLE OF WALL MART FUNNY\

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